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Woo Hoo, Witchy Woman

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This story is No. 23 in the series "My Name Is Legion". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: She’s a restless spirit on an endless flight. No. 23 of the My Name is Legion series. August Fic-A-Day 2011 entry.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > Legion of Superheroes(Current Donor)ManchesterFR1512,986021,42523 Aug 1123 Aug 11Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and DC Comics characters are the property of their original owners.

“Hi, Tara!”

After happily greeting this young woman standing on the porch beyond the open front door of his apartment, Xander swung this panel further ajar, while then stepping out of the way, keeping his mouth shut during all this.

“Hello, Xander,” softly answered Tara, giving him her usual shy smile as she entered the apartment without further ado. Actually asking someone to come into your Sunnydale home was categorically not a good habit to get into, as the Scoobies well knew.

Brushing past the man, Tara walked into the small front room past the short entryway. Looking around in interest, since this was the first time she’d ever visited Xander’s home, Tara saw that her host was using this area as his study. College engineering, math, and business textbooks were neatly stacked on the bookshelves, and the desk with a computer monitor on this piece of furniture was clean and bare, except for a small framed photograph of several people clustered together in a high-school library. Smiling at the camera were Xander himself and others that Tara had also met or knew about -- Rupert Giles, Buffy Summers, Cordelia Chase, Daniel Osbourne, and Willow Rosenberg.

A nervous look abruptly developed upon Tara’s face at seeing there the image of a certain red-haired girl appearing several years younger than their cautious get-together last night. Instantly remembering how awkwardly that had ended, Tara couldn’t help but blush at being reminded of why she was here in the first place.

“Would you--”

Eeeep!” yelped Tara at the unexpected voice that had come from behind her. Whirling around, Tara saw a bemused Xander standing there and trying not to smile at his guest’s jumpiness, since there might be a honest reason for this. Instead, clearing his throat, the Sunnydale native tried again.

“Like I was saying, would you like something to drink, Tara? Coffee, tea, water?”

“Um, water, please,” whispered Tara, casting her gaze down at the floor in order to avoid Xander’s curious glance.

“Gotcha. Be right back.”

Peeking upwards at the sound of departing footsteps, Tara saw the man disappear further into the apartment. Quickly striding over to the small couch at the study’s far wall, Tara sat down in this, and she apprehensively let her hands fall into her lap, her fingers beginning to twist together in increasing anxiety.

A few seconds later, Xander returned while carrying a glass of ice water that was handed to Tara on the couch. Taking a few sips, Tara then absently placed the glass onto a side table, all while watching Xander sitting down in his office chair in front of the desk and spinning around to expectantly stare at the young woman, who suddenly had no idea at all how to begin. Soon enough, the silence in the room became uncomfortable, as shown by the ensuing appearance upon Tara’s features of nothing other than the desperate look of a deer caught in approaching headlights. Starting to feel real pity for his nervous guest, not to mention he’d like to know what was going on, Xander kindly prompted Tara, “Uh, you said you wanted to talk to me about something important?”

Tara frantically seized upon this chance to at last express her heartbroken feelings. In a high-pitched shriek of pure despair which caused the surface of the study window to shiver in sympathy, the girl let loose with: “I had a date last night with Willow!

While waiting for his ears to stop ringing, Xander gawked at the miserable young lady sitting across from him, until he hazarded, “That’s…nice?”

Regarding him with eyes widening in alarm, Tara showed she’d taken this the entirely wrong way by blurting, “Oh, my, do you still have feelings for her? I had no idea -- maybe I should go--”

“TARA!” roared Xander, his exasperated shout making the shamefaced girl rising up on her feet hastily plop back down on the couch. Continuing in a much quieter tone that still had real sternness in it, Xander told his guest, “I love Willow, but not like that! She’s the sister I never had, her and Jesse that were the only people who ever gave a damn about me when I was growing up here. I like what I have with Wils, and she feels the same about me. Us learning that was the only good part of our total disaster in trying to get together, what with the fluke and everything.”

