Boys Are Stupid
Title: Boys Are Stupid
Summary: Dawn moves to Smallville and the girls get what they want.
Rating: PG-13 (for smoochies)
Disclaimer: Neither Buffy nor Smallville belong to me. All kudos to Joss Whedon and DC Comics.
Spoilers: Buffy to the end. Smallville season 1ish.
Dedication: For Malana. This is a silly piece of fluff is cheer you up. Remember, if he’s one in a million, there’s five more like him just in New South Wales (the Whitlams).
“Meteor rock mutants? You have got to be kidding me.” Dawn sounded more frustrated than disbelieving as she admired the ‘Wall of Weird’. “So much for ‘normal’, ‘safe’ and ‘quiet’.” She sighed quietly to herself, turning away.
After the spectacular demise of the First and the loss of Anya and Spike, Buffy had declined Giles’s offer of helping to start a Slayer School in Cleveland in favour of allowing Dawn to finish high school somewhere normal. And where could be more normal than a tiny town in the middle of Kansas? Called Smallville no less? Sure, Dawn’s splatter blue jeans, post-modern pink shirts and brown Birkenstocks didn’t really fit with the primary coloured high school but she’d soon found a kindred spirit in displaced city girl Chloe Sullivan.
“Dawn? Dawn? I’m sorry. Is this freaking you out?” Chloe was staring at Dawn with intense concern evident in her eyes.
Dawn sighed again. “It’s no weirder than Sunnydale.” Oops, she shouldn’t have said that.
“Sunnydale? I thought you said you were from LA. Isn’t Sunnydale that town that collapsed into the subterranean caverns?”
Dawn searched frantically for a new topic. “So, think Clark will ask you to the dance on Friday?”
Chloe sighed, all thoughts of Sunnydale forgotten. “Unlikely. It’s Wednesday. He’s known about the dance for a month and he hasn’t asked me yet. I think he’s holding out hope that Lana will break up with Whitney in the next thirty-six hours so he can ask her.”
Dawn smiled. The only thing that could distract the intrepid journalist from a potential story was the mention of the Kentmeister. Chloe’s unrequited love for Clark Kent - the only guy Dawn had ever met who was more corn-bred than Riley – was tragic and amusing by turns.
“You going to ask anyone?”
Dawn sighed and thought ‘I have got to stop sighing, I’m turning into Buffy-and-Angel phase Buffy’. “I don’t really know anyone except you and Clark and Pete.” The truth was that Dawn had a major jones for Whitney so she secretly cheered Clark on in his love for Lana.
“DVDs and pizza at my place it is then.” Dawn laughed at Chloe’s fatalism before heading off to her next class.
That day when Dawn arrived home from school, the interrogation started.
“I see that there’s a dance on Friday night,” started Buffy, trying to subtle. “Are you going?”
Dawn frowned, silently cursing Robin’s recommendation that had won Buffy the job of guidance counsellor at Smallville High. “Chloe I were thinking we’d skip it and just watch DVDs at her place or something.”
“Why don’t you ask that guy you like?”
Dawn fell into Buffy’s carefully laid trap and answered automatically. “He already has a girlfriend.” Buffy smirked as Dawn fumed. “I so did not tell you that I liked any guy. How do you always do that?”
“Slayer instinct. So, what’s this guy like?”
Defeated, Dawn decided to spill. “He’s a football player.” Seeing the concern on her sister’s face she continued quickly, “don’t worry, I’ve been around him when he’s not wearing his letterman jacket.”
“A jock huh? Not Clark then? Why not Clark? He seems nice. I like him.”
“You like Clark because he reminds you of Riley, all normal and nice. Remember how that ended? Riley turned out to be superhero and his white bread mild mannered-ness was a disguise.”
Buffy frowned. “It wasn’t a disguise. He really was white bread and mild mannered.”
Now it was Dawn’s turn to smirk. “You have but-face.”
“But he did turn out to be a superhero commando demon-hunting guy. But what are the chances of Clark from Smallville being some kind of superhero?”
Dawn frowned, trying to decide whether or not to tell Buffy about Chloe’s ‘Wall of Weird’. “According to Chloe, he rescues Lana a lot.”
“OMG. It’s the same everywhere isn’t it? Sounds like Chloe and Clark and Lana have a whole Cordelia-Xander-Willow-Oz thing going on. Except we’re missing an Oz.”
Dawn sighed, mentally slapping herself for doing it. “That would be Whitney.”
