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Eleven Costumes Cordelia Never Wore

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Summary: Explore a series of worlds where Cordelia passes up the cat costume in favor of something a bit more… interesting… (Contains Cordy/Willow, Cordy/Tara, Cordy/Buffy, Cordy/Willow/Buffy/Harmony)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Cordelia-Centered(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR181121,376913637,81324 Sep 1116 Apr 13Yes


Joe's Note: After doing two separate "wake up and ugh" stories in this series, I decided that I'd jump off a common bridge in the fanfiction community and do one that followed the good old "they woke up together and lived happily ever after" trope. Emphasis 'they', in this case. Oh, and I'm doing a bit of sampling from Norse mythology proper here. Mostly because Marvel had an odd pattern of picking and choosing when it came to establishing their versions of the characters. Sif, for instance, had her golden hair restored at the beginning the very tale that detailed the creation of Odin's spear Gungnir and Thor's mighty Mjölnir…

     On one hand, she was now a redhead. And it wasn't even a nice, rich, classy shade of red. She had freaking Weasley hair.

     On the other hand, she hadn't gotten stuck with the Weasley freckles and the red hair was just one part of a greater transformation from mortal to ásynja. She was now the closest thing this world had to a Norse Goddess of Thunder, with all the powers - and the kick ass hammer - that entailed. For that, Cordelia Chase decided, she was willing to tolerate her newly red hair.

     After all, look at the perks! Even if Cordelia didn't include the many and varied abilities of Mjölnir… she was probably the strongest being alive at the moment. The fastest. She was practically invulnerable and - while not completely immortal - would live far longer than most anyone else here on Earth. And while she probably only considered it a positive because some of Thor had gotten left behind in her head after the previous night… another perk of her new nature? The women!

     Turning away from her mirror, Cordelia made her way back over to the queen-sized bed that had previously seemed spacious but now felt confining to her both in terms of length and width. Picking one of the forms under the covers at random, she reached out and swatted it on the ass. "Rise and shine, konurnar!"

     "Slap my ass again and this 'lady' is going to get up and do some very unladylike things to you, Cordy." Opening her dark blue eyes, Buffy somehow managed to both yawn and glare at Cordelia before stretching… and going very still. After a few seconds, the bedding began to rustle as she moved her arm back and forth under it, patting at her body as best Cordelia could tell. "I thought that maybe we were sideways across the bed or something but… wow. I'm like, a foot taller than I'm supposed to be, aren't I?"

     Shrugging, Cordelia looked down at the considerably more of herself than she'd had the night before. "Wouldn't surprise me. I measured myself a few minutes ago and it looks like I've put on about eleven inches overnight. My driver's license says I'm five foot seven. According to the mark I made on the doorframe? I'm a perfect six and a half feet tall now." She quickly grew bored with her self-inspection, having already spent a significant amount of time staring at herself in the mirror, and so she leaned down and shook the other two figures laying in her bed. "Oh come on, get up! We're goddesses now! This is like Christmas, but with more muscles and a really big hammer! I want to see what this body can do, and try out Mjölnir, and then go out shopping for a wardrobe fit for a godde-"

     A foot suddenly shot out from under the covers, nailing Cordelia in the stomach and sending her sprawling onto her back on the carpet. As it slowly disappeared back under the covers, its skin tone shifted from a dark blue-grey to a more familiar, pale pink color. "I'm a Jewish girl who's been turned into a frost giant and trickster god out of Norse mythology. I'm pretty certain Christmas wants nothing to do with me." Lifting her head just long enough to shoot a glare at Cordelia, Willow Rosenberg rolled over and snuggled into the body of the slightly smaller blonde next to her. "If you have to bug someone, sister, bug your wife. I'm not getting up until I'm darn well ready to, and I know several spells I can use to silence you if you want to argue the point."

     "Ugh. Lame." Climbing back to her feet, Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest and pouted as she eyed the heretofore silent fourth member of their mini-pantheon. "Harm?" Harmony Kendall opened her eyes just long enough to meet Cordelia's and shrug before snuggling closer to Willow's taller form. And judging by how much of the bed those two were taking up, she and Buffy weren't the only ones who needed to get their IDs updated. Three of them were going to need the hair field updated, too: her, Willow, and… "I wonder if they actually let you put 'gold' on your license." Only Buffy reacted, shooting Cordelia an inquisitive look as the other two pointedly ignored her, but she was the only one who actually mattered. Reaching up, Cordelia tugged on her own hair for emphasis. "Seriously? Am I the only one who actually read that website Willow sent us all the link to?"

     Buffy slowly pushed herself up into the sitting position, the sheets pooling around her waist and revealing half of a body that had been dramatically improved by the previous night's magic. Before Cordelia could enjoy the view too much, though, Buffy let out a gasp of surprise. "Wow. I mean, I know that story said that Loki got the dwarves to make Sif some replacement hair made of gold, but… my hair is literally made of gold now. Thousands of super-thin strands of gold." Slowly waving a handful of hair back and forth in front of her eyes, Buffy hummed softly. "I wonder if I can cut it at all? It's a little long for my tastes and, well, it's made of gold. This could be like, a full ride to UC Sunnydale right here."

     Before Cordelia could voice her thoughts on her Buffy cutting her gorgeous hair, a bolt of yellowish-green eldritch energy shot through the space between them. "This could also be, like, the bedroom. Where people are trying to sleep." Staying snuggled up against Willow, Harmony waved her glowing hand back and forth lazily before pointing over at the door that led to the hall. "Go there and talk." Then she pointed at the door to the ensuite bathroom. "Or go in there and talk. I don't care. But if you're going to keep talking? Go. Away."

