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Xander and Yet ANOTHER Demon

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Xander and the New 'Verse". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Three years after the fall of Sunnydale, Xander Harris is in a bar, and something that isn’t human just walked in. It has to be a demon, right? Even if this is Colorado Springs…

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Xander-CenteredDianeCastleFR133460,6152011397481,49012 May 1217 Jul 12Yes

Sam and the Security Breach

A/N: See chapter 1 for disclaimer, spoilers, notes on AU, and why Xander has his eye back.

Xander shrugged carelessly. “Just water. If you don’t believe me, just have Dr. Jackson squirt me. Aim for my mouth. I’m thirsty.”

Sam knew the water in the squirt guns in his gymbag was ordinary tap water. She called his bluff. “Daniel? If it’s just water, you can squirt him in the mouth.” She spoke into the cellphone. “It is just water, right? We’re not going to hurt him?”

From the phone, the girl Rona said with a laugh, “Squirt him in the face!”

Daniel said, “I don’t know…”

Suddenly a stream of water hit Xander in the face, most of it going into his mouth. He swallowed and licked his lips.

Anise said, “There. Just water. As he said.” Sam realized that Anise had wrenched the water pistol out of Daniel’s grasp and squirted Xander. Anise suddenly said, “I need a shower.” She dropped her towel on the floor and strolled naked into the bathroom. The door didn’t close, and Sam could hear the sound of the shower turning on.

Sam focused on Xander. “We’ll let you get dressed in a minute, after Daniel finds all your weapons.” She didn’t like the way Xander gave her a lopsided smirk, as if to say ‘try your best, you won’t find all my weapons.’

While Daniel went through Xander’s clothes more carefully, Sam asked, “Who do you work for? Really?”

Xander carefully turned his head in the direction of the cellphone. “The NSAWC. I like to pronounce it ‘no-sock’, but Giles put his foot down about that one.”

The male voice – Andrew – called out from the cellphone. “Everyone put their foot down on that one. But not as hard as when I suggested calling it the Jedi Council.”

Sam hadn’t expected the nerd to be that nerdy, but she wasn’t about to turn off the phone. Xander seemed to be alert to the fact that she was learning from what the ‘call center’ said, but Andrew didn’t appear to be as sharp. Sam asked, “So, what does ‘no-sock’ stand for?”

Xander smirked, “They stand for pretty much anything, once you figure out they still haven’t kicked me out.”

“Sam?” That was Daniel. “Here.” Daniel slid over and handed her Xander’s wallet. Visa platinum card and Amex black card. Damn! Even she didn’t have an Amex black card! Driver’s license issued to Alexander Lavelle Harris of Cleveland, Ohio. ATM card. Charge cards for Home Depot and Sears and Lowe’s. Seven embossed business cards, all of which said ‘Xander Harris, Director of Operations for North America, NSAWC’, followed by phone numbers, fax number, email address, and NSAWC call center number. All the numbers had the same area code and exchange, and she was fairly certain it was the area code for Cleveland. The call center number was in bold across the bottom of the card, and in a much larger point size than the other information. The call center number was only eleven digits off Xander’s fax number, so she was guessing it was co-located with his offices in Cleveland. Not that she was going to say so out loud in front of Xander. Or Anise, for that matter.

Sam asked, “What’s a big-time national director of operations of NSAWC doing working construction out here?”

Xander said, “Hey, I like construction. I did it for years. I’m good at it. I still do some whenever I get the chance. One of my people, Vi, needed help. Her folks are selling their second home in Florida, and they’re moving back to their old place here in Colorado Springs. You know, I had no idea Vi’s dad was ex-Air Force. Well, I could have gotten some guy I’d never met to handle it, but Vi’s like family. So I had someone check the place over and send me some photos. And let me just say calling that place a dump is an insult to all the dumps I’ve ever stayed in. So I pulled together some local guys with talent, and fixed the place up. It needed a new roof, new footings, new electric, new drywall, some new framing, new insulation where the roof was leaking into the bathroom, you name it. But we just got it finished, and Vi’s driving up with her folks and their stuff tomorrow… I mean today… Oh crap! I was gonna help them move!”

Sam had to admit it. The kid was good. Unbelievably good. Either he was telling the truth, which seemed pretty damn unlikely under the circumstances, or else he was the best actor she had ever met, which seemed positively terrifying given some of the people – and things – she had run into over the last decade or so.

Sam gave him a gentle smile. “Maybe we could help with the move.”

Xander rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, I can see that one now. Hi! We’re complete strangers, and we’ve got this guy Xander handcuffed in our armored car over there, but we’re going to help you move! Not. Plus, Vi would go postal.” For some reason, he seemed more concerned about Vi ‘going postal’ than anything else. Or perhaps that was what he wanted Sam to think.

Sam said, “So how did you meet up with Anise?”

Xander said, “Don’t you know?” Sam just shook her head no. “I was treating the guys to dinner and drinks at O’Malley’s for doing a hell of a good job on the house and finishing just under deadline. And then your demon friend walked in. She was obviously not human. You know that, since you’re working with Teal’c there, who I’m guessing isn’t human either. I figured I was going to have to get her away from the innocent bystanders and then try to take care of her if she wanted to eat the waitresses or something. But then she started talking, and I realized she was just a font of information about you and your little military program where you let demons come from other dimensions to invade Earth.”

Sam said, “Xander, first off, that’s not what we do in Deep Space Radar Telemetry.” He was absolutely not buying that. She said, “And you do know that if you ran around telling people that story, they’d think you were insane.”

He stared at her calmly, “Not everyone is that naïve, Colonel. The people I work with would believe, and they have the ability to take you and your entire program down.”

Sam said, “Except for the fact that demons don’t exist.”

Xander looked right at Teal’c and said, “Not a very convincing statement, if you ask me.”

Teal’c said, “ColonelCarter. I believe I have deduced who this man is.” Sam gave him a nod to continue. Especially when Xander tensed up a little. Teal’c said, “He is listed as a ‘director of operations’ for an entire continent, not just a country. He knows languages, some of which are not spoken on Earth anymore. He carries specialized weapons and a cellphone more sophisticated than yours. His organization has a fully-staffed emergency call center with researchers who have already been able to track down DanielJackson’s career and papers. He seduced Anise and persuaded her to talk a great deal about the SGC. Judging by the marks on his skin, he has stood up to torture more than once.”

Teal’c stopped to take a breath. “ColonelCarter, I believe this man is James Bond.”
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