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Like Hell He Will

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Summary: In a clearing of the Forbidden Forest, Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort have met for a final confrontation. Just themselves; no friends, allies, or supporters. Two wizards enter, one victor leaves. Locking their gazes, hands began to reach for wands--

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories(Current Donor)ManchesterFR1512,1914245,57224 Nov 1124 Nov 11Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Harry Potter characters belong to their proper owner.



Just before their battle to the death began, it was interrupted by a totally unexpected event. To wit, over a hundred Hogwarts students all apparating simultaneously into the clearing, either on their own or being brought along by the older student for those who hadn’t yet learned to travel by this magical method of transportation.

Both Harry and the Dark Lord were taken completely by surprise, as seen by the startled look on the younger wizard’s face and Voldemort’s indignant snarl, “So, Potter, you’ve gone back on your word to face me single-handed!”

“No, I didn’t!” indignantly protested the Boy-Who-Lived. Casting a hurried glance around at the newcomers surrounding the pair of wizards about to duel with each other, Harry blinked at seeing there not just virtually every male student at Hogwarts, but also the odd detail that there weren’t any girls at all with them. Not even Hermione, but Ron was right at the front, by the side of…

Feeling as if his brain had just imploded, Harry stared in shock at where Draco Malfoy was calmly standing next to his red-haired friend. Wildly looking around further, Harry then observed that the students of Hogwarts’ four houses -- Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw -- were thoroughly mixed together, rather than in their usual separate groups, and they were all steadily staring back at him and Voldemort, their wands in their hands.

Catching from the corner of his eye a certain dark wizard about to explode with rage, Harry hastily called out to Ron, “Mate, what’s going on? I know I should’ve told you and Hermione about it, but when I got a secret message from Voldie proposing upon his very magic to settle things by a quick one-on-one wizarding duel, there wasn’t any choice for me but to go along--”

In a remarkably mature tone, Ron interrupted Harry, “There’s been another prophecy.”

With perfect comedic timing, Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort facepalmed themselves in unison, every single gesture, appearance, and posture displaying their absolutely identical exasperation. Catching sight of this, both of the wizards goggled at each other, and then they together looked away with matching sheepish expressions.

Actually glad to do so, Harry turned his attention back to Ron, dolefully stating, “I’m guessing it told you guys about everything, so you showed up here--”

Obviously the spokesman for the rest of the students, Ron gave a curt nod of assent, adding, “Yes, and we’re all going to do what’s necessary.” Raising his voice while not taking his gaze away from the pair in the middle of the clearing, Ron then shouted, “All right, everyone, at three! One, two, three!”

In the middle of the countdown, at seeing how everyone’s wands had come up to start pointing, a gleefully Harry had spun around and aimed his own weapon at a completely taken aback Voldemort, beginning to bellow at the murderer of his parents, “Avad--!”

AVADA KEDAVRA!

Roared all together from over a hundred throats at once, the Killing Curse blasted towards the center of the clearing, so powerful that instead of being its usual sickly green color, the overwhelming death spell was a ray of purest emerald which instantly ended the life of its target.

A few moments later, Lord Voldemort, also known as You-Know-Who, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, The Dark Lord, Chief Death Eater, Heir of Slytherin, and lastly Tom Riddle, Jr., was staring in utter astonishment at the empty spot across from him, with this blasted heath not having the slightest trace of where the body of Harry Potter had been standing there an instant before.

Slowly bringing his gaze around to see where a hundred wands were now pointed right at him, a numb Voldemort eventually decided that caution was best called for. Politely clearing his throat, the dark wizard asked someone who’d just killed his best friend, “Ronald Weasley, I believe. Er, was there an actual…reason for that?”

Maintaining a very stern look upon his features, the redhead evenly answered, “Like I said, there was a prophecy today a few hours ago, that came from one of the Hufflepuff blokes. He kept saying it over and over in the boys' common room, long enough for every one of us to hear it. That wasn’t the only strange part of it, though. Instead of being totally confusing, it was given in plain language, no mincing of words, and, uh, it went into really thorough detail--”

A gleeful snigger from Draco Malfoy interrupted Ron at that point, with the flaxen-haired Slytherin then maliciously gloated, “I liked most of all the part which described how Hermione Granger was eager to take down her throat every inch of Scarhead’s nob--”

Whipping his head around, a furious Ron growled back at Draco, “You weren’t so glad to hear how Pansy Parkinson screamed in ecstasy every time she came from getting pounded by something triple the size of yours!”

Just before they started viciously hexing their detested adversary, two Hogwarts students who’d allied with each other for only the moment now heard a very disbelieving inquiry from a certain Dark Lord beginning to think he’d lost his mind: “What the bloody hell are you idiots talking about?”

Still glowering at Draco sneering back at him, Ron grumpily answered, “I told you, it was the prophecy. It laid out in perfect detail how and where you and Harry were going to meet, that you’d lose the duel, and then what happened after.”

A reeling Voldemort simply had to ask, “Which was…?”

Sighing, Ron responded, “Somehow, all your magic would be transferred to Harry, and also he’d become the most powerful wizard ever. Greater than Merlin himself, ten times over. This magic would make him irresistible to any witch around him, and they’d instantly agree to hop into bed with him and do whatever he wanted. From what the prophecy said, Harry would live for centuries, becoming the father of more kids than anybody could count, and he’d love every minute of it!”

