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Not So Happy Valentines

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Summary: Six unrelated Anti-Valentines Day stories written for the Severus *sighs* community's AVD 2012 Ficathon

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories > Theme: ComedyMissEFR1866,429031,90124 Feb 1224 Feb 12Yes

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You Asked For It

Prompt: 1 - Severus' lover demands a romantic gesture, so he decides on one that will ensure he is never asked to do so again.

Pairing: Severus/Remus

Warnings: Nope.

Disclaimer: Don't own or claim rights to Harry Potter

A/N: With many thanks to Selkie for her very fine job as beta.


“It’s Valentine’s Day!”

Pout. Puppy eyes.

Merlin, but Severus hated the puppy eyes. Especially since the Wolf was so very good with them; must be something in the genes. And he didn’t know why Remus was suddenly insisting on romantic gestures: he knew who he was sharing his life with, he knew Severus didn’t do romantic gestures! He was Severus bloody Snape, the most cold-hearted bastard to inhabit the dungeons of Hogwarts. Three years in, and people still gave them sidewards glances, obviously wondering what Remus saw in him. Well, he was a bloody good fuck, that’s what the Wolf saw in him.

And if Remus wanted a romantic gesture, he would get a romantic gesture.

And he would never ask for another one ever again.


Remus blinked. “Um, what’s going on?” he asked uncertainly.

Severus quirked an eyebrow. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

Remus looked his lover up and down. “You’re wearing… Well, I could say you’re wearing colours, but, more than that, you’re wearing red. Bright red, at that.”

Severus looked down at his robe. It was, he had to admit, a vivid, violent, even Gryffindorish red. Odd how both ‘violent’ and ‘Gryffindorish’ both sprang to his mind. “I had rather thought that red was the correct colour for today,” he offered smoothly.

Remus gazed at Severus as if he were now to be considered alarmingly lunatic. “Well … yes. Or pink,” he added.

Severus permitted himself a glare: red was quite bad enough, thank you. “It is St Valentine’s Day, you wished for a romantic gesture, I am wearing red,” he declared, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Remus blinked, and suddenly realised the error of his ways. “Oh. That’s … nice. And, um, do you have anything else planned for the day?” His voice had squeaked. Please, Merlin, let Severus not have heard that sign of weakness.

Severus smirked. Remus realised he had bugger-all luck of that happening. “Oh, of course, my dear Remus; it wouldn’t be St Valentine’s Day without some grand gesture, and my merely wearing red wouldn’t quite be enough, now would it?”

“Severus, I am so sorry,” Remus repented, “please, for the love of god, please don’t do this.”

“But, Remus, the world must know how very much I love you,” Severus reasoned. Huh: Severus could do an innocent face; who knew?

Remus buried his face in his hands. This was bad. This was so bad, it now reached into apocalyptic scales. He was never living this down, not from Severus, and, most likely, not from anyone he had ever hoped might respect him. Various scenarios flitted through his head, including one with Severus in a thong, and only a thong, singing a Tom Jones song. Just so long as it wasn’t the ‘Pussycat’ song; that could be misconstrued in so many ways. He took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders back, and opened his eyes. “Right. Might as well get this over with.”

“Oh, Remus,” Severus purred, “I’m not sure that’s the right attitude at all. Tell you what,” he added, smirking, “you get through this, and I’ll make it worth your while, and you will never ask me to do it again,” he finished, growling.

Remus’ mind blanked for a moment; Severus growling always had that effect. He blinked. “Oh, right. Yes, sure, right,” he nodded. He could do that.


Remus lay in the tumbled sheets and attempted to pull his head back together. The thong had made an appearance, but not (thankfully) until they were alone, and behind locked doors. He’d always known Severus would fill one out nicely, but it had been wonderful to be proven correct. Even if said thong had had a rose attached. He rather hoped Severus had added that one after they had arrived home.

