That's What Mothers Do
A/N: Can someone tell me why, when I try to delete a break line it doesn't let me? I've been fighting with the chapter editting tool for half an hour now and it won't let me correct my formatting :|
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How stupid could she be? She’d been so careful about everything for years and now it was all coming apart at the seam because of her own fucking inattention! She should have destroyed that newspaper clip as soon as she’d seen it. Burnt it and be done with it! But she couldn’t do that. Far, far, at the back of her mind, she felt that she had at least a little something to do with Carolyn’s death. And Alex hadn’t been really far off. It was guilt that had jumpstarted her rusty conscience back into the game, and she’d realized what she’d blinded herself to for years. Her baby boy had grown up and she hadn’t been there. But she wanted to, she wanted to prove to that picture smiling accusingly from the newspapers that she was
a good mother. That she deserved her reward. And that was what kept her from throwing the article away. As long as she felt those eyes on her, she’d at least try like she had given up for so long.
It was so hard too, smiling and trying to reach for her boy and being met with suspicion and distrust. It was all her damn fault too. Where had she been those last few years? When did her baby boy grow up into this fine young man that stood up for his friends even to a fight? He was such a good boy now. Raised in a somewhat shaky family but a family still.
She’d read between the line in that article. They had divorced. The Rossi. The perfectly happy little couple that came into pre-natal consultations looking like they floated around on cloud nine while she struggled to make ends meet and saw her husband slip from her fingers little by little. They had divorced
. Why should a little boy be subjected to that. Divorces were an awful thing, full of pain and resentment. He was far better off with her. At least he had both parents looking after him here. For all Tony refused to admit it, he loved his son dearly and she did just as much if not more.
But it had been so hard while Alex was growing up. All those pre-natal care books and pamphlets, they told you that you would know what to do, that with time you would get the hang of it, but it was all so hard. Being awoken at 3 in the morning because the baby needs a change. Having your whole life revolve around their moods and their every needs. Having to be the nurse, the cook, the working parent and the teacher, all in the period of a day and that for years. It was so exhausting. And with Tony being laid off, she had to take double shifts more often, which meant daycare for Alex and too much booze for Tony.
She hadn’t been prepared. She hadn’t been ready to be a mom, even if Alex was her blessing, she had been so far from ready for it. So she’d given up. As soon as he could take care of himself a bit more, she’d started to let go of that small hand, trying to keep their family afloat while Tony drowned himself in alcohol and violent fits.
But now she was ready. Now she knew what do to and she would do it right. She wouldn’t let anyone tell her otherwise. She would be here for her son, because in her heart of hearts, she knew that he would always be that little baby boy waiting to be brought home, sleeping in her arms.
That confrontation right then, it could still be salvaged, she knew. There wasn’t any rule anywhere that she wouldn’t bend for her boy, even if that meant lying to him about something. She wanted her son happy in his life and evenmore, happy with her
. But she’d have to wait until he came back. She knew where he’d gone anyway. For all the years that had passed, she could still read in him like in a book. Alex had gone to his little girl friend, Willow. He’d probably stay there for a few before coming back. She would be home, cooking a Christmas dinner for them as an apology for that slap. Yes, that was for the best. And whatever stories Alex had told himself about the article, she would put them all to rest tonight, when she explained that she’d known Carolyn when she was a nurse in Washington and it was
the reason for her change of heart, but all of it was true, and her baby boy would believe her because mothers never lied about things so important.