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The Author as a Lesbian - Season 3

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This story is No. 3 in the series "The Author as a Lesbian". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: The results of doing the right thing. D/J/J

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Daria(Current Donor)DeacBlueFR181326,340486,8045 Dec 115 Dec 11Yes

Episode Thirteen

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are owned by Glenn Eichler and MTV; no infringement is intended, and no money is being made. Also, close paraphrasing and some verbatim use from various episodes, again, no infringement intended.

Daria and Jane leaned back against the wall of the Zon, Daria's hand on her cane. "I honestly never thought that they'd get this far, did you?" asked Jane.

"Eh, it was always if they wanted it enough. And having someone as pretty as Jen and her voice up there helped, a lot, too." Daria crossed her arms, and they listened to the Spiral singing.

Jen: Who shot the hippies?

Chorus: Who locked them in a zoo?

Jen: Who gagged the beatniks?

Chorus: Who filled their mouths with glue?

Jen: Who crushed the bohos?

Chorus: Who turned their work to poo?

All: Hey, Mr. Normal, it was you!

Daria smiled at Jen, then noticed that Jane was looking off to her left. "Hey. Hey!" she said, bumping her girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, hon. It's just that guy was staring at me."

"And I can see how that pains you. Let's go to the bathroom and give him someone else to obsess about."

Jane sighed. "Okay."

Once they came back, Daria nudged Jane. "Looks like he did."

Following Daria's finger, Jane saw that the guy had indeed started talking with someone else, a girl with strawberry blonde hair, and - "Be quiet, Dar!" she whispered into her fiancé's ear. Then, grabbing Daria's hand, they walked up quietly behind the couple. The girl was talking a mile a minute.

"And I designed the band's outfit, though my sister's girlfriend did the banner and the CD cover. Did you see how they attract attention, are easy to move in, and are cool and simple to wear? Those are going in my portfolio." He whispered into her ear. "I love convertibles. Do you have one?" Before the boy could say anything, Daria came up and tapped her on the shoulder.

"So did you slip Mom and Dad's leash, Sis?" Daria asked with a smile.

"They said something about forgetting their earplugs, and went to the car for a bit," Quinn replied. "Tom, this is my sister, Daria, and her girlfriend, Jane Lane. Daria, this is Tom...I don't know your last name."

"Sloane, Tom Sloane," he said, holding out his hand.

"Daria Morgendorffer," she said, taking it. "Now what was this I heard about a convertible?"

He held his hands up. "I don't have one...unless you consider my Pinto with the rusting roof one."

"Only if you can roll up sheet metal at a moment's notice," said Jane.

"I was telling Quinn how much better this band is then when I heard them last year," said Tom.

Jane smiled and nodded. "Yeah, Daria finally gave them the kick in the ass they needed."

"That cute blonde joining them didn't hurt, either," he said with a smile. Seeing both Jane and Daria smiling smugly in return, he asked, "What?"

Quinn snorted delicately. "Oh, Tom, they're just happy that someone is complimenting their girlfriend."

"Their-?" His countenance cleared up. "Oh." He turned to Jane. "So you're the artist?"

Jane nodded. "Do you have a piece of my artwork, yet?" When he looked confused, she said, "I meant, have you bought a CD yet?" He grinned and held one up.

While they had been chatting, Daria and Quinn had been having a conversation of their own, consisting completely of gestures and facial expressions. At the end, Daria turned to Jane and said, "Honey, do you remember that Jen had talked about a hem coming loose? Would you tell Quinn about it while I talk with Tom, here, for a moment?" Jane nodded and took Quinn's elbow, while Daria walked a few steps away, leaning on her cane, and gestured for Tom to follow her.

When he came within talking distance, she put her hand on his shoulder. "Look, Tom, I saw you looking at Jane earlier." When he opened his mouth, trying to say something, she shook her head. "No worries on that score. I know Jane. Let's just leave it at that. But then, within a few minutes, you're very close to my sister. My underaged sister. I'll grant you that she'll be of age within a year, and if you're our age, that should be all right. But she's thinking you might be The One." Daria saw the shock on his face, and grinned. "She may be right. Quinn's very good with people, and she's likely dated ten times as many people as the two of us, combined." Daria, remembering the last weekend, shut up.

"At her age?" Tom asked.

"Yep. For about a year, she had multiple dates a night. She's off that, now, because she found something else to interest her."

"Fashion," Tom nodded.

"Exactly. And you should know that she thinks that you're slumming. Anyway, what I was trying to say was, if you're just looking for a companion for the night or week, you should find an elsewhere to be, as the show says. If you're looking for something with Quinn, be prepared to make it long term. Because if you just use her, I will find way to make you regret it. With or without a shovel." Daria ended with a grin. "Do we understand each other?"

"I think I can work with that," he said. "I think I'll go for the long-term payoff. Everyone in your family seems to be someone of substance."

She shrugged. "We try." A thought struck her. "Oh, a hint, be sure to complement the band's clothes, because -"

"-she designed and made them, and it's the Inaugural CD kickoff party," he finished. "She said, I listened," he explained. "She also said that you were a major help, both on the lyrics and in strategy."

Daria blushed. "I didn't -"

"I warn you, I've read the CD insert. Every new song has you as one of the lyricists. So I kind of doubt that you had nothing to do with the strategy." He looked up. "Why don't we take you back to your girl and my possible girl?" With that, he escorted her back.

"Finally!" said Jane when they walked up, and Daria smiled at Quinn. "It's almost time for -" she was interrupted by a loud squeal from the speakers.

Jen was at the mic. "Would Daria, Quinn, Jake, and Helen Morgendorffer, Stacy Rowe, and Jane Lane please come up on stage?" she said. As they made their way to the stage, she continued. "As most of you know, this is the kickoff party for our new CD. Every one of the people I just called up is family, and has made a big difference in how we got here!" She was about to say something, but Jake, who had just come on stage, said something in her ear. "Super cool! My girl Daria's dad, Jake, who happens to be our business manager, just told me that we've sold out of CDs tonight! Awesome! Just remember that you can get more from the net at! Anyway, we're going to do a song that's really special for our family here - Freakin' Friends!" And with that, the Spiral pounded out -

when the aliens come
when the death rays hum
when the bombers bomb
we'll still be freakin' friends
when the whip comes down
when they nuke the town
when dead clowns can't clown
we'll still be freakin' friends

freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends

Jen took the mic and went by each of their family:
when the skeeter bites
lightning hits our kites
when we miss our flights
we'll still be freakin' friends
when the number's called
when the garden's walled
when my tire's bald
we'll still be freakin' friends

She and Trent sang together:
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends

Nick came up and sang, looking at Max:
i was halfway down the plank
had a stick against my flank
then you pulled up in the tank
rock on!

Trent took over, singing from his spot at the center, looking at each of his family:
when we're parched with drought
and we can't catch trout
when my voice gives out
we'll still be freakin' friends
when the razor cuts
when they torch the huts
when i hate your guts
we'll still be freakin' friends

And everyone joined in the last chorus:
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends
freakin' friends, freakin' friends
'til we come to bad ends we're freakin' friends!

The End

You have reached the end of "The Author as a Lesbian - Season 3". This story is complete.

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