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Trading Kids

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Summary: Someone let this kitten, Anko, get her mittens, on three little genins newb...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > NarutojoshlamontFR15913,780148732,5742 Dec 118 May 12No

And Gai, the stars

I've been waiting for this...

As always, I own nothing.

LEE!” an ever-effervescent voice roared out.

Gai-sensei!” came the enthusiastic reply.

“SASUKE! TENTEN! My beloved students!” Gai continued, landing between them in a terrible earth-shaking crash, “I have acquired new training aids to spur your blossoming talents to NEW LEVELS!”

Tenten slapped her face. “Please tell me this isn’t like last time with the fruits. Those things made my stomach ache for a week!”

“But Tenten-chan!” Lee protested, “Even if we gained no powers, those fruits were most healthful!”

“If there is anything to gain me the power to kill my brother, I will take it.” Sasuke said tonelessly.

“And burn mimes.” Lee said helpfully.

“And burn- WHERE? Katon:-” He collapsed boneslessly to the ground as Tenten sealed her baseball bat away; she’d grown inordinately fond of that thing over the past month.

“No, my deadly disciple, it is not more fruit! The produce vendors assured me there are no more. I fear Mitarashi-san may have been led on a wild hummingbird chase. No, I have found something better! I have discovered the stuff of LEGEND. For I have acquired... THESE!”

“…a handful of pens?” Tenten asked dryly.

“Perhaps they allow one to write out the deaths of other mortals in a special notebook?” Lee asked.

“No, Lee,” Gai said gravely. “I lost that notebook during my last move. These- THESE were sold to me by a most trustworthy vagrant! He informed me that, not only do they improve your STRENTH and STAMINA- but they may possibly allow you to use MAGIC!”

“…ma...” Tenten’s mind tried to- couldn’t quite- wouldn't-

“GAI-SENSEI!” Lee cried, tears running down his face. “You mean I may finally be able to match my peers in their most wondrous ninjutsus?”

“YES, LEE!” Gai cried, hugging his student. “And possibly even SURPASS THEM, my most bright and wonderful student! For if you can meet them on even ground with taijutsu alone, how much more will you excel with MAJUSTU?”



“GAI-SENS-“ thump. “Ow!”

She’d never been able to actually knock Lee out with her bat. Pity, that.

“Gai-sensei,” Tenten asked carefully. “Haven’t you always told us there is no such thing as a free power boost? And that taking shortcuts leads to failure?”

“Your memory EXCELS, my talented assassin! But indeed, these are not, as you imply, power boosts! The most honest transient assured me that it simply draws out the Fire Of Your Soul! And you, my beloved apprentices, are most undoubtedly FULL OF YOUTH! This can only bring you to even greater heights of BURNING RADIENCE!”


Tenten unsealed her bat.

“Give me a pen,” Sasuke demanded. “My passion is nothing short of infinite, and my will, that of an iron fortress.”

“Sasuke-chan!” Tears rolled down Gai’s cheek. “Take this red one! Let its flames spur you forward! Lee, I grant you the yellow one, for the sun in your eyes, and the warmth you bring to my heart! I shall, of course, take the green one.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Tenten objected. “There’s only three pens!”

“Indeed!” Gai cried. “For you, Tenten, I purchased this beauteous rose, only fitting for a kunoichi of your stature!”


“Now, hold these token in the air, and say the words found deepest in your hearts! Ready?”

Narutos everywhere stopped and shuddered.

“Naruto?” Hinata asked back at the bridge, “What is it?”

“Something terrible is about to happen,” Naruto said grimly.

Halfway across the sea, the Reis froze alongside Naruto’s clones and straightened. “The space-time continuum,” they droned. You could tell they were terrified by a slight lift in the brow. “It is warping. We shall continue this another time.”






Neji, Kiba, and Shikamaru stared at the world rippling around them.

"What's happening?" Kiba asked as several colors he didn't know about danced by the numbers.

Shikamaru considered his joint for a moment, and sighed. “Troublesome. Who slipped something in?”

"No, dude... it’s the fabric of the universe, the fabric of the universe, it’s..." Neji trailed off, watching everything in fully-dimensional Byakugen, "It's... it's changing..."

Shikamaru scratched his head. 'I thought I remembered something about that being bad... like black holes...? Or something."

"More like... impossible..." Neji said. "Fate... the fates themselves are reweaving. See that thread right there?" He pointed into the fifth dimension.

"Smells kinda weird," Kiba said.

"That's my cousin. See that thread right there?"

"Smells weird, too."

"That's that blonde kid on her team."

Shikamaru peered at the two threads. "They look kinda like they're... actually now it's not so kinda... and now... okay, never mind. Tch, troublesome..."

Neji was turning bright red. "That's never happened before."

"'s like you said, man," Kiba leaned back into Akamaru. "Th' world's a'changin'..."

"Nice..." Tenten turned, checking herself out. Very nice indeed, if she said so herself! True, the mask could get a little annoying, but the cape had style, and she could feel the protective... the protective... magic, she forced her mind to say. As much as she tried to ignore it, she knew it on an instinctive level now. Just like she know how to pluck a rose out of thin air and make it pierce stone. Now that was a cool trick. She glanced at the others and smirked.

"Oh. My. God!" Ino squealed. She and her team had come to investigate the source of the disturbance. "Sasuke-kun looks so cute!"

"What?" Chouji asked. "What do you-GYAH-AH!"

"What... what the hell is this?!" Sasuke-chan cried raggedly.

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee cried for real, tears flooding the ground. "I can feel it! The power thrums deep within me! I am now overflowing with the power of LOVE!"

"Why... the hell... are we wearing... dresses?" Sasuke ground out. "And why the f*** am I THE ONLY ONE WHO TURNED INTO A GIRL?!"

"Oh, I dunno, Sasuke-chan, I don't really see a difference," Tenten said, grinning.

Lee stared intently at Sasuke. "...I must agree with Tenten-chan, Sasuke-chan. What do you mean by 'turned into' a girl?"

Sasuke screamed.
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