     "Excuse you? Last time I checked, this was my bedroom and… eep!" Operating on pure instinct, Cordelia called Mjölnir to her from where it lay on the floor, using it to deflect a second bolt of magic up into the ceiling. Scowling down at Harmony as her friend lowered her arm, Cordelia gave a petulant stomp that shook the entire second floor of the house. "Fine! I wanted to go and take a shower anyway!" After leaning down to deposit her hammer at the foot of the bed, Cordelia made her way over to her dresser and pulled out one of the oversized t-shirts she sometimes used as pajamas along with the baggiest pair of sweatpants she owned. Hopefully, they'd be big enough or leaving the house to get her new goddess-worthy wardrobe was going to be an issue. After a few seconds of contemplation, she withdrew another oversized shirt and her next baggiest pair of sweats and then proceeded to toss everything through the door to her ensuite. Wandering back over to the bed, she offered Buffy her hand… and a wicked smile. "I've never tested this, mind you, but the shower's big enough for four or five people. It should be able to fit at least two ásynja."

     Buffy stared at the proffered hand with an uncertain expression, not that Cordelia could blame her. After all, less than twenty-four hours ago they'd been two pairs of enemies, roped into dressing up together for Halloween by a man who had a very interesting definition of the word 'volunteer'. Today? To be hideously sacreligious and borrow something she remembered from CCD all those years ago, they were basically the word-made-flesh of four powerful beings torn straight out of the mythology of a long-dead people. Three outright deities and a powerful sorceress, who shared a rather sordid past that included one marriage, one ongoing affair, and a rather Alabamian view on brotherhood. Or perhaps siblinghood, since Loki was never a man when he and Thor… oh, whatever. The point was, Cordelia could totally understand any uncertainty on Buffy's part, and- "Eh, I could probably use the help washing all this hair." Buffy grabbed Cordelia's hand, allowing the taller girl to pull her out of bed. "And it's not like you haven't already seen all there is to see of me… eiginmaðurinn minn."

     Scoffing, Cordelia pulled Buffy closer and then lifted the gold-haired girl off the ground, tossing her over one shoulder before swatting her on the ass again. "Okay, first rule of our strange new world? This girl is nobody's 'husband', thank you very much. Heteronormativity is for sheep; trying to separate a lesbian couple into 'the man' and 'the woman' is like trying to figure out which chopstick is the fork. Either use eiginkona mín or girlfriend… or just plain Cordy works too." Buffy grumbled softly under her breath before making a vaguely agreeable noise. "Secondly, I've gotta know. That thing you can do with your tongue… is that something you knew before tonight, or did you learn it from Sif? Because I've got one joke about Hemery High cheerleaders ready and another about 'training with the valkyries', and I need to know which one to go with."

     "…no comment."

     As another faint moan drifted through the wall to where they lay, Willow opened her eyes and let out a disgruntled sigh. "I suppose we might as well go join them, huh? Because if I'm not going to get any more sleep this morning, I might as well get… well, some."

     Slowly running her hand down Willow's side, Harmony let out a throaty laugh. "If you can't say it, sweetie, I'm pretty sure you're not ready to be doing it."

     "Hey! Depending on how you look at it, I either lost my virginity while possessed by a Norse god last night or during the sex that we kept having after we got our bodies back. I'm allowed to be kinda shy still." Actually, to be honest, Willow found the idea of the 'who' more daunting than the 'what'. After all, she still had some of Loki's memories rattling around in her head… and he'd had sex with a horse. A male horse. Compared to that, a lesbian threesome - or foursome, if Harmony decided to come with her - was nothing.

     But the who… that damnable who. Since they'd never actually broken it up, she was technically still the president of the We Hate Cordelia Club. On top of that, Buffy was her best friend and Harmony was… Harmony. It was one thing to have sex with the three of them while possessed, and a kinda similar thing to just keep going with the flow afterward. But to actively seek out sex with two girls who'd been her enemies for the past decade, and a third girl that she definitely shouldn't have those kinds of thoughts about? Something else entirely.

     Willow was pulled from her thoughts as Harmony forced her onto her back and climbed on top of her, the blonde pressing her breasts against Willow's as she smiled down at her. "Right. Well then you can stay here and be shy. Me?" Nodding in the direction of the bathroom, Harmony's grin turned decidedly sultry. "I'm going to go try my best to get clean and dirty at the same time." With that, she slid off of Willow and then out of the bed, her hips swaying from side to side seductively as she walked away.

     "That isn't go to work, you know!" Willow sat up on the suddenly empty bed, crossing her arms over her chest as she scowled at Harmony. The blonde looked back over her shoulder at Willow, and the dark-haired girl shook her head emphatically. "It's not."

     Arching an eyebrow, Harmony grinned. "What isn't?" Winking, she disappeared into the bathroom.

     "You know exactly what you… you…" Willow looked down at her hands, doing her best to ignore the door and the noises coming from behind it. "I'm not going in after them. I mean, it's Cordelia. I don't care how gorgeous she is now. Or how kissable Buffy's lips are. Or how nice it felt when Harmony was nibbling on my neck and pressing her breasts into my…" Trailing off, she shook her head again. "Nope. Not doing it. Just because they're completely fine with what happened and diving right back into-" Her train of thought was derailed by a muted thud followed by the loudest moan yet. "Oh for crying out loud!" Throwing off the sheets, Willow slid out of bed and stomped toward the ensuite. "Stupid sexy friends…"
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