“Ah, I’ve heard about that,” Tara reluctantly admitted. Giving Xander an uncertain look, the Wiccan hedged, “That helped end her first relationship, with the werewolf guy, right?”

“Yeah, Oz,” glumly answered Xander, who still felt guilty about this musician who hadn’t deserved in any way the whole mess back then.

Swallowing uneasily, Tara nevertheless took this unexpected opportunity to outright ask someone truly important in the life of Willow Rosenberg, “How…do you feel, about her and…me? A…about what I am, what Willow might be considering now?”

In his chair, a startled Xander eyed the blushing witch for a few seconds, before carefully replying, “Uh…in this case whatever makes Wils happy also makes me happy. I like you, she likes you, and the rest of it -- how far the both of you want to go -- is your business, not mine.” Hoping he’d been as nice as possible in telling Tara what he honestly thought, Xander felt his heart sink at seeing the stricken look which immediately appeared on his guest’s face. Great, he’d somehow screwed up again, only he didn’t even--

Once again, the study echoed to a forlorn wail, as Tara sobbed, “I don’t know what to do next!”

Over the loud sniffling being done by the disconsolate young woman, Xander incredulously choked out, “Say that again?”

Wiping away her sudden tears, Tara gulped, “At the end of our date last night, I think I was supposed to do something, which Willow wanted me to -- but I had no clue what!”

At that point, Xander let slip in his absolute bogglement, “Uh, could it be that she wanted you to, to…kiss her?”

Tara at once whimpered in her shock, “But I’ve never kissed another girl! Or even anyone else at all, except my mom!” At seeing Xander’s unbelieving stare over hearing this, Tara snapped at him, “You’ve met my dad and brother and cousin! Did they seem like people who’d ever let me do something like that?”

That produced an angry scowl from Xander, who indeed remembered meeting those loathsome Maclay males a couple of weeks ago when they’d shown up in Sunnydale. Managing to track down Tara, these bigoted human scum had been determined to punish the daughter who’d dared to defy them in her escape from her horrible life with these kinfolk. The Scooby Gang had in turn claimed Tara as the newest member of their own family, and they’d then sent packing those inbred morons.

“Okay, you’ve got a point,” admitted Xander. Sheer honesty made him add, “But I can’t believe you came to me for dating advice! I really don’t have the best record with women, Tara. Just ask the other Scoobies, and they’ll enjoy telling you I was a demon magnet in high school, whose dates usually wanted to kill, eat, or sacrifice me. Sometimes all three, at the same time.”

An astonished Tara stared at her rueful host, before doubtfully saying to him, “Are you serious?”

Xander sighed. “Oh, yeah. Look, I’m not trying to dodge anything, but…why didn’t you go to Buffy? It would’ve made more sense.”

A chagrined expression crossed Tara’s face, as she confessed, “Uh, she kinda scares me, a little. Plus, I wasn’t sure how she might react. Not that Buffy’s ever been mean to me about what I am, but…well, it’s one thing to be fine with it, and something else to actually get involved. Especially when she’s been friends with Willow for a long time now, and probably never thought how a girl might someday like her friend that way.”

Mulling that over, Xander had enough sense to suppress his sudden bitter remark about a certain Slayer having no excuse at all for possibly disliking someone else’s new relationship, what with eagerly hopping into the same coffin occupied by an Irish vampire for her first time. Instead, the young man started to say something else, about feeling glad that Tara trusted him enough to ask for help--

Suddenly, a shimmer of pure white light appeared around Xander’s body, causing Tara to immediately scream in terror and shrink back into the couch. She sat there petrified with fear, only to hear an urgent declaration from the stranger now across from herself, “Don’t be scared, Tara! Everything’s okay! Just stay there, all right? I need to see who I am now…” Trailing off in her warm contralto, the albino woman glanced downwards at her snow-white dress, to then groan, “Another girl?”

