Disclaimer: We don’t own anything other than the pure originality of the concepts in which to twist the characters of others. :)
Author note: First off, I AM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO POST THIS!!!! I was just lazy and very forgetful. But we are BACK!! The chapters WILL be coming slower then before, but they will be coming. The next chapter is already being worked on. So please enjoy!
Somewhere in Downtown L.A.:
The blonde knucklehead and his trainer settle down at a comfortable table at a small diner. The waitress comes to take their order. Andrew says loudly, “Do you have any ramen?” His eyes scan the menu hungrily.
The waitress looks at his bright orange and black jumpsuit awkwardly. “I’m afraid not. Can I get you anything else?”
“Do you have plain spaghetti noodles, chicken broth, pork chunks, and croutons?” Andrew inquires thoughtfully.
“We have croutons,” the waitress admits.
Giles nudges his student with his foot, “Order what’s on the menu. Don’t give this lovely young woman any more trouble than she already is having.” He smiles at her charmingly. She smiles back with fleeting interest before having to take the order of his pesky ward.
“I think I’ll have a burger and friends with a…” Andrew begins.
“You’re buying the milkshake if you get one,” Giles informs him.
“A water,” the blonde finishes weakly. “You promised me that you would treat, old man!”
Giles studies the menu briefly before ordering in French before instantly repeating it in English the most expensive steak dinner available with a tall glass of beer. She takes the order and hurries to take the order to the cook. After she leaves, the librarian Sannin replies smoothly, “I am treating you to a simple meal as promised.”
“I distinctly remember you promising that you would take me out to eat at the last stop before returning to Sunnydale,” Andrew practically shouts.
Giles retorts, “I am well aware. Keep your voice down.”
“I can tell you’re aware! You brought me to this extravagant buffet of cutting edge taste!” he gestures dramatically to the run down diner they are sitting in. “Then you make me pay for my own milkshake!”
“You aren’t paying for your own milkshake,” Giles points out. “So what’s the problem?”
“You are my problem!” Andrew growls in frustration.
They are interrupted by a young woman from a nearby table. “Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?”
Giles perks up, “Perhaps. I am well traveled.” He notices the guy next to her with their names tattooed on each others arms warily.
“I meant the outspoken guy,” she says. “I’m Lily. Don’t you go to Sunnydale High?”
Andrew nods, “Yeah. If you’re from Sunnydale, why did you leave?”
She takes the hand of the young man next to her. “I got involved with the wrong crowd and almost…got killed. I was so stupid back then. But Rickie met me and took me away from all that!” She sighs dreamily as she smiles at him. He smiles back lovingly.
Andrew says in a loud whisper, “Do you know a guy named Ford?”
“Yes!” she responds instantly. “He was the one who almost got me killed!”
“Ah, one of those,” he answers. “Well, I’m glad you’re doing okay.”
Giles interjects, “I’ve noticed a lot of older people hanging around town in the shadows. Do you know anything about that? There are also a lot of missing persons posters on telephone poles.”
Lily shrugs, “We’re just passing through right now. We’re staying at the inn nearby. You should see us before you go!” They agree.
Some time later, as they leave the diner, Giles grumbles, “I can’t believe you.”
Andrew grins cheekily, “I just made you keep your end of the deal.”
Andrew thinks before smiling mischievously, “Man, I’m still starving. We went through Las Vegas for gas, right?”
“That’s right,” Giles replies with growing caution.
“I would hate to let Mrs. Summers know what else happened. Like all the adult places you took me to and the way you wasted so much of my money!” Andrew continues cheerfully.
Giles deadpans, “All we did was get gas. Tsunade would believe me over you.”
Andrew grins evilly, “Really, Jiraiya? She said she’d kill you if you turned me into a pervert. I’ve read enough of your books to pick out the inscription on your tombstone when we get back if I wanted to.”
“You wouldn’t,” Giles states.
“Call my bluff,” smirks Andrew.
Four full course meals and an hour later, they leave.
As they walk out, Lily runs up to them. “I can’t find Rickie anywhere! He went to donate blood and never came back!”
