Grief and Move
All 3 entered the library dedicated. They had to find Drusilla. Angel stopped and looked at a sword that was as tall as Buffy. Xander just smiled seeing he finally has a sword again. He always had to use bigger swords than average due to being taught how to use a regular sword at a young age. Guts was nothing more than a child when Gambino gave him a real sword instead of a stick like most parents do. So as he grew up he would always need a bigger sword. Xander took the blade and held it in his hands he took some quick swings to get used to the grip and once he was he used different techniques. Willow watched in awe at the strength and speed in each strike. She feels a great deal of pity for any demon that picks a fight with Xander now. Xander stops with the sword before he puts it down and walks over to the computer.
Willow pouted watching her friend blow off research. "Aren't you going to help?"
Xander looked up from the keyboard "I am helping just not with Drusilla though I'll help kill her when we find her."
"Thanks I think." Willow said still looking through books.
They were at it for a half hour and Willow got up to take a break and see what Xander was doing. She saw he was on google with the words 'Saya Ot' typed in.
Willow looked at her friend confused. "What the heck is Saya Ot?"
Xander just looked at her and starts to explain. "Your costume gave me it's full name on Halloween. If I can remember we might be able to find out what show she's from and how she deals with-" Xander didn't know how to put this.
Willow just pouted. "This" She put her game face on.
Xander's face saddened. "Yeah that"
"Oh my god."
Willow turns around in terror and quickly gets rid of her game face. She sees Ms. Calendar, Giles, and Buffy. She never wanted them to find out what the hell was she thinking doing that here.
Buffy was in shock Willow was a vampire but it's 11:30 in the morning. "What, how, what?"
Willow took up the answer. "In that order Xander's looking into it, Halloween, and…Xander's looking into it."
Buffy nodded but was confused there are three people here why are they making Xander do all the work. "So what are you two doing?"
Xander and Angel both shared a look in silent agreement. They agreed they weren't saying a word about Willow. It's her secret to tell when and if she is ever ready to tell it. Besides she killed one person because she couldn't control her new power. Xander won't judge because with his old memories back he knows he did far worse. Angel won't judge because one of his nicknames is the Scourge of Europe. Willow collected herself and started. "I-I t-thought I might have" Willow was so nervous and sweating god how are they going to look at her after this. "I bit Harmony I thought I might have killed her but according to Angel a vampire called Drusilla might have done it."
Giles was counting the ways to kill Ethan he's up to 50. Rayne will be spending a very painful evening with the ripper if he ever sees him again. He has to break Willow's heart now. "I'm sorry Willow but Dru-Drusilla was killed by a mob in Prague."
Angel looks at him. "She's not dead I smelled her on the body."
Giles frowned if he could find another way he'd be happy to say it but. "50 people watched her burn to death."
Giles announcement sucks the last of Willow's resolve and she just breaks down in tears completely. It was her she did this. Xander runs up and hugs his friend he won't leave her now no matter what. Buffy follows his lead as they both hold the broken redhead. Buffy knows she still has a soul and she's still Willow by her outburst, to Xander even if she sprouted wings and flew. He loves crayon breaking Willow, and he'll love scary vampy Willow.
Ms. Calender went to the computer and redid Xander's search and just typed in 'Saya vampire'. "Guys I think I found Willow or what she is now."
They all look over and Xander points at the 5th page. "Saya Otonashi that's her."
Jenny opens the page and starts reading. "She's a chiropteran vampire queen. Her blood is lethal to anything Supernatural. She can walk in the daylight, she can't be staked and she's practically immortal unless another student dressed up as someone called Diva."
"What about the hunger?" Willow asked in case pig's blood ever stopped working.
Jenny moves further down the page. "You can eat real food and they dealt with it by transfusing blood into her every couple days and after every battle."
Willow got out of her seat this is too much. "I'm sorry I just want to be alone right now. This is a lot to take in." She just walks out of the building.
Buffy frowned she can't believe something like this has happened. "She'll never be the same will she?"
Angel frowned. "She took a life it will change everything for her now. I was hoping I was right with Drusilla. Maybe I just didn't want to believe it."
Buffy was scared now she didn't know Jessie but this was Willow. "Should I prepare I mean if I have to…god I can't finish that sentence."
