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All's Fair

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Summary: Sequel to Boys Are Stupid. Everything that went right goes wrong. *Complete*

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Smallville > Multiple PairingsrenelfFR131113,31224510,5308 Jan 0427 Feb 04Yes

My Girl

Faith was the first person out the back door of the Talon. “What the…?”

“Spike?” Xander was close behind his girl.

“It’s not Spike,” announced Buffy as she rushed towards the man who had Lana pinned to the alley wall, his hand around her throat.

“Oh,” muttered Faith before throwing a punch that sent Spike-a-like flying across the alley. Dawn raced to Lana’s side to make sure her friend was ok.

Mini-Spike recovered from Faith’s attack with surprising speed and ran at Buffy. Knowing that his friend was more than capable of chatting and fighting, Xander began to interrogate Buffy. “So if he’s not Spike – which he’s obviously not, I mean, hello sunlight – who the hell is he?”

“He was with Harmony,” punch, block, spin, kick. “Some kind of Spike clone she was going to vamp,” duck, block, backhand, sweep. “Creepy, huh?”

Diet-Spike was defending his Spikeness and giving almost as good as he got and Faith noticed. She entered the fight to help Buffy out and the two fought like two halves of one whole. They didn’t even notice when Lex and Ben came roaring up in one of Lex’s many sports cars.

“Whoa, nice car,” commented Xander as the two cousins got out. “What year is it?”

Ignoring Xander’s question, Lex rushed towards the melee. “Buffy? Are you alright?”

“Peachy with a side of keen,” replied Buffy in between punches. Satisfied that his girl was going to be fine, Lex leaned against the wall to enjoy the show. Buffy and Faith were like two sides of a coin, light and dark, yin and yang, poetry in motion.

Meanwhile, Dawn and Lana joined Xander and Ben by the car. “So,” began Xander, addressing Lana, “this guy’s one of those meteor rock mutants I’ve heard so much about?”

Lana nodded. “I guess so. He’s exhibiting all the signs: unnatural strength, serious impulse control issues and, if you get close enough, his skin’s kind of greenish.”


“Ouch! That’s gotta hurt.” Dawn’s exclamation turned everyone’s attention back to the fight, where Spike-a-like had just sucker punched Faith and she was down for the count. Xander rushed in to check on his girl and drag her prone form out of harm’s way while Ben took her place, fighting alongside Buffy.

“Is she ok?” asked Lana, indicating the unconscious Faith.

Xander sighed. “She’ll wake up soon. She always does.” He smiled and left Lana to her ministrations.

Just then Xander’s cell phone rang. He glanced briefly at the caller ID before answering. “Hey Deadboy. What’s up?”

Back in LA Angel sighed in frustration. He and Xander had been working together for months and although the vampire believed he had earned the man’s respect he could not seem to break him of using that irritating nick name. “Did you find him.”

Xander smiled. “Yeah, I got him right here…hold on, I’ll just check.” Putting down the phone, Xander yelled towards the combatants. “Hey Ben! How you doing there?”

Landing a punch squarely on Mini-Spike’s jaw, Ben yelled back. “Good, really.”

Xander picked up his phone again. “He’s fine really. Fights just like you.”

Buffy and Ben had managed to subdue the psychotic Spike clone and were tying him up with some rope Lana had found for them. Faith woke up and glanced at Xander, who was laughing into the phone. “That Angel?” she asked. Xander nodded and continued chatting into his cell. “What?…No, he’s really fine…Yes, with Lex…his cousin…He’s got a few cousins…You don’t want to know…Fighting?…Yeah, he’s just helping B out…he’s pretty good, just hope he’s good enough for D-Girl…You didn’t know?…They’re totally gone on each other…C’mon Deadboy, don’t be like that.” Sighing, he flipped the phone closed.

“He’s not coming here is he?” Faith looked worried. Things in Smallville were chaotic enough without throwing the souled vampire into the mix. Not to mention the tiny point that Buffy and Angel both acted crazy whenever they got within fifty miles of each other. Faith shook her head.

