Radio Host DJ Buffy Sassy Summers is on the air!
Inspired by the Kitty Norville series by Carrie Vaughn, Brazilian movie The Sign Of The City, Frasier and other similar Radio involved fictions. The only knowledge I know about Radio Stations is from movies, TV, books and of course Radios so if I have gotten something wrong please let me know.
Also I will be updating the rest of my stories; I just needed to get this one out of the way first. It may taken a month or two though and I have other things clambering for my time at the moments.
Summary: Radio Host DJ Buffy Sassy Summers is on the Air!
This is very much a crossover fan fiction.
Disclaimer: to follow. Bold words are song lyrics
Radio Host DJ Buffy Sassy Summers is on the Air!
Buffy strode casually into the National Radio Station’s studio just as the current DJ was signing off for the night. She flung her backpack down on the floor by the desk. She had ended up in the late night shift once as a rookie DJ and had proven popular enough that her bosses had placed her permanently on from 11:30 at night to 5:30 am the next morning, and as she was paid fairy well and the shift suited her natural night owl instincts she couldn’t complain.
The Host who is on before her was just finishing up, and Buffy leaned against the wall to listen to him. His other half had once told her that she never expected Michael to get into this kind of work as he never really was one to talk much in his youth. Apparently something happened along the way to change that. Perhaps it was when he got together with said other half.
“And so I wish good night to you all, from yours truly, this is Stonewall Mike Parker signing off for the night. But do not fret my eager listeners, for all is not lost, as I leave you in the very capable and sexy hands of your night shift DJ Sassy Buffy Summers. But before that I leave you with the sweetly soft soothing strains of Metallica’s, Fade To Black. Goodnight all.” Michael switched the song on and turned his microphone off before standing up.
“Why Mike, you say the sweetest things,” Buffy teasingly joked with him, “If it wasn’t for the fact that your other half was the sweetest woman in the world I would happily run off with you.”
“And if I wasn’t so afraid that, that sweetest woman would track me down and drag me back by my balls, I would be willingly follow you off right now,” he joked back half seriously as Buffy sat in the seat that he had just left. Michael had been with his life partner and wife, Liz, since they were in their early teens and Buffy knew that they still loved each other dearly almost a decade later. And she liked Liz as the Scientist didn’t take bullshit from anyone. Truthfully Buffy was a bit green-eyed about her co-workers relationship. If only she could be just as lucky in love.
“Go back to your other half;” Buffy ordered with a smirk, “some of us actually have work to do.”
Michael gave a joking salute. “Yes Ma’am.” He grabbed his own backpack and made his way out the door.
Buffy gasped back in mock horror, “I am in no way a Ma’am!” she mock threatened him with her fisted hand, “Get out of here trouble.”
“Have a good night, Buffy,” he smirked as he left.
“You too, Mike,” she called after him.
Once he was finally gone she put on the head phones and dimmed the lights in the studio low enough so as that they weren’t as harsh on her enhanced eyesight, and that left the control boards dials and switches glowing in the dim light.
Her partner in crime wasn’t here yet so she kept the equipment set up for single person use.
When the Metallica song finished Buffy switched the microphone back on, “Good evening females, males and beings of undetermined sex, this is Sassy Buffy Summers on RASR, and that is Round-About Sanity Radio for those just dialing in. It is currently eleven-thirty-five in the PM and the topic for tonight is an old favourite of mine. Have you ever had an Alien encounter, been haunted by Ghosts, seen or experienced a phenomena that you haven’t been able to explain? If you have please call and let us know about it. We don’t judge. I look forward to your calls.” The topic really was an old favourite of Buffy’s as it seemed to entice the more interesting callers. “First off however I would like to dedicate this first song to someone who has recently graduated with high honors from one of the best cooking schools in the country. Andrew this song is for you, congratulations.” Buffy turned the music on, “and this is Yoda by Weird Al Yankovich.”
At the Council House in Cleveland where he was celebrating his graduation with those he considered family while listening to the radio, Andrew grinned widely and began singing along happily, “I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah . . . “
The Slayers and other council member rolled their eyes but couldn’t help grinning at Andrews’s enthusiasm. Some even began singing along too, “I saw the little runt sitting there on a log . . .”
And a certain blonde witch, who had heard Buffy speaking, yelped and realized that she was running later than she had realized. She left in a hurry.
As the sound of a guitar began to play, Buffy grabbed her bag and began emptying it of all the items that she would possibly use during her shift such as a Thermos filled with the nectar known as Coffee (not needed but very much loved), her laptop computer, and a folder filled with all sorts of bits and pieces including clippings from newspapers, magazines, and even from the Internet; in other words topics and information to add to any conversation that pops up during the night.
