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Still Not Fair

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This story is No. 23 in the series "Wishlist 2011". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Why Xander had to go rescue Andrew from Hogwarts - sequel to So Not Fair

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Xander-CenteredMissEFR131891084,6582 Jan 122 Jan 12Yes
Prompt/Prompter: DeepBlueJoy Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Harry Potter

Notes: Sequel to So Not Fair, as per reviewer request.

Disclaimer: Don’t own or claim rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Harry Potter


This was a bad idea. No: this was the mother of bad ideas. In fact, bad ideas had littered, and it was now the grandmother of the spawn of bad ideas.

It was that bad.


They had sent him to Hogwarts. (Why Hogwarts? Was ‘Porcine Skin Problems’ too wordy? Was ‘Pigbumps’ not catchy enough?) And if that weren’t bad enough, let’s repeat: they had sent him to Hogwarts, AKA, the really magical place. He, Xander ‘don’t speak Latin in front of the books, please’ Harris. Oh, sure, he’d been involved in spells before, and some of them had even been successful: now calling the Joining spell into evidence. But the fact remained that he didn’t have a magical bone in his body. Not a bit, flammable books aside, of magic within him.

And why? To rescue Andrew. Oh, and pick up that potion that he’d gone to Pigbumps to fetch in the first place. Two jobs for the price of one really nervous, wary of the next bit of magic, Watcher … type … person.


So not fair. It wasn’t his fault, honest! So he was a little excited; people should know this about him by now, and make allowances. And this? Too far! No, actually, Professor Snape (insert snooty voice here) had gone so far beyond too far that too far was a fading dot in the side mirror, and they had just left the city limits of far-too-far, that’s how far Professor Snape (again with the snooty voice) had gone.

And he’d used magic on him. (He was so calling Willow down on their collective asses for perverting the image of magic users worldwide. That’d teach them.) ‘Cause stringing someone up in their underwear was … was … bad! And it’s not like he’d known Professor Snape was in the shower when he’d come in with his brilliant idea of setting up cross-training days and maybe getting himself assigned as liaison to Hogwarts, and even the Ministry of Magic. (Not that he would ever put himself forward, but he was the one sent here in the first place, and, well, he would humbly accept the honour when it was put before him. As one does.) He had only been trying to help.

He raised his head as the door opened, and almost cheered: he was saved! The White Knight was here to rescue him!

Wait, what? What was Xander doing here? Wasn’t he supposed to avoid magical-type places, what with the various things that always happened to him? Ooh, and that wasn’t a good expression on his face. His mouth was all twisted up, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose, just like Giles did that time with the Imperial Codex and the wet wipes. Which, again, not his fault. There was a sigh, and Xander turned to His Snootiness, opened his mouth, and, behold, he spake!


Xander turned to Tall, Dark and Broody (hey, that sounded familiar.) “What did he do?”

“He interrupted my shower,” Snape glowered at the young miscreant.

“I didn’t know he was in the shower,” Andrew whined back straight away. “I thought it was the door to his potions lab!”

“Where I could have been at a very delicate point in the making of a very volatile potion,” Snape shot back, “when you barged in so excitably that the door banged against the wall. Have you no sense of decorum? Oh,” he sneered, “I forgot: you’re American.”

Xander sighed. “I really feel I should protest that, but, yeah…” He contemplated, briefly, the possible effectiveness of puppy eyes on someone like Snape, then gave up. “Let him down.”

Snape glared at the dark-haired American.

“I mean it, Sevvie,” Xander growled, “let him down. Nicely,” he added.

Snape scowled at Xander then suddenly beamed at him, a truly horrifying sight. “I console myself with the image of you under my private tutelage as I instruct you in potions and the Defence Against Dark Arts.”

Xander glared back at the wizard then sagged. “Yeah, yeah, yuck it up, wanna-vamp.”

Andrew looked at the two dark-haired men in front of him. “Xander? Is there something I should know?” he asked carefully.

Xander pulled himself up to his full height, and straightened his shoulders. “It just so happens that,” he took a breath, and quickly mumbled, “I’m a wizard.”

Andrew sputtered. “You … you’re …”

Snape considered the wordless, gaping, young magician. He turned to the pouting man beside him then back again, and smiled. He waved his wand, and Andrew landed, clothed, on the ground. “You are free to go, Mr Wells. The potion is on the bench there, and please advise Mr Giles that Mr Harris will be remaining at Hogwarts to finish his education.”

Andrew looked at Xander, who was now slouching and pouting beside Professor Snape. “Xan?”

Xander sighed heartily. “Yeah, apparently I’m a wizard somehow, which is why demons like me, and I set the book on fire, and all that. Sevvie, here,” he indicated with his thumb, “figured it out, and decided I need to be trained, all that. But if you think for a moment,” he whirled on Snape, “that I’m wearing a dress you’ve got something else coming.”

Andrew whined. Xander got to wear a robe? So not fair.

The End

You have reached the end of "Still Not Fair". This story is complete.

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