A Scientific Mistake
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER OR THE INCREDIBLE HULK. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER IS OWNED BY JOSS WHEDON. THE INCREDIBLE HULK IS A CREATION OF STAN “THE MAN” LEE AND IS OWNED BY MARVEL COMICS. ANYTHING THAT MAY OR MAY NOT ALSO APPEAR IN THIS WORK OF FAN FICTION IS OWNED BY SOMEONE THAT ISN’T ME. I MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROFIT OFF OF THIS WHATSOEVER.
A Scientific Mistake
“No whining, Xander.” Willow told her friend sternly. “You lost the coin toss fair and square so you are not going to go as some army grunt.”
“Alright, Willow.” He replied as he looked around the costume shop.
Oh, how he was mentally cursing the name of his high school principal after the amateur fascist had ordered them to “volunteer” to shepherd small children around for trick-or-treating. He had planned on using a set of olive drab Army clothes he had gotten at a military surplus store and simply buying a toy gun from the shop but that was no longer the case thanks to one toss of a coin. The prize was simple as the winner got to choose the loser’s costume. His intended costume for his red-haired friend was a Batgirl costume he thought would have looked good on her. Fortunately, his costume wasn’t embarrassing as it was simply a white lab coat with a pair of fake glasses and a blank name badge.
“You seem down, young man.”
Xander jumped and turned around to see an older man about the same age as his mentor/closet-person-that-could-be-termed-a-father-figure come up from behind him. He took a guess that the man was probably the costume shop’s owner.
“Don’t scare me like that,” He replied. “I’m kinda paranoid.”
“Sorry but you seemed to be a bit depressed and I don’t like to see someone depressed when they come into my store.” The man told him. “That isn’t what Halloween is about. It’s about imagining yourself as someone completely different than what you are normally. I don’t like any sad faces going out of my store.”
“I lost a coin toss with my best friend and she picked what I have right now as my costume.” Xander explained to him.
“I see.” The man said as he noticed the name badge and plucked it from the costume parts Xander was holding. “This shows a lot of promise. Did your friend tell you which scientist you had to be?”
Xander shook his head and the man took off for the back of the store. He thought the man seemed awfully amused but held in that thought as the man returned. The name badge now sported a pair of white labels that read : “Doctor Robert Bruce Banner”. A smile crossed Xander’s face which was shared by the shop’s owner.
“I take it that you approve.” The man said.
“Willow didn’t tell me that the scientist I was suppose to dress as had to be real.” Xander told him.
“All you will need now is a picture of yourself, perhaps from a school picture, and some glue and it’ll be set to go.” The man told him. “Have a very Happy Halloween, young man.”
Several Hours Later...
Kate Lockley managed to barely not piss herself when she heard the creature roar and hurl the Buick through the front glass window of a local café. The creature had the figure of a man who was an accomplished bodybuilder but only if you expanded the normal proportions several times over. A few brave patrolmen were firing their sidearms at the green behemoth but they might as well had been mosquitos attacking a bull elephant as it seemed to be only annoyed with them. The creature pulled a streetlight out of the ground effortlessly and hurled it at a pair of patrolmen who were lucky enough to get out of the way as the streetlight speared their patrol car.
“There is no way in hell we’re going to stop this thing!”
“Fuck SWAT! Where are the Marines?!”
She had been hearing cries from several officers that were similar to that. To be honest, she was agreeing with them. Everyone in the vicinity was thrown to the ground when the monster slapped his hands together and the resulting clap hit them all. She thought she heard a bone snap when her shoulder struck the car she was thrown into. The creature roared and leapt away just as a black SWAT van pulled up with a black man stepping out of it dressed in a SWAT uniform.
“Hondo, where the hell were you?” She asked him.
“I was trying to convince my men that we might have a snowball’s chance in Hell of surviving a fight with the fucking Hulk.” Hondo replied to her angrily. “Who in the hell do I fucking look like, Nick Fury?”
“No, because you would have already called the Avengers in to take care of their boy.” One of the SWAT members said to his commander.
“Shut the fuck up, Caudell.” Hondo replied.
Xander knocked on the front door of the Summers residence dressed in his costume. The costume shop owner had been kind enough to let him have a white lab coat and a pair of plastic framed glasses which Xander had used scotch tape to ‘repair’ them in several spots. The name badge had a school picture of him from last year glued onto it.
“Xander, nice costume.” Buffy said complimenting him as she let him into the house.
