Title: Unspoken rules of the SGC
Author: Alexander Mcpherson
Series: Buffy, Stargate SG-1, SG-A, SG-U
Pairing: Some don’t appear but for background detail, all of the pairings involving any main character - Buffy and Mini-Jack, Willow and Tara, Xander and Cordelia, Giles and Olivia, Joyce and Jack, Sam and Daniel, Teal’c and Ishta.
Rating: No clue.
Parts: dunno yet
Disclaimer: what claimer? Oh that claimer. yeah, I dont own Jack Schitt. Or his little sister, Sweet-FA.
Archiving: Posted to FFN, TTH and Xanderzone only. Elsewhere by request.
Summary: There are many unspoken rules at the SGC.
AN: Background details, there’s a lot of differences from canon. Can’t write that part worth for shit, so you got these rules instead.
Rule 1: Never, Ever tell Colonel O’Neill that his old high school sweetheart whom he’d recently gotten back in touch with, has a daughter who is now seeing his mini-me.
He was on leave, and once more in the weird and wacky town of Sunnydale. Sharing a coffee with his once-and-again love of his life, Joyce Summers, he watched as Buffy, Joyce’ daughter, got ready for a date. She was in the final year of college, and had met a boy from out of state when he’d transferred in. Ten minutes later, he was in the bathroom refreshing himself when his younger clone arrived to pick Buffy up.
“Hi Buffy, ready?” Jack asked, young Jack that is. “Hi Mrs Summers.” He spoke spotting his girlfriends’ mom in the living room.
“You would be Jack, right?” Joyce asked.
“Yep, that’s me.” He grinned, making Joyce wonder where the hell she’d seen that face before.
“Hey mom, isn’t that boyfriend of yours also called Jack?” Buffy asked, only to forget she’d asked, the pair walking out the door,.
Joyce paled for a moment, before she flushed and looked between the departing young man, who’d she’d just recognized, and the general location of the bathroom, in which the person who once looked like this young man was washing his hands.
Colorado, Christmas, 2008
General O’Neill looked out across his yard where his step-daughter was holding her two year old daughter. He’d yet to meet the father, Buffy had been too busy in her slayer duties, while he’d been busier than ever between his relationship with Joyce and the SGC, then Homeworld Security. That reminded him, last he’d heard from his clone, he’d gotten engaged and had a kid too. The thought was fleeting, before he was distracted, as always, by Daniel talking about the latest on both the supernatural and Offworld side of things they were all involved in.
Meanwhile, Joyce was inside Jack’s house, looking at ‘Mini-Jack’ with a firm look, and told him, finally, “I know you’re a clone of Jack.”
“Don’t you recognise me from your memories of his high school? Joyce?”
Mini-Jack blinked, before he started to laugh, only her glare to stop him cold. “Oh shit...”
Sam Carter-Jackson stood nearby, blushing red having learned about the whole thing a while ago. Sure enough, she knew most of the SGC had known about this since probably about 2003, and she’d learned they had a rule about it, and so she shared with the two of them.
“Never, Ever tell General O’Neill, that his clone is also now his step-son-in-law.”
Rule 2: Never Ever put ‘Vampires’ or ‘Demons’ in a report.
Stargate Command, 2001
O’Neill winced as he, along with the rest of SG-1 and SG-8 personally washed their offworld uniforms and gear of the demon slime that had covered the lot of ‘em when they took down the ‘Gerky’ demon, or whatever name Daniel told them it was.
“So, what do we put this one under, Colonel?” SG-8’s team leader asked.
“non-toxic biproduct of... Carter?”
“ME?!” Sam asked, before blushing realizing that he was asking for a suggestion. “Sorry...” She muttered, before rattled off a half-assed made up line of technobabble, sure they’d screw the line up anyway in a report to the point that not even Einstein would know what the hell they were talking about, aside from some vague piece of machinery.
Daniel however, was shaking his head, wondering if it was SG-1’s luck that meant they encountered demons on other worlds once every three or four missions. And only one out of ten of those encountered where with friendly non-hostile demons. He shuddered at the memory of the last raid on Abydos, when Sha’re came so close to being turned by the abydonian vampires, so different from earth ones (for starters, they weren’t allergic to sunlight) and glad that Earth’s vampire problem was mostly relegated to the night.
Hammond looked between the recently promoted Brigadier General O’Neill, and the rest of SG-1.
Daniel looked at Jack, who looked back, and he said, “Vampires. Right... And?”
“I assure you I’m being deadly serious, Doctor Jackson.”
“I know. We already know. And?”
Hammond looked at him as if to ask how they knew about vampires and demons.
Daniel smiled a bit, and pointed at Jack, “Former Special Forces, he’d encountered vampires and demons during several black ops missions.” He pointed at Sam, “General Carter was special forces too, and made sure Sam was at least aware what part of the supernatural wasn’t fiction and could handle a vampire one on one before she joined the service,” He pointed at Teal’c, “The Goa’uld hate Vampires on general principle, as they both ‘prey’ on the same targets, and it’s partly why all Jaffa are trained with a staff weapon for close-quarters combat. Staff weapons, firing plasma bolts, are really effective against Vampires and Demons, who generally don’t wear armour like we do.” Then he pointed at himself, “I’m an Archaeologist, and there’s no such thing as an Archaeologist that doesn’t believe in the existence of Vampires and Demons.” He shrugged. “Except Steven, but he never went out on any actual digs.”
Jack sighed, “Sir, most Generals haven’t ever encountered any vampires or demons, they tend to avoid military officers like the plague. Any mention in our reports would have had us locked up in a psych ward quicker than you could say ‘Slayer’.”
Hammond frowned, “Which brings me to-“
“I know Buffy, my sort-of daughter-in-law is the current Slayer, sir.” He spoke simply.
Daniel got them back on track, “Simply put sir, it’s an unspoken rule of the SGC: Never, ever put ‘vampires’ or ‘demons’ down in a report.