Before the song finished her partner in crime ported into the other side of the booth, arriving just in time and looking a little harried. She activated her own set up, taking only a moment to share a kiss with Buffy.
“You’re running late tonight love,” Buffy commented, “everything alright?”
“Everything’s fine,” Tara promised, “I’ll tell you about it later.”
It didn’t take long before Buffy got her first caller for the night.
“Hello Vicki” Buffy greeted cheerily, “You have a story to share?”
“I live in Gotham. And we’re not one of the safest of cities for sure, I mean we’re no Metropolis with the man in blue flying around to save the day, but we’re not a dictatorship either.”
“Go ahead Vicki.”
“But this city is just getting weirder by the day, we now have a guy dressed up as a giant bat going around the city acting as a Vigilante and roughing up the criminals.”
“A guy dressed up as a Giant Bat?” Buffy half stated half questioned. She had her laptop open and was looking up recent news articles about Gotham. One of the articles was written by a Vicki Vale. Buffy was suddenly sure that her caller was the same Vicki. “Do you think he is attempting to be a new costumed hero?” Buffy asked.
“If he is, he isn’t making much of a good impression,” Vicki replied. “The citizens are concerned that he is just as bad as the criminals with his tactics or that he is just another criminal attempting to go against the rest of the crime syndicates in town.”
“Well thank you for letting us know about this Vicki.”
“Thank you for listening,” Vicki said
“Well whatever your opinion of this Man Bat, please be careful out there. It can be a dangerous world. And while we await our next caller, this is Bat out of Hell by Meatloaf,” Buffy put the song on and took a drink of her Coffee while saving the articles on her computer. She’d print them out later to add to her odds and ends folder.
In Gotham Bruce, who had been listening to the Radio, quickly found the number to call and was about to dial when he suddenly realized that he had no idea what to say in response to Vicki’s comments.
Alfred, who had also been listening, watched over his young master sadly.
Back in the studio Buffy and Tara were taking a moment to share another more passionate kiss, as they hadn’t caught up with each other for a while, before another caller interrupted them.
According to Tara he seemed quite rude.
“I’m listening Mr Peck,” Buffy greeted him.
“Costumed superheroes, villains, and vigilantes are old news,” he scoffed.
“Would you like to share with the rest of us then?” Buffy calmly asked, not reacting at all to the sneering voice.
“There are a group of lunatics running around New York using lasers and causing destruction, all the while claiming that they are,” his sneer worsens and she could practically hear the capitals as he spoke, “Busting Ghosts.”
“And are they?” Buffy asks, still calm. She has another Internet window open and is examining the Ghostbusters web page and profiles.
“Are they what?” He is less snarky and more puzzled now.
“Are they Busting Ghosts?” Buffy asks curiously. She knew of the men, had heard about them through the supernatural grapevine and knew for a fact that they were the real thing. Their defeat of the demonic spirit called Zuul, who was a demigod who worshiped as a servant to Gozer the Gozerian the Sumerian shape-changer god of destruction, led to others in the business to contact them and welcome them to the ranks of earth’s protectors.
Winston Zeddemore, Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, and Egon Spengler were a funny bunch of characters and were welcomed warmly into the paranormal exterminator service.
Just then another call came in, and Tara indicated that they had something to add to the current topic.
“Please wait a moment caller we have another caller online,” Buffy interrupts before he could respond. She mutes the mike.
“It’s the New York Mayor.” Tara whispered to her wide eyed.
Buffy turned her mike back on.
“Mr Mayor,” she greeted politely, “How are you Sir?”
“I’m good thank you Buffy,” he spoke somewhat jovially. He was one of those in charge who knew about the supernatural and worked somewhat well with those who defended the earth.
“You had something to say about the Ghostbusters?”Buffy asks.
“Yes. The Ghostbusters have done a lot of good for this city and Mr Peck has no cause for complaining about them. He himself interfered with their work and caused a bad situation to get even worse due to his witch hunting tactics.”
“Mr Peck, do you have something to say in response to this?” As Mr Peck began whining and complaining, Tara accidentally on purpose closed off the connection, “Oops, sorry Mr Peck, looks like your call got cut off.” You could practically hear the insincere apology in her voice. “Thank you for your time, Mr Mayor, and may the rest of your term be peaceful and successful.”
“Thank you and good night to you too.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
The connection was cut and Buffy continued on, preparing another song.
