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The Chosen One

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This story is No. 2 in the series "The Guardian Series". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: I feel lost. All I do is get up, take my medicine, go to college, eat, call my mom, take my medicine and go to sleep. There has to be something more. (A Guardian 'Verse Fic)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anita Blake > Buffy-Centered > Alternate Universe
Stargate > Buffy-Centered
(Past Donor)LaneyFR1811,1211123,5611 Jan 121 Jan 12No
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Buffy and Angel people belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. Anita Blake belongs to Laurell K Hamilton. I don't own Stargate: Atlantis.

Warnings: This story will deal with mental illness. I am not a psychiatrist so I will no doubt get some things wrong. For that I apologise.

Timeline: This takes place in the Guardian 'Verse after However Long the Night. This fic will be confusing unless you've read the series. This is pretty much the beginning, when Buffy and Luke first meet and the three months that follow.

Spoilers: None for AB or Stargate. Season 6 and everything before for Buffy. Please Note: The events in Normal Again will be slightly AU in that Buffy was not asked to kill her friends in order to escape her schizophrenic world. She simply chose to return to the normal world.

Author's Note: This fic will for the most part be written in past tense (as opposed to the present tense I have written all of the others). The reason being is that I don't mind writing present tense for one-shots, but I prefer past tense for multi-chaptered fic (which is what this will be).

The Prologue will be the first of a few 'interlude' chapters which feature transcripts of Buffy and Dr Kate Heightmeyer's thereapy session. These are included simply to give you an idea of what Buffy is going through. The main story will be in regular format and will be two years in the future.



Transcript of psychotherapy session

Patient: Buffy Anne Summers (BS)

Doctor: Kate Heightmeyer (KH)

Date of session: 22 May 2004

.......

KH: Buffy, how are you feeling today?

BS: Fine. Fine. I'm good.

KH: Are you sure?

BS: Sure I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be?

KH: This is the first time in the two years since we've started these sessions that you've requested one voluntarily.

BS: Oh. Yeah. That.

KH: While I'm extremely pleased you feel comfortable enough to request this session, I don't think you would have done so if you were feeling fine.

BS: I, um... Yeah.

KH: Did something happen?

BS: Yes. No. Not really. I mean... God, I hate this!

KH: What do you hate, Buffy?

BS: Nothing. Everything. I... I don't know.

KH: Take your time, Buffy. I'm here for as long as you need me.

BS: I hate the world.

KH: Was there something you specifically hated about it, or do you just hate the world in general?

BS: I hate that magic exists in it, that there are vampires, lycanthropes, demons, faeries, witches and every other supernatural creature you can think of.

KH: Why?

BS: Because it makes everything confusing.

KH: In what way?

BS: I had a dream last night.

KH: You dreamed?

BS: Yeah. The first one I can remember since I woke up.

KH: What was the dream about?

BS: Dawn.

KH: Dawn Summers?

BS: The one and only. Well, maybe not the one and only as she doesn't really exist, but you know what I mean.

KH: What happened in the dream?

BS: We were at the magic shop. She was surrounded by candles, herbs and God knows what else.

KH: Were any of the others there?

BS: No, just Dawn. She looked a little older.

KH: Did she speak to you?

BS: Yeah.

KH: What did she say?

BS: She said she did a spell so she could communicate with me. She wanted to tell me that, even though it's been two years, she hasn't given up. She said that she's still working on a way to bring me back to them. I woke up not long after that and came to the sound conclusion that the world sucks.

KH: So the reason why you hate the world is because of your dream?

BS: Yeah. If magic didn't exist then it would be easier to dismiss it as a dream, but magic does exist and...

KH: It confuses you.

BS: Yeah. I mean, I know I was sick and I know everything that happened in Sunnydale wasn't real, but... The dream felt so real, and magic is real, but what if maybe the dream was real? What if this is some alternate reality where I went insane? What if this world isn't real? God! I hate this. Why couldn't aliens have exist instead? Aliens I could deal with. Well, unless they're the kind that bursts out of your stomach.

KH: Buffy, it's okay. Your confusion is completely understandable.

BS: Really? Tell that to my mom. If she knew I had this dream, she would be having a major case of the wiggins. She'll think that I'm regressing. I'm... I'm not regressing am I?

KH: Have you altered your medication in any way? Taken a lesser dose? Forgotten to take it altogether?

BS: No.

KH: Have you seen anyone from Sunnydale while you are awake?

BS: No.

KH: Buffy, I don't believe the dream is a sign that you're schizophrenia is returning.

BS: Really?

KH: Confusion aside, I don't think you would have contacted me if you were slipping back into your hallucinations. You would have gone along with what the Dawn in your dream said and waited for them to rescue you. I think the dream is simply your mind telling you that you're ready to deal with the more painful aspects of 'Sunnydale' and, perhaps, ultimately move on with your life.

BS: No, that doesn't make sense. I've been dealing with everything for two years. You know everything there is to know about Sunnydale and the Scoobies.

KH: That is true. You have been very open about everything that happened in your hallucinations. The only thing you haven't be open about, or at least very often, is how you feel about all of it now. Aside from discussing your inability to remember your dreams, you avoid talking about Dawn, Giles, Willow, Xander, Spike or Angel.

BS: What's to talk about? I made them up. They weren't real.

KH: But they felt real to you for a very long time, Buffy, and you would have experienced grief of some sort when you discovered they didn't exist. I think this dream is letting you know that you're ready to deal with it now.

BS: Maybe.

KH: How do you feel when you think about them or about the life you believed you lived in Sunnydale?

BS: I miss them, every day. I thought it would fade, you know, after time, but it hasn't. I still miss them. I try to make friends, but everyone I meet falls short. They're either not smart enough, funny enough, English enough... I just... It hurts thinking about them and talking about them.

KH: That's understandable.

BS: Yeah, well, it sucks.

KH: What else do you miss?

BS: I... I miss being The Chosen One.

KH: The Slayer?

BS: I don't miss being The Slayer so much as I miss having a purpose, being needed. Towards the end of everything, I hated being The Slayer. It was so hard, so painful, but... I miss having people need me. I miss being able to protect people. I miss being unafraid.

KH: You wish you had the power to protect yourself?

BS: Myself, my parents, Pike, the cute guy across the hall from my apartment... I hate knowing that I can't go out at night because my parents will wig. I hate that vampire are way more creepy than the ones I made up. Again, why couldn't it be aliens instead of supernatural creatures?

KH: You feel powerless.

BS: Actually, I feel lost. All I do is get up, take my medicine, go to college, eat, call my mom, take my medicine and go to sleep. I... There has to be something more.

The End?

The author is currently looking for one or more beta readers for this story. If you are interested, please email the author or leave a private review.

You have reached the end of "The Chosen One" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 1 Jan 12.

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