Xander was shocked at what Buffy was saying. "Dear god of course not. Willow had an accident because she was forced to become a demon she didn't want it and had no idea how to control her new powers."
"I'd hate to be the one who brings this up but a girl is dead from her accident Xander." Jenny pointed out.
Xander rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because I'm sure deadboy here had a complete straight edge life and only drank vampire slim fast for the past 100 years. I'm not saying Willow's guilt free but I know she'd never 100% voluntarily kill someone."
Giles looked at Angel for a reaction and when he saw him wince he knew Xander had a point. "That's enough, for now all we can do is see how it plays out from here."
Angel left first he'd get home through the sewer system. Jenny and Giles left after Jenny reminded Xander that he had to show up tomorrow for remedial classes. Xander didn't even have the energy to quip about school on Saturdays. Eventually the library was empty besides Buffy and Xander.
Buffy was full of remorse. Willow didn't even want to wear that costume. Buffy strong armed her into it. Why didn't she just let her wear the ghost costume like she had wanted to? Now her best friend accidentally killed someone and it was all her fault. Xander saw Buffy on the brink of tears and just pulled her into a hug.
"It wasn't your fault." Xander said trying to assure her.
Buffy had a tear in her eye. "Yes it is. I made her wear that stupid costume none of this would have happened. If I had just let her be the ghost that she wanted."
Xander used his thumb and wiped the tear from her eye. "Buffy the three of us as goofy teenagers made a goofy teenage bet. Besides she might have saved us all from Spike. This wasn't your fault it was Ethan's don't ever forget that ok."
Buffy broke off of Xander. "Thanks Xander. I'll visit Will after school she seems to want to be alone." She leaves.
Puck was surprised with how Xander handled all that. He didn't lose his temper. Not once. Though he does lose some points after checking out Buffy's butt as she left. "So are you going to visit her?"
Xander just frowned. "Not today I'm just going to leave her be I'll visit in the morning."
Xander had a Eureka moment before turning back to Puck. "Hey how about Schierke can she do something to help turn Willow back to normal?" The realization hits. "Of course, I'm assuming she's still alive."
Xander saw Puck frown and knew he wasn't going to like the answer. "Schierke is alive and she actually looks really good for her age; but she lost Ciro a couple years back and has been looking for him ever since."
Xander slammed his fist into the table. "Should have just let Isidro eat the damn egg."
Puck watched as Xander used his belt to strap his new sword to his back. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to calmly find Ethan" Xander said he then grabbed the handle of the sword. "And then I'm going to shove this down his throat."
Puck frowned. See that's how he expected Xander to handle it.
Xander looked around all day for Ethan but no luck. He spent a good portion of the night also but the British costume dealer seemed to be very good at staying hidden. He returned to his crypt so that he can wake up in time to talk to Willow before he goes to school. When he got to his home he came to a very unwanted sight a group of 6 vampires looking to make his crypt their home.
"Check it out boys home and a meal." Their leader said.
Xander just looked at the 6 and felt something worse than any vampire rising up. "Walk away"
The leader just smirked. "Did you hear that boys the meat bag here thinks he's the boss?"
Xander pulled out his sword he's really not in the mood and can feel it coming out. "Last chance"
A female vampire just smirked. "Someone's overcompensating."
"Look at the size of that sword." One said.
"Does the little twerp actually expect to swing that around?"
The group of vampires had a laugh until Xander was 4 feet in the air over the leaders head. Xander brought the sword down on the leader's skull smashing it but not splitting it in two. A death move for a human but the vampire falls to the floor and starts twitching. The other 5 looked at him and he was almost growling at them. They'd swear he actually has a set of canines like a wolf or a beast. Three of them charged him simultaneously, Xander just flipped the sword to its side. He unleashed a primal scream and in one swing the three vampires heads and arms went flying off turning into dust. The last two begged for mercy but Xander just cut their heads off.
