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Superhero Ex Machina

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Deus Ex Machina: Not For Gods Only". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Here he comes to save the day! If the guy with a red cape, protruding antennae, and underwear worn on the outside doesn’t get slaughtered first by a very annoyed vampiress, that is.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > General(Current Donor)ManchesterFR1312,127051,61831 Dec 1131 Dec 11Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and DC Comics characters are the property of their original owners.

Even in the midst of a life-or-death battle tonight inside the Sunnydale High library, a dimensional portal suddenly appearing among the combatants will doubtless get their attention. It’ll certainly do this when all there now heard from the circular doorway glowing with mystical energies a man’s very panicky voice screaming, “Gangway! Coming throooooough!

An instant later, someone running much faster than the witnesses ever thought possible (not merely in a flat-out sprint, but as if his pumping legs were so uncontrollably working away that the rest of his body was desperately trying to catch up) now burst out of the portal collapsing after him, sped across the room, and ran right into the far wall.


After everyone else there finished wincing, they went back to energetically trying to kill each other during the big showdown between the Scooby Gang and Drusilla accompanied by Angelus’ minions. This meant they all ignored the newcomer painfully extricating his battered body out of the impression he’d made into the wall, staggering a few steps back while brushing plaster fragments off his green costume, and quietly whimpering to himself, “Owie.”

Still, mere things like possibly ruptured body organs and multiple bone fractures couldn’t keep down for long such a maniac personality as that possessed by the character bearing the self-awarded heroic designation of Ambush Bug. Or, as the rest of the inhabitants in the entire DC universe preferred to identify this dreaded individual, “Oh, no, not him!

Looking eagerly around at the absolute chaos currently taking place in his new location, the man in the green full facemask tried to identify the players in today’s game show of ‘Beating The Absolute Crap Out Of Each Other’, as presented by the makers of Sugar-Plus Crunchies, the Breakfast of 100% Tooth-Rotted Champions! Happily burbling to himself, Ambush Bug announced, “Wow, Alex, I’ll take the Teen Titans knockoffs for $1000! Yessir, feelin’ confident here, seeing as those kids fighting the monsters have simply got to be some kind of junior hero group. I don’t see the plucky main character, but we have the faithful comic relief, the redhead who secretly yearns for the guy but can’t admit it, the brunette hottie with an attitude, and their adult mentor, all kicking ass and taking names! As for their opponents, it’s the usual gang of villains and-- YOWZA!”

Off to one side of the room, Drusilla the insane vampiress was just about to draw her sharp thumbnail across the jugular vein of Kendra Young’s throat. This Slayer had just earlier been hypnotized by the undead seer into standing immobile and allowing the neck of the dark-skinned girl to be slashed without any resistance whatsoever. However, right before Drusilla was about to let loose all the lovely, lovely red blood, she had someone insistently tap her shoulder from behind, while at the same time a very enthusiastic voice bellowed from only an inch away into her left ear, “Hey, honey, if you and your partner are gonna carry out the kinky stuff right here and now, could you do me a favor and hold off for a few seconds, until I get a video camera and tape it for posterity?”

Drusilla hadn’t been expecting this at all. Which was something that had never happened to her before. The vampiress’s predictive powers, although constantly filtered through her insanity, had always shown Drusilla what to anticipate around herself, ranging in time to weeks ahead to several seconds in the future, at the bare minimum. Now, she’d been taken totally by surprise, and Drusilla didn’t handle it very well. Letting out a terrified shriek while also jumping a foot straight up in the air, the unliving woman spun around in mid-leap to land staring in shock at the man with the all-over green body stocking and quivering antennae sticking up from the forehead of his concealing mask, who was presumably looking back at her through his obscuring goggles.

Still gaping at the strange person who’d interrupted her murder of Kendra, Drusilla unthinkingly tried to divine the results of their unpredicted encounter, only to then immediately let out another, much louder scream, this one of utter agony. She also hurriedly clapped her hands to the sides of her head, which now felt as if it was about to explode with pain. There was good cause for all this sudden torment to the vampiress. A seer like herself required clairvoyant stability from the persons she met to produce successful foresight in dealing with them, akin to the necessity of an ordinary human requiring an unshattered mirror to see an intact reflection.

However, if you actually asked him, Ambush Bug would cheerfully respond with the news he wasn’t sure himself what he’d be doing, acting, or feeling in the next five seconds -- and just to prove this, right in the middle of his answer, there’d be a joyous whoop of, “Look! Bunnies!”

It all resulted in Drusilla the vampiress, one of the most horrific monsters in existence, a former member of the Scourge of Europe which had cut a path of bloody carnage throughout this continent, currently in a situation akin to a music-lover with perfect pitch being locked inside a broom closet with a fourth-grade musical student. Who, despite presently suffering from a severe attack of hiccups, sees their situation as the perfect opportunity to demonstrate their recent shaky mastery of the melody known as the ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’. On their preferred instrument of a bass tuba, which just happens to share the cramped space with them.

Two seconds later, a frantic Ambush Bug was running for his life around the school library, yelling in fear as a lurching creature of the night hot in pursuit futilely slashed at him with her nails. The only reason Drusilla hadn’t already caught and massacred her prey had to do with her being decades out of practice in gutting an hapless victim without first savoring it psychically. She seemed to be swiftly improving, though, which lead to Ambush Bug shouting at the guy in charge, as he dashed past this older man locked in combat with another vampire, “Help! Mayday! Free beer! A little advice here, please!”

