Sam and the Trackdown
A/N: See chapter 1 for disclaimer, spoilers, notes on AU, and why Xander has his eye back.
“ColonelCarter, I do not believe that exceeding the legal speed limit will improve our chances of finding Anise, and it will certainly not help us look unsuspicious.”
“Sorry Teal’c, it’s just…”
Daniel knew what it was. “It’s Anise. I don’t want to think what Jack will say when he hears about this one.”
Sam sighed, “Oh, I already know what Jack will say when he hears about it.”
“You called him already?” Daniel said with a wince.
“I figured I had to. You know how he is about her. And now she’s loose with…”
Teal’c said, “Her cloak of invisibility.”
Sam tore her eyes off the road to stare at the big man. Daniel was staring at him too.
Teal’c placidly said, “Thanks to O’Neill, I was able to watch Harry Potter 1, 2, and 3 on DVD last week. With director’s commentary.”
Daniel asked sarcastically, “And did that help with any insights for this particular mission?”
Teal’c calmly said, “Indeed. I believe that Anise will use her invisibility cloak as Harry Potter did, for activities that are more personal than mission-oriented.”
Sam muttered, “Oh Lord, I sure hope so.”
Daniel asked her, “Do you really think there’s a chance she’d go to O’Malley’s? And are we still banned from there?”
Sam groaned, “I wish you hadn’t brought that last bit up.”
Teal’c smugly replied, “I am not.”
Daniel groaned then. “Because what’s going to be more subtle than Teal’c asking about someone like Anise? They’re going to think it’s an episode of the Sarah Connor Chronicles
Sam clenched her jaws so she wouldn’t laugh out loud in front of Teal’c.
Teal’c looked straight ahead and said, “I am now fully capable of being subtle when questioning a citizen.” Sam glanced over at him. “I have watched every Sam Spade movie available on DirectTV.”
Sam refrained from pounding her forehead on the steering wheel.
“I have even purchased my own tan trench coat and fedora.”
Sam really, really felt like pounding her forehead against the steering wheel, but she was driving. It would have to wait.
Daniel looked up from Sam’s laptop. “Your program’s running. I see twelve different routes out of the base, seven of ‘em directly into Colorado Springs. What’s the difference between the blue lines and the red lines?”
Sam explained as she drove. “Red lines are trucks and open jeeps. Blue lines are closed cars. Even with an invisibility… cloak…” Teal’c didn’t bother to look smug. “…there’s no way she could open a car door and get out without the driver noticing. And after the foothold situations we’ve had, the driver would definitely have reported something like that when Walter checked with them. So the really likely vehicles are the red lines.”
“Very clever, SamanthaCarter.”
“Thank you, Teal’c.”
“I see that I shall have to take lessons from you in deduction when I am posing as a private investigator.”
Sam rolled her eyes where Teal’c wouldn’t see.
Daniel said, “So really we want to start with the two red lines moving through Colorado Springs. And… Oh shit, both of them go within about three or four blocks of O’Malley’s. One of them basically goes right past it.”
Sam groaned, “So we start at O’Malley’s.”
“This isn’t going to end well,” Daniel muttered.
“Ya think?” said Teal’c in an amazingly good imitation of Jack.
Sam and Daniel burst out laughing. Daniel suddenly said, “Teal’c, if you can do an imitation of Jack for more than two words, you could use it to play private eye.”
Sam said, “But if you say ‘indeed’ like that, you’ll ruin it.”
Teal’c calmly admitted, “I have been practicing for a long time. My JackO’Neill imitation is now quite good. Master Bra’tac has me do it for groups of Jaffa on certain occasions.”
Daniel asked. Sam knew he would ask. There was no way that someone like Daniel could keep from asking. “How long?”
Teal’c regally said, “I realized when Machello’s machine switched our minds that JackO’Neill in my body moved and talked very differently from my own behaviors. I even watched the security tapes of myself and my… self. That was when I realized that if I moved and talked like JackO’Neill, I could pass as one of the Tau’ri, if need be.”
Sam managed not to laugh out loud, although it was close. Teal’c had been planning this for what? Six years? “Daniel? We need to record off Teal’c’s radio for this. And I’m going to want you to go around to the big window on the south side of O’Malley’s with the videocamera.”
Daniel didn’t say anything. He just grinned. Finally after long seconds, he asked, “So… when do we get to show this to Jack?”
Somehow, Sam kept a straight face as she said, “Well, because of security issues, I think that first we’ll have to show it to General Landry. And General Carter. And Ferretti. And maybe Doctor Lam. And…”
“Ya think?” asked Teal’c in that same imitation.
Daniel added, “And Cassie?”
This time, even Teal’c laughed.