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The Author as a Lesbian - Season 5

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This story is No. 5 in the series "The Author as a Lesbian". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: The Justice System vs the amigas D/J/J, Q/Tom, Sandi/Winner

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Daria(Recent Donor)DeacBlueFR181422,5561216,66918 Jan 1210 Feb 12Yes

Episode One

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are owned by Glenn Eichler and MTV; no infringement is intended, and no money is being made.

Daria sat down on the bench of the cell. "Damn, they should have at least given me a kiss after that search."

Jane smirked. "What, just months after we're married and already thinking of adultery?" She giggled, and Jen joined her.

"Uh-huh." Daria rolled her eyes. "At least they have us in the juvenile part of the jail, though I don't know how they're going to reconcile that with prosecuting us with what is, essentially, an adult-only crime."

"You mean, as minors, we pretty much have to do what our parents say?" Jen didn't seem to be that impressed.

"Well, they, to an extent, are responsible for us, so, yeah." Daria ran her fingers through her long hair. "It gets more complicated because we're seventeen, over the age of sexual consent, below the nominal age of majority in Maryland, and that this ordinance - law - is so horribly written."

"When did you get a copy of it?"

"Mom read it to me over the phone, before we came back. Do you know that it makes it illegal to have more than one person of the same gender residing in the same room?"

"Yeah, so?" Jen was puzzled.

"Well, among other things, they didn't say that it didn't apply to related persons, so, oops, pretty much every child in a low-income family with more than one kid is going to be rounded up and put away, because they don't have enough rooms. Oh, and then that's going to cause a problem with the jail, because they aren't going to have enough room to put every one in their own cell and the people writing this law didn't exempt jails. Oh, yeah, Grove Hills, Fielding and the University are going to lose about half of their enrollment, because their students can't afford places outside the campuses, and it'll be illegal to put any more of them in their current dorms." Daria sighed. "And that's just the surface."

Jen shook her head. "And that's without getting into the fact that we're lovers and married."

Daria snorted. "Oh, that's where they didn't need help. There's a Federal law, called the Edmunds Act, that makes polygamy illegal, and almost every state disallows gay marriage, although that's changing."

Jane narrowed her eyes. "If that's so, then why are we in here?"

"Because though it might be illegal, co-habitation is not something that law enforcement, well, enforces the ban on unless they are pretty much forced to," Daria said. "It's like, 'who really cares?' Well, of course, until someone needs a lever on someone else."

Jen leaned back. "So we're using this to get our argument out in a place that they can't hush it up?"

"Got it in one."



"Tom, I'm so worried. She's in jail...they all are." Quinn's eyes were full of tears as she nibbled at her cheeseless pizza.

Tom sighed. "I know, Quinn. But what you have to remember is that this is something that was cooked up between Daria, my Dad, and your mom." He sighed...if she hadn't been gay, what a girl! "More to the part, we all agreed to it."

"I know. It's just - you can't predict everything. What if they put her with some big Bertha?" She and Tom looked into each other's eyes for almost half a minute before bursting into giggles. Holding up her hand , she said, "I know. She'd have Bertha outmaneuvered five minutes after they were locked in together." Looking up, her face had calmed. "But, seriously, it's something that we can't control."

"I know, Quinn," Tom said, taking her hand and kissing it. "But all that we can do is to do what we can do. And at this point, for me, it's showing up and supporting them. Speaking of that, are their dresses ready?"

Quinn's smile brightened the room, causing some...reactions in Tom. "Oh, yes! The Judge won't know what hit him - it's a perfect mesh of innocent and matronly, in their best colors..."

Tom smiled. At least someone wouldn't be nervous.



Helen Morgendorffer looked at her colleagues as she finished up her call with the D.A. Jim Vitale, taking lead in the matter because the people involved were so close to the firm; the oddly named Bill Tweed, the firm's criminal specialist; and the tall, thin, Ann Freeman, their constitutional scholar. "We'll be there, Jack," she said, just before she hung up.

"Well?" Jim Vitale asked, impatiently.

"It's set up. Jack's a sharp cookie, I'm pretty certain that he knows that we're angling to win on appeal. Truth to tell, from some asides he made, he wants us to challenge this law."

"Well, of course." Everyone turned to look at Ann. "Besides the fact that it doesn't work within the Maryland Constitution, it's just a horribly written law. They're probably hoping that we get it stricken before someone sues them on the basis of it." Seeing everyone look at her, she said, "Jail cells, more than one person of the same gender per cell, ring a bell?"



"All rise!"

"The county of Lawndale vs Morgendorffer, Lane, and Burns, parties please step forward." The girls and Bill Tweed stepped up.

The judge looked over the documents. "Breaking our spanking new regulation against cohabitation, are we?" The D.A. nodded. "How do you plead?"

Bill stepped forward. "Your Honor, my clients plead not guilty."

"Does anyone have an objection to ROR?"

"No, your Honor."

"No, your Honor."

"Defendants are ROR, trial to begin next Monday, 9 am. Next!"



The amigas were in the party room, along with Quinn, Tom, Charles, Jodie, Brittany, Kevin, and Tiffany, enjoying their first pizzas since the arraignment. Their laughter died away as they noticed Sandi and Winner at the door. "Yes?" Daria said, her voice the monotone that she had brought to Lawndale.

"May we join you?" The question could have sounded haughty; despite Sandi's rough voice, it came across as tentative.

Everyone looked at Daria, and she pondered for a moment. What the hell, hate is for when you want to kill them all. "You're both welcome to join us, Sandi," she finally replied.

Sandi turned to Winner, who was carrying a pie and their drinks. "Put them on that table, and sit down." She walked up to Quinn, and knelt in front of her, taking her hand. "Quinn, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about the things that I did, and that I tried to do to you. There was no excuse for it. Can you forgive me?"

"Oh, Sandi...we were kids, and I took control of myself. There's nothing to forgive, except for that last prank, and I think that it was its own punishment, so I forgive you for it. But," and here Sandi's head jerked up, "I think that there's someone you do need to apologize to." Quinn pointed at Daria.

Sandi walked over to Daria. As she was about to kneel, Daria waved her hand. "We're good. I get and receive worse on a daily basis. But you did try and hit Jennifer, as well as get her suspended. I think that would require an apology."

Sandi nodded, and turned to Jen, before kneeling. "Jennifer - "

Jen took her hand, and squeezed it. "Save it. I just have two questions. Are you sorry for what you did?" Sandi, her eyes filled with tears, nodded. "Good. And did you take my advice?" Another nod, with her eyes flashing over to Winner, and her face blushing. Jen smiled. "Then I think we're good."

Some kid hit a Spiral song on the jukebox, and the party got started.
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