Series Title: Cavalcade of Mayhem
Title: Call It
Disclaimer: I do not own: Angel, Beetlejuice, Being Human(UK), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, Dark-Hunters, Doctor Who, Friday the 13th (2009), Glee, Harry Potter*, Heroes*, Labyrinth, The Mentalist, My Little Pony*, Psych, Rainbow Brite, The Sarah Jane Adventures, Sons of Anarchy, Supernatural, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Torchwood, Warehouse 13, or Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? (*= mentioned, not actually part of the ‘verse).
Series Summary: Minis written about the Resurrected ‘verse that have either: 500 words or were not written using the challenge in Resurrected Our Thoughts
Summary: The talk of doom.
A/N: So, I read the next part originally slotted for part 4, and I had no flipping clue what I was trying to write. It made no sense. And it featured the Glee kids and possible Quinn & Finn bashings, so I decided to skip ahead. To Faith and Xander. Picking on each other. Because I can. Cavalcade of Mayhem
“I try to not ever think of Faith and sex in the same thought.”
“Aw, did I scar you for life, Xan?” Faith chuckled.
“It’s possible to not think of girls in a sexual context,” Xander glared at her with his eye.
“Really? I call bullshit.”
“You’re not helping.”
“You’re telling them lies. I’m helping
by calling bullshit.”
“Still, not helping.”
“You’re trying to teach a test-tube baby, a goblin princess, a Winchester brat, and a extrapolated-material-alien girl about sex-ed. I popped your cherry. I think that means I’m qualified to teach sex-ed,” Faith crossed her shit-kickers on his desk.
“Um, I’ve already taken this class,” Rachel Berry-Williams cleared her throat, even raising her hand to get the bickering couple’s attention.
“It was preprogrammed into me. Along with the use of multiple weapons use,” Jenny Noble frowned.
“Mr. Smith gave me a few lessons and Clyde lent me a few magazines,” Luke Smith’s cheeks reddened a bit at mentioning them.
“Mrs. Brewster. The summer I turned sixteen,” Puck grinned.
“You didn’t suit up with Fabray, so I’m pretty sure you failed, Winchester,” Faith rolled her eyes at him. Rachel smacked his arm.
“And it’s not just
sex-ed, Faith,” Xander cleared his throat. “It’s possibly a combination of that and the shovel-speech.”
“Shovel-speech?” Rachel looked between the two adults. “What is that?”
“Not the shovel-speech!” Faith groaned. “Why them?”
“You mean - why isn’t your adopted family not here as well?” Xander countered.
“Cassie’s been dead. Not even the shovel speech is gonna keep Milligan out of her pants. And I’m pretty sure Matt’s covered on that front -”
“Jack probably handed him the box of condoms.”
“That’s what I’m saying!”
“Anyway,” Xander turned back to the foursome. “For whatever reason, three of you have very different make-ups in origin. That means that most likely - sex is going to have bad, horrible consequences. Which will include a shovel bashed over your or your significant other’s heads if things do go badly.”
“I got gutted, yo,” Faith swiped a hand over her abdomen. “Sure, I got wicked hot scars and a coma from hell for popping his cherry.”
“I think there were other reasons for those.”
“So I broke B’s ex too,” Faith grinned at him.
“And just so you know,” Xander continued. “Toby, Quinn, Maria and Adam are getting this ‘talk’ from the Bear of doom.”
“Shit, I missed out on Remi’s smooth talkin’? Knew I stalked the wrong watcher today.”
“Would it have been less traumatizing than this?” Jenny asked.
“I don’t want scars, Puck,” Rachel twittered, glancing up at her boyfriend.
“Trust me, you won’t get scars.”
“And Noah’s more likely to pick up a few scars from your parents when it does,” Luke nodded.
“Why aren’t you freaked out about it?” Puck frowned at him.
“Because I’m not the one standing across from a bear right now. It’d probably be more frightening from Remi. Not any less traumatizing.”