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Summary: In honor of Dogbertcarroll's 'Flickering Lights', a bunch of mostly Xander centered one-shots.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > GeneralCrazyDanFR187074,13440986608,30116 Feb 1230 Oct 14No

He packs a mean Lincoln Log...? Working title...

I don't Own Buffy, Batman, Clone High or 'Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter'. Those belong to other people.

AN: I haven't seen the movie or read the book. I just glossed over the wikipedia entry. Also, Lincoln wasn't turned in this universe....

Also, this is a short one... while I contemplate toad licking for the next chapter...

October 30th.... Buffy's House....

“This isn't right.” Xander frowned as he stared at his costume.

“You got to pick the last two movie nights and got me stuck with the rental fees.” Buffy said. “You're wearing it.”

“But... it's Lincoln!” Xander protested. “That just isn't right!”

Buffy shrugged. “We only know what the history books tell us about him. For all we know there could be more to the story besides him being an axe swinging president.”

“Hmmm.” Xander said. “More to the story. A tragic story.... one of pain and...justice.” Xander said as he got a gleam in his eye.

“Uh oh.” Buffy said as she recognized the gleam in his eyes. He was like that when he had forced her to watch Tim Burton's 'Batman'.

“Abraham Lincoln... Vampire Hunter.” Xander said as he pondered the costume. “He trained to fight them using his fists and his woodsman's ax. The man who stopped the vampires from buying up humans like cattle.”

Buffy's eyes widened as her friend started spinning what could be considered an insane alternative history of the life of Lincoln if she didn't know that vampires really did exist.

“I've really got to start paying more attention to American History.” Buffy muttered as she realized her friend might 'possibly' be closer to the truth than anyone knew. She needed to talk to Giles because some of the stuff Xander was muttering might actually be true.

Buffy shuddered for a moment as she realized Lincoln freeing the slaves might have crippled the vampire growth in this country.

She needed to talk to Giles and get a presidential fact book since now Xander was muttering the similarities between President Taft and Jabba the Hut.

Halloween Night.... 45 minutes after the invocation of Janus....

“Vengeance is mine, so sayeth the lord!” Abraham Lincoln said as he drove his ax into the skull of William the Bloody. His ax that he had carefully used holy water on every time he had sharpened the blade damaging the vampire far more than a normal wound would.

Lincoln quickly followed through with another swing that decapitated the blond vampire in one blow.

“Whoa.” Buffy said as she watched the Lincoln Look-alike destroy what felt like a century old vampire.

Through an interesting set of both personal and financial circumstances, Buffy had gone trick or treating dressed in her old Hemery High Cheerleading Uniform with Pom Pom's that had been purchased at Ethan's. Something Xander had greatly appreciated since Buffy had 'grown' some since her days as a cheerleader.

Something he initially kept covered with his stovepipe hat. Thankfully Snyder very presence had killed his problem like he had done to many of the hopes and dreams of his fellow students.

“Now then.” Abraham Lincoln said as he looked around the town. “Since this pest had been dealt with, let's get to the real source of tonight's troubles.”

“Where's that?” Buffy asked him.

“Well.. it's the darndest thing.” Lincoln said. “I remember the theater, but I also remember going to High School with my best friend Ghandi. So all things considered, I'd say it's Halloween and someone dressed as me.” Lincoln explained. “Let's go find the costume shop that sold him this costume.”

“How?” Buffy asked.

“Check my coat for a label would you?” Lincoln asked her as he adjusted his sleeves. He'd loaned the girl his jacket since she was far too under-dressed for the cool October air.

“Ethan's” Buffy said as she checked the label of the jacket. “But I don't know this town. Where would it be?”

“My guess is downtown.” Lincoln said as he idly twirled his ax in his hands. “Shall we?”

“Yes Mr. President.” Buffy grinned.

“For some reason, I really like it when you call me that.” Lincoln said to her.

Buffy just shook her head and the two were on their way.

“Guys?” Willow said as she finally caught up the two other transformed teens. “Dear god, what happened here?”

“I showed some filth what happens when you get on my bad side.” Lincoln told the girl. “You know, my friend Joan would love to know where you shop.”

“This... this wasn't my idea!” Willow spluttered. “This was Buffy's idea!”

Buffy looked at the redheaded stranger and shook her head. “The only reason I would get someone to dress like that is if there was a boy involved.”

If Willow were capable, she would have blushed at that comment.

“So, where is this Ethan's place?” Lincoln asked, interrupting the odd conversation. He never understood girl talk that well.

“Oh, it's on the corner of Greenwalt and Moxon.” Willow said. “Why?”

“He is probably the source of all this. His is the new shop in town right?” Lincoln asked.

“Yeah. How did you know?” Willow asked.

“I watch a lot of TV.” Lincoln muttered. He really needed to talk to his clone when this was over. That boy seriously needed a spine.

Much later.....

“Dear lord, what happened to you two?” Giles asked as Buffy and Willow staggered into the library. Both girls makeup had run and they appeared to be very exhausted.

“Abraham Lincoln is one hell of an Orator.” Willow sighed.

“Yeah he is.” Buffy said. “He packs a hell of a stove pipe too.”

“This is one of those things I'm going to want to use my memory spell on isn't it?” Giles sighed.

“You really need to start calling your liquor stash something else or people will get the wrong idea.” Jenny Calendar said from behind him.

“I could, then people might actually find it.” Giles said to her.

“Fair point.” Jenny nodded. “What's with them?”

“Either they've been mugged, or.... you know.” Giles said with a shrug.

“Where's Xander?” Jenny asked.

“He was talking to my mom.” Buffy said before she and Willow shared a look.

“You don't think?” Willow asked Buffy.

“Mom always did appreciate honesty.” Buffy said as she started heading for the exit. “And Beards.”

“Hmm... whiskers.” Willow said with a shudder.

“Okay, now I need to know what happened.” Jenny muttered as the girls left the library.

“No. We don't.” Giles said. “Trust me, we don't.”

“Got enough of that 'memory spell' for two?” Jenny asked him.

“Only if you don't boggart it.” Giles told her.


Xander Harris stared at his well developed sideburns and grinned to himself. “My goal is to get my hands on four score breasts in seven years.” He chuckled. “Getting there. Now I just need to find out what that halfwit is doing with His legacy.”

He shook his head as his mind went dirty places involving the life and times of Lincoln's living clone.

“I wonder if Cleopatra would put out?” He wondered. “Nah.... too easy.”

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