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Summary: In honor of Dogbertcarroll's 'Flickering Lights', a bunch of mostly Xander centered one-shots.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > GeneralCrazyDanFR187074,13440986608,22816 Feb 1230 Oct 14No

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news (Clone part 2)

I don't Own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Marvel Comics. I also don't own Xander Harris, Ben Reilly or any of this really. This is fanfiction people. We know the drill.

Continuation of I Think I'm a Clone now.....

Bleecker Street....

“Man... this place doesn't look like much on the outside.” Xander Harris said as he was escorted inside the ward line of Doctor Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum.

“That's the point.” Doctor Strange said as he looked at the visitor. “I find it tends to discourage most solicitors.”

“Most?” Xander asked.

“Jehovah's witnesses tend to be rather stubborn.” Doctor Strange admitted. “Now... you are obviously not Spider-Man though you have his body. Is this a case of Possession or something else?”

“Clone with a transmigrated soul. Not really my idea but I got booted out of my own reality.” Xander told him. “Not a bad guy, promise.” He said as he did the Boy Scout's salute.

“You know you're doing the salute wrong right?” Doctor Strange asked him with a raised brow.

“Heh... Different universe, different salute?” Xander grinned nervously.

“I was warned you'd be coming.” Doctor Strange sighed. “You seek connection with the astral plane to fix the... damage your body has correct?”

“Something like that.” Xander admitted. “So... do I have to chant something or what?”

“Actually... I think you just need to go out on my balcony.” Doctor Strange said as he pointed upstairs. “They've been gathering for the last hour.”

“They?” Xander asked.

“As I said... I was warned you'd be coming.” Doctor Strange told him as they walked up the stairs.

“You say you were warned, not told.” Xander said. “Words have meaning, especially with magic types. So... Oh crap.” Xander trailed off as he stared at the swarm of spiders gathered all over the balcony, it's windows and the furniture as well.

“As I said.... warned. They're waiting for you Alexander.” Doctor Strange told him.

“I would say eww... but I know better.” Xander said with a sigh. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for what was to come. “This is gonna bite.”

“Probably.” Doctor Strange admitted. “Safe Journeys.”

“Yeah.” Xander said before slipping out of his flip-flops and gently opening the balcony door. The mass of spiders cleared a path to one of the chairs on the balcony. Xander carefully walked towards the chair and made sure it was clear before sitting down.

“Okay.” Xander said softly before the spiders started to crawl up his bare feet and began to surround him. It wasn't long before the man was covered in a thick coating of webbing.

Moments later all of the spiders, save for one left the Sanctum Santorum entirely. The lone spider remained on Xander's cocooned form.

“Safe Journeys.” Doctor Strange repeated as he stepped onto the balcony and sat down on the second chair.

He would wait and stand watch should anything else come back through with him.

The Astral Plane.....

“Oh boy.” Xander said softly as he looked around. He'd been expecting big open spaces and maybe a giant queen spider but... not this.

He was standing shoulder to shoulder in a large crowd of faceless people looking onto a set of a.... game show?

“Alexander Harris! Come on down!” A voice called overhead as a spotlight shone down on him.

The faceless people around him got out of his way as he made his way down to the... set.

“So, am I in Mojo world?” Xander called as a faceless and genderless stagehand equipped him with a small microphone.

“Not exactly.” The stagehand said to him, though it's voice sounded half garbled by clicks and hisses. “Just be ready.”

“Ready for what?” Xander asked, but the stage hand had walked off already.

“He's been brought here from another universe by forces beyond his comprehension and shoved into a body he knows next to nothing about! Let's give a big hand for tonight's contestant, Alexander Lavelle Harris!” The announcer called causing the faceless audience to applaud loudly.

Suddenly there was a man wearing a tuxedo with a spider's head standing next to him with a microphone. “So... do you think you have a chance here tonight Alex?” The \man/creature asked Xander.

“I wouldn't be here if I didn't.” Xander told him. “Exactly how much peril am in here?”

“That's for the viewers at home to decide.” The creature said.


“A Brand New Car!” Spider-Man shouted.

“Dude, are you okay?” The Human Torch asked his friend.

“Yeah. I just felt like shouting that for some reason.” Spider-Man said as he looked out from Lady Liberty's crown. “It's been a weird couple of days. I feel like I've been watching 'The Price is Right' mixed with 'The Dating Game' and 'American Gladiators'.”

“You have got to stop eating so many Chili-Dogs.” The Human Torch said with a shake of his head.

“What are you, my Aunt?” Spider-Man groused.

The Astral Plane....

“He's won his original face but has to have the penalty of having four extra arms!” The Announcer called. “He's done well so far but the next fight is to decide what Spider he's going to bond with! Are you ready for the wheel to decide your fate?”

“Ready as I'll ever be.” Xander said as he rubbed his face with one of his hands.

“Just remember, once it's been decided you have to defeat it in combat!” The Announcer called. “Now, spin the wheel!”

“Spin! Spin! Spin!” The Audience shouted.

Xander spun the wheel and swore when it stopped.

“While more of an idea than an actual species, we have the main spider from the movie 'Arachnophobia'!” The Announcer said causing the entire audience to practically lose their minds.

“I'm boned.” Xander muttered.


“Kill! Kill! Kill!” Spider-Man chanted as he continued to hold J. Jonah Jameson's ankle as he swung them away from The Scorpion.

“You'd better not you masked freak!” Jameson shouted.

“Oh can it.” Spider-Man said. “We wouldn't even be here if you didn't run another inflammatory article on Gargan.”

“That was a fair and balanced piece.” Jameson defended.

“Let's not talk about your yellow journalism or the similarly colored stain running down your leg right now.” Spider-Man quipped.

The Astral Plane.....

“Oh that was not fun.” Xander said as he stared at the still twitching car sized spider. “You'd better stay down or I'm ripping another leg off.”

The spider stopped twitching.

“All right then.” Xander said with a grin.

“Now for the bonus round!” The Announcer called.

“Oh come on!” Xander sighed.

Sanctum Santorum.....

“I really have to pee.” Stephen Strange said to himself before getting up.

“Don't go anywhere.” He said to Xander who was still cocooned in webbing.

Xander didn't say anything.

The Astral Plane....

“Are we done yet?” Xander asked the Host.

“Almost. Next up is your uniform package. Any requests?” The Host asked.

“Yeah. I've got one, but it's kind of odd.” Xander told him.

“We'll see what we can do.” The Host told him.


“Purple bad!” Spider-Man shouted.

“Puny bug-man mocks Hulk's pants?” The Hulk shouted. “Hulk smash!”

“Oh crap.” Spider-Man said before leaping away from the car door sized fists.

The Astral Plane....

“Okay, now we're onto the final round.” The Host told Xander. “You have to look upon the face of the All-Mother and not scream.”

“Ummm.... okay?” Xander softly as a giant door was rolled onto the stage. “Not scream at all or hold off the scream?”

“Everyone screams eventually. Just shoot for 30 seconds or so.” The Host told him.

“Gotcha.” Xander said with a nod as the door opened.

He lasted less than five seconds before screaming like a little girl.

Sanctum Santorum.....

“For the record, I did not scream like a little girl.” Xander defended as he drank the broth Wong had prepared. “It was a manly bellow.”

Doctor Strange waved his hand in the air and the scene appeared in the air between them like a projection with sound.

“Fine.” Xander muttered as four of his hands gave Doctor Strange the Finger.

“So what was it like?” Doctor Strange asked.

“Don't ask.” Xander muttered. “Just don't ask.”

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