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One badass family

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This story is No. 2 in the series "A Badass Family". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: The Queen slayer had never heard Clint sound broken but he thought his husband was dead. Buffy was angry as she knew this was a lie therefore Fury had a lot to answer for. A story of lies, secrets, love, anger, families and just maybe a happy ending.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > Avengers
DC Universe > RED
hellbellsFR1513,2533267,2258 Jun 128 Jun 12Yes
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy; the Avengers or R.E.D. I only own my twisted imagination.
Authors note: It is implied in the summary but this story does contain slash between Coulson/Hawkeye. R.E.D is a movie where Helen Mirren, Bruce Willis, John Malkovich and others play badass retired agents.


Minor spoilers for the film so beware!



Buffy had grown a hell of a lot since Sunnydale. She personally blamed having to train emotional teenagers and learning how to bend even the craftiest politicians to her will. It was one of the times that she was really glad that she was a ‘hotchick with superpowers’ as Faith said. Most of all, she blamed Giles. After Sunnydale, they had had a heart-to-heart which involved many tears and recriminations and somehow ended up with her accepting an adoption.

The adoption in her case was symbolic already being an adult but it made Dawn’s future secure with her true family. It had pissed her off when Hank came sniffing after Sunnydale. She hadn’t cared until he had started to pursue custody. She was sneaky but she decided that when it came to manipulating politicians she’d go to the best for lessons. In this case the best was her Uncles Phil and Clint’s boss.

She had giggled though when she found out that Uncle Phil had found the perfect threat to make her supposed dad back off. Uncle Phil was her mother’s brother and he was beyond cool. If you looked at him you’d mistake him for a boring man-in-black but when he’d found out she’d been called that all changed. He didn’t much care for secrecy he started showing her every sneaky spy and bad-ass trick he’d ever learnt.

Nick Fury loved Buffy; he loved anyone who could challenge him but was not one of his minions. He had been dying to meet Coulson’s cheerleading martial-arts weapon wielding niece. In his mind he was weighing up letting Natasha meet Buffy. If you took Coulson’s sister out the family the entire family could be described as Badass. Then again, when Nan and Grandad were Mi6/CIA and KGB and Uncle was S.H.I.E.L.D you just had to figure that good genes would out.

His mind about Buffy meeting Natasha had been made for him. He’d walked in on one of the Uncle-Niece training sessions when Buffy was in the Big-Apple for a visit and the pretty blonde had met the two agents. He saw Phil watching amused as his niece hung from a pipe that Hawkeye usually hung - throwing knives. It was pretty neat trick all on its own but Buffy was putting the knives on top of each other.

Natasha and Hawkeye had walked in and watched first amused and then astounded. Then much to the horror and bemusement of Fury and Coulson proceeded to bond at an alarming rate. Yet he wasn’t too unhappy, Natasha and Clint would not talk or follow orders from anyone but Coulson or him. Maria would occasionally be gifted with their grace but if they felt it a stupid order then it would not be followed. Still he knew they needed to talk to someone else – Buffy.

Plus, Buffy had to deal with a lot of shit all on her own. It did the blonde good to have someone who she could talk to. Initially he believed that it would be Buffy gaining an older brother and sister. In reality it turned out that she gained an older sister and another cool badass Uncle. Fury watched in awe as they set about matchmaking Buffy’s uncle and Natasha’s best friend. Even Fury had to admire the persistence that they put into the operation when one was in Africa on assignment and the other was dealing with a Hellmouth.

The wedding had been a tale that was too awesome to share with anyone who did not have level 7 clearances. The wedding had gone down in Las Vegas; he’d officiated but drew the line at wearing an Elvis costume. Buffy and Dawn had been the official witnesses and Natasha and Hill stood up as the best-men for the couple.



When the shit had gone down in New-York Buffy had been dealing with a level Nine apocalypse with Faith. It really sucked but an apocalypse of the scale could only be dealt with by the original two; it was simply too dangerous. She was on the plane back to London when the call had come through. Buffy was no stranger to loss but she had never heard her Uncle so broken.