“Well that was certainly interesting, it’s not often we get important government officials calling. I think it is time for another song, one that was written especially for the Ghostbusters. This is Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr.”
In New York, in their old renovated Fire Station turned Ghostbusters’s Headquarters, Ray was the first one to get up and dance along with the music. It didn’t take long for Janine to talk Egon into also give it a go. Peter and Winston were the last ones to join in the craziness.
It was an annoyingly catchy song.
Catching a glance at the clock, and realizing the time, Buffy almost swore as she set up another song quickly and introduced the next song as soon the other one finished.
“This next song is dedicated to two mysterious men named here only as Captain Jack and the Doctor, from two mysterious people known only as the Coffee God and the Bad Wolf, this is the Wanderer by Dion.” “Oh well, I’m the type of guy who will never settle down. Where the pretty girls are well, you know that I’m around. I kiss ‘em and I love ‘em ‘cause to me they’re all the same. I hug ‘em and I squeeze ‘em, they don’t even know my name. They call me the Wanderer, Yeah, the Wanderer. I roam around, around, around . . .”
Somewhere in the states in a public place, the two older than they look men not from earth, looked at each other wide eyed and listened to the song’s lyrics carefully. They were stunned.
“This song certainly suits you Jack,” the Doctor proclaimed. Jack couldn’t disagree. . . . Oh well, there’s Flo on my left and then there’s Mary on my right. And Janie is the girls with that I’ll be with tonight. And when she asks me, which one I love the best? I tear open my shirt and I show her Rosie on my chest. 'Cause I'm the wanderer yeah the wanderer. I roam around, around, around... Oh well I roam from town to town. I go through life without a care, 'Til I'm as happy as a clown. With my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere. I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around. I'm never in one place I roam from town to town, and when I find myself a-fallin' for some girl. I hop right into that car of mine and ride around the world. Yeah I'm the wanderer yeah the wanderer, I roam around, around, around. . .”
“It definitely suits you two Doctor,” Jack proclaimed back.
Just then it sunk in just what who the dedicators were and they spoke simultaneously, “Ianto!”
They bolted towards the Tardis, and then halted in shock.
Sitting calmly on a public bench, drinking coffee and eating fresh chips, was the best sight that either man had seen in way too long.
Looking up from their conversation Rose smiled brilliantly while Ianto smiled in his own conservative fashion.
There was a sudden silence, and then Rose leaped up and ran straight into the grinning Doctors arms. They hugged and twirled in delight.
Ianto almost calmly held out a fresh cup of coffee out towards Jack. Taking the offering Jack didn’t even take the time to smell the gorgeous beverage. Instead he placed it carefully on the seat and then pulled Ianto into his arms, holding him tight.
Both couples ignored the passersby, as they happily reunited.
Back in the Station Buffy smiled at a picture on her laptop. It was a photo of a two very happy couples in what could have been a place on earth except for the oddities here and there that a non observant person wouldn’t have picked up on. She had taken that photo personally at a very special double wedding she and Tara had been invited to and was glad to help them reunite. Plus the lyrics of that song so suited both of those men in one way or another.
She glanced at Tara and smiled happily, seeing the shared joy of remembrance in her eyes.
The song was just finishing and Buffy flipped through her folder looking for something to talk about. “Well since no one else has called with song requests or wanting to share, I’m just going to regale you with other stories, some might even come from . . . gasp . . . the tabloids!” She flipped through a few more pages until she found one she just had to share. “I have on hand here an article about secret societies from all over the world written by and sent to me by an Anonymous source. Not the well known ones like the Secret Societies like the Stonemason’s, the Stonecutter’s, or the ones found in the higher educational schools in America. No, what I’m talking about here is some real obscure ones. It’s a fascinating read and I am going to share some of them with you.”
Wide eyed Tara looked at Buffy in surprise and a little bit of worry. Buffy just smiled back at her in reassurance.
“First on the list is a group whose name isn’t mentioned due to the fact that none of the members could ever actually decide what to name it. Nevertheless it has been, for untold decades, a Society that is filled with most of the brightest names in the scientific world has produced. Its members have come from all over the world and are said to include, or have included, great minds like Archimedes, Pythagorus, Braise Pascal, Nicolaus Copernicus, Galileo Galilei, Johannes Kepler, Christiaan Huygens, Leonardo Da Vinci, Sir Isaac Newton, Antoine Lavoisier, Michael Faraday, James Clerk Maxwell, Charles Darwin, Max Planck, Niels Bohr, Dmitri Mendeleev, Ernest Rutherford, Thomas Edison, Marie Curie, Alexander Fleming, Louis de Broglie, Albert Einstein, Ludwig Boltzmann, Bryan Heisenburg, Carl Sagan, and Stephen Hawking.”
