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Trading Kids

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Story

Summary: Someone let this kitten, Anko, get her mittens, on three little genins newb...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > NarutojoshlamontFR15913,780148731,5582 Dec 118 May 12No

H and N, adventure-ren'

As always, I own nothing.



"Thank you all for coming," the Sandaime said, pushing several papers to the side. "I know it's only been a week since you first received your students, but I'd like to get an impression now that you've all had some time to work with them. Asuma?"

"I've... got to say I've never had a more lively group," Asuma said. "Choji is... extremely active for an Akimichi. I'm not sure if it's because he's trying impress the girls, or if it's because he's been infected by them."

"Infected?" Sarutobi asked.

"Yes, Ino and Sakura seem to drive each other to new heights every day, competing at practically every point. It puts something manic in the air." Asuma shrugged. "About the only problem I have is how very deeply Ino despises D-rank missions. Especially when she sees that Uchiha kid off on C-rank with Gai."

Sarutobi chucked. "A cross all ninja must bear their first year. Speaking of the Uchiha, Gai, how is your young genin doing?"

"YOSH! As Anko-san promised, Sasuke-chan does indeed BURN WITH THE FIRES OF YOUTH! He is most excited to accomplish our continuing mission: to seek out new mimes, and new eliminatons! To boldly go where no nin has gone before! And even as our steadfast comrade has said of Haruna and Yamanaka-san, so my proud Sasuke-chan has driven Lee-kun to ever dizzying heights! TO THE VERY HEAVENS!" Tears poured down Gai's face as he shook with pride.

"And Tenten?" the Sandaime asked.

"Ah, that most deadly of flowers! She trains diligently."

"...I see. Kurenai? ...Kurenai? Yuhi-san!"

"Huh? Oh..." Kurenai blinked. "Yes?"

"How are your genin, Kurenai?"

"Fine, fine..." she waved. "...did you know that Konoha has so much weed it's literally a weed...?"

"Er... no, I can't say that I did." Sarutobi thought briefly of the special bag he kept in the secret compartment of his desk. That little brat actually charged me! I'll have to go scouting this afternoon. Speaking of which...

"Does anyone know where Anko is?"



"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT HILL WAS A GAMERA-SAN?!"

"Enough talk! Devote your energies to running!"

"Iieeeee, I'm going to die a virgin!"

Naruto paused. "Wait, Hinata, didn't we already-?"

"Fly, you fools!"

"GERONIMOOOO!" Anko screamed, diving for the ship. She landed on the deck in a heap, followed by Naruto and Hinata. Shino flew over their heads and touched the bow with a perfect landing. Anko rolled off her ass. "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"

Shino paused. "Heading?"

"THE FUCK AWAY DEGREES GONE!"

"Course set. Awaiting command, captain."

"I WILL CUT YOU I SW- ENGAGE, MOTHERFUCKER, ENGAGE!"

The side of Shino's mouth lifted ever so slightly, and his kikaichu filled the sails, moments before Gamera arrived.

"Engaged."

The ship blasted away, slapping Gamera with an enormous wave. The enraged turtle bellowed and dove into the sea.

"Captain, the large amphibian has not cut off its pursuit. Orders?"

"Naruto! Get your ass out there!"

"What?! But I can't swim!"

"Swi- boy, run out there on your own two damn feet!"

"Whaaaaat?"

"Sensei-" Hinata wheezed quietly, "You haven't taught us how to do that yet."

Anko blinked. "I have to- Goddammit, Kakashi, you never said anything about teaching!"

She took a breath. "Okay. Okay. Shit! I was going to have Naruto beat the crap out of him! Okay. Earth beats Water, but we're in water, and even though he's in water he can breathe fire, and Wind is weak against Fire, so we're shit out of luck on every elemental weakness! Dammit!"

"A-ano..." Hinata spoke up.

"What?"

Hinata cringed. "Ano... water tranmits lightning."

Anko beamed. "Hinata, you're a genius! Naruto!"

"What?" Naruto called out from above.

"Kiss her!"

"But it's almost sunset!'

"Do I look like I give a damn? Get your ass down here before I steal your woman!"

"Okay, okay!" Naruto grumbled. "But I'm blaming you if something happens."

Hinata's mind restarted just in time to see Naruto's lips descend.

Anko whistled as he laid her down gently. "Damn, kid. If I didn't know it was just her, I might be jealous! Okay, I'm gonna teach you an awesome jutsu."

"Woohoo! What's it called?"

"Raiton: Flux Capacitor Charge no Jutsu."



"Ne, Shino, you think Anko-sensei might get back to normal soon?"

"I do not know."

"You think that was supposed to happen?"

"I do not know."

"How does lightning let you see someone's skeleton, anyway?"

*twitch* "I do not know."

Hinata blinked as the sky came into focus. "N-Naruto-kun?" she asked, sitting up.

"Oh, hey, Hinata!" Naruto said, jumping off a mast. "You're awake!"

"What happened?" Hinata asked, noting the calm sea. "Wait- why's Anko-sensei grinning like that?"

