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Family Values

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Summary: Wednesday Addams is getting married. She wants her family to be there. Or at least the members that won’t ruin the ceremony. And that includes a certain one-eyed carpenter. Will contain elements from the Addams family musicals, movies, and TV.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Addams' Family, TheDhampyrFR13712,9801313941,71814 Jun 1229 Jul 12No

Chapter One

Title: Family Values

Author: DhampyrX2

Genre: General/Crossover

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Don't sue me, I'm poor.

Summary: Wednesday Addams is getting married. She wants her family to be there. Or at least the members that won’t ruin the ceremony. And that includes a certain one-eyed carpenter. Will contain elements from the Addams family musicals, the New Addams Family TV show, and the movies. And maybe some 60’s show references.




If you asked Wednesday Addams at most points of her life, she would tell you she didn’t do happy. Or at least, she didn’t do it the way “normal people” did happy. For her, happy was torturing Pugsley on the rack. Or scaring some poor sap to death. Or seeing her parents dance across the cemetery as Uncle Fester led the rest of them in a rousing game of Wake the Dead.

But now, happiness was Lucas. Lucas, who won over her father with his dream to be a medical examiner and look in dead bodies all day. Lucas, who let her shoot at him with her crossbow while she was blindfolded to prove his devotion to her. Lucas, who her mother still loathed with a passion for being “normal.”

“Happy and sad together, right Father?” Wednesday asked herself as she looked out over the family graveyard. She still didn’t know what to do about her mother. While every Addams, and most Frumps, embraced the Darkness wholly, her mother was almost fanatical about it. Her father, for all the Darkness in him, looked at life with a zeal that made Wednesday weary at the thought of trying to keep up with the man. He could walk in the Light and only seem eccentric until you looked deeper. But Morticia Addams? She wanted nothing to do with the light of day.

Then again, Wednesday understood her mother’s point of view. Unlike Father’s side of the family, there were a few white sheep in the Frump family tree. There were even members of the family that were so normal they did not have the remarkable resistance to damage that exemplified both of Wednesday’s family lines. And the worst example of that group was the reason for her mother’s angst over Lucas, Wednesday was certain. Jessica Harris nee Frump. Her mother’s second cousin and once Morticia Frump’s closest childhood confidant. Then again, with Aunt Ophelia and Cousin Melancholia for close family, who else did her mother have to turn to?

Yes, Cousin Jess, for all that she was what some deranged Harry Potter fan might call a Squib of the family had loved spending time with Morticia. At least, she had until she had married that drunken lout Anthony Harris and moved away to California of all places. Morticia blamed Anthony and his “normalcy” for taking the only friend she had, until she had married Gomez Addams, away from her. In a way, it was losing Cousin Jess that made her mother so paranoid about secrets. After all, Jess had hidden the fact she was dating a man until it was too late.

Ironically, after their respective marriages, the only part of Jess’ life that her mother would even acknowledge was Jess’ son Alexander “Xander” Harris. Now Xander was fun. He came to visit over the summers sometimes all the way back to when Wednesday was still in Elementary School. He was somewhat resistant to damage, at least the blunt force kind, and would still play with her and Pugsley even if he would get hurt. For all that he seemed too cheerful to be an Addams, it was more the comical cheerfulness of her father than the vapid kind that surrounded “normal” people. And he never judged them for their Darkness. In some ways, Wednesday was reminded of Xander when she met Lucas. That was probably why she talked to him at all.

That reminded her, he and Grandma Hester were probably the only two members of mother’s family she wanted at the wedding. Cousin Catastrophia would wreck it without meaning to, Cousin Melancholia would cry the whole time, and Aunt Ophelia… well that was like rubbing salt in a wound (the not-fun way) to invite her chronically single Aunt to her niece’s wedding. Still, it would be good to invite Xander. If nothing else, she was sure he would get along well with Lucas. And she was interested in hearing what the latest news was from his travels through Africa. Maybe had had new scars he could show her and Pugsely? After all, his missing eye had been so beautiful. It was with that thought in mind that she went inside to find her mother. The thought of Xander visiting would make her happy too.

*****

Morticia was doing all she could to busy her mind with wedding preparations as she tried to ignore the less appealing parts of Mal And Alice Beineke’s personalities for the sake of the children as she went over guest lists with her fellow future mother in law. Alice certainly seemed less annoying now that the flames of her marriage had been reignited. Now if only Morticia could convince the woman to get over wearing such bright colors.

“Morticia, are you sure there aren’t more people you want to invite?” Alice asked as they looked over the compiled list. For all that the Addams’ seemed like a large and somewhat close-knit family, Morticia had been content to only invite her mother, and even that had been