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There's A Word For That

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Summary: *August 2011 Twisted Shorts* Buffy stops for gas and ends up kidnapped by a sandwich... villain... something... (Buffy/Word Girl)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Other CartoonsBeriaearwenFR71703015205 Sep 115 Sep 11Yes
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to J. Whedon, etc. The characters of Word Girl belong to PBS, etc. All are used here without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.

Notes/Warnings: Silliness below!

There's A Word For This...
By Beriaearwen

Buffy woke with a start to find herself strapped to a table.

Moving her head as best she could, she saw the straps looked like mustard and ketchup. Taking a delicate sniff, she realized they smelled like mustard and ketchup too.

Puzzled, she flexed her muscles to try and break the bonds holding her down.

She heard them begin to crack when she caught sight of the guy who held her captive. She froze, blinked several times to make sure her vision was clear, stared and blinked again.

"Your head is a sandwich," she said, unable to stop the words.

Her captor turned and looked at her. "Pardon me, but I didn't hear that."

"Oh, uh..." Buffy began before trailing off, her mind scrambling for anything else to say. After all, she didn't want to offend the man-boy-thing with the sandwich head. "Who are you? Why did you kidnap me?"

"I am Chuck, The Evil Sandwich Making Guy," he stated proudly. "And I kidnapped you in order to lure Word Girl here."

"Word Girl?" Buffy asked, wracking her brains for any mention of Word Girl. She didn't even know exactly where she was. She'd been on her way to Cleveland when she pulled into town to get gasoline for the car. She'd seen a park and wandered over to stretch her legs. The next thing she could remember was waking up here.

“Yes. Word girl is my nemesis. I will lure her here to complete my evil plan,” Chuck informed, oddly reminding her of Andrew in his evil nerd phase.

“I see,” Buffy said, breaking the restraints that held her, which she felt fairly certain had traces of relish on it.

Before she could do anything else, the door to the “evil lair” burst open and a costumed girl and her... monkey, Buffy assumed, entered the room.

“Word Girl!” Chuck gasped, pulling some sort of odd condiment gun.

“I've found you Chuck! Your overly elaborate plans didn't work!” Word Girl stated.

“They were only meant to slow you, Word Girl,” Chuck gloated. “It was all part of my scheme to get you here.”

Word Girl's hands landed on her hips. “Wait, are you telling me you freed the Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker just to slow me down?”

“And built the giant cheese maze as well as the sandwich making gauntlet!”

“And you kidnapped this woman just to get me here?” Word Girl asked.

Even Buffy was just barely resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. At the moment, she almost wished for glasses she could polish. This day was just getting weirder by the moment.

“Yes!” Chuck confirmed.

“That was the entirety of your grand scheme? To get me here? No taking over the city? No subjecting everyone to your will? No forcing your sandwiches to be the only ones ever sold?”

“No. Though some of those are really good ideas...”

“Then why am I here Chuck?” Word Girl demanded.

Buffy took a seat on the table to which she'd been, well, restrained would be the best fit she supposed. She cautiously eyed the path to the door, but the monkey, looking every bit as exasperated as she felt was blocking the way.

Looking somewhat sheepish, Chuck picked up a piece of paper and admitted, “I needed your help with a vocabulary word.”

“You needed me to define a word?” Word Girl asked in disbelief. “You went through all this just to ask me to define a word?”

Chuck nodded as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world. “Of course.”

“Of course,” Word Girl echoed sounding utter flabbergasted.

Captain Huggy Face slapped his palm to his face and wiped it down.

Buffy gave into the urge and pinched the bridge of her nose, suddenly feeling an affinity with her watcher she hadn't felt in years. Was it Tuesday today? Tuesdays never turned out well for the Scoobies. “Ever heard of a dictionary,” Buffy muttered.

The monkey, Captain Huggy Face, heard her and nodded his agreement.

“So,” Chuck continued, picking up his pencil and preparing to write, “what does grandiose mean?”


The End

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