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Virgin No More

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Summary: After a night of drinking, Buffy winds up married to Hazzard County’s oldest virgin – or former virgin now.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Dukes of Hazzard, The(Current Donor)mmoochFR1311,7632121,97128 Aug 1128 Aug 11Yes
Virgin No More
Summary: After a night of drinking, Buffy winds up married to Hazzard County’s oldest virgin – or former virgin now.

Dukes of Hazzard,Plato
Challenge: inspired by the fanart The Oldest Virgin in Hazzard No More created by Plato. I changed it from Faith to Buffy, though. Gigantic thanks to Plato for creating this Buffy version for my story.

Timeline: the summer after season 3 for BtVS; sometime during season 1 for Dukes of Hazzard.

Warning: OOC behavior. Oh, and I’m pretending that different states have different legal drinking ages. Georgia’s is 18 while California’s is 21.

A/N: It’s a little rushed, but today is Sonny Shroyer’s b-day and it just seemed fitting to have Enos ‘get married’ today since Sonny is the actor who played him.

Disclaimer: BtVS and AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. Dukes of Hazzard characters belong to Gy Waldron, a whole crapload of writers and Warner Bros. Television. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.



Duke Farm

“Did Enos say what he needed to talk to us about, Uncle Jesse?” Daisy asked, worried about the young man who had such an obvious crush on her. She hated that they occasionally had to use it to their advantage. If things were different, maybe--

Uncle Jesse’s voice cut off her thoughts, “Not a thing, just that it was big.”

“Maybe Roscoe retired and Enos is the new sheriff,” Luke suggested with a hopeful grin. If Enos were sheriff, maybe the law wouldn’t be so corrupt in the county. Then again, Enos was too trusting to be the sheriff. Real criminals would eat him for breakfast.

A knock at the door stopped them from making any more guesses. Sure enough, Enos was standing there, not in uniform, and looking very sheepish. Something big definitely was on his mind.

~~~~~~
Seeing the looks on his family’s faces after Enos dropped his bombshell, Uncle Jesse knew he had to get the boy out of there before any unpleasantness happened. There was obviously more to the story than he just met a girl, got married and now was going to move to the West Coast to live in her hometown. And his gut said Daisy was somehow mixed up in this. Or at least Enos’ crush on her.

“Let’s take a walk,” the kindly older man offered. He pinned the others with a look and said, “You three stay put!” Even though they looked like they wanted to argue, they knew better than to mess with Uncle Jesse when he gave them that particular look.

Enos and Uncle Jesse walked out to the barn for some privacy.

“So what’s the whole story, Enos?” Uncle Jesse inquired gently. “Why would you move across the country for this girl?”

“We’re married, Uncle Jesse,” Enos replied automatically. “Even if we didn’t mean for it to happen, she’s still my wife. Besides, we talked this morning, and she told me some private things that made me realize she couldn’t move here, even if she wanted to. She has greater responsibilities in California than I do in Hazzard. I want to help her. And their police department can’t be any worse than working for Boss Hogg.”

Uncle Jesse understood that working for a crooked man like Hogg was eating away at Enos, and Enos’ sense of honor would make him attempt to make the marriage work – assuming his bride was willing to try too. “Why did you marry her?” he pressed.

Ducking his head in shame, Enos replied, “I had to go to Atlanta for Boss Hogg, and got to thinking about Daisy and how she probably would never love me – at least the way I want her to – and decided to go get drunk; maybe drink away my sorrows. Guess I’m not much good at drinking either because by the time she showed up, I only had a couple beers, but I was already feeling fairly drunk.”

“Go on,” Uncle Jesse encouraged when Enos seemed reluctant to continue.

“She was talking about her ex-boyfriend and how he left her ‘for her own good’, but made the choice without her say-so. She was very angry and hurt by his choice. Anyway, next week she’s going to start college, and her mother wanted to have a little time just the two of them, so they came to Georgia for an auction. Her mother owns an art gallery, you see.”

College? Art gallery? Uncle Jesse wondered about what the mystery girl and Enos could have in common, apart from their unlucky love lives. It didn’t bode well for their future as man and wife. Not to mention the age difference. Actually, that one didn’t bother Uncle Jesse so much…as long as she was legal.

“We kept drinking and talking,” Enos continued, unaware of Uncle Jesse’s thoughts. “Next thing we know, we’re standing in front of a Justice of the Peace, exchanging vows. This morning, after our headaches subsided a bit, we talked some more about what we should do about our marriage.”

Enos paused, a sad look entering his eyes as he remembered what she told him. “Her parents were divorced a few years back, and it hasn’t been very pleasant for any of them. Now that she’s older, she realizes that there was blame on both parents’ sides, not just her father’s. That, plus her boyfriend leaving her has left her feeling…”

“Like love doesn’t last? Or marriage?” Uncle Jesse finished the sentence for him.

“Right,” Enos confirmed. “But she didn’t come right out and tell me not to follow her to Sunnydale – at least not for that reason.”

“But she did tell you not to?” Uncle Jesse asked, somewhat surprise that Enos didn’t sound hurt by the request.

The younger man just shook his head, “It’s not anything bad, Uncle Jesse. Her hometown is dangerous and she didn’t want anything to happen to me. She didn’t seem all that happy when I told her I was a deputy sheriff though. Seems like the police there are not very good. Not sure if it’s because they can’t do the job or they won’t. I think it was a good sign that she smiled when I said maybe I could make things better if I took a job there. If she really wasn’t happy, she wouldn’t have smiled, right?”

Enos looked so hopeful that Uncle Jesse had to say ‘yes’, even if he wasn’t entirely sure. He just wished he could meet the young lady to get an idea of how she felt about the overall situation. “Could be. So…any chance we get to meet the little missus?”

“She’s just trying to calm her mother down before she comes out here to meet y’all. Getting drunk and married wasn’t what she was supposed to do last night,” Enos replied with a blush. They did something else that she wasn’t supposed to do, but he was too much of a gentleman to talk about that.