Giles frowns, “Calm down, Lily. I’m sure we’ll find him soon. He’s probably just at the store buying you something nice. Go wait for him at the hotel.” She takes several deep breathes before nodding in agreement. The moment she is out of sight, Andrew has no need to wait for an order. Three dozen of himself appear and scatter throughout the town. A few minutes later, Andrew looks up at Giles with a deep frown. “What is it, Andrew?”
“We found an old man with Lily’s name tattooed on his arm. He looks like something happened to him. He’s dead,” Andrew looks like is he going to be sick.
Giles is led by his pupil to the corpse. Giles examines it carefully. “It’s Rickie. How did he age so fast? That’s impossible unless…” He frowns darkly and turns to Andrew, “Did anyone try to invite your clones anywhere?”
“There was one guy named Ken who tried to get me down to the Family Home for runaways. We brushed him off and kept looking,” Andrew responds. “There was a bunch of old people all over town saying ‘I am no one’ over and over again too. They were kinda creepy!”
“Andrew, you just found religion,” announces Giles.
“I did?” the boy asks in confusion. “When did this happen?”
“When you needed to get invited into the Family Home for runaways. Those kind of places are into religion. You’re getting in. When you find a way in, put chakra into this seal,” Giles explains, placing a paper seal in Andrew’s coat pocket. “This will reverse summon me from wherever I am.”
“It will make me appear,” sighs the Sannin.
“Ohhh! Okay,” Andrew says. “That sounds really boring though.” He is rewarded with a strong slap to the back of the head.
Fifteen Minutes Later:
Andrew is standing at the Home’s door with two large…employees standing in his way. Tears are running down his cheeks, “And the worst thing I ever did was to dump an ENTIRE cup of ramen down the drain without eating it because it was sitting out too long and got cold! I should have microwaved it!!” The two men glance at each other incredulously. “Please, I need to get in! I need forgiveness for my evil deeds!”
“Sorry, kid, but I don’t think you’re quite…bad…enough.”
Andrew wipes his tears and shouts, “I Wasted Ramen!! How bad do you have to be to get into this place? The Devil?? I’m coming in!” He leaps up, plants a foot on his chest, and plants other his foot into the side of the head. As the man begins to fall, he turns in midair and performs a perfect six hit combo to the partner’s face. He lands, performing a perfect 360 degree thrust kick to the man’s chest that sends him back through the door. He grins, “I feel better already! This place really works!” He runs in just in time to see the man trying to get up, but placing his hand into the baptismal waters. He slips in and disappears. Andrew cocks his head to the side inquisitively. “That’s a new one on me.”
He yells, “Geronimo!” and dives headfirst into the murky water.
The orange and black clad ninja rolls to his feet and stands in awe of the view. Flames burst up from pits and large metal machines are in constant motion. People wearing tattered clothing with blank looks in their eyes work the machines constantly. They range from teenagers to middle-aged adults. Two large demonic guards come up from behind and grab his arms. He struggles and shouts, “Hey! Let go of me!” He gets quiet when they show their massive whips in their free hands. He lets them lead him to a line of people.
A guard is going down the line with a large club. “Who are you?” he bellows.
The answer is usually, “I am no one.” Whenever someone says otherwise, he clubs them hard in the head until they answer correctly. He comes to the newcomer. “Who are you?” he bellows.
“I am Andrew Naruto Uzumaki, and you need a tic-tak because your breath Stinks!” Andrew shouts at the top of his lungs. “Time for you to meet my Master! Jiraiya!” He sends a surge of chakra through his entire body, easily activating the seal in his pocket. A poof of smoke later, Giles is sitting in a wooden chair sipping tea while reading a book in his other hand. He looks over his glasses at the demon guards.
Giles sighs, “How uncivilized. Slave labor.” At that moment, Ken walks out onto a balcony.
“Andrew! So good of you to join us. Don’t make trouble. You can’t escape from here. For every twenty years here, a few hours pass in your world.” He laughs maniacally.
