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Trading Kids

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Summary: Someone let this kitten, Anko, get her mittens, on three little genins newb...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > NarutojoshlamontFR15913,780148732,5822 Dec 118 May 12No

And then came the bint row

So, I was totally gonna mess with the hand-signs some more, but this came out. As for the title- do you know how hard it is to rhyme with intro?!

As always, I own nothing.

"So!" Anko clapped, rubbing her hands together, "Kakashi said something about a challenge to test your teamwork blahblahblah, which is bullshit 'cause I bet you don't even know Bug-boy's real eye color, much less if Shorty bleaches-"


"-though I'm leaning towards it at the moment. Anyway! I didn't really listen much after that, but I figure instead of some lame test, we should drop down by the ol' HQ and grab a couple missions!"

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered as they took to the roofs. "Ne, ne, ne, nee-chan, are we gonna kill some monsters? Or rescue a princess? Or save the seo of a mult-national fast-food corporation and win his eternal gratitude in the form of free ramen for life?!"

"Seo?" Hinata whispered. Shino shrugged.

Anko grinned. "I like the way you think, kid! Of course, we're going to have to fix that nasty taste for ramen with dango, but I like it! DESK WEENY!" she cried, smashing the building's door open, "Give us your missions!"

"You broke the door," said the young kunoichi at the desk, putting on her glasses. "Die."

Anko caught the senbon that suddenly materialized in front of Hinata's eyes and grinned. "Thanks! I been running low lately, and dango sticks just don't work the same way; all that sugar sticks."

The kunoichi pulled several more needles from her bun and Anko hit them in midair with her leftover dango sticks. "See what I mean? The deflection's just everywhere."

Naruto stared at the two senbon quivering beside his eye. "Sensei? How much money do you owe this chick?"

Anko laughed. "Money? We're just playing around! It's like flirting or something! The only thing I owe her is a good-"

"Forty-two thousand, three hundred sixty-seven point eight-five ryu," the girl said, calmly dipping her writing quills in poison and slinging them at Anko's throat.

Anko blinked "Seriously? I totally forgot about that!" She grinned nervously. "Well, it's been great catching up and all, but we should get going. Thing to do, people to avoid-"

"Sensei," Shino said quietly, blocking several wild deflections from Naruto and Hinata with his kikaichu, "Would not the prudent thing be to take several missions and pay off your debts?"

"Y-Yeah!" Naruto stuttered quickly. "So maybe the hot library ninja won't kill us and ohBobpleasenotthere!"

"That is an idea..." Anko said thoughtfully. "Desk weeny! Whaddya have for me?"

"Three more inhumative methods," the kunoichi replied, pulling the length of ninja wire holding her bun together out.

"Mhm..." Anko murmured distractedly, jumping on a desk to the side to check out the scrolls. She absently bounced the snapping wire off the rings on her fingers. "Lame, lame, lamer, super-lame- what the heck is this?!" she exploded. "Painting a fence? What the bleep!"

She turned to her students. "Minions! To the roof!"

After they exploded out the door, the kunoichi took her glasses off and began resorting the scrolls. "One of these days, I really do have to ask her out..."

"Minions," Anko announced, "Today we are going to learn three incredibly vital skills to your ninja development: preemptive authorization, self-invitation, and creative redirection."

There was a moment of silence.

"You mean forging, breaking in, and lying," Shino said flatly.

"Exactly!" Anko said proudly. She pulled out a scroll. "Wide-eyes, you look you've got the best handwriting- get over here and try copying this."

"Hm..." she said a while later, examining a sheet, "No."



"Stutters, what the hell is this?! I don't think the kami-damned-Shinigami-himself writes this well! What the shit! You need to copy the fuck-ups and gaffes, too!"


"Hey, nee-chan, like this?" Naruto interrupted.

"What? Yeah, Eye Burn, just like- ho-ly shit!" Anko stared at Naruto's copy, and then the original, and then Naruto's again. "Kid... how the fuck?"

Naruto scrunched his nose. "What? It's good, right? I mean, all the little squiggles were kinda funky, but it's just like writing seals, right?"

"Since when the hell have you been writing seals?"

Naruto grinned. "To heat my ramen, dattebayo! They work super-quick!"