Xander dropped the sword ran over and jumped atop the twitching leader violently punching him the face splattering blood on Xander. Xander continued the assault trying to make the fight continue. He needs the fight that's the only time everything fades away. He doesn't have to deal with Gut's memories, how much he wants Buffy more than a friend; the fact that another one of his friends has been turned into a vampire, Schierke is out there somewhere else so he can't get her help with Willow. He grabs a rock and continues hitting the brain dead vamp. He wants it all to stop he doesn't want to remember anything. He goes to take another swing with the rock but this time he is caught in a tiny arm and pulled off with ease. Buffy pulls out a stake and finally puts the vampire out of its misery.
Xander got up realizing who threw him off. "Buffy what are you doing here?"
Buffy looked at him. "You're covered in blood and you're asking me what I'm doing?"
"Yes" Xander answered.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm a slayer I slay you might want to remember that next time you go psycho on a vamp in a graveyard."
Xander looked at her walking into his crypt. "Point taken"
Buffy followed him into the crypt stake in hand ready to fight more vampires. She looked around this wasn't a vampire's crypt if anything it looked like a teena- of my god. "Xander, do you live here?"
Xander leaned his sword on the wall. And laid down atop the coffin. "Don't knock it; it's nicer than the last place I lived."
Buffy looked around no trace of sunlight, could lead to underground tunnels, no invitation needed. "Yeah, you can't live here Xander."
Xander looked at her. "I like it and I burned the bridge home so I'm here."
Buffy glared at him. "So you'll stay with me and my mom until we sort it out. And before you ask any questions think what's scarier a swordsman or a slayer."
Xander's face paled as he grabbed a bag and loaded it with his clothes along with his sword and headed for Buffy's house. Xander was sitting down on Buffy's bed after a shower and she came out in her pajamas. She sat down right next to him and didn't know how to even say this but she decided it has to come out. The Xander thing not the Xander and Buffy thing.
"So what happened out there tonight?" Buffy said waiting for an answer.
Xander said nothing.
Buffy couldn't believe Xander was stonewalling her. That's it he's possessed by that streaking tinkerbell. "Does this have anything to do with the little green guy?"
Xander opened his mouth in shock. How, how does she know about Puck? Buffy don't remember please don't remember. "What green guy?" He manages to ask.
Buffy looked at him. He can't call denial when he was cracking a laugh. "The one that had his butt in Snyder's face today."
Xander breathes a sigh of relief. She doesn't remember she just saw Puck goofing around today. "Come on out Puck we're busted."
The elf flew out of Xander's shirt and took a seat on Xander's shoulder. "Hiya Buffy."
Buffy just waved back not sure what to do. "Hi Puck...nice to meet..you" Wait shape up Buffy he's poisoning your friend's mind. "Are you the reason he flipped tonight."
Puck panicked and waved his arms left and right. "No, no that was actually not bad compared to how he used to get."
Xander's eyes bug out and he flicks the elf with his index finger. "See big mouth."
Puck was on the floor and waved an arm up. "Sorry"
Buffy glared at Xander. "What did he mean by used to get?"
Xander shrugged truth was out about him now so no point in hiding it. "Will wasn't the only one who had an unpleasant surprise on Halloween."
Buffy put her hand on his shoulders. "What happened?"
Xander just breathed and started. "The costume I had on Halloween Guts, well it ends up it was an actual person, Eventually he died and was reincarnated as me. And when I was hit the whammy I got hit with the past I didn't want to remember."
"So you have all of Gut's memories." Buffy realizes. Poor Xander just going on what he did on Halloween Guts had a lot of problems.
Xander nodded. "Yeah a lifetime of memories I don't want."
Puck was recovering and kind of hurt by his words but he'll deal. "Yeah you kind of lived a messed up life as Guts."
Xander nodded in agreement. "Kind of like saying knives are sharp."
All 3 had a laugh until Puck started. "Well look at it this way. You can not make all the mistakes you made as Guts."
Xander smiled. "Never thought of it like that. And I have all his swordsman knowledge."
Buffy looked to Xander with curious eyes. "So are you alright. With what happened earlier?"
Xander nodded. "Yeah it's just a friend got put through the ringer I leaned towards the postal. I'll work on the temper problem." He turns to Buffy seeing she's already thinking of ways to blame herself. "And no it's not your fault its Ethan's."
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "I know you pounded it into my head earlier. So sleep we still have an hour or two."
