Over the course of Ten Costumes Cordelia Never Wore
, Cordy managed to get more ass than a toilet seat: Willow, Tara, Buffy, and then she manages to land Willow AND Buffy AND Harmony simultaneously in 'Thor'. But then I realized that, well, at least 25% of high school cheerleaders experiment with members of the same sex and so I was doing us all a grave disservice by ignoring Cordelia's hot as hell minions. So, let's correct that oversight as we coast over the Fic-a-Day finish line!
Staring upward, Cordelia Chase twisted a strand of her newly darkened and curled hair around her left index finger as she waggled the fingers of her right hand idly, watching as motes of red light arced between them. Exactly when had her life derailed and crashed into the world of the weird, she found herself wondering. Granted, she knew the whole series of events that had brought her to this point… but what was the official point of no return?
Had it been when she'd been stupid enough make the bet with Xander? Or when she'd decided to throw the quiz they were betting on because she'd had no idea what to dress as for Halloween and figured he'd have a good idea for her? When he'd so brilliantly played her by dangling the prospect of freedom from his dorkism only to end up ensnaring two more of her friends through her? Or was the point of no return far more obvious: when some kind of magic spell turned her and her friends into their costumes, transforming them into a trio with a fairly questionable definition of the phrase 'close family'?
Cordelia continued to lay there, eyeing the ceiling uncertainly as she pondered whether or not she would be risking asbestos exposure by using her powers to remove the gaudy popcorn ceiling that had escaped the last renovation. It depended on how she did it, she finally concluded. If she was smart and, say, decreased the probability of it being installed in the first place? Or increased the probability of her parents paying to have the hot mess removed during the two weeks in freshman year that she'd been forced to live in the guest room? They'd just cease to exist in the present, and how could that possibly affect her body?
And if she was wrong? She could always mess with the probability of her contracting mesothelioma, couldn't she?
Eventually, she was pulled from her thoughts as the person lying next to her in bed let out a loud yawn before elbowing her gently in the side. Glancing to her left, Cordelia raised an eyebrow at Aphrodesia Michaelis, who smiled back at her sheepishly before running a hand through her spiky silver hair. "Any chance you can increase the probability of Maria wanting to spontaneously drop off breakfast in bed for five this morning?"
"For five? Jesus, how many people did I fuck last night?" Groaning loudly, Gwen Ditchik pushed herself up onto her elbows and surveyed the bed before frowning. Cordelia bit her lip to avoid laughing; evidently her bedmate lacked Lorna's level of control over her magnokinetic powers, and her chin-length green hair was currently a hilariously fluffy and wild mess that quite literally defied gravity. "Okay, I'm counting me plus two. One plus two equals three, not five. Did I sleep through decision-making on a shower rotation or-"
"I'd make some sort of joke about last night's fun, eating, and how you're delicious but not nutritious… but I'm too hungry to be funny. Which is why I'd like to make with the breakfasting sometime soon." Displaying the flexibility that had earned her a spot on the varsity cheerleading squad as a sophomore, Aphrodesia blurred into motion and somehow managed to go from laying on her back beside Cordelia to being sprawled out on her stomach atop the comforter. Given the unhappy groan from the headboard, Cordelia was pretty sure it had gotten used as a springboard during some phase of the maneuver. "Too bad it's already like, 3PM in Italy. Because if I can remember how much Wanda liked her fette biscottate, chances are that you'd like them just as much…"
Hmm. It was afternoon in Europe and the middle of the night in Wanda's second favorite vacation spot of Japan, but it was breakfast time all across the Americas. Including Boston. Sitting up, Cordelia waved her hand and used her powers to create a notepad and pen. Or rather, she changed the odds of her having left one on her bed at some point for no apparent reason. Semantics. Writing down an address she'd only visited in another life in another reality, she tore the page out and handed it to her speedy companion. "Carol introduced Wanda to Mike's Pastry during one of their girls' weekends. Go find us something good?" Aphrodesia nodded enthusiastically and tensed up, only to go limp as Cordelia wrapped the girl in a bubble of her power, anchoring her in place. "…after you go find pants."
Aphrodesia nodded rapidly as Cordelia released her, scrambling down to the end of the bed before throwing her legs over the side and rising to her feet. After zipping back and forth across the room several times, she came to a halt and frowned. "Problem: I have no pants. Or, well, anything else."
"Yeah, that'll happen when your sister disintegrates your clothes because she's in a hurry to get to the good parts. Forgot about that. Damn it." Cordelia sighed; while the loss of Aphrodesia's fairly simplistic Quicksilver costume was an inconvenience, Wanda stripping herself and Lorna down the same way had cost Cordelia and Gwen a few hundred dollars - and a perfectly lovely outfit - each. Snapping her fingers to recapture Aphrodesia's wandering attention, she gestured to where her laptop sat atop her desk. "My password is 'cheertator'. Hop on Polyvore and see if any geeky girls have thrown together a set of clothes based on Pietro. Once you find something, lemme know and I'll make it impossibly likely that I just so happen to have the entire outfit in your sizes in a bag in my closet."