“Who’s not coming here?” asked Buffy, walking up with Lex. She gave Faith a hand to her feet.

Faith and Xander glanced at each other. “Uh, no one,” they answered together.

“Right then,” said Lex sceptically. “Who’s for breakfast?”

Everyone, excluding the Spike clone, who was being hauled away by the sheriff, headed inside where Lana served up breakfast. Clark and Chloe, having missed all the action, turned up late and had to be filled in. Throughout the meal Buffy kept glancing from Xander to Ben and back again.

“Why’s your sister looking at me like that?” whispered Ben to Dawn.

“I’m not sure,” Dawn whispered back.

Faith leaned around Dawn to reach the maple syrup. “Probably because you’re making goo-goo eyes at her sister,” she put in, also whispering. “Oh, and she can probably hear you.”

Dawn and Ben glanced up to see Buffy smiling at them.

The front door of the Talon crashed open and a blanketed figure came rushing in, smoking slightly. The blanket was thrown aside, revealing a dishevelled Spike. “Surprise,” he said, before collapsing into a chair and pulling out a cigarette.

“I thought the Sheriff was taking care of that freak,” said Buffy as she advanced on him.

Xander got up and Faith followed him. “Uh, Buff?”

“What?” asked Buffy still preparing to kick mini-Spike’s ass.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” asked Spike, looking up at the Slayer. It was then that the smell hit her. He smelled like whiskey and leather and stale cigarette smoke. This was the real Spike, her Spike.

“Spike?” whispered Buffy. Faith rushed forward and caught the blonde as she fell.

“Told you we should have told her,” Faith said accusingly to Xander as she lowered Buffy to the floor. Spike nodded his agreement as he leaned over his former lover. Lex rushed forward and pushed Spike away.

“Buffy?” Concern was etched deep in the millionaire’s face.

Buffy sat up. “I’m fine. Really. It’s just…just…”

“A bit of a shock?” put in Spike, around Dawn, who had him caught in a bear hug.

Nodding, Buffy began to laugh. Just when her life was getting on track – Dawn was doing well in school, both the Summers sisters had nice enough boyfriends and there wasn’t an apocalypse in sight – something had to come along and disrupt it all.

Lex helped Buffy to a couch and Xander began to explain. “He popped up in LA and he wanted to see you. Since I had to come here anyway I figured, why not? You know?”

Buffy glared at Xander. “You made him ride in the trunk didn’t you?”

“Not the whole way,” said Faith, by way of defending her man.

Ben, Clark and Lana looked at Chloe. She shook her head, promising explanations later. Dawn finally let go of Spike and looked at Xander with narrowed eyes. “You never did explain why Angel asked you to come to Smallville.”

Xander looked at the floor with his one eye. “Just to, uh, check up on you guys.”

Buffy looked at Faith who answered, “Don’t look at me B. I just came along for the ride.”

Off to one side, Lex was interrogating Spike who was, unsurprisingly, being uncooperative. Leaving Lex to call for a background check, Spike approached Buffy. “Got yourself a good one there luv.” Capturing Buffy’s lips with his own, Spike kissed her long and deep, eliciting cat calls from younger members of the group. He turned to Xander and Faith. “C’mon Whelp, Killer. Let’s, as they say in the movies, get out of here.”

And that was that.

The LA trio said their goodbyes and drove into the sunset. Ben went back to college in Metropolis but called Dawn every Tuesday to make sure she hadn’t been kidnapped.

Buffy and Clark continued to keep Smallville safe from the supernatural and the mutated.

Lana ran off to Australia and married her cyberspace boyfriend.

Chloe sent her idea for a ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ off to several TV stations but it was universally rejected as being ‘too unbelievable’.

Lex gave up scheming and settled into country life with his girls.

The weirdest thing that happened was Angel’s frequent phone calls and sudden consuming interest in Dawn’s love life.

In layman’s terms, everyone lived happily ever after.


The End

You have reached the end of "All's Fair". This story is complete.

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