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Ficlet(s)

Summary: In honor of Dogbertcarroll's 'Flickering Lights', a bunch of mostly Xander centered one-shots.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > GeneralCrazyDanFR186770,02439884528,45516 Feb 1217 Jun 14No

Being Led around by..... (Leader Part 3)

AN: I don't own Buffy or The Hulk or any characters related to them. I actually blame Bif Naked for this one. Remember folks this is fanfiction. No profit is made here, well at least none for me anyways.

Also this is kind of rough.



“He's nearly perfect.” The Leader said as he stared at the almost clone of The Hulk. “Save for a few minor differences in the facial structure he seems to be an exact duplicate. He has the same muscle density and emits a nearly identical Gamma signature.”

“What about brain function? Is he as fractured as Banner or is he more... whole?” A voice asked from a satellite relay.

“That is yet to be determined.” The Leader admitted. “The change was rather...violent. His old body literally exploded as this one came forth. His mind has essentially shut down for the time being. It's only been a few hours since the change.”

“That's one difference right there.” The voice said. “How is his healing factor?”

“Spectacular. I expect him to recover shortly. I've already installed a feeding tube to make sure his body doesn't start to consume itself to maintain the transformation.” The Leader added.

“Is it permanent?” The voice asked.

“Again, early days. We all know Banner was unstable during the first few changes. While we have come to understand the process of Gamma Mutation better, there are still far too many factors to fully predict it.” The Leader admitted. “In case he has retained his limited intelligence, he has been conditioned. Thoroughly.”

“It had better hold.” The voice warned.

“Doubting me isn't the best way of staying on my good side MODOK.” The Leader cautioned. “Every Gamma experiment has risk. You know this.”

“Just make sure this one is appropriately leashed.” MODOK said before cutting the communications link.

“He is leashed.” The Leader muttered before focusing his psychic abilities to scan the transformed teen's mind. It was risky, but his doubts had to be quelled.

“Shit.” The Leader muttered as he realized what exactly Areola had and hadn't done.

“You got that right.” Xander said as he opened his eyes. “I really don't like people poking around in there. In fact... you might say that it makes me angry.” He said before grinning widely. “You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.”

“No.” The Leader whispered as he started backing away from his creation as it calmly broke the restraints holding it down. “No I wouldn't.”

“Run Beldar. Run.” Xander growled as he removed the feeding tube from his nose.

The Leader did.

Well, he did until he lost his balance and slammed head first into a wall.

“That was... unfortunate.” Xander said as he stared at the unconscious and apparently easily concussed super-brain. He looked at his incredibly large foot and then at the unconscious jackass. “Hmmm... temporary insanity?” Xander muttered. “Why not?” He said with a half shrug before raising his foot up and then bringing it down.

Hard.

Shaking a little gore off his foot, Xander wandered the hallways until he found an exit.

“Oh come on.” Xander muttered as he walked outside of the underground base's exit and into an alley way. He found himself across the street from the 'Fabulous Ladies Nightclub in Oxnard, California.

“All roads lead back to Sunny CA.” Xander said as he rolled his eyes.

“Shit! It's the Hulk!” Someone screamed as they noticed the lumbering figure standing in the alleyway that the two buildings across from the nightclub formed.

“Well there goes my day.” Xander sighed before sitting down Indian style and waiting for someone with half a brain to show up.



Forty-Five minutes later....

“What has he been doing?” General Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross demanded.

“Well, aside from reading a newspaper and getting up to urinate once, nothing.” A shocked Glenn Talbot said as he read over the observation report.

“What's his game?” General Ross said. “We all know Banner has to be up to something but what?”



Elsewhere....

“What's his game?” Bruce Banner asked as he and his cousin Jennifer Walters were currently sitting in a diner and watching 'breaking news' on the Fox News Channel.

“Who, the new green guy or the guy behind it?” Jennifer asked. “He looks a hell of a lot like you do. It's close. But not quite.”

“Wait... what is he doing?” Bruce asked as he adjusted his glasses.

“I think he realized he's being filmed.” Jennifer grinned as they watched the scene on the Television. “It's rare to see a green moon like that when it isn't mine.”

“You really need to curb some of your tendencies when you're transformed.” Bruce muttered.

“What are you, my shrink?” Jennifer asked.

“No, but I know a guy.” Bruce grinned. “We better get this guy out of there before Ross does something stupid.”

“Like using his special brand of diplomacy?” Jennifer snarked.

“Yeah that.” Bruce said. “I think I have enough parts in my RV to build a teleporter.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Jennifer offered.

“Well I could use some tin foil, a harmonica and some Big League Chew.” Bruce rattled off as he started making some notes on a napkin.

“Gum, really?” Jennifer asked.

“Something has to hold it together and Duct Tape interferes with the some of my equipment.” Bruce shrugged. “There's math involved and I really don't have the time to explain it.”

“Gotcha.” Jennifer said before heading out to buy the needed supplies.



Oxnard....

“Sir, I hate to be the one to say this, but other than Loitering and Public Urination... he hasn't done anything wrong down there.” One of General Ross' underlings said nervously.

“He's still being a public nuisance and a menace to society.” Ross countered.