“He’s gone. It’s my fault. Loki stabbed him.”

Buffy was frozen. She knew who he was; for Clint it would be her Uncle Phil. What made her blood run cold was that she knew her Uncle wasn’t dead. Willow had made her a special clock based on the Harry Potter movie. In her case the clock showed her Nan, Granddad Ivan, Uncle Phil, Uncle Clint and Big sister Natasha there was a second clock for the Scooby’s.

She’d been pissed when Uncle Clint’s clock had shown possessed earlier. She had intended to deal with the apocalypse and then she was going to S.H.E.I.L.D to help her Uncle get his husband back. It was simple family looked after family and she was damned if she was going to stand by and let her family get hurt. Nicky had best have a good explanation because she understood about saving the world but there were lines.

“Did you hold the sword?” She asked calmly. She was only calm because she was writing orders on a pad to Faith.

She was asking her sister slayer to get in contact with Dawn and her Grandmother and if possible explain to Giles she would be late home.

The question seemed to shock Clint out of his depression, “Of course not! I’d have sooner have stabbed myself than hurt Phil.”

“Exactly, you were possessed. Loki is to blame; you know my stories Clint if you let this eat at you it’s gonna kill you. I cannot let that happen Uncle. Where’s big-sis?”

Clint sighed, he really hated the world at the moment. Buffy always knew exactly what to say to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid. It was an incredible twist of fate; when she’d been suicidal he’d snapped her out of it and now she was returning the favour.

‘Listen I’m making my way to you. You might want to warn your new friends I’m gonna be travelling by magic. Uncle I didn’t get notification.”

Clint nearly fell over in relief, “You’re shittin’ me. I’m gonna put an arrow through his remaining eye.”

Buffy laughed; now that sounded like the Uncle she loved and knew. “Yeah Nan and I may just help. I need to grab her and then I’ll be there. Don’t do something stupid; we do this together as family.”

Clint smiled softly; he still had bucket loads of guilt but that was currently buried by a shed load of anger. “Don’t worry spitfire I wouldn’t deny you your fun besides you and Vicky can get away with a lot more than I can my lady.”

If the situation hadn’t been so fraught she would give him shit about the lady comment. As it was she couldn’t instead she gave him a good piece of advice, “Go to your team, warn them, I’m gonna be mega pissed if I get shot again.”



In New York the Avengers were currently staying in Tony’s fifth avenue apartment. Natasha was pacing she hated being emotional. She had always been taught emotions were a weakness. Buffy had made her see that attachments were what kept you alive even if they could be used against you.

She still remembered that conversation, “What happens when the bad guy threatens them?”

Buffy quirked an eyebrow scarily reminiscent of Phil, “You make sure they are no longer around to so much as scratch them. If they are dead then they cannot harm a hair on their head.”



The Avengers were startled by J.A.R.V.I.S, “Miss Romanov you have an outside call.”

Natasha could guess who that would be; Buffy would have received the news by now.

“Hey Big-sis you need to keep an eye on Uncle he might do something stupid. Don’t let him out of your sight I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Natasha frowned, Buffy didn’t sound heartbroken she sounded resolute and pissed. The Black Widow wondered what the hell was going on. In fairness, she wasn’t the only one, all the Avengers looked as if their jaws had just been removed.

“What are you planning? Loki’s been taken back to Asgard.”

Buffy snorted, “Like that would stop me I smashed the last god back to her dimension.”

Natasha shrugged even if Buffy couldn’t see, after all, she couldn’t argue with that point. “Buffy what am I missing?”

Buffy sounded almost gleeful, “I’m getting Nan then we’re paying a visit to Nicky he has some explaining to do. I didn’t get notification.”

Natasha fell down into her chair. “You mean …”

“Yeah but I feel that it’s up to the whole family to express their displeasure don’t you.”

The call disconnected and there was blessed silence for a second before all hell broke loose.

Surprisingly, the whistler who broke it up was Clint. He stood in his leather uniform, “My niece is about to appear. Any of you harm a hair on her head, me and Natasha will gladly help her get rid of the bodies.”

