Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and DC Comics characters are the property of their original owners.
The nubile figure writhed upon the apartment bed, beginning to achieve her desired release: “Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yessss, yessss, yeeeEEEESSSSS!”
From where he was dozing while lying on his side in the bedroom corner, Xander half-opened one baleful eye, directing this surpassing dirty look at where Anya was now recovering from her eighth orgasm of the morning. He’d counted them, of course. What else was there to do when you’d been hogtied and gagged with the remnants of your bedtime attire? The college student then made a mental note to go a bit lighter on the clothes washer detergent in the future. Not only was it good for the environment, there was also the minor point that the stuff tasted terrible.
Xander tried an experimental grunt past his cloth gag in the faint hope of reminding Anya that she was still sharing the room with someone who really needed a cup of coffee. The only reaction this provoked in an unmindful former vengeance demon was a blissful moan coming from the direction of the bed, along with the crinkling noises that a fed-up Xander was now all too familiar with, as Anya began to sensuously rub her entire nude body against the bedsheets in preparation for Big One No. 9.
Sagging back down on the room carpet, Xander glumly wondered if things were ever gonna improve today. So far, it’d been all straight downhill, starting when he’d been blasted into wakefulness by a deafening shriek of pure terror, accompanied by being shoved completely off the bed in a flutter of sheets. Right after hitting the floor, a barely-conscious Xander had then been assaulted by a stark-naked Anya dropping onto his chest with her knees. There was a wild look on her face below her disheveled hair, as she held to his throat their emergency stake formerly under his pillow, all while screaming at the top of her lungs: “YOU BASTARD! WHERE’S XANDER?!”
For a second there, Xander had actually thought they were starting one of their more impromptu erotic role-playing games, except that there were two practical reasons why this wasn’t applicable. For one, ever since the incident last month in the men’s room of Sunnydale’s snootiest restaurant, Anya had sincerely promised that in the future, she’d give him at least a few minutes’ warning before the next time they acted out the characters of the Beautiful Hostage and the Rugged Kidnapper.
The second reason was something much more obvious. Staring upwards at their bedroom ceiling mirror, Xander saw in there the reflection of a total stranger presently pinned down under Anya’s uncovered form. This mirrored someone looked completely different from that young man who last night had gone to bed with a thousand-year-old Norsewoman, even though this stranger was also wearing the identical t-shirt and sleeping boxers normally worn by Xander.
Figuring out what had happened was easy enough. The hardest part was convincing a very suspicious Anya that he’d once again been changed by Chaos magic into a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Pointing out that it’d all happened in the most ridiculous manner possible only partially persuaded the blonde woman. Eventually, an exasperated wave of his free hand in the direction of a shared piece of furniture then proved once and for all who was really inside the body of Jan Arrah, also known as Element Lad.
After all, only Xander Harris would’ve been dumb enough to transmute their entire bed (consisting of the bed frame, mattresses, sheets, comforter, and pillows) into solid gold.
Still tied up as a result of Anya’s blitz attack on him before she’d hurled herself back onto the now-immensely valuable bed and started to ecstatically caress with every inch of her skin the metallic cloth of the comforter, Xander sighed. Trying to ignore how over there she was sounding a lot more satisfied than he’d ever managed with his own efforts in the past, the Sunnydale native tried to look on the bright side.
*Let’s see… Well, luckily, we’re on the ground floor with the concrete foundation, so the multiple-ton bed didn’t collapse the entire apartment… Um. After we melt it down into ingots, I’m sure Willy from the Alibi Room will happily agree to launder through his bar every bit of our gold. He might even go lower on his cut for the whole deal after Anya gets through with him in their negotiations. She’ll for sure be in the same foul mood that’ll start right away when she learns I changed back to normal Xander about a minute after she tied up Element Lad, and there’s no way I’ll ever be able to do it again--*
“YESSSS! YESSSS! YESSSS!”
*Oh, goody. Number nine is right on schedule, barreling down the orgasms track. Wonder if she’s gonna go for a full dozen?*