Gaping at the totally unfamiliar person sharing the room with her, Tara demanded, “Where’s Xander?! And who are you?”

“I’m right here, Tara,” absently answered the stranger while gingerly touching her face, with a startled expression abruptly appearing when her fingers rubbed against the long, slender antennae rising vertically from the corners of her eyes. Hastily turning in her chair to peer into the dim reflection presented on the blank screen of the desk’s computer monitor, this produced a very baffling statement muttered out loud, “So, this time it’s Mysa Nal, the White Witch. Great, like I needed even more magic that’s sure to amusingly backfire on me in some way if I ever use it!”


Turning back to face Tara, the pallid female now reassuringly said, “Yeah, it’s me, even though it sure doesn’t look like it. Listen, here’s the story: a few Halloweens back, things got really weird, even for Sunnydale…”

Soon after learning about Chaos magic and the Legion of Super-Heroes and somebody named Ethan Rayne who deserved to be slowly nibbled to death by ducks, Tara eyed the patient girl across the room. In a very worried tone, the other neophyte witch warned, “Xander, I can-- Well, ‘feel’ is the best word I can come up with. There’s a sense of really big magical power around you now. Please don’t try anything with it; there’s too much chance of something going horribly wrong when you’ve never had any training--”

Interrupting the alarmed Wiccan, a transformed Xander earnestly reassured Tara, “Relax, honey, I know better. With my luck, the least little spell would transport the entire town to McDonaldland, and not even getting free fries for life there would make up for the prospect of having to be around that scary clown running the whole place.”

While happy enough learning Xander wasn’t going to experiment with his new powers, Tara blinked over what he’d just said. As a suddenly-curious lesbian opened her mouth to cautiously inquire about that odd dislike of clowns, she had another thought. Beginning to suspect that Xander had perhaps skipped over a few minor details in his story, Tara carefully asked, “Wait, what did you mean, when you said, another girl?”

Xander sheepishly mumbled, “Uh, I’ve mostly changed into guys from the Legion, but there’ve been a few ladies: Saturn Girl, Light Lass, Phantom Girl, Trip--” Right in the middle of that last word, the woman’s pale lips straightaway clamped shut, accompanied by an expression of sheer discomfiture that suggested he might have let slip something Xander would have much rather kept to himself.

Sensing this, a fascinated Tara pressed him, “Xander, is there something you’d like to tell me?”

After another long period of silence in the room while Xander wondered what to say next, he finally sighed in surrender at seeing Tara’s gleefully expectant face, matching someone smugly sure they were about to learn a really embarrassing (and yet side-splitting) secret. Getting off his chair to stride across the room, Xander sat down on the couch next to Tara, and the woman in white glumly informed the other female. “Look, Tara, about this, I once made a vow having in it the words ‘no power on earth.’ Well, I’ll come clean, but you first have to promise that you won’t talk about it to anyone else. Especially Wils, no matter what happens between you two.”

Now very intrigued, Tara eagerly nodded, willing enough to accept this if that was what it’d take to get Xander to confess. Indeed, after seeing Tara’s assent, a wicked smile was shown by someone who’d just realized he was dying to talk about it at last. “Okay, she was originally Luornu Durgo, alias Triplicate Girl, but me, I called ’em Sandi, Mandy, and Anndee Harris…”

A short while later, Tara was bent over forward on the couch, arms clutching at her aching ribs, as she shrieked helplessly with laughter. Next to her, a smirking White Witch leaned back and simply enjoyed how much his friend had enjoyed the entire hilarious story she’d just heard. Eventually, Tara gained enough control of herself to straighten up, wipe away her tears of mirth, and manage to tell Xander, “Oh, I’d have really liked to have been there at the strip club! It must’ve been spectacular!”