Voldemort just stood there in the clearing, so lost in thought that he even scratched the side of his head with the tip of his wand. Eventually, he hazarded, “I still don’t see why that should make you so willing to get rid of your friend--”

This time, it was Draco who snarled, “Even the weasel here heard the words loud and clear in the ’Puff’s room! How not a single one of us for the rest of our lives -- all the blokes in the castle -- would ever have a chance against Potty in trying to get a girl for ourselves! They’d either have him, or nobody else! Well, one or two, those who like to stay the longest in the showers, probably wouldn’t have minded, but the rest of us weren’t bloody well going to marry our right or left hands! We all got together and unanimously decided that Potter had to go, right away before he knocked you off.”

A truly evil smile now slowly began to appear upon Voldemort’s lipless mouth, as he chuckled, “And since there was a new prophecy, it superseded the old one which said only he or I could kill the other.” The Dark Lord now gave everyone there an icily jovial stare just before purring, “Gentlemen, thank you very much. Now, if you’ll just excuse me, I’m going to take over the wizarding world--”

Keeping his wand steadily aimed at the monster in the clearing, Ron evenly said, “No, you’re not.”

A hairless brow quirked in mild amusement, as Voldemort pointed out, “I’m expecting an attack from you, unlike your former friend. Whether I chose to strike back or depart, none of you are capable of defeating me. Now, both my patience and my gratitude are running out, so if you intend on continuing this foolishness--”

“Check your wand for a Life Debt,” spoke up Draco in his most serious tone.

What?!” blurted the Dark Lord, staring in astonishment at the son of his richest supporter. Warily looking around at the circle of young men surrounding him, this wizard saw them all solemnly nodding in unison over what the blond boy had just said. Beginning to feel actually uneasy, Voldemort spent a few moments in internal debate, until he at last waved his wand in the proper fashion.

When every other wand in the clearing, over a hundred of them, now lit up at the tips, Voldemort actually felt his stomach drop.

Ron then triumphantly conveyed, drawing back the attention of a bewildered dark wizard, “I told you, the prophecy said you’d be defeated. But instead, because of us, you survived, and now you owe each and every one of us a Life Debt. Try to attack us, or anyone we pass the Life Debt onto, and you’ll be hit with a tremendous backlash from the magic itself, which you won’t survive at all.”

Frantically considering everything he’d heard, at length Voldemort’s shoulders slumped at recognizing the absolute truth. Standing there, this evildoer then gritted, “So, where do we go from here? I’m not about to surrender to the authorities!”

“We’re not asking you to,” calmly said Draco, with looks of agreement appearing on the faces of his fellow students.

He’d had too far many of these kind of shocks for today, Tom Riddle inwardly agreed, as he disbelievingly croaked again, “What?!

Draco merely shrugged, mentioning, “All we want is for things to get back to normal for us. Now, listen: since the prophecy’s over -- both the new one and the old one -- you’re probably immortal, now that Potter’s not around to kill you. Correct?”

Waiting the few seconds necessary for Voldemort to comprehend that and then dazedly nod in agreement, the Malfoy heir continued, “Well, in that case, what does it matter if you just went quietly off and spent the next couple of centuries in a nice, clean cave somewhere studying magic? Without bothering anyone, including magical or muggle people,” finished Draco in a slightly sour tone, shooting a dirty look at a smirking Ron.

Turning back to an utterly flabbergasted Voldemort, Draco wound up his proposal, “About, say, five hundred years from now, our grandchildren’s grandchildren will be gone, along with anyone else we might care about, which means the Life Debts will disappear. By then, if you really want to, you can take over whatever you please, if you think you can get away with it. Now, kindly make your decision in doing what we want, or running away with the prospect of someday meeting up with one of us here and triggering the Life Debt.”

For the next minute or so, there was absolute silence in the clearing except for the soft breathing of a hundred male Hogwarts students, as they all watched the figure in the center of the cleared space thinking it over.

Lord Voldemort was desperately trying to come up with something to deal with the whole absurd situation. However…when it came right down to it, as to whether his opponents could and would successfully stand up against himself, the being once known as Tom Riddle, Jr. couldn’t help but to remember just how horny he’d been as a teenage boy, and also knowing he’d have done anything at all to change this.

At last, an expression of utter resignation upon his bestial face, Lord Voldemort held up his wand, and began to intone, “I do so swear upon my very magic…”



A year later to the day, another and much more vast crowd filled up entirely the clearing in the Forbidden Forest. Standing by the majestic statue of Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort at the specific moment right before they’d destroyed each other and left behind their past lives (artistic license allowed for this, even though virtually nobody in the wizarding world knew exactly what had happened that night), Albus Dumbledore was clearly about to make a speech.

Somewhere in the crowd, Ron Weasley put an attentive expression on his face, which quickly changed into a compassionate glance downwards at the bushy-haired head of his girlfriend weeping on his chest. Putting his arm around Hermione Granger, Ron hugged the young woman to himself, while also appreciatively feeling the soft press of her breasts against his body.

Seeing something from the corner of his eye, Ron looked to the right, where he noticed Draco Malfoy standing by Pansy Parkinson. The redhead boy then noticed how Pansy’s pug face abruptly turned startled, and then pleased. Craning his head, Ron watched how Draco’s right hand placed upon Pansy’s bum was starting to gently knead the flesh there under her Hogwarts robes.

Draco’s own head now turned, looking Ron right in the eyes. For a few moments, these two students simply stared at each other, and then they both placidly nodded together, sharing the very same thought:

All was well, all was well.



Author’s Note: Just a little bit o’ crackfic, in reaction to reading too many Harry/Harem stories. None of the other guys around the place ever objects to this at all? Like hell.

The End

You have reached the end of "Like Hell He Will". This story is complete.

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