What if Xander really dressed as Dr. Manahttan?
This is a oneshot inspired partly by the fics where Xander had dressed as Dr. Manhattan for Halloween. It's also inspired by DogbertCarroll's Copy Cat.
I Don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer/The X-Men or any characters from Watchmen. This is fanfiction. Something I'm a pretty big fan of.
Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.....
“You ever think things have gotten a little too quiet around here?” Illyana Rasputin asked her best friend and roommate Kitty Pryde as she painted her friend's toes. As far as Friday nights went, this one was kind of lame.
Kitty looked up from her magazine and at her friend before sighing. “You never say that.” She told Illyana.
“What? Why not?” Illyana asked. “Is this one of those unwritten rules you were telling me about? If it's not written down, how can I know it?”
“Right, Russian and Limbo raising.” Kitty said with a shake of her head. “Generally when people say stuff like that weird things happen. Normally that's kind of reserved for television shows or horror films but with how our life is....” She trailed off.
“The rule applies here as well.” Illyana nodded. “Well... so far we're clear.”
“You don't say that either.” Kitty groaned.
“Really?” Illyana whined.
Just then there was a flash of light behind the two teens as a glowing blue portal opened up in their shared dorm room.
“That you?” Kitty asked Illyana.
“No. It feels... off and stretched like it is from a very distant place.” Illyana said. “It doesn't belong here.”
Just then a naked and blue male teen, not much older than themselves was forcibly shoved out of the portal and into their dorm room.
“Well fine then!” The teen yelled at the portal. “I'll just make my own universe! One with Hookers and Blackjack! You know what, forget the universe!” He shouted as the portal closed.
“Umm... naked guy?” Kitty asked as she tried her best to not look at his... danglies. “Why are you naked?”
“Because for about twenty minutes I was someone that had evolved beyond the need for clothing and had a non-linear perception of time.” The naked teen said as he looked around the room and at the two girls. “Are either of you any good at Blackjack?”
“Say no!” Illyana hissed at her friend.
“No, we're not.” Kitty said after her friend elbowed her really hard in the ribs.
“Okay.” The teen grinned. “Well let me make some pants and we can go from there.” He said before focusing on the air in front of him and with an arc of blue energy he created a pair of blue speedos and put them on.
Illyana pouted and the teen smirked at her. “So why were you... kicked out?” She asked him.
“For a brief point I had non-linear perception of time. Well, time as how it was supposed to happen if I hadn't found that jar of blue body paint instead of a toy gun. Naturally I took advantage of my sudden nearly limitless, phenomenally cosmic power and blew up several dozen people that were beyond redemption.” The teen explained with a shrug. It was actually close to two hundred, but that didn't matter.
“Naturally my ascension and actions weren't planned and due to the circumstances couldn't be undone. So the higher beings of that reality limited my power and booted me to a place who's time-line is in such flux that I can't perceive more than five minutes into the future.” The teen said with a grin.
“So what do you see?” Illyana asked.
“A lack of a need for Speedos.” The teen told her. “Somewhere else. Someone named Logan's 'Shotgun Senses' are tingling.”
“Cool.” Illyana said as she grabbed her friend's hand. “Should we pack?”
“I don't see it.” The teen grinned. “I'm Xander by the way.”
“What's going on?” Kitty asked her friend.
“Vacation!” Her friend said with a grin as she formed a light disc. “Let's go!” She said as they jumped in.
“I'll follow.” Xander said as his skin started to glow lightly. He turned to face the door of the room as it was kicked open by an angry short guy with a shotgun pointed right at him.
“Huh, it does still work.” Xander said before vanishing in a flash of blue light.
Wolverine growled as he realized both of the room's occupants and the stranger were gone. The worst part was there wasn't a whiff of fear in the room. Just Ozone.
A secluded beach somewhere.....
“This is nice.” Kitty said as Xander rubbed tanning oil on her back.
“It is.” Illyana agreed as another Xander did the same to her.
“Food's almost done!” Another Xander called from further down the beach.
“Omnipresence is kind of neat.” Kitty sighed before her Xander hit a pressure point that caused her to groan loudly.
“Think we should let the other girls know about him?” Illyana asked.
“Nah.” Kitty said. “We called dibs.”
“What about my brother?' Illyana asked.
“What about him?” Kitty asked as one of Xander's hands started caressing her backside. She had to fight back a moan as his hands made her tingle all over.
“Fair point.” Illyana agreed.
“I'm gonna like this reality.” One of the Xander's said. “Even if I can only split into five copies.”
“Five?” Illyana asked. “How do you feel about cleaning?”
“Depends on the rest of the situation.” The Xander that was massaging her leered. “I don't mind being a live in cook and maid provided I get adequate 'compensation'.”
“So if three of you are here where are the other two?” Kitty asked her Xander.
“One of me is catching up on the history of this reality and then he's going to hunker down somewhere and watch a lot of reruns to see if the shows are similar. As for the fifth me, he's....exploring.” Xander said.
“So this precognition thing, how does it work?” Illyana asked.
“Well... the timeline of this reality is kind of... well messed up is a good phrase. There have been multiple instances of incursions from alien invaders, people from alternate realities and people from potential futures that stem from the current... 'present'.... I can only see the multiple possibilities involving areas around me and my own actions.” Xander explained.
“So you know the exact line of where you'd either get shot or slapped.” Illyana surmised.
“Exactly.” Xander grinned.
Meanwhile, with the Fifth Xander.....
“Rubber Ducky, you're the one....” Xander sang as he squeezed his new... toys.
“I'm not exactly sure how or when you managed turn my breast implants into squeak toys, but you will certainly be changing them back before the evening is finished.” Emma Frost stated. “Now finish what you promised and prove to me you don't have to breathe while underwater.”
“You got it!” Xander said before heading to the bottom of the hot tub. He may have had to create a slightly larger version of the Hope Diamond but it was worth it!
A few seconds later Emma Frost had to uncross her eyes. The boy was unusually good at this. It was like he knew exactly what to do. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought this whole scenario was the work of that depraved little shit Mastermind.
But it wasn't and the man between her legs was very, very real.
Things were going to be very interesting from here on out.