"Considering how much some of the stuff on there costs, I probably shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth… but why a girl Pietro outfit?"
"Because for some reason, the idea of wearing anything other than red or black suddenly makes me cringe. And if I'm going to be stuck living with a case of Power Ranger Syndrome, so are you." Cordelia held Aphrodesia's gaze until the silver-haired girl held her hands up in surrender and then streaked over to sit down at her desk. As the speedster got to work, Cordelia looked over at Gwen, who was eyeing her curiously. "What?"
Tilting her head to the side, Gwen continued to stare at Cordelia for a few more seconds before finally speaking. "You're taking this awfully well."
Cordelia shrugged. What did Gwen want her to do, run around screaming and crying hysterically? As if. She was the queen bitch of Sunnydale High. She had a reputation to maintain, even if there were only two potential witnesses. "I could say the same about you."
"Why would I freak out? I mean, I've been given superpowers in exchange for a few hours of being possessed by a pretty cool chick and… well, this is an average Friday night for me and Aphrodesia. We've even had a third a few times, although obviously never you." Even as Cordelia tried to process the surprising revelation about her squadmates' love lives - not that she was disgusted or anything, more surprised that she'd completely missed that there were others on the squad who shared her proclivities - Gwen kept going. "And even if I'm not Lorna's father's daughter… you can't deny that we're like, goddesses among mortals now. From putting on a costume and having a lesbian threesome. That's fucking awesome. Pun intended." Grabbing two extra pillows, Gwen piled them atop hers so she could lean back against them as she watched Aphrodesia work. "Besides, if you think about it? It could be worse."
"Well yeah. You've known you were going as Wanda for a month now. Imagine if Xander had decided to go as Pietro? Not only is he Xander, but a guy whose superpower is speed? Probably not that great in bed." Gwen burst into laughter at the look of disgust that crossed Cordelia's face, only to grab her chest with both hands as she abruptly went still. She gave her breasts a few experimental squeezes before laughing again, albeit far more softly. "Uh, I think I'm going to need you to mess with the odds of me having accidentally bought bras a few sizes too big for the last few months." Glancing over, she shot a pointed glance at Cordelia's chest before slowly sliding her eyes upward. "After you're done with your own, that is."
Huh? Cordelia looked down… and then realized that she could see a lot less of her lap than she was used to. And a lot more breast. "Dumnezeule mare!"
It wasn't until the whispers gave way to mutters and then outright chatter that Willow's attention was drawn away from her meticulous reorganization of the books, folders, pens, and assorted other educational minutiae inside her locker. Looking back over her shoulder, Willow's jaw dropped.
While Cordelia and her friends generally cut imposing, unique figures in a sea of mediocrity and uniformity, today they were more unique than usual. Actually, Willow reminded herself, unique was a word that couldn't be modified because something was either unique or it wasn't and so things couldn't be 'more' unique… but she'd come up with an alternative description later. Even with her new silvery-white spiky hairstyle, Aphrodesia was actually the least eye-catching of the trio in blue jeans, a white scoop singlet, and white high-top sneakers, a diamond-studded lightning bolt necklace bouncing against her sternum as she walked. On the other side of the school's queen bee, Gwen cut a slightly odder figure with her bright green hair and entirely green outfit consisting of a sweater, flounced wrap skirt, and ballerina pumps.
But Cordelia… yowza. Willow wasn't even into girls and even she had to admit that Cordelia looked hot with a capital H, O, and T. Like Gwen, all the pieces of her outfit were a single color - red - but her tight and low-cut dress, tights, and high heels were clearly designed to scream 'gorgeous woman' rather than Gwen's 'cute girl'. As the trio passed, Cordelia pushed her red sunglasses up onto the top of her head and then looked over at Willow. Raising her hand to her mouth, Cordelia blew the redhead a kiss that sent a cloud of scarlet energy motes floating through the air toward the stunned girl. Cordelia just offered a throaty laugh in response to Willow's wide-eyed look, pulling her sunglasses back down into place before continuing on.
It took Willow a few seconds to reboot her brain and then she pushed off the wall, staring at the retreating backs of Cordelia and her friends. What… how… why? Then she noticed that Gwen's purse was floating along under its own power behind the green-haired girl even as Aphrodesia twirled a pen between her fingers impossibly fast… and she knew the answer to at least two of those questions.
Willow knew something else as well.
"…next time I need help picking out a costume, I'm going to ask Xander for help."