Anko scratched her head. "Okay, I guess you're our forger. So that leaves sneaking in and the distraction . Hm..." She stared at Shino and Hinata. "Okay, Naruto, here's what I want you to write."

"Captain! Someone's broken into the mission hall!"

"What? Alert ANBU! Yu, Yue, and Ihm, with me! Entrance in three, two-"

The mission hall's doors slammed open quietly as the ninja flowed in.




"Cl- window open, someone outside! Earth Trap: Cement Shoes no Jutsu!"

There was a sharp cry outside, followed by a mild thump. The ninjas vanished and reappeared in front of their target.

"Name and designation!"

"H-H-Hyuuga Hinata, G-genin!"

"What were you doing out here at this time of night, Hyuuga-san?"

"I-I-I-I was g-going for a-a walk, b-bec-cause I c-couldn't sleep!"

"Captain, come on, she's terrified!"

"Hmph." The captain stared at Hinata a minute before nodding. The ninja holding her released the jutsu and helped Hinata to her feet.

"Did you see anyone pass you, Hyuuga-san?"

"Th-there was a boy, b-but he d-didn't have a-anything o-on him..."

"Heh." One of the ninjas smirked. "How much you wanna bet the kid thought he'd put a fake mission in there to get out of all those D-ranks?"

The captain snorted. "Check the scrolls, see if there's been any tampering."

"Got one here! Damn, check out that handwriting- looks like a lord's! Everyone knows the Hokage can't write for shit."

"What's it for?"

"Shadowing Uchiha to 'persirve his safety and insure the continuance of the Uchiha line.'"

The ninjas snickered before one paused. "-wait, she said a boy, didn't she?"

There was a moment of dead silence.

"Bloody m-preggers," one of the ninja muttered.

"I think I've got one here, but I'm not sure… 'Hunt and root out the mime population by any and all means necessary. Payment on a mime-by-mime basis.' I'd call it a fake, but the handwriting's right and the seal looks genuine."

"What's the mime price?"

"'bout four hundred ryu."

"Sounds right."

Hinata blinked, stunned. She'd so been sure that one would fail! Mou, and now she owed Anko-sensei money!

"Anything else?"

"Possible C-Rank, might be misclassed as D."

"Leave it, those are usually thrown in as bones for the antsy ankle-biters."

"Right, then-"

"A-ano...?" Hinata asked softly.

The captain looked down. "Ah, Hyuuga-san, you may go now."

Hinata quickly hurried herself away.

"Hey, I think I found some dog hair!"

"Bahahaha, really?" Anko guffawed as they sat at Ichiraku's the next day. "That's awesome! Pay up, scoffer!"

Hinata blushed as she gave Anko-sensei her money. "Ano... why do you hate mimes, Anko-sensei?"

Anko tossed the money in the air. "Ain't got a thing against 'em! Just thought I'd throw something Broody's way." She flipped some coins to Naruto. "There you go, Whiskers! Use it in good health!"

"Awesome! Thanks!"


Anko shrugged. "Hey, he did the work!"

"Yeah!" Naruto grinned. "Thanks, Hinata! If you hadn't doubted me, I'd have to pay for this meal!"

She- she'd doubted Naruto? But that was a good thing, now he could cover his meal... with her money. Her money, paid for his meal. She'd paid for his meal. She was sitting beside him, paying for his meal, almost like a d-d-

"Hinata!" Naruto exclaimed. "Oi, nee-chan, help me! I think there's something wrong with Hinata!"

Anko grinned viciously. "Well, wouldja look at that! You turn Mousie's crank, Bleached Wonder!"


"You rev her engines!" A blank look. "Make her hot?" Nothing. "Oh, come on! She wants to ride you, Shortstop!"

"What the heck are you saying, nee-chan?!"

Shino adjusted his glasses. "Hinata's epidermal shade, temperature, and unstable consciousness are in a direct correlation with your proximity and intimated intimacy. She desires to experience close physical contact and emotional dedication, potentially culminating in a permanent domestic conjugation."

"Ohhhhhhhh," Naruto said, leaning back thoughtfully.

Anko blinked. "What?"

"Hinata like-likes me."

"How the- but he- you-"

“Why didn't you just say that, nee-chan?"

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