1. Who Won't Start None, Won't Be None
Title : How Jensen Got Banished From Fort Bragg's Mess Hall (Or How Much Cream Did He Actually Get From That Cat?)
Summary : Jensen found Skippy's List and decided he wasn't going to be one upped by some random grunt. And then he watched Blackadder...
Warning : crack!fic ; slash CxJ if you squint real hard and tilt your head the right way ; Craziness ; Goes randomly from general POV to different characters because I get a kick out of it. Might be PG but mostly for f* bombs and the likes. Short stuff is short. OS.
A/N : Most of those drabbles are originally posted on my LJ under the screenname Lasgalenya.
"I will not try to one up a fellow military personal with cat's spew and mustard"
"I will not under any circumstance follow through with any plan concerning any Army personal and needing body fluids coming from any form of felines and edible food"
" I will not..."
Clay drowned down the voice of his coms techie and sighed heavily as his eyes turned back to where Cougar was leaning against their barrack, silently keeping vigil on their wayward prankster as he continued through his CAPE.
He had to resist smirking when Roque came back out, wiping his mouth and glaring openly at Jensen (who, while still continuing with his push ups, sent him his most brilliant smile... no fucking self preservation, that man...)
Pooch was the last to come out, still looking a little green but wearing a crooked grin that transformed into slight laugh when the next shout out from Jensen was "I will not be the better prankster and totally win the competition, sending two of my teammates straight to the porcelain god using cat's puke and condiments, even if that was a fucking win!"
"Cougar..." Roque said, turning to the silent Mexican who just looked up at him from under his hat. "The next time that shitface bastard tries to do something out of some random army brat punkass website, do us all a favor and fucking shoot him, or I'll gut him!"
The sniper's eyes tightened, looking like he was smiling slightly despite the absence of change of his facial expression and he tipped his hat slightly before returning to his watcher task, a smirk blossoming on his face.
"Still man, I don't know about you, but I have to wonder... where the fuck did he get the puke, 'cuz the closest cat around is the General's daughter's kitten..." Pooch said with a shake of his head.
Clay made a disgusted sound before saying out loud, nearly in sync with his 2IC. "I don't wanna know"
So the references.
Skippy's List: Gold mine in regards to funny military stunts. Google it, it's awesome.
Blackadder: From "Blackadder Goes Fourth", series 4 of the british comedy show. In that episode, Blackadder, a vitriolic, sarcastic coward of a Captain in the Trenches of WWI is fomenting a plan to escape and leave the battle fields. His plan is to engratiate himself to his General by showing off his (inexistant) cooking skills. But as they're still in the Trenches, rations are harsh and his minion, a very idiotic corporate, has to come up with substitutes of more fine cuisine. He is said to have made bowls of custard with a small kitten's puke. XDDDDDD