~~~~~~
A few minutes later…

The sound of a car roaring up the drive caught everyone’s attention.

When a petite blonde got out of the car, four mouths dropped in amazement and Enos’ pursed into a worried frown. He wasn’t sure how her talk with her mother would go and if his mother-in-law would insist on a quick divorce or not. The Dukes, on the other hand, were stunned at the new Mrs. Strate – if that was who she was.

Her mouth curved into a pout when she saw Enos just standing there. “What? No kiss hello for your bride?” she asked, but couldn’t hold the pout very long. Her smile turned teasing, which only made the Dukes more bewildered.

It wasn’t as if they thought Enos couldn’t catch a good-looking girl, but this girl could give Daisy a run for her money in drawing men’s attention. Also, her personality seemed very…strong for the mild-mannered deputy.

“Did she--?” Enos stammered out, unable to finish his question.

His bride laughed, but not at him, which made the Dukes feel a little better about her. “I think the part that bothers her the most right now is that she didn’t get to see us get married. You know, I have to thank you for marrying me because if we weren’t, I think she’d ground me for the next decade for getting drunk last night.” Seeing the four people gaping at her, she moved to Enos’ side and wrapped an arm around his waist, then waved her other hand at them. “Hi, I’m Buffy Strate, formerly Buffy Summers.”

She turned back to Enos and smiled brilliantly at him, “Hey! I just realized that my initials aren’t going to change!”

Bo was the first one to snap out of his stupor. “Do you have a sister? Maybe a cousin? Anyone even sorta like you?” he blurted out with a touch of his southern charm.

Buffy’s answering giggle told them she wasn’t upset by his bluntness but also wasn’t taking him seriously. “Sorry, no. But I can’t imagine any of you Dukes have a hard time getting the opposite sex interested in you,” she added, making sure to include Daisy and Uncle Jesse in her statement. Then so her husband didn’t feel left out, she said, “Between you guys and Enos here, I’m starting to think that it’s a requirement to be good looking to live in this town.”

“You got yourself a keeper, there, Enos,” Luke declared, clapping his friend on the back.

Swallowing a pang of regret, Daisy smiled at the couple and agreed, “You sure did. Course, if she ever breaks your heart, we’ll teach her a thing or two about country justice.” The smile turned slightly predatory when she looked at Buffy, causing a chill to go down the men’s spines.

To their surprise, Buffy just grinned back even broader. “I like you! Too bad you live here, or I’d try to set you up with one of my best friends. Maybe when he gets back from his road trip, I’ll suggest that he come to Hazzard for a visit.”

Buffy looped her arms in Daisy and Uncle Jesse’s and steered them towards the house. “Now, since I’m sure that my friends will do the same thing to me when Enos gets to Sunnydale, I need you to tell me all sorts of embarrassing stories about him. I need some ammunition to counter their stories.”

“Whew boy, Enos,” Bo breathed with a grin, watching the new Mrs. Strate gossip with his cousin and uncle. “Sure sounds like you’ll have your hands full with that one.”

“At least he’s not the oldest virgin in Hazzard County anymore…right, Enos?” Luke asked.

Their answer was a blush and Enos’ trademark giggly laugh.



A/N: As tempting as it sorta was to follow them to Sunnydale, the deadline kinda made me stop here. Plus, I’m not sure how accurate they sound, and since I’m having trouble finding episodes so I can hear Enos’ speech patterns. And if I hadn’t promised myself not to use Buffy as a main character in any of my fic-a-day stories, I woulda pushed back my Tara story until tomorrow.

The End

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