In Pasadena California Penny listened in curious surprise at what her favourite radio DJ was talking about. She wondered if Sheldon was or had been considered for membership for that secret society.
Across the hall the boys were completely clueless, choosing to focus on watching a Doctor Who marathon from the very first Doctor.
(Not that anyone could blame them!)
Also in California Sniper Ian Edgerton looked Mathematician Charlie Eppes with a quirked eyebrow.
In New Jersey in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital Dr Robert Chase grabbed House’s tennis balls from mid toss and began juggling them instead causing House to quirk an eyebrow at him curiosity. Chase just smirked back and moved away still juggling and giving House a great look at his backside and he left the office.
In Colorado Springs, back on earth for a visit, Dr Rodney McKay of the many qualifications, listened with the rest of his team and SG1 and a few extras, as they waited for the meals to be bought out. They were in O’Malley’s and SG1 have just been allowed back in the bar.
As the more physically inclined of their party were watching their smarter colleagues to see if they were members of this Secret Society only Rodney was aware of the cheeky wink Jack gave him.
Rodney hid a smirk back and watched in amusement as Jack actually pulled out a Secret Society card. It was for the Stonecutter’s, the made up society from the Simpsons.
While the others were distracted Rodney winked back at him.
They both knew others who wouldn’t normally seem to belong to their Society but still managed to fit in surprisingly well.
Rodney then decided to get on the fun and pulled out a secret society card of his own, one for Coffee lover’s. He was unsurprised to see Daniel pull out his own Coffee lover’s card.
Back in the Station Buffy had moved on to another Secret Society.
“The next in the list is one very close to a lot of hearts, including my own. Yes, it’s the Secret Society of Coffee fanatics.”
Tara was giggling and shaking her head at the absolute seriousness of the tone Buffy was speaking in.
In a little town know as Stars Hollow, in a diner called Luke’s, mother and daughter were sitting down and enjoying a cup of Luke’s finest together. And as the other listeners eyed them curiously they each pulled out their own Secret Society of Coffee Fanatics out and flashed them at their neighbors.
Luke just shook his head in resignation, completely unsurprised.
In another little town, although not as small as Stars Hollow, called Eureka and a place called Cafe Diem the sheriff was watching in amusement as the scientists all grilled each other about the Secret Society of Scientific minds while showing off their Coffee Addicts cards.
He was less amused when Zoe bought out her own Coffee addict’s card.
Buffy was still talking. . . “these Society members inevitably sniff out the greatest around their work and living places and share that with the other members and have been known to go so far as to worship the greatest Coffee makers . . .”
Somewhere back on earth and in the Tardis, a certain Captain was worshiping his personal Coffee God.
“. . . and have even been known to go to extreme lengths to keep their coffee providers safe from harm!“
In a coffee shop in Washington where a certain NCIS member had been waiting in line for her favourite caffeinated beverage when a robber busted into the shop demanding all of the customers’ money as well as the shops money from the cash register. With a yell that would have made Xena proud Abby Scuito pounced and beat the snot out of the hapless robber. He didn’t stand a chance.
Seeing the commotion from outside, where he had been waiting for her, Tony made a quick call to 911 before hurrying inside to save the criminal from Abby’s wrath.
“You have been spending way too much time with the Boss, Abs,” he told her while gently removing her from the criminal and then handcuffing him, “you are getting to be just as bad as him.” He was carefully checking her out for any injuries, but she just looked a bit mussed.
Looking at the robber and not feeling the least bit sorry for him, Abby just smiled sweetly as the man behind the counter as he gave her, her Caf-Pow.
Tony just sighed and wondered just what the Gibbs was going to say when he learned about this.
Back in the Studio Buffy was beginning to talk about another Society.
“Next on the list is a Society that sound more like peeping toms than an actually Society. They are a Society of Watchers. Watchers of what you ask? Well, definitely not of Ornithology aka Bird Watching. . . “
In Lima Ohio a certain bad-ass Glock pouted at this.
Another male but still fabulous Glee member felt and irresistible urge to go over and comfort him.
“. . . and it’s certainly not anything to do with watching the heavens for supernatural or alien signs of life or threats . . .”
In the Washington FBI offices Dana Scully watched in amusement as her partner in crime (aka work) and life was transfixed to the radio. Sassy Buffy Summers was his favourite Radio Host as she actually took his theories seriously and Fox Mulder tried to never miss one of her shows.
