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This story is No. 5 in the series "Coffee". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: They hadn’t told her it was supposed to be poisonous, so who could blame her for not dying? Fifth in the "Coffee" series.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Buffy-CenteredCorruptedSmileFR71913094,4704 Sep 114 Sep 11Yes
Disclaimer: I probably don’t own anything you recognise, I probably do own everything you don’t recognise and I’m not making any money from this.

“Stargate SG-1” belongs to The SciFi Channel, Robert C. Cooper and others. ‘Buffy: the Vampire Slayer’ is owned by Twentieth Century Fox, Joss Whedon and others. Once again, none of those people are me.

Crossover: Stargate SG-1/Buffy: the Vampire Slayer.

Characters: Buffy, Jack.

Rating: FR7.

Spoilers: None whatsoever.

Summary: They hadn’t told her it was supposed to be poisonous, so who could blame her for not dying?

Story: Poisonous

Despite how well they had defended themselves none of the SG1 team—not even Buffy with all her Slayer extras—had been able to escape from the surprise attack launched by the female warriors of the latest planet they had been visiting. In short order they had all been detained, taken with them to their village and thrown into separate cages; a strange blue field surrounded the metal bars. Jack was sure that not even Buffy would be able to escape those cages.

Now he was waiting impatiently until someone deigned to come speak with him, so he could hopefully find out a) how the rest of this team was doing, b) what the villagers were planning on doing with them and c) how they could escape before they could go through with their evil plan. Because Jack was sure that there was an evil plan at play; he wasn’t that naïve after serving his country for decades.


Jack tensed up at the sound of hurried footsteps coming down the hall. He was surprised to see that it was Buffy, and not one of the villagers, who rushed around the corner. After making sure that they were both exactly who they looked like—one could never be too careful in their line of work—Buffy took a strange device out of one of the many pockets of her outfit, held it close to the cage and pressed the tiny button that had been worked into it. The blue field surrounding the cage immediately disappeared which left Buffy able to bend the bars enough, so Jack could climb out. Knowing that explanations could wait, but rescuing their team members couldn’t, Buffy motioned for Jack to follow her before going off to find the others. Both hoped that they weren’t already too late to save them from their captors.


It wasn’t until they got home safely that Buffy was able to explain how she had been able to escape.

She floored everyone in attendance by saying, “I think my jailer was killed by coffee.” Seeing everyone’s shocked faces, she sighed and explained further.

“Two of those female warriors came to me holding a cup. They handed it to me and motioned for me to drink. At that point I knew it smelled like coffee, but I wasn’t sure, if it was actual coffee or maybe a drug or poison with that smell. I hadn’t been able to find a way out of the cage, so I drank it.”

She rolled her eyes at the incredulous looks she received when they heard how easily she had given in. “Look, going by the looks on their faces, they would have made me drink either way, so I took the easy way out. Anyway, when they didn’t get the desired reaction, one of those female warriors left while the second one looked at me suspiciously. I figured that since there was only one warrior was left, I could maybe get her mad enough to open the cage to try to kick my ass, so I threw the cup that I was still holding, figuring that it was my best shot at making her irritated with me. The cup smashed to pieces against her forehead. I think some of the coffee must have made it into her mouth, because next thing I know she was choking and then she fell to the ground.”

Buffy once again ignored the sceptical looks the others gave each other, because she knew how ridiculous it all sounded. Killed by coffee, indeed. “Anyway, the minute she fell, the blue field around the bars disappeared and I was able to bend them and get out. I checked the body, found out she was dead and noticed that she had fallen on a device that I thought could be the reason why the fields around the cage disappeared. I didn’t know for sure, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to take it with me while I tried to find everyone. And you know the rest of the story.”

“So let me get this straight,” Jack said. “We were able to escape, because coffee was poisonous to them?”

“Yup,” Buffy replied, grinning widely.

Looking at his other team members, Jack shrugged it off as one of those weird things that always seemed to happen around Buffy. He had long since given up trying to understand why the weirdest things always happened around her.

End of “Poisonous”.

A/N: This is the result of another challenge concocted by me and lothlorien for one of our weird celebrations. The point is to put five different Buffy characters in five different fandoms and write something short centred around the word “coffee”.

Fifth prompt: Buffy, Stargate SG-1.

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The End

You have reached the end of "Poisonous". This story is complete.

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