“Hello, my name is Doctor Robert Banner, you must be Lady Buffy. Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia; I am in awe of your beauty.” Xander replied.
“Thank you, Doctor Banner.” She said looking back at the staircase. “Wait till you see Willow.”
Instead of the costume that Buffy had intended, Willow came down the stairs in a ghost costume. Buffy seemed disappointed.
Sergeant Casper Cotton yelled out a curse as the white Cadillac impacted against his M1 Abram tank. He opened the outer hatch to check an apparent malfunction of the tank turret. The Cadillac had been impaled on the turret with the turret sticking out of the car’s roof.
“Inform Command of our current status.” He said.
A few moments later, he was given orders to pull out.
The Hulk was glad to see the tank leave. It meant there were fewer opponents to get in his way. He ran towards the nearest tank. It fired but the shot went wide as one of Murphy’s Laws of battle came into play as the fired shell struck one of the three other tanks that was with it. The emerald behemoth grabbed the tank by the barrel and yanked it off the ground before slamming the tank into the ground. Then, the Hulk emulated several Olympic athletes as he hammer tossed the tank into one of its companions. With those two tanks out of action, he ignored the tank that had been accidentally damaged by its ally and leapt after the other one. Defiantly, one of the soldiers had gotten onto the tank’s fifty caliber heavy machine gun and yelled out what could be called a battle cry as the Hulk’s feet came down on the tank. The tank crumpled in half and the Hulk stepped off of it to admire his work. BBBOOOOM!!
The damaged tank crew yelled out in triumph as they saw the Hulk get blasted away from the crumpled tank and into a nearby building. A roar from the Hulk silenced their triumph as the soldier manning the targeting camera let out a string of curse words.
“That ain’t even fair!” He yelled as his tank commander momentarily saw the Hulk holding a tanker trailer over his head before hurling it at them.
“GET—!” The commander yelled.
He never had the chance to finish his order. The tanker impacted against the tanker and spilled its contents as it ruptured. A minute spark was all that was needed before thousands of gallons of diesel fuel ignited in a spectacular fireball. The Hulk knew his battles weren’t over yet as his ears picked up the high pitched whine of jet engines.
Spike was ecstatic with Drusilla’s little prophecy about tonight. He hadn’t felt this good in years. He then noticed a look of terror on her face.
“Pet, what’s wrong?” He asked.
“Spike,” she said terrified. “there will be a doctor protecting the changed Slayer. Don’t make him angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.”
He walked away from her as he plotted his night out.
Luck had clearly been on his side as the Sphere had landed near a phone booth. The chrononaut got into the phone booth and dialed a number he had memorized years ago. A woman answered the phone.
“Conundrum.” He said stating his codename.
“Oh shit.” The woman exclaimed. If you only knew...
Frank thought to himself.
“Frank, report.” Bradley ordered him.
“What day is it?” Frank asked.
“Halloween, about six thirty pm now.” Bradley replied.
“Shit. In about three hours, Los Angeles is going to be attacked by something straight out of a comic book. A seventeen year old kid by the name of Alexander Lavelle Harris is going to become the Hulk soon.” Frank told his superior.
“Did you just say the Hulk, Frank?” Bradley asked.
Officer Brian O’Connor let out a painful grunt as he slid himself out of the overturned squad car. He couldn’t have believed that this was happening and wished that he had taken the bulletin he had heard earlier more seriously. The Hulk had kicked the back of the squad car and thankfully left it where is was as it continued its rampage through the city.
Doctor Robert Bruce Banner let out a sigh. He was still trying to wrap his head around what was going on. He had been talking to his cousin when he found himself somewhere in what looked like a California suburb at night. A redheaded female ghost babbling about something and a girl who acted like it was still the eighteenth century. After being led to what was suppose to have been the idiot girl’s house, he had to save some teenage girl who reminded him of Betty from her ‘boyfriend’ who had turned into some dog creature. Thankfully, he still had his Old Power Taser on him.
“Why the hell does Harris have a freaking phaser?!” Cordelia asked Willow.
“Relax Cordelia, you’re not really a cat.” Willow said trying to reassure the cheerleader.
“Did we go mental, Rosenberg?” Cordelia asked. “What is with them?”
“Buffy thinks it’s the eighteenth century and Xander is some kind of mad scientist.” Willow replied.