“I don't think that's the Hulk.” Talbot said as he looked at the news footage again. “Aside from the behavioral changes, which could be explained a few different ways... It just doesn't sit right.”

“Then we have another green menace on our hands.” Ross said. “Power up the the Hulkbuster units and try to get this thing out of the city.”

“Right.” Talbot said before reaching for the radio. He was about to give the orders to draw the creature out of the city when it vanished in a flash of light.

“Shit.” Ross muttered.

“Well at least there wasn't any collateral damage this time.” Someone said.

Ross just growled before demanding someone find out what the hell just happened.



Somewhere....

“I knew I should have used grape flavored gum.” Xander heard a man mutter as his eyes adjusted to the light level of the room.

“I think you did just fine.” A female voice said with a definite grin. “Besides, now I know he's not you.”

“Is there a draft?” Xander muttered before realizing the pants he'd been wearing moments ago were gone. “Again?” He asked as he looked upward.

“It was a minor glitch.” The same male voice said. “I do apologize. I think I've got something around here that should fit you.

“So... who are you guys?” Xander asked as a pair of purple pants were tossed his way.

“I think we need to ask you that.” The same male voice said as the lights in the rest of the room came on.

Xander found himself staring at an older and slightly nerdier version of... well how he used to look. “Son of a bitch, I do look like you.” Xander said. “You're the real deal. Bruce Banner.”

“Well at least he's moderately sane.” The same female voice said. “How did you get the green?”

“Some guy with a huge forehead.” Xander said. “He's not a problem anymore.”

“The Leader did this?” Bruce Banner said as his eyes flashed green for a moment. “What do you mean not a problem?”

“The top-heavy bastard tripped and I may or may not have stomped on his overly large head.” Xander said with a fierce grin. “I was suffering from being kidnapped and mutated you see. I was traumatized.”

“That's good.” The female said. “That could be used if it ever goes to court.”

“He's dead?” Bruce Banner asked. “You're certain.”

“Unless the thing I squished was a clone or some other type of copy, yes.” Xander said. “I'm Xander Harris by the way.”

“Well, I honestly don't know if that is good news or not.” Bruce muttered. “What are we going to do with you... can you change back?”

“No idea.” Xander said with a grin. “I've haven't been like this for more than a day.”

“Huh.” Bruce said. “Gamma mutation is unpredictable.”

“So... are we gonna... test him?” Bruce's female companion asked.

“Fine. But don't make the news. I need to contact Reed. He'll have the equipment and facilities we need to determine what is really going on here.” Bruce said.

“Come on new guy.” The woman said. “Let me change and I can show you what we Gamma powered people can do.”

“Exactly who are you?” Xander asked her.

“I'm the She-Hulk.” The woman said. “My real name is Jennifer Walters. You haven't heard of me?”

“No. I don't really watch a lot of news or anything. I've been busy with other stuff.” Xander said.

“You've had to have heard of me.” Jennifer said. “If not the news than the gossip rags.”

“Again, been busy.” Xander shrugged. “Didn't really know who that Leader guy was until he told me.”

“You're taking this rather well.” Jennifer said.

“Aside from the pain of transformation... this hasn't been too bad.” Xander shrugged. “Besides, my life was weird before this.”

“I find that a little hard to believe.” Jennifer said with a skeptical look on her face.

“Go transform or whatever and show me what Hulks are good at besides squishing things and writing things in concrete with urine. I've done those already.” Xander said.

“Men.” Jennifer sighed. “I'll be right back.”

“So.....” Xander trailed off as he looked at Bruce.

“She's a cousin.” Bruce said. “My mother and her mother were sisters. You're not a clone... why did the Leader pick you?”

“Something about being a distant relative with a 98 percent similar genetic profile.” Xander said. “Either I hit a stupid genetic lottery or the family tree didn't branch much at one point or another.”

Both Xander and Bruce shuddered a bit at that thought.

“And I'm back.” Jennifer announced as she came back into the room.

Xander didn't say anything as he stared at the transformed Jennifer.

Bruce heard the ripping noise and shouted “Change back! Now!”

Xander pointed at Jennifer without using his hands and slowly walked towards her. “Girl smell good.” He said quietly.

“Ummm...” Jennifer said as Xander started sniffing her hair. “He's poking me.”

“Jen I hate to say this, but he is a teenager. You know what guys are like around you normally. Add that to a gamma powered libido....” Bruce trailed off.

“This is the universe getting back at me for being a party girl isn't it?” Jennifer asked as Xander started spooning her and making small thrusting motions with his pelvis.

“Probably.” Bruce said. “Lord knows I'm still paying for my sins. He's gone primal. Short of dunking him in a very cold body of water.....”

The sound of more fabric ripping emphasized Bruce's statement.

“Just teleport us to the Potomac or something.” Jennifer said. “And make sure we keep the clothes this time.”

“On it.” Bruce said before typing furiously into this computer. With a couple of keystrokes both the She-Hulk and Xander were gone in a flash of light.

“We need a good name for him. One better than Humper.” Bruce said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “God help us if he really gets his power from his libido. If he does, then he's either going Amish or getting castrated immediately.”

Bruce winced at that thought. "Nah, they'd probably grow back." He said to himself before reaching for the phone and dialing Reed Richards' private number.

It was definitely one of those weeks.


TBC.......
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