Naruto snorted. "Eh, she's been doing it ever since I used the new lightning jutsu she taught me. It's kinda creepy."

"O-oh. So my idea worked?"

Naruto's face split into a grin. "Oh, hell yeah it did, Hinata! That was an awesome idea! Gamera-san lit up like this giant street-lamp, and then he did this funny twitchy thing, and then he sank!"

"Oh..."

Naruto put his hands behind his head and leaned back. "Anyway, I looked at that book I told you about, and then checked the maps, and then I checked our heading with an old compass I found in the cabin, and we should be there in about seventy-two minutes!"

Shino paused. "Naruto... did we not build this ship?"

"Yeah?"

"And... did we not bring everything on-board in our packs?"

"Yeah, so?"

"...I..." Shino paused again. "Did you find anything else... 'cool'?"

"Oh, yeah, there was this spinny-globe thingy which totally looked fake 'cause, come on, who lives on a ball? And some old swords, and a awesome arm-chair that was all ratty and had blood stains, and a couple of rusty forks! Oh, and a ginormous hook the size of my hand. Fish must get huge out here!"

"...I see. Well. That is... quite a haul."

"I know, right!"

Shino stood still for a moment before setting his watch. "Seventy-two minutes, he said..." he muttered.

"Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah, Hinata?" Naruto said, turning to her.

"Did you do the drawing on Anko-sensei's face?"

Naruto grinned. "Yup!"

"Oh. It's very well done."

"Thanks!"

"May I...?"

"Totally! Do you want red, green, blue, or black?"



Anko threw her arms in the air an hour later. "ROCK ON! Blondie, that was...! ...hey, where'd he go?"

"Belowdecks," Shino said, checking his watch. "Hinata wished to study, and seawater is highly destructive to unprotected material."

"So they left you up here, huh?" Anko grinned. "I'll bet they're 'studying'."

Shino raised an eyebrow. "They expressed a strong desire to involve me as well, but I wished to... confirm an event." He checked his watch again. "Three minutes..." he muttered.

Anko snorted. "Whatever. Well, I'm gonna get me some-"

"Land ho."

"Don't I wish! Wait, what?"

Shino pointed. "Land. Ho."

"Don't you be talking smack, you- holy shit, where'd that island come from?!"

"Presumably, a volcano." Shino walked down to the lower deck and knocked. "Naruto. Hinata. We will be reaching land in approximately two minutes." He paused. "Please re-verify the status of your uniforms."

"Wait, what?" Naruto slammed the door open. Shino simply continued to walk away.



"Okay, this is the... Shari Shari no Mi which lets you... turns your limbs into wheels? What the heck?" Naruto scratched his head. "Whatever. Okay, anyone see anything else?"

"Over there, Naruto-kun," Hinata pointed.

"Ah, that is the... Ori Ori no Mi. It lets you shackle anyone with a touch."

"Dibs!" Anko smirked.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Sure, Nee-chan. Anyway... hm." He looked around the enormous forest. "I think we should try that way."

"Oh, oh, what's that one, kid!" Anko asked several minutes later. She pointed at a fruit swaying hundreds of feet in the air.

"That's the... Flo Flo no Mi." Naruto said, checking his book. "It lets you stop or start flows."

"Flows as in..." Shino asked.

"Any."

The girls' eyes widened. "DIBS!"

"Anko-sensei, no fair, you called dibs on the Ori Ori!" Hinata whined as she climbed up the tree as fast as she could.

"Doesn't count until you eat it!" Anko said, pulling herself up the other side. They had quickly learned that chakra- repelled one's self away from anything on the island. Luckily (or unluckily if you wanted to shove someone down), the trees were big enough to accommodate at least four people climbing a trunk at the same time.

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "What the heck? I mean, sure, it'd be fun to mess with water and stuff, and I bet you could make it not rain above your head, which would be cool, but how's that awesome enough to fight over?"

Shino put a hand on his shoulder. "Cherish your innocence."

"Ahaha!" Anko crowed.

"Anko-sensei!" Hinata cried.

Anko took a huge bite and gagged. "Great seasoned log! This tastes like rotten ass! Bleachboy, you'd better have not gotten the wrong fruit!"

"It's the right fruit!" Naruto shouted back. "You're just too pansy to handle the taste!"

"I'll show you pansy when I get down, wonder bread!" Anko took another bite and cringed. "This has better goddamned work!"



"AHA!" Naruto cried. "There! Those vines! That's where the Magu Magu no Mi is!" He shouted and began running ahead. Anko moaned. Hinata walked primly past her while she held her stomach. Shino grimaced.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine," Anko groaned. "Just... feel like I ate several bricks."

"We are almost at our destination."

"Thank everything. I need some hard liquor stat!"

"And the fruit should be... what the heck?!" Naruto's voice exploded through the trees.

"What? What is it?" Anko exclaimed. She pulled enough strength to run forward. "...wait. What?"

Shino looked down at the object under scrutiny. It was a very large leaf, with very peculiar veins.

OUT OF STOCK, they read, TRY AGAIN NEXT CENTURY.

Shino smirked. Slightly.
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