“. . . nor is it a Society watching any beings already on earth such as Immortals . . .”
Members of the Immortal Watchers Society almost had heart attacks when they heard what Buffy was saying.
In McLeod’s loft Joe would have been worried but he was watching the Immortals gathered react to what Buffy was saying instead. Both Duncan and Richie were looking alarmed while mysteriously Amanda and the Old Man didn’t look fazed at all.
Tara was muffling her laughter behind her hand now, “. . . this Society of Watchers is a much more alarming society,” Buffy paused for effect, before continuing, “they are the dedicated Watchers of bad TV shows and even worse movies . . .”
Methos chuckled out loud and Amanda joined him at the stunned looks on the others faces.
Joe, who had been on the phone with one of the Tribunal, couldn’t stop himself from joining in.
In Colorado Springs, Rodney gave an exaggerated A-HA gesture and then pointed at the John in an equally exaggerated pointed finger, “you’re a member,” he accused the Major, “why else would you watch that ridiculous and scientific claptrap known as Back To The Future!”
The others looked between Rodney and John in amazement.
Carter asked incredulously, “you actually liked those movies, John?”
The Major looked away whistling, not agreeing but not denying it either.
Artist Jane Lane laughed, Trent cough chuckled, and her amigo Daria even deigned to smirk at this. That was one group she wasn’t a part of. Although Jane was an avid member of the Coffee Fanatics group, she wasn’t ashamed to admit to her coffee addiction.
“Yes, you heard me right folks,” Buffy spoke, still somehow managing to sound serious despite the fact that she wanted to burst into laughter with Tara, “there is a serious secret society of people out there who are dedicated watchers of bad Movies and TV shows!” She had to look away from Tara before she cracked, “well at least we all know why THEY are a secret society.”
All over America her audience burst into laughter.
And then the phone lines were all lighting up and Buffy grinned. Sometimes it just took a little bit of time but she was nearly always able to reel her audience in. “We will take some more calls in a moment, but first I want to dedicate this song to all of you lovely listeners out there, this is Welcome Home (Sanatorium) by Metallica.”
(Word count: about 3877, Song Lyrics: about 230)
Play List of songs in this Story, they aren’t in order
Fade To Black (Metallica)
Yoda (Weird Al Yankovich)
Bat Out of Hell (Meatloaf)
Ghostbusters (Ray Parker)
Welcome Home (Sanatorium) (Metallica)
Disclaimer and Cast of Characters that appeared or were mentioned: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: created by Joss Whedon:
Buffy Summers, Andrew, and Tara Maclay Roswell: created by writer Melinda Metz & editor Laura J. Burns:
Michael Guerin (Parker), and Liz Parker Batman: created by Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger:
Vicki Vale, Bruce Wayne and Alfred Superman: created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster:
Superman Ghostbusters: created by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis:
Walter Peck of the EPA, New York Mayor, Janine and the Ghostbusters Winston Zeddemore, Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, and Egon Spengler The Scientists Mentioned
(All real, didn’t make up a single one!) House MD: created by Paul Attanasio and David Shore:
Dr. Robert Chase, Dr. Gregory House Star Gate: initially conceived by Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin:
Rodney McKay, Jack O’Neill, Daniel Jackson, Sam Carter, John Sheppard, and others from SG1 & SGA Gilmore Girls: created by Amy Sherman-Palladino:
Lorelai, Rory, and Luke Eureka: created by Andrew Cosby and Jaime Paglia:
Jack & Zoe Carter NCIS: created by Donald P. Bellisario and Don McGill:
Abby Scuito, Tony DiNozzo Doctor Who & Torchwood: produced by the BBC & Revived/Created by Russel Davies:
The Doctor, Tardis, Rose Tyler aka Bad Wolf, Captain Jack Harkness, and Ianto Jones Big Bang Theory: was created by Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Penny and the boys of 4A Highlander the Series: created by Panzer Davis Productions:
The Tribunal, Joe Dawson, Duncan McLeod, Amanda, and Methos Back to the Future: written by Zemeckis and Bob Gale:
(I really do like the movies, probably because I had such a crush on Michael J Fox when I was a kid) X-Files: created by Chris Carter:
Dana Scully, and Fox Mulder Numb3rs: created by Nicolas Falacci and Cheryl Heuton:
Charlie Eppes and Ian Edgerton Glee: created by Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan:
The Glock is actually Puck, I saw on TMZ that the actor who plays him is in an Actual Bird Watchers Club, I just had to add Puck in because of that, and the fabulous boy is Kurt Daria: created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis Lynn for MTV:
Jane, Trent, and Daria