Rupert Giles was having enough of his own troubles to care all that much about someone else he’d never met before. Dodging a clawed swipe at his head, the Englishman irritably snapped, as the unknown idiot doubled back on his tracks with a snarling Drusilla still closing in after this pillock, “Bloody hell, don’t you even have a stake, man? Stop bothering me, and use it on her!”

Trying an unsuccessful jab with his rapier through his foe’s glowing-yellow right eye, Giles didn’t bother paying all that much attention when from behind a rather doubtful, “Okaaaayyy…” was delivered. Even when this trailed-off acquiescence ended with a mystifying “Pop!” noise.

A very short time later, everyone in the library had mutually declared an informal truce among each other, as they all gawked at what was now taking place in this room. Even Drusilla was standing stock-still, a look of absolute disbelief upon her beautiful face as she incredulously regarded the silly person across from herself. Cocking his green head to one side in evident thought, Ambush Bug decided to adjust his aim, so he plucked another thawed beefsteak from the armload of meat cradled in his left arm, and he tossed this floppy slice of protein directly at Drusilla’s chest.

Hitting this undead female’s body with a smacking sound, the animal flesh ineffectually bounced off and fell to the floor, with Drusilla beginning to produce a smoldering gleam of pure fury within her namesake dewy eyes. Implacably stepping forward, the vampiress shifted into game face, a clear sign that fun and games were over. Hastily dropping the rest of the unused steaks onto the library floor, Ambush Bug also rapidly backpedaled, looking around for someone to suggest his next course of action. At that moment, the superhero caught sight of an exasperated face being shown by the mature man whose last bit of advice hadn’t been all that great, but, hey, even the best baseball players were satisfied with getting a hit every three out of ten tries at the plate!

“Yo, stuffy British accent fella! You got anything else?” yelped Ambush Bug, trying not to glance at the formerly pretty lady who was about to rip him into tiny pieces any second now.

Rubbing his temples due to the abrupt headache he’d just developed there, Giles sighed, “Chopping off their heads, completely destroying their hearts, and using holy water tends to work! There’s also the option of putting vampires in direct sunlight!” Standing peacefully by the aggravated Watcher, this man’s previous adversary firmly nodded his undead head in agreement.

Ambush Bug’s antennae instantly shot up stiff and straight, with those present who were familiar with 20th-century popular entertainment mentally noting an imaginary ‘Boing!’ sound effect of abrupt realization at seeing this. Next came a satisfied exclamation from this green-clad man, “Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?!”

Nobody there had time to wonder about this, as they then heard and watched something very strange. First came three “Pop! Pop! Pop!” sounds in quick succession. During these bizarre noises, Ambush Bug vanished into thin air, he popped into existence again standing right behind Drusilla, and after swiftly putting a gloved hand upon her shoulder, both persons once more disappeared totally from sight.

Before anyone else remaining in the library could actually react, a rattle of even more “Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop” rippled throughout the library, with every double set of the audio explosions marking the departure tonight of one of the Scooby Gang’s enemies from their home turf. All the younger people and also Rupert Giles now boggled at the completely demon-free area, until their attention was caught by something else which was suddenly of much more immediate importance.

An actual swaggering “Pop!” then announced the return of Ambush Bug, who was fully prepared to bask in the grateful esteem of the rescued group of teenagers and their adult advisor. The latter being the one who’d given ol’ AB the inspiration of teleporting all those fanged nasties halfway across the world into the center of the Sahara Desert. You wanted sunlight, you got sunlight there, oodles and oodles of it.

Unfortunately, nobody was paying the slightest bit of notice to the abruptly deflated man, who wandered over to where these people were anxiously clustered around one of their own. Rupert Giles now heard an all-too-familiar voice from behind ask curiously, “So, what’s the deal with Miss Chocolate?”

Not taking his eyes away from where a worried Xander was waving his hand in front of Kendra’s absolutely blank face without producing any beneficial effect, the Briton absently replied, “She’s still under the hypnotic influence of Drusilla. We need to bring her out of it slowly and carefully, or there may be repercussions--”

Much faster than an interrupted Giles or the rest of the Scoobies could act in response, an irrepressible Ambush Bug, never one to give a second thought to anything he maniacally decided to do, then chortled, “No problem, people! See you soon!” while his nearest hand shot out to fall onto Kendra’s unmoving shoulder.


The first thing a Jamaican Slayer became aware of was the overwhelming sounds of operating car and truck engines, tires rolling over asphalt, honking horns, and finally a large number of nearby people clapping and cheering. The next impression Kendra got after opening her eyes to look at extremely close range into a complete stranger’s face was the pair of warm lips this man was pressing firmly against her own.

In the busy center of New York’s Times Square even just before dawn, two people were re-enacting the famous 40’s black-and-white picture of a pair of celebrants expressing a generation’s joy at the end of World War II by giving each other a stupendous smooch.

The young black woman didn’t dare to move, not when Kendra had no idea what was going on, plus she was being held leaning back in a rather precarious posture by a set of strong arms. There was also the point that a very scorching kiss was making her toes curl in her boots…

For once in her solemn life of battling demons and other unholy creatures, Kendra Young impulsively decided she’d let a few more seconds pass before breaking free, and to also wait until then to see whether she should be angry about what was happening to her.

Mmmm… Make that a few more minutes.

The End

You have reached the end of "Superhero Ex Machina". This story is complete.

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