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Summary: In honor of Dogbertcarroll's 'Flickering Lights', a bunch of mostly Xander centered one-shots.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > GeneralCrazyDanFR187074,13440986607,74716 Feb 1230 Oct 14No

The story is finally told....

Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS or any shows broadcast on the Disney channel. Or 'How I met Your Mother' or a various slew of other premises used in this little bit. This is a piece of fanfiction written for the amusement of me and maybe the readers.
Maybe the readers. It's a little out there this time.

“Kids, have you ever had a moment so embarrassing that you would welcome the earth opening up and swallowing you whole?” A man asked the two children sitting in front of him.

“Pfft.” The redheaded teenage girl said. “Who hasn't?”

“I hate to interrupt, but I think this is sidetracking a little bit.” The second child interjected. “We've gone through your high school years but we still haven't gotten to the point where you met mom.”

The man laughed. “Always to the point aren't you Phineas? Well... Like I told you two when I started this little story, it takes a while. We're just getting to one of the more... relevant parts.”

“So the earth really swallowed you whole?” The teenage girl, one Candice Flynn asked her biological Father.

“Not exactly.” The man grinned. “I had decided to go on a road trip after High School graduation because as you both know, travel expands the mind. I didn't get far from my home town before disaster naturally struck and I got stuck. Little did I know that getting a dish washing job at the 'Fabulous Ladies Nightclub' would take me where it did, but considering my luck and all the higher powers I've pissed off... well..... Here I am.” He grinned before looking at his watch. “Well for the next couple of hours anyways.”

“Come on, get on with the good stuff.” Candice said.

“Yeah.” Phineas agreed.

“So, there I am on stage wearing more sequins than I thought could possibly fit on that little fabric...” The man said.

Oxnard California.......

“Are the lights suppsoed to be doing that?” One of the first-timers asked some of the hollering women at the table next to hers.

“Only during storms and heatwaves.” One of the women said.

“So not tonight?” The first woman asked.

“No.” The other woman said.

They audience watched in part amusment and part horror as the poor boy on the stage awkwardly swung around a pole only to lose his grip and fling himself towards the center of the stage.

Time seemed to slow down as he unintenionally flung himself into a portal leading to god knows where that formed in front of him. His last audible words were “You have to be frickin' kidding me!”

“Kid's, I'll be honest. I didn't say 'Frickin'.” The man admitted. “That portal actually caused me to land thong first on top of a redheaded girl about my own age.”

“Mom?” Candice asked.

“Sorry, but no.” The man chuckled.

“Dad.” Phineas complained.

“Phineas, I appreciate the sentiment, I do but I haven't really earned the title. Call me Xander. Practically everyone else does.” Xander said with a sigh. “So where was I?”

“You landed on a redhead.” Candice said as she checked her phone.

“Right. I thought I told you to turn that off while we chatted.” Xander said.

Candice just looked at him.

“Fine.” Xander sighed. “So I landed....”

Another time, place and reality....

“Man, I think I bruised my tailbone.” Were the first words out of Xander's mouth as rolled off of whatever he landed on. “Where the hell am I?”

“KP!” Came a shout from nearby.

“I'm okay Ron.” A voice said from behind Xander. “Really, He just got the drop on me.”

“Literally.” A somewhat snide sounding woman's voice said from an overhead speaker. “I knew testing this thing was a bad idea but no one wanted to listen to me.”

“Quiet Shego, I've always wanted to see the pan-dimensional vortex inducer in action. It actually managed to summon someone who can incapacitate Kim Possible on the first try! Amazing!"

Xander looked around what was obviously some sort of testing facility. “Can I get some explanations and maybe some pants?”

“Wait.... you landed butt first on Kim Possible? The cartoon character?” Candice interrupted. “How?”

“What part of Pandimensional vortex inducer didn't you get?” A third voice chipped in from behind the couch.

“Ferb!” Phineas said. “You promised you were going to be quiet for this.”

Ferb's signature green hair appeared just over the top of the back of the sofa as he walked from behind it.

“Well Candice is interrupting when he got to the fun part.” Ferb shrugged. “So dimension hopping?”

“Yes.” Xander sighed. “That's how it happened. Because of that vortex inducer I've been traveling dimensions trying to find my way home. It's how I met Linda. It's also how I met my wife.”

“Aww honey I'm touched.” A voice said from behind the couch.

Candice and Phineas looked at Ferb who shrugged. “It was her idea.”

“I love this story.” Shego admitted as she popped up over the sofa. “Poor Kimmie was never the same after that ass plant.”

“Language.” Candice hissed as she covered her younger brother's ears.

Xander laughed as he checked his timer. “All right, we've still got another three hours before the portal opens again. Where was I?”

“Kim was getting the sequins out of her teeth.” Shego said with a grin.

“Right. That.” Xander snorted before beginning again....


Can anyone else seeing something like this happening later in Phineas and Ferb? I can.
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