Xander nodded. "Sleep"
Later that night Buffy was asleep in her bed. Xander was sitting back against the wall eyes open one arm wrapped around his sword. He looks down and sees Puck in chibi form asleep on his leg. He looks over to Buffy's closet and starts to see the shadows take form. Now he knows he's asleep too. The shadows take form into a beast and Xander just rolled his eyes. Apparently he's getting a visit from the hellhound.
The creature walked towards Xander. "We both know I am much more than a bad temper."
Xander just looked at the beast. "I liked you better when you were convincing me to kill deadboy."
The hellhound jumped up on Buffy's bed admiring the girl. "She's pretty are you going to attack her again like last life."
"Shut up" Xander yelled.
The beast jumped off Buffy's bed and onto Xander's legs getting right in his face. He would have killed Puck if he was real. "That's right you already did."
Xander was fuming until the realization hit. It's desperate and its weak. This thing was born out of Gut's hatred of Griffith something Xander doesn't have that much since he knows Griffith is rotting in a hell dimension thanks to Casca. He's so desperate for Xander to hate something he had to bring up the time he attacked Buffy while possessed by the hyena which lasted for about 6 seconds until Buffy hit him with a desk.
Xander just got up and ignored the creature completely till he was on his feet. He turned to the hell hound and started. "You're nothing, you're shit."
Hellhound glared at him. "You can't do this you need me."
Xander looked back at Buffy no he doesn't he has her, Will, Cordy and even Giles. "What I need is for you to pack your bags and get the hell out of my head." At Xander's words the sun shot up and the shadow creature burned in the light and screamed. "You can't bury me forever. I'll be back." before disappearing completely. Xander's eyes shot up awakened he was a lot more calmer he looked down and saw Puck on his leg. Sadly his movement woke up Buffy being a Slayer she's always a light sleeper.
Buffy looks at Xander half asleep. "Are you OK."
Xander nods. "It was just a bad dream."
"Get some sleep, you have school tomorrow." Buffy teased.
"Oh yeah school on Saturday." Xander yawns. "That will just fly by. Goodnight Buff"
Buffy yawns. "Goodnight Xander."
Next morning Xander easily climbs up to Willow's room badmouthing her parents from the looks of it she's been in her room all day yesterday and still hasn't left and they haven't even noticed. This isn't good. The guilt will consume her if she does this. He walks into her room and sees a DVD box on the floor he picks it up and looks at the cover 'Berserk' He flips the DVD box to the back and sees pictures of the Hawks.
'Son of a bitch there really is a cartoon about my life.' Xander thinks to himself.
"I typed in Guts Swordsman on google. I was curious."
Xander turns around and sees Willow lying in bed. "Will, how much did you watch?"
Willow shrugged. "The whole thing, bet you're thankful that was just a show huh."
Xander just pouted Willow has no idea. "It wasn't all a show Will."
Xander sits Willow down and tells her about his old life what the show changed and how it stopped very early on in the story. Willow sits there trying to take it all in.
Willow summed up the situation "So Guts got all wrapped up in a Xander package and the Halloween wammy."
"Restored my old memories." Xander finished. "And got Puck back in my life." Xander just laughs at the fact when Willow tells him that Puck didn't get into the cartoon.
Willow saw what Xander was trying to do "You might have in an old life but you never killed anyone in your new one."
Xander nodded knowing she was right. "I still have the memories and the guilt Will. Believe me Harmony was nothing in comparison to the things I did in my old life. However bad you think it is trust me it can't compare. I'm not saying you'll be better tomorrow because you won't be. It will take time to come to terms with this but we'll all be here to help you. Ok. Me Buffy, Giles, A-A-An."
"Angel" Willow provided.
"Thank you" Xander joked.
Willow took her friends hand for support. "So what do we do now?"
"Well I'm going to remedial computers and I'm sure Ms. Caleader would let you tag along despite the fact you might be better than her with a computer. It will take your mind off things at least. You have to keep moving Will I'm sure deadboy would agree with me on that."
Willow nodded wiping off tears. "That works both ways Xander. They can be there for you too."
"I know." Xander said "But believe me I had my break through last night."
Willow kicked Xander out and 10 minutes later she was dressed and ready to go. The two teens feel a little better thinking they can one day come to terms with the changes forced on them by Halloween.