Coming Back Late....r than normal....
I don't own Buffy and the Scooby Gang. I also don't own anything created by Jim Henson or Tim Allen. 'Nuff said.
Or not. This is fanfiction, written for fun and not for profit.
“So you guys are up against some mad scientist's uber frankenbeast?” Xander asked as he scratched his head. “I know I got back kind of late from my road trip but haven't we already dealt with a frankencreature before? What's the big?”
“He's got a nuclear power source and a machine gun arm.” Oz said with a sigh. “Plus he's converted half of the staff down there that he killed.”
“So we have a messed up superweapon and his children.” Xander said. “So... again, what's the problem? Lack of firepower or what?”
“He doesn't get it.” Spike said from where he was hiding from the miniscule sunlight coming from the windows of Giles' apartment. “They chipped me. Made me a harmless little leech! These guys are messed up soldiers.”
“So have someone go all Doom on 'em.” Xander shrugged, idly wondering why Spike was tolerated and not dust in the wind. “Load Buffy up with a couple of shield spells and some firearms. She can salvage more firearms from the dead she racks up.”
“Why don't we do that?” Oz asked the others.
There was some harsh whispering between Buffy, Giles and Willow.
“Because guns are bad.” Buffy said after their discussion.
Xander sighed. “I'll go get my chainsaw. I think my personal force-field still works. If not, I'll get some nine volt batteries before I go.”
“A chainsaw?” Giles asked. “What good will that do?” He wondered, temporarily forgetting his use of one during the incident at Halloween.
“It's not just a chainsaw Giles. It's a modified Binford 500 series.” Xander said with a grin.
“Exactly what does that mean?” Willow asked a little fearfully.
“It's got more power.” Xander said before chuckling. “Seriously. I'll get some protective eye-wear and I'll be good to go.”
“Where exactly did you go on your road trip?” Oz asked after the others stopped questioning Xander's sanity.
“Well, I first got a job in Detroit as a gopher for a little show called 'Tool Time' and then I worked as a 'research assistant' at Muppet Labs on the way back.” Xander said with a shrug. “Met some like minded people and had a few laughs.”
“He's gone round the bend.” Spike said. “I should know. I stayed with someone who was looney tunes for over a century.”
“And you were the sane one?” Xander snorted. “Seriously, why isn't he dead?” He asked the others.
“He has information.” Giles said with a sigh.
“About the group I'm about to go take out?” Xander asked. “Not really relevant info anymore is it?”
“He's got a point.” Oz chipped in.
“So are these guys mostly metal or partly real?” Xander asked. “I've got a couple of other things that might hurt them.”
“Mix of demon, human and cybernetics.” Oz told him. “Rough patchwork.”
“So the carrots might work.” Xander said to himself. “Hmm.”
“Do we want to know?” Willow whispered to Buffy.
“Let's just see what happens. We can pick up the pieces afterwards.” Buffy said. It was obvious that Xander had left his sanity behind somewhere on his little trip.
The rear entrance of the Initiative.....
“So he's going in there with a chainsaw, a fanny pack and some carrots?” Anya asked Giles. “This is the boy that took me to Prom? I'm glad I decided to have sex with you instead.”
“Well, he's been away.” Giles said with a bit of blush. “Even I don't know what he intends to do with the carrots.”
“They're not normal carrots.” Xander said. “They're magnetic carrots.”
“Do what now?” Buffy asked.
“Magnetic carrots.” Xander said. “They'll stick to the cybernetic parts and they also attract...” Xander trailed off as he looked behind the others. “Them.”
“Oh sweet D'Hoffryn no!” Anya shrieked as she saw the... horror behind them.
“Robot Rabbits?” Willow asked a little stunned and more than a little afraid.
“Yep. They multiply when properly fed and they have the right materials.” Xander grinned as he fixed his goggles in place before revving up his Chainsaw.
“Ohh. Tingly.” Buffy said as the machine rumbled ominously in Xander's hands.
“That's what she said.” Xander said with a snort before he reached for something on his belt. “All right. I'll see you guys in a couple of hours.”
“We're seriously going to let him do this?” Buffy whispered to Giles.
“I'm not going in there.” Giles said.
“Same.” Oz said. “Not after what they did to Veruca.”
The clanking of robot rabbits as they followed Xander and his magnetic carrots echoed in the night.
“Okay.” Anya said. “Who's up for getting drunk after this?”
Everyone raised their hands.
“I'll stop by the liquor store on the way back to my place.” Giles said with a sigh. “High end stuff I suppose since Xander had us rob Spike before killing him.”
“He was kind of loaded.” Oz admitted. “The Cheap Bastard.”
“Yes, yes he was.” Anya said with a nod.
“I'm back!” Xander announced as he showed up several hours later wearing three socks and his fanny pack and totally covered in blood.
“You're alive!” Willow slurred. “Why are you naked?”
“Mostly naked.” Xander corrected. “There were a couple of Succubui still being held down there and well they were pretty grateful for me letting them out.”
“Don't they suck the life out of you?” Oz asked.
“They do, but in a good way.” Xander grinned. “I was pretty backed up anyways. Totally worth the gray hair I'm going to have tomorrow.”
“Eww.” Buffy said from the floor.
“Maybe I'll be old enough to date your mom.” Xander threw in before walking off, whistling all the way.
“I'm gonna hurl.” Buffy groaned.
"Ditto." Giles muttered.