It had been just as horrific as he had expected. What the hell had he been thinking to demand a romantic gesture from Severus? There must have been something in the chocolates Minerva had given him. He would insist on a severe talking to for the woman, but rather thought last night had served her well: Severus gyrating in a scarlet robe had obviously been something she could have lived without seeing. To be honest, it was something he could have lived without seeing.

Apart from the lap dance (Merlin help him!) there had been chocolate-dipped strawberries, which Severus had hand-fed to him, and rose petals on his chair (sprinkled from a basket by the aforementioned Severus) and a wandering violinist. (How Severus had managed that, he didn’t know; he hadn’t thought violins were much played in Wizarding society.) There were candles, of course, and wine, and his favourite meal, which was about the only thing worth salvaging from the experience. Except for Minerva’s gobsmacked face, and the post-date experience. Remus leered and stretched; Merlin, but that man was going to be the end of him!

Severus slunk back into the room, and shucked off his robe before sliding, naked, into the bed. “You’re conscious,” he frowned. “I mustn’t have buggered you enough.”

Remus hummed happily. “Maybe not quite,” he nodded.

Severus ran one callused hand up Remus’ thigh, pushing it slightly open. “Maybe I should rectify that,” he growled, and, oh, there was Remus’ dick responding right on schedule.

“Could be a thought,” Remus panted. “Sure you’re up to it, thought?” he taunted, grinning.

Severus growled wordlessly, and lunged to swallow Remus’ dick down. Remus yelped, and bucked up, blindly reaching to tangle his hand in raven-dark locks. Severus sucked, and swallowed, and hummed until Remus gave a strangled cry and helplessly came into that talented mouth. Severus rose to kneel between limp thighs, and leered down at the dazed werewolf. “Don’t think I’m up to it, huh?”

Remus’s eyes travelled from dark, swollen lips to the large, heavy dick standing proudly from Severus’ body, gleaming slickly. He panted. “Maybe? Maybe you should show me what you can do with that monster.”

Severus smirked, and shuffled forward, lifting Remus’ hips onto his thighs. He ran his thumb over Remus’ twitching hole, dipping in to test the tightness of the sphincter, and causing the other man to moan. He summoned the lube to his hand and quickly slicked his fingers, sliding two into the still loose hole and searched for –

Remus bucked, and cried out, wrapping his legs around his lover. “More,” he hissed.

Severus pulled his hand out, added more slick, and pushed three fingers in, twisting, thrusting, stroking. Remus mewled and thrust back, rutting on the fingers deep within him. Finally, Severus pulled his fingers out, slicked his dick, and rubbed the head at Remus’ entrance.

“Please,” Remus begged, and, pushing in firmly, Severus obliged. Fully seated in Remus’ hot, tight body, Severus lurched forward, planting his hands either side of Remus head. In return, Remus locked his heels behind Severus back, and grinned. “Show me what you’ve got.”

Severus grinned back, pulled out, and slammed back in. Leaning on his elbows, his face inches from Remus’, he drove repeatedly into that beloved body, watching his lover’s face avidly. Clutching hands and digging heels grounded him, and a newly risen dick rocked between them, begging for attention, so Severus leaned onto one arm as he reached between them with the other. He tugged at Remus in counterpoint to his thrusts, driving the man wild with sensation until lightning screamed down his spine, through his balls, and out his dick, and he cried out.

Remus eyes flew open, and he feasted on the many sensations inundating him, overloading, and finally exploding in pleasure before they both sank, sated, to the bed. Remus felt the ache of his lover departing carefully, and pushed his eyes open. He grunted, and wondered if his mouth would work. “Showed me,” he managed finally.

Severus gave a rusty laugh. “No more requests for ‘romantic gestures?’”

Remus cracked open an eye, and realised he’d closed them again. “Still get sex?”

“You still get sex,” Severus generously allowed.

“‘Kay,” Remus grunted. “Sleep now.”

“Very well, my Wolf,” Severus nodded. “Sleep, and I may just join you.”

Remus snuffled, and turned slightly towards Severus. Stupid big brain, still able to…
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