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Xander, Jack, Maybourne...

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Ficlet(s)

Summary: And why the hell is everyone so surprised that any two of them (never mind all three) are related?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Xander-CenteredAlexanderMcphersonFR1388,02134037,62613 Jan 1215 Jan 12No

Chapter One

Disclaimer. Done. Oh you want a full one? I dont own much. A computer, some music (though apparently I can't make copies for my ipod, for in the car, or to go into an mp3 collection on my hard drive thereby no having to change cd's etcetera etcetera). So obviously I can't own BtVS. I mean, sure I'd love to,... if I did, I'd be rich and would have gotten Greywizard and Methos to write the show, and Angel never would have gotten his own spin-off. Maybe Faith with her watcher sidekick puppy Wes, whom after awhile becomes less pompous and more bare-knuckle-boxer or something. Hell, Oz would have gone with after breaking up with Willow after she met and fell in love with Tara, and did it so she could be with Tara and not because he felt betrayed. (oh no, he just didn't think Tara would like to share. Or was to shy to with a guy.)

hmm. You wanted a full disclaimer, I hereby claim dis disclaimer full. Meh.

--

Ficlet Summary: What if Soldier Guy didn't have sunnydale army bases' codes? Oh sure, procedures and stuff, but not the codes... afterall, those change often, or should do. So how did he get into the armoury then?... Here's one idea. And no, this was not written to be a crossover until I had the brilliant idea of making two people who hate each related, the way I wrote here. Heh.

--

"Hey, yeah I need a favour."

"..."

"Dont worry, I can cover-"

"..."

"No, she wont' be a problem for this favour. If Anything I can call it a birthday present."

"..."

"Yeah. I need a Rocket Launcher."

"..."

"AT4 or stinger. Something that can turn a big superstrong 'no weapon forged can kill me unless it's a thousand swords by a thousand hands hacking me to pieces but still I dont die and can be reassembled ala mr potato head' into mush."

"..."

"Yes I'm being Serious. The Judge."

"..."

"Hey, you okay, you sound odd."

"..."

"What, no I got a plan. you know me, one with the plans."

"..."

"Alright, but if the Air Force napalms the town even though we won, I'm so coming back from the dead and haunting you."

"..."

"Yes yes. Okay, I got a pen. Right... Sunnydale Army base... armoury code..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Alright, got it. What if anyone catches me doing it and doesn't believe that I'm..."

"..."

"What, really?"

"..."

"Well, I thought that was just other guys saying what they wanted to be the case, not what they think..."

"..."

"... right, it's not the case with most, but some army idiot would believe it. Okay."

"..."

"Cordelia."

"..."

"No, she knows not to touch stuff like that. Unlike most people here, she's alive now due to having that oh-so-rare common sense beneath her masks of vanity and general stupidity, rather than just because it's not yet been her turn to be some vamp snack. Believe me, vamps, and more have already tried."

"..."

"Do you want me to tell the Slayer that no she can't touch my gun?"

"..."

"Stop laughing. Last time I tried to use a gun in the fight, she tore it out my hands and turned it into a ball of metal, literally red hot from the sheer heat bending it produced. She got second degree burns from holding it before she dropped it on her left foot, although neither bothered her after five minutes of that slayer healing."

"..."

"Whatever."

"..."

"No, I'll call the Colonel. I know how he gets worried."

"..."

"Can't you two get along? I mean, really, it's not like he's not guilty of morally-gray actions to protect the planet himself. I remember when I was eight and saw him take out that..."

"..."

"Yes, I do remember that incident, 'Rainbow pants."

"..."

"No need to mock my own fashion style sir. Anyway I got to go, I'm starting to get freaked out looks."

"..."

"See you at Easter, Cuz."

"..."

"Fine... See you, Harry."

--

"Hello?"

"..."

"Hey Xander. How's Sunnydale?"

"..."

"A Smurf?"

"..."

"Good."

"..."

"A Rocket Launcher? Where'd you get that? and why didn't you call me to get it legit?"

"..."

"WHAT? For Cryin' Out loud, you asked Maybourne? First... he's NID and a slimeball-"

"..."

"Shut up and Listen. And Second, how the hell did you get His Number!..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah, I'm still here."

"..."

"No, no I'm... I'm fine. Just a shock. I mean, not everyday that I learn my favourite nephew has a cousin on the other side of that family. Althought knowing that all the other Harris' are slimeballs too-"

"..."

"Hey, you're the one that kept calling them that."

"..."

"... Fine, I'll lay off on the digs at your oh-so upstanding example of a g-"

"..."

"I believe Sarcasm is very much required at this point to stay sane."

"..."

"Fine. So you dealt with the Smurf?"

"..."

"Buffy? You let that blonde haired valley girl handle a-"

"..."

"What do you mean, 'do you really want me to tell her she can't touch my guns again'?"

"..."

"Wow. Sucks to be you."

"..."

--

General Hammond frowned at the NID/Air Force colonel in front of him, and nodded at Jack who smiled... wait. He did a double take.

"Hey Harry, how are ya?"

"Good. No complaints. You?"

Jack shrugged. "The knees. Always the knees, right?"

"Indeed, as Teal'c likes to say."

"So... Cousin, huh?" Jack looked oddly pale now that Hammond was watching with a close eye on them...

"... Imagine my reaction when he told me about his 'Uncle'." Harry Maybourne replied with a shudder.

"Oddly enough, I pity you."

"Oh?"

"Xander doesn't let me say it about them when he can hear, but damn it, your and his family are absolute slimeballs. I'm just glad his apple fell far from that tree."

"... Yes,.. well..." He looked away. "Unfortunately our fathers have the sorts of connections that prevented me from removing him from that house years ago. And honestly? with how much he takes after you of all people? well, if either of us see's Fate, we know who to call."

Jack chuckled darkly. "Oh yes. No way my nephew's going to be treated like her bitch."

Hammond blinked as he made sense of all that... this 'xander' was Jack's nephew, but also Maybourne's cousin... but...

"I still don't know why Jess married that asshole." Jack spoke in wonder.

"She was 17 when they met. I hear it's a popular thing for girls to go for the 'dark and mysterious' guy. And Tony pulled it off well back when he was 25."

Jack blinked. "He was 25 when they met? But she was 19 when they married..."

"I know, the age rule."

Hammond frowned. "Age rule?" He asked curious, the only thing he could ask without breaking out into sweat at the idea that Jack's nephew had his luck, and the maybourne family connections..

"If she's not at least half your age plus seven, it's unhealthy. Applied to guys over 18, obviously." Jack replied.

"Imagine Xander's reaction to Buffy's own 'dark and mysterious' guy." Maybourne replied with a shudder.

"... who?"

"Liam, Angel, whatever he goes by now."

"But.. he's like in his third Century"

"Exactly."

"And Buffy was 16 when she first met Angel, according to Xander."

Maybourne looked ill. "And I would have staked him long ago, if I had gotten that call about you bringing Teal'c here not five minutes later than I had."

"... Damn."

Hammond couldn't take it now. "Your nephew fights Vampires?"

"Yessir. Saved the world already I think."

"He's got your skillset, your luck, and my willingness to go a bit on the morally-gray side to get the job done... Probably twice already." Maybourne chipped in with a wince.

"Your the one that got him a Rocket Launcher to use on Pappa Smurf."

Hammond felt that ulcer multiply.
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