The last Harrier barely dodged the thrown object as it tried to fight off the Hulk. An alarm on his instrument panel indicated that his guns were completely dry and he knew there was nothing else he could do. The Hulk roared at him and tore a streetlight out of the ground. Like a javelin, the green giant hurled the streetlight at the Harrier. The pilot managed to eject as the streetlight tore through the aircraft.
Okay Bruce, this is a lovely situation. The idiot girl is now in the clutches of some vampire and your taser is somewhere in this abandoned warehouse.
Bruce thought to himself.
He glared at the bleached blond haired vampire. “Don’t make me angry.” He said taunting the vampire. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
This caused the vampire to look at him. “What did you say?” He asked.
“I said don’t make me angry.” Bruce replied. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
“Just so that I know,” he said. “who are you suppose to be, mate?”
“Doctor Banner.” Bruce replied.
Spike immediately released the idiot girl. “That’s it.” He said. “I am so bloody out of here.”
“Scared, Spike?” Angel asked.
“Of you, not on your life!” Spike exclaimed before he pointed at Doctor Banner. “Of him, you had better believe it. There is no bloody way that I’m pissing that bloke off just to kill the Slayer.”
“I’m with the NSA!” Frank yelled at the officer who dragged him into the police station.
The officer ignored him as Detective Stein approached. “What do you have?” He asked.
“Some drunk who claims he works for the NSA.” The patrol officer said. “I’m going to throw him into the tank to dry out.”
“Good call.” Stein replied before he walked away.
No matter what Frank could say, no one believed him.
A chill ran down Xander’s spine as he entered the backdoor of his home that went off from the kitchen. His mother lay on the floor. She was bleeding from her head. Weakly, she looked over at him.
“Xa..nder...” She said.
“Mom, I’m going to call the—” Xander began to say before a baseball bat cracked him in the back of the head.
He fell to the floor and held the back of his head in pain. A feeling washed over him that was oddly familiar but he couldn’t place it.
“I guess I’m gonna hav’ to teach y’ur dumb ass a lesson too.” His father drunkenly slurred at him.
“You did this to her.” Xander said to his father.
“Of course, the damned bitch wouldn’t bring me ‘nother beer.” Tony exclaimed before he kicked Xander in his son’s ribs.
As he cried out from the pain, the feeling hit him again and he recognized it. It was the same feeling Bruce Banner got as he knew he was going to change into the Hulk.
“Dad, you need to stop.” Xander said pleading with his father.
His father’s reply consisted of several more kicks to his ribs. Xander looked over at his mother who he was sure could see the green color that had enveloped his iris. He thought he heard her mouth something at him but he wasn’t sure what.
“I’ll stop when I’m good and ready.” His father said.
With his father’s kick to his head, Xander only saw a flash of green and then...nothing.
Tony Harris took a step away from his son as the boy began to convulse. Suddenly, he began to expand and his skin color swiftly became green. It was only seconds before a large green man now stood between him and his wife. Tony swung the bat at the large green man only for the man to grab the bat and squeeze it until the bat shattered into splitters. The green man kicked him in the chest sending him hurtling out of his house and onto the street. His head struck a nearby car and he laid there in pain trying to figure out what was going on.
The Hulk crouched down at the injured woman on the floor. Weakly, the woman held up a hand that stroked the Hulk’s cheek. She smiled at him.
“My little boy.” She said.
“Mom.” Hulk replied as he felt comfort from her touch.
“You’ve grown.” Jessica said as she felt her life begin to slip away. “I love you...”
The Hulk watched in horror as her life slipped away. He picked up the hand that had stroked his cheek and stroked it against his cheek again.
“Mom...Mom...MOM!” The Hulk roared as he looked to where he tossed the other human.
Tony watched as the green man jumped through his house’s roof and landed in front of him. The green man’s face was filled with rage and he knew that every bit was aimed at him.
“You’re not my son...” Tony said. That had to be the truth. There’s no way this thing could be my son.
He thought to himself.
The thing roared at him and grabbed the car he had been leaning against. Tony fell to the ground as the creature lifted it up over it’s own head. The last thing he saw was the car coming down on him.
Yet another plot bunny I had that is looking for a good home. I had this idea when I read “Nature Unleashed” (Great story by the way) when it dawned on me that it would be a great idea to write a story where Xander became Banner on Halloween but not the Hulk. He becomes the Hulk later on when the spell was over but the world doesn’t have any superheroes to fight him. I hope someone adopts this cute little bunny.