Lights went on in Buffy’s eyes. “That would be the guy you like.”
Dawn nodded sullenly at her sister.
“He’s Lana’s boyfriend?” Dawn nodded again. “You’re friends with Lana right?” Dawn nodded again, this time a little uncertainly. “Why don’t you and Chloe and Clark and Clark’s friend what’s-his-name…”
“Pete,” supplied Dawn suspiciously.
“…and Lana and Whitney all go as a group to the dance?” Buffy seemed pleased with her idea. “That way, there’s no couples and everyone can go and have fun.”
Dawn glared at her sister. “Or there’s three couples and nobody’s sure who’s with who.”
Buffy face fell. “It was just a suggestion.”
Thursday dawned bright and sunny, just like every day in Smallville. Clark missed the bus but somehow managed to make to school before the others.
Not wanting to spend another Friday night watching DVDs and eating Chloe’s father’s cooking, Dawn suggested Buffy’s crazy idea to Chloe.
“I think that’s a great idea.”
“What’s a great idea?” Clark and Pete joined the girls in the office of the Torch and Chloe filled them in.
“Absolutely,” added Pete. “It’s not a date so there’s no pressure and it triples the number of potential dance partners.” He leered jokingly at the girls. “And if we can’t get Lana and Whitney to agree it can just be the four of us.”
Chloe noticed that both Clark and Dawn’s faces fell. “I’ll talk to Lana in Chemistry this afternoon. I’m sure she’ll go for it.”
And she did. Lana had been wanting to cool off her relationship with Whitney for awhile and this group date gave her the perfect opportunity. She’d make sure that he danced with both Chloe and Dawn and she’d dance with Pete and Clark. It would show Whitney that teenage relationships didn’t have to be so serious and exclusive.
Lana caught up with Chloe and Dawn at the Talon that evening.
“The guys are meeting at Clark’s beforehand so I thought we could get ready and my house then Whitney could drive us all in his new truck.”
Dawn nodded enthusiastically – for all that she lusted after her boyfriend, the Slayer’s sister quite liked the ex-cheerleader – but Chloe asked, “He has another new truck? What happened to the last one?”
Lana smiled, trying not to laugh. “It was the weirdest thing…”
The next night, the night of the dance was clear and starry. The boys were ready in no time and their fidgeting soon got on Martha Kent’s nerves so she shooed them out of the kitchen and into the barn.
“Nice place you’ve got here Kent.” Clark had forgiven Whitney for stringing him up in a corn field with a piece of meteor rock around his neck but things were still tense between the two young men.
Pete was at the telescope. “Apparently Mars is closer to the Earth than it’s been in two hundred years.” He swung the ‘scope around.
Whitney sauntered up to take a look. “Good view of Lana’s from here Clark?” he asked slyly. Looking into the telescope he breathed, “Oh wow.”
“Can you see Mars? It should be a red dot just to the left of the moon.” Clark and Whitney both smiled at Pete’s cluelessness.
“No but I can see another heavenly body.”
Clark and Pete rushed to the telescope just in time to see the curtains in Lana’s room pulled closed. A few minutes later, having given up their spying, the boys were playing cards when they heard the unmistakeable squeak of Lana’s front door opening and rushed to the window.
There, on Lana’s front porch was a vision in a red dress. Her hair was done in little twists and, as she turned to call something back into the house, the low cut back of the dress revealed a small tattoo on her lower back. Clark almost fell trying to lean out the window to get a better look. Pete grabbed him.
Clark turned on his best friend. “I didn’t know that Chloe had a tattoo. Did you know that Chloe had a tattoo? I didn’t know that Chloe had a tattoo.” He turned to Whitney.
“Don’t look at me man, I didn’t know.” Whitney smiled as Clark turned back to the window.
“Clark, buddy, chill out. It’s just Chloe.” Pete didn’t get it. For the first time, Clark was seeing Chloe, really seeing her. This girl who had been one of his best friends for the last three years, this girl who was mad about journalism, this girl who had been crushing on him for ages – she’s finally turned into, well, a girl. No, she hadn’t changed, he’d just woken up. Realisation was kicking in like the smell of coffee. Chloe was a girl, just not any girl, but THE girl.
“Clark. Clark!” Pete was shaking him but Clark was mesmerised. He hadn’t even noticed that Lana and Dawn had joined Chloe on the front porch of Lana’s house and that all three girls were waving up at them.
“I think that means it’s time to go.” Whitney was first out the door and into his truck, troubled by thoughts of his own.