Now that the potential for danger was over, a very proud grin appeared on the White Witch’s countenance, as she snickered, “Yeah, and the customers showed their appreciation every night, tossing out so many dollar bills they completely covered the stage.”

In her sudden curiosity, Tara ventured, “When you said customers, were they all men?”

“Nope,” Xander firmly responded. “Women too, a lot of ‘em, the longer the three of me were there and word got around.” At seeing Tara’s surprise, Xander pointed out, “Hey, lesbians also like to see gorgeous girls in perfect shape stripping stark naked, right?”

Blushing faintly, Tara still nodded in agreement. Her face suddenly became blank and her mouth opened when a thought evidently struck her, only to guiltily freeze even before saying what she’d been about to ask. Genially guessing with perfect accuracy what Tara was too shy to come out with, Xander wryly told her, “No, dancing was all I ever did, even with the ladies. I couldn’t risk changing back into the male me in the middle of whatever offer I got. Trust me, I really regretted that part, but I still stuck with it until I stopped being the girls.”

An oddly-pensive expression flitted over Tara’s face, as she then asked entirely out of nowhere, “Speaking of that, how much longer are you going to be…Mysa?”

Antennae quizzically lifting in surprise over that unexpected question, Xander glanced down at his female body, to again regard Tara and reply, “Not all that long, I think. Ten, fifteen minutes at the most. Why? I thought you said it was a really bad idea for me to use her magic--”

“Oh, not that,” briskly noted Tara, now having a slowly-growing gleam of purest mischief in her eyes, which was making Xander nervous. Going on in a purring tone, Tara informed her wary listener, “I really do like you, Xander, but please believe me that I’m not putting you down in any way, when I say I’m glad at not having to do this with you as a guy. But, given how you look now, it makes things absolutely perfect, so…”

The White Witch listened in absolute shock, as Tara Maclay took a deep breath, and she finally asked the most important question of the last few minutes: “Mysa, will you please teach me how to kiss another woman?”

*She means it. So what do I do now? Turn her down? Why? It’d really hurt her feelings. Plus…it’s not like it’s actually cheating on anyone. She just wants to know how to do it properly. Me, I’d sure have wanted some practice before having to learn on the job where the noses go and what to do about saliva and… WILL YOU STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND JUST SHOW HER?!*

Starting to lecture in a professional tone, the White Witch leaned across the couch towards the eager face of Tara, all while informing the other, “First, keep your eyes open at the start, so you can see how things go. Now, pucker up. No, not so much -- yeah, that’ll do. Mmm…”

Much later, when Willow really needed to be cheered up one day, Xander told his friend all about it. Perfectly willing to submit to whatever that immensely powerful witch next did to him, this man instead felt his heart bursting in absolute love, when a pair of slim arms slipped around his neck in a desperate hug, followed by a low voice shakily whispering into his ear, “Thank you so much.”

Further Disclaimer: ‘Woo Hoo, Witchy Woman’ was written by Don Henley and Bernie Leadon of the Eagles and released in 1972 on this band’s debut album. All rights belong to their proper owners.

Raven hair and ruby lips
Sparks fly from her finger tips
Echoed voices in the night
She's a restless spirit on an endless flight

Woo hoo, witchy woman
See how high she flies
Woo hoo, witchy woman
She got the moon in her eye

She held me spellbound in the night
Dancing shadows and firelight
Crazy laughter in another room
And she drove herself to madness with a silver spoon

Woo hoo, witchy woman
See how high she flies
Woo hoo, witchy woman
She got the moon in her eye

Well, I know you want to love her
Let me tell you, brother
She's been sleeping
In the Devil's bed

And there's some rumors going round
Someone's underground
She can rock you in the nighttime
'Til your skin turns red

Woo hoo, witchy woman
See how high she flies
Woo hoo, witchy woman
She got the moon in her eye

The End

You have reached the end of "Woo Hoo, Witchy Woman". This story is complete.

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