Tony frowned and snarked, “What you won’t kill us?”

Natasha grinned and Tony had a feeling a great white would back off, if faced with that smile. “No Buffy doesn’t need help.”

Bruce who was glad for the calm, he had no desire to go green this evening. “I’m really confused can you explain what is going on?”

Clint was still undeniably pissed and Natasha knowing her best friend answered for him. “We will be heading to the Hellicarrier in a few minutes to protect Director Fury.”

Steve was truly lost, “From who? What’s the threat?”

Clint laughed and god did it sound broken, “Not sure, could be me; possibly Natasha but we are really going to have to worry about Vicky. Plus, if Fury is even a trace not human Buffy will put him down.”

Natasha snickered, “Oh yeah, she’ll do it with a smile on her face.”

Tony sighed, “look who are these terrifyingly scary women? They sound like that they should be related to Natasha and not you. Not that you aren’t endearingly badass all on your own Legolas.”

Buffy appeared still dressed in her leather slaying outfit and beside her was her grandmother Vicky. “Hey Tin-can, I know you insult people because you care but lay-off.”

Vicky perused the team, “Interesting so Nicky finally got his own way. I don’t care how super you are. You stay out of our way.”

It was intriguing; Steve could sense that this woman was a lot like Peggy. She appeared old and regal but he had a feeling that he felt really sorry for Fury at the moment.

Buffy was not eager to delay this, “Screw this I can always find my blood.”

Clint was determined to hold onto hope; he really needed to see Phil alive. “Can you go direct to him? I want to help you tear Fury apart but I need to see him more.”

Buffy and Vicky hugged him and Tony looked on flummoxed. He was gaining information too slowly to put it together; it was most assuredly a novel situation for the genius. Added to that, none of the team had ever seen Hawkeye appear this vulnerable, only Natasha and Phil's family.

Buffy looked over his shoulder, “Any of you want hop on the crazy train do it now. This sucks way more than any port-key.”

Buffy made a mental note to not let Dawn and Andrew be allowed to name anything again – EVER. Buffy saw as soon as Natasha put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder that the rest of team followed suit. In a perverse way it made sense, Natasha clearly trusted very few souls so if Natasha trusted someone so implicitly then the others would by extension.

Vicky whispered in Clint’s ear, “Close your eyes son and do not open them until I tell you.”

Bruce watched astounded as the Hawk immediately followed the suggestion giving up one of his most valued assets.



The team landed shakily in a room, the others were gaining their balance while Buffy, Vicky and Clint moved towards the sole bed and its occupant. The others watched as Clint curled up carefully into the side of a very much alive if not very battered Coulson. Buffy and Vicky shared a very dark look across the bed. Vicky was not sure which son she was more angered for.

Buffy had no compunctions; this was one of the times that she was happy to have diplomatic immunity. She looked directly at the camera, “Maria, Nicky has five minutes to get down here and explain before I come looking. If I come looking I’ll tear this place apart.”

Vicky looked up at the camera, “For keeping my sons apart I’ll help.”

It was when Clint shifted that Tony caught a glimpse of the gold ring and he laughed in shock and awe. If this hadn’t happened he would have never guessed, “My god the utter bastard.”

Buffy was smirking, “So you really are a genius?”

“Oh yeah darling I certainly won’t stop you. I can be egotistical but this; this…”

Buffy sighed calming down fractionally though still mad, “Screwed up or as my father would say ‘takes the biscuit’”

Clint looked up and he didn’t bother to hide the tears of joy, “Think he’d go Ripper if we asked?”

Buffy snorted and kissed her Uncles head, “Let’s keep his dark side contained for now. Winslow women don’t need help being bad-ass.”

Clint smiled softly and the other Avengers were certainly learning a lot about the human members of their team. Buffy was even more determined to get answers, “Stay here with Nan. I’m gonna find Nicky and get some answers.”

Steve was putting the clues together and was torn between wanting answers and finding Nick himself, “I take it you are Agent Coulson’s mother.”