Giles stands from his chair and clears his throat, “Release the prisoners, demon.” Ken starts laughing even louder. Giles slowly folds his glasses and puts them into his pocket along with the book. “I am afraid I didn’t make myself clear. That wasn’t a suggestion.”
“You are in my world and I have thousands of guards! There are only two of you. You are going to defeat me? You and what army?” Ken retorts scornfully.
Andrew shouts, “I thought you’d never ask. Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!” He makes his handsign and hundreds of himself appear. As one they shout, “Time to kick butt!” They scatter like an orange wave sweeping the area in all directions. The guards fall easily to their well placed kunai and the hundreds of glowing rasengans that send them flying. Ken turns to run and almost bumps into Giles.
The mild-mannered librarian states calmly, “You didn’t think I would just let you walk away from all this, did you?” Ken swings at him, only to have his arm caught and snapped in half. Ken flies over the balcony with a well placed fist to his face. He lands with a grunt and staggers to his feet. He pulls off his face and stares at all the scrapes and contusions on it. He stares up at Giles with his boney demon face showing.
“Do you know how long it took to make this mask stick? It took years just to make it!” Ken roars. He is silenced with the thud of a kunai to his forehead.
Andrew is at the entrance as the constant flow of clones in and out of the dimension with their passengers passes. He directs them into the human world as quickly as possible. The streets are suddenly flooded with people from all over the world who had disappeared into such homes. Giles sends dozens of man-sized toads after any straggling guards. Andrew shouts to his teacher, “The portal is beginning to close! We need to go now!”
Giles hops over the machinery to him and summons a small old toad. He orders, “Gather the rest of the slaves from this place and bring them to Ma’s house. Send them to me after you gather them all. We can’t stay here anymore or we’ll be trapped.”
“You got it, Jiraiya Rupert boy!” Dozens of shadow clones of Andrew scatter amongst the area while the two ninja and their passengers reverse their ‘baptism’ into that world. They get through just as it closes behind them.
The Next Day in Sunnydale at the Library:
As they step out of the car, Harmony pounces at the Librarian, “Giles!” He sidesteps and she hits the car door.
“Hi, Harmony,” he replies.
She pouts, “Why are you being so stand-offish? I haven’t seen you all summer!”
“That’s why,” he answers as he begins to walk away.
A chill goes up his spine when he hears her murmur under her breath, “I shall make you mine when I turn 18.” He tries to convince himself that it was his imagination. Andrew watches Dawn as she stands there quietly.
“Hi, Dawn! How have you been?” he asks with a smile.
She thinks about it, gives him a brief awkward hug, steps back again, and bows slightly, “I’m good.” Buffy is covering her face with her hand and muttering about her family.
“I want a report on my desk next week about the events that took place on your trip,” Joyce tells the other Sannin.
Giles smiles, “Interview Andrew. He’ll tell you all about it.”
“You didn’t make him into a Pervert…did you?” she asks. He can feel her killer intent radiating from her. He slowly and cautiously looks over at the blonde-haired young man. When Andrew gives him a thumbs up, he replies, “Of course not. That kid is incorruptible. You know Naruto.”
At the Welcome to Sunnydale Sign:
Kennedy steps out of the car and looks at the small town. “There is a Hellmouth under this dustball of a town?” she asks with distain.
“I’m afraid so. Our mission is to ensure that the other Slayer is doing her job. I’m sure they’re hiding something,” Wesley states in his arrogant way. He pushes his glasses up on his nose. “We’ll get to the bottom of it, whatever it is.”
“Maybe they really are hiding something,” Kennedy smiles. “I could use the exercise. I wonder how tough the other Slayer is.”
Andrew is skimming through one of Rupert Giles’ famous novels when he notices a strangely familiar scene. The hero creates hundreds of himself, saves gorgeous women from slavery, and they all want to thank the clones at once…He slams the book shut and yells, “Pervy Sage!!”
Giles peeks around the corner and responds, “Any and all situations and/or characters are purely fictional and if it relates to real people or events, it is a coincidence. The very beginning of the book says that.”
“And you are a Liar,” Andrew states. Giles smirks and goes back to his writing.