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The Kunoichi and the Vampire

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Summary: Rachel Berry is a ninja assassin who happens to run into Spike while on a job.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > GleeGrailPrincessFR1311,2890268526 Apr 1226 Apr 12Yes
The Kunoichi and the Vampire

Disclaimer- This is fanfic, ergo I don't own anything. I think that goes without saying, but they insist that I do say it, so I have.
This is Glee and BtVS, if you can't handle the insanity, please leave through the clearly marked exits. Thank you.

Author's Note- Abby, this one's for you. :) I hope it's everything you expected it to be.


Roma, Italy

It was a clear night, and the building was illumined by the full moon. A dark figure crouched low behind a stationary car, waiting for her chance. A couple walked by, their fingers intertwined, their heads close together. The figure made herself as small as possible, and the couple continued on. She slid from shadow to shadow, jimmied a window, and slipped into the building. The room she was in was dark, and there was no one else in the room. She moved silently through the darkness, picking her way around the furniture. The door knob turned easily in her hand and she crept out into the hall. The light here was dim, but it was more than enough for her to see by. She moved quickly through the building, and acquired her target within an acceptable time limit.

Leaving the building was just as easy as entering it, and she moved quickly away from the building, crossing the street quickly and silently. Slow clapping reached her ears and she stopped immediately and looked around her. Another figure moved out of the shadows, and stepped into a pool of light cast by a street lamp. He was pale under the harsh light of the street lamp, and she moved further into the shadows. His short hair was bleached blond, a cigarette dangled from his smirking lips, and his fingernails were covered in chipped black fingernail polish.

“Nice form, love, I must say.” He spoke with some sort of English accent. She became utterly still.

“Who are you?” She asked coolly with a nervous glance around her.

“Spike,” he said with a certain hint of arrogance that seemed oddly familiar to her.

“Spike?” She repeated doubtfully with a slight frown.

“Well, it’s just a nickname, innit,” he muttered. Her expression cleared and she gave him a knowing smile.

“And what would your real name be?” She asked in the sort of tone that one expected from schoolteachers. Spike scuffed one boot on the sidewalk.

“William,” he said sullenly. This produced a genuine smile, which made Spike feel sort of pleasant.

“It’s nice to meet you William,” she said. “Now, I really must be going…”

“Wait! What’s your name, then? It’s only fair, ain’t it?” He demanded when she turned to leave. She turned and gave him a half-smile.

“Isn’t it?” She corrected gently. “And my name is Rachel.”

Then she was gone.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Spike said thoughtfully.

BtVS/Glee/BtVS/Glee/BtVS


New York City, New York

“I thought you looked familiar.”

She turned and frowned. It was that man again. William. Was he following her? She got the sneaking suspicion that perhaps he was. Well, shoot. That
was problematic, at best.

“You really shouldn’t be up here, William. You might get hurt,” she told him gently while she tried to focus on the task at hand. He started laughing and didn’t stop for several minutes, even though she was trying to shush him.

“Oh, ah. Sorry, love. That just tickled m’funny bone.” He gasped at her.

“Would you please be quiet? You are going to compromise my job, and then I shall be quite upset with you.” She hissed at him. He straightened up and looked her in the eye.

“I can’t get hurt. I’m a vampire,” he announced proudly. She just looked at him.

“Vampires aren’t real,” she explained gently as though he were a five-year-old child.

“Says the ninja,” he sneered at her. She flushed.

“Who said I was a ninja?” She was a horrible liar. He just cocked a blond eyebrow at her.

“Right. Now, don’t get scared, okay? I’m not going to hurt you or anything.” Spike said soothingly.

“Why on earth would I…oh. Oh, my.” Rachel stared at his suddenly changed face, and the prominent fangs. Her knees felt weak, but she didn’t faint.

“So,” he said cheerfully. “Wanna go grab a cuppa coffee?”

“With a vampire,” Rachel said slowly.

“Well you don’t have to go and get all racist about it,” Spike said in an injured tone.

“Speciesist,” Rachel corrected gently. “No, I’m not. I’m just thinking aloud. I mean, I didn’t even know vampires existed before three seconds ago. This is all so sudden.”

“I didn’t know ninjas existed before three seconds ago. Besides, I have a friend who puts it rather neatly: seize the moment because tomorrow, you
might be dead.” Spike said with a shrug. Rachel nodded.

“That is true enough. Very well, I will have coffee with you. You aren’t going to bite me, are you?” Rachel asked this last with no small amount of concern.

“Not on the first date, love,” he said with a wicked smile.

“Oh. Well, that’s good to know.”


BtVS/Glee/BtVS/Glee/BtVS


Edinburgh, Scotland

“Sla—Um, Summers’ Residence, how can I help you?” Dawn caught herself with a grimace.

“Yes, may I speak to William, please?” Asked a sweet, melodic voice.

“William? I’m sorry, I think you may have the wrong--,” Dawn began, but Spike grabbed the phone from her.

“That’ll be for me,” he said brusquely. Then he spoke into the phone: “Hello? Hey, I thought it might be you. Aw, come on now, what do you mean, you have to cancel? Well, can’t you kill him another night? Now, sweetheart, don’t get all riled up, I’m just saying that I had a special evening planned. Uh huh. I see. Well, I suppose if you have to go to Prague tonight, you have to go. Fine. Fine. No, I’m not mad. Yes, I swear I’m not mad. Okay. I’ll see you next week in Iceland. Bye.”

Spike hung up the phone and turned around to see the kitchen filled with open-mouthed people. Buffy and Willow looked surprised, but amused. Xander and Giles looked stunned. Dawn was smirking.

“William?” Dawn echoed with a wicked grin. Spike’s expression turned mulish.

“Watch it little bit. It’s Spike to you lot. Right.”

“Who was that?” Buffy asked with a slight frown.

“Jealous?” He asked with a grin. Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Hardly. Is she…a vampire?” The slayer asked.

“Nope. She’s human. Her name is Rachel Berry. Yes she knows I’m a vampire.” Spike ticked off these points on his fingers.

“Rachel Berry,” Giles said slowly, staring at Spike.

“Yeah.” Spike said with a nod. Willow frowned.

“Well, what brought you two together?” The witch asked carefully.

“Ah, well, I’ve always had a soft spot for a woman who carries a blow dart gun on her person. That and she’s wicked deadly with a sai.” Spike explained with a besotted smile.

“Rachel Berry,” Giles repeated again, still staring at Spike.

“Yeah.” Spike said again, this time a little impatiently.

“So, you said something about killing people,” Xander said with some concern.

“Yeah, she’s a ninja assassin,” Spike said fondly.

“Rachel Berry,” Giles said, yet again. Spike frowned and looked at him.

“Look, mate, why do you keep saying her name over and over again like that?” Spike was becoming irritated and it came through in his tone.

“Rachel Berry, the darling of Broadway, is a ninja assassin.” Giles said slowly and carefully, as though he just couldn’t process the information.

“And Spike’s girlfriend,” snickered Dawn.

“Where’s my scotch?” Giles asked weakly as he wandered toward the living room.

Finis

The End

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