Vicky smiled, “That’s right dear, and he learnt all he ever needed to know about this business form me.”

Steve smiled, “You raised a good son ma’am.”

Vicky laughed, “I have two amazing sons and that’s not counting my grandchildren.”

The door opened and all swung around. The main man entered, gone was the regal grandmother and the most feared wet work specialist was in her place, “Give me a good reason not to take your good eye.”

Fury would never offer an apology, he had his reasons and he would explain. He knew that if Vicky was set on taking the eye then nothing would stop her. Maybe Buffy but she seemed pretty pissed and Natasha hadn’t moved her eyes from the occupants on the bed, like the rest of the Avengers.

“He thought he was dying. He had just shot a god with an experimental weapon and was bleeding out. The team weren’t bonding and his last words were to use his death to bond them. It was miracle the doctors could restart his heart. It worked; I offered no apologies the world was at stake.”

The other Avengers could accept that reason; the fighting had bonded them together and impressed upon them the importance of fighting together.

Buffy gave a very cynical laugh, “Nicky that won’t work with me. I just stopped my 52nd apocalypse in Brazil today. You know my only thought this morning. At least it would be warm.”

The Avengers looked truly shocked. Buffy ignored it after all she stopped counting apocalypses after she collapsed Sunnydale. All apocalypses after that were anti-climatic; she was unlikely to destroy a city again. She was not convinced in fact it was only the croaky words of the recently resurrected man that stopped her, “He was doing his job.”

Buffy grinned happily, “Hey you can now join my resurrected club. One death is a t-shirt get to three and we’ll talk about gold-card status.”

Clint was grumbling, “Won’t be any more deaths for either of you. Too much god damn agro I will run out of bullets and arrows.”

Buffy snickered, “Uh-huh, Wills has designed a new quiver for wife’s best friend. It will never run out of arrows.”

Tony was relieved, today was an amazing day. It looked like it may just have a happy ending; there had been too few of them in recent months. “What now? What will I have to buy you to hear about the epic romance of Agent’s Coulson and Barton?”

Buffy smiled a smile that all would learn to be wary of. “It’s simple you’re all coming to London with me. I think my house will cope with the added chaos and it will be with the Directors blessing.”

Her tone left no room for argument not that Fury was inclined to start. "What else? Come on girl I know you better than that; I taught you better than that!”

Buffy smirked, “You’ll owe me three favours and it will be helping me smooth the way in Washington when they become bigger asshats than they already are.”

The others wouldn’t understand how lucky he was yet. They would learn if they were staying at the London Council house. Still when they returned to New York they would be a stronger team and that could only be better in the long run. He wouldn’t complain and besides he enjoyed scaring senators as much as Hawkeye and Black Widow enjoyed scaring younger agents.

Buffy didn’t give him much choice as a second later she’d called for Willow and the goddess had whisked the other occupants a way.

Hill walked into the room blinking, such a visible reaction was tantamount to Hill showing huge discomfort.

“You just going to let that happen?”

Fury gave her a sardonic look, “You wanna go head on with the IWC, Victoria Winslow; the Avengers team; the Red Witch and Queen Slayer be my guest.”

Her silence was answer enough.

Fury was as reassuring as Fury could be, “Don’t worry Buffy will look after them. We’ll keep the world spinning until they get back; it’s only right after they’ve just saved the world.”

Maria said nothing; she didn’t understand that Fury had just seen the answer to all his prayers. He had the deck stacked against him. He’ played the cards he’d had but his strategy would have seen them scatter to the four winds. He thanked god for Coulson’s family. Buffy was not going to forget this in a hurry but she would help her family heal and in the long run probably help the Avengers form into one of the most formidable teams on the planet.

The only thing left was to find the sharpest, shiniest sword he could. Swords he could handle buying the entire Manolo collection he would draw the line at. If it came to that then he was sending Hill. Why else did he have minions if not for that?


} Finished {

Authors note: I have no clue where this story came from but I feel that more could be told. Let me know if people want to read more and thoughts on potential pairings!

The End

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