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Time Meant Nothing

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Summary: After witnessing the events of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Xander decides Captain John Hart needs a handler and volunteers for the job. He did not realize what he was getting into until it was too late. (on quasi-hiatus)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Xander-CenteredsouldrivenFR1522,0340173,51610 Sep 1122 Feb 12No

Fighting Love and Hate

Author’s note: finally, FINALLY, I was able to write this chapter. I don’t think I’m going to let Jack, John, and Xander be left in a room unsupervised EVER again. The three of them just start talking IC and completely ignore the plot. So I force them to pay attention to plot and they come across very OOC. also why this chapter is a little short for my taste.

Fighting Love and Hate

“My black eye casts no shadow
Your red eye sees no pain
Your slaps don't stick
Your kicks don't hit
So we remain the same
Blood sticks, sweat drips
Break the lock if it don't fit
A kick in the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none
A-woah a kiss with a fist is better than none.” – Florence +the machine ‘Kiss with a Fist’

Jack drove like he usually did on Torchwood business; like a madman with no respect for traffic laws. He felt a small twinge of guilt for leaving his team behind just after returning but he knew they would follow. Torchwood would not let him continue to fly solo for too long but he needed the extra time ditching them would afford him. Tonight was either going to go very good or very poorly depending on what his former partner wanted. Well that, and how much the Time Agent was willing to kill for it. Considering the body count had already started Jack was willing to bet on things going very poorly and his ex wanted whatever it was very badly. He had to, to call Jack after everything.

Parking in front of the bar John gave him coordinates to; Jack made a small twisted smile. His former partner would choose a bar like this one. Drinking locations had never been a thing the two of them could agree on without any violence that was once part of the fun. Now Jack just wanted to get the man out of his town before things got ugly. He was not a time agent anymore and certainly not a conman; anything his one time partner wanted could not be good.

Still, the scene he walked in on was not what he was expecting.

“Berk, these boots are Italian and in no way cowboy boots,” John said with a glare that was a mix between insulted, playful, and flirtatious.*

“Oh gods, you’re like Buffy about shoes. Do not insult the footwear. Do not mislabel the footwear. If blood, slime, or something else ruins your shoes there is hell to pay. Bet you’re protective of your coat too,” a young man with an eyepatch groaned with obvious dismay.

Surprised, Jack took a moment to study the unexpected person. Eyepatches were uncommon now a days, technology being at the point that if it can take out an eye you were probably dead. Even if medical treatment was not up to code by his 51st standards, he still should have a glass eye over a patch. It might have been temporary if the stranger did not act so comfortable, accommodating of his blind spot.

“So what if I a- Well, well, if it isn’t the Face of Boe deciding to be fashionably late as always,” his former partner snarked with an easy smile and mischievous eyes.

Jack felt himself relax before he could stop himself. He knew that expression. That expression meant things might not be as bad as Jack first suspected they would. “Kind of a mouthful for a name isn’t it? Jack works just fine but if you want to be long winded, it’s Captain Jack Harkness. Notice the Captain,” Jack countered letting him smile and lean against the bar.

“Captain John Hart, Notice the sarcasm,” John replied as his drinking partner snorted and then proceeded to choke on his beer. Jack winced in sympathy while John raised his eyebrows curiously.

“Next you’ll be demanding your ship back. Tell me, do either of you turned into skeletons under the moonlight?”the man sniped and Jack laughed. John frowned briefly before finally catching up on the movie reference.

“Thought you didn’t care for pirate jokes?” John questioned.

“I don’t when they’re aimed at me but hey, with all the ‘arrgh matey!’ I get on a daily basis I deserve to dish out a few,” the stranger answered with a shrug and easy smile.

A smile Jack found himself returning, the man was cute. So Jack was caught off-guard when John sent him a look that told him to back off on the pheromones because this one was his. John usually didn’t go for the ‘cute’ type; too much a reminder of Jack and the relationship that went down in historical flames recorded by the dutiful agency.

Jack,” John drawled with sudden false sweetness. Before Jack could fully guess what his former partner was up to John was in his face. “I’ve missed you.” Then they were kissing and ignoring the surprised ‘eep!’ from the bar. For old times sake, Jack was rather enjoying the kiss until John ended it with a punch. “Now lay-off my eye candy, he’s mine.”

With a smile as manic as the Doctor’s could be, Jack happily hit John back. The two of them were making a mess of the bar as they tried to beat each other unconscious, laughing all the while. Jack could not even be sure who pulled their gun first, only that one moment it was a brawl and the next it was a showdown.

“Wo-ah, hey, guys? Hey!” the one eyed man interjected startled, raising his hands in surrender. “What kind of eye candy are we talking about here? The pretty to look at? Cause I got to say I think your reflections are better than me in that department. Unless you meant eye-candy as in wanting to eat my remaining eye like a jawbreaker. Except eyeballs are soft and gooey so it’d be more like a grape or a jelly donut. Probably not all that nutritious either but I guess that’s why eyes would be candy and not say, food. Uh, please tell me you’re not going to make me blind?”

Jack stared flabbergasted. There was no way the man was fully human and able to talk that long without breathing. John seemed to switch between contemplative and amused indulgence. “I meant eye candy as in good enough to eat,” John reassured as he studied the man lecherously.

Curiously, rather than being embarrassed or reassured, the man just looked resigned. “Yeah, with my track record that’s not exactly comforting.”

“Oh?” Jack and John asked at the same time. That kind of statement begged clarification. Unfortunately, Jack’s back up arrived sooner than expected and John did not appreciate the party crashers.


* concerning John’s accent. As far as Xander can tell, John sounds American after years with Giles and Spike and living part-time in the UK. I’m aiming for it to be a strange mix of the two.

The End?

The author is currently looking for one or more beta readers for this story. If you are interested, please email the author or leave a private review.

You have reached the end of "Time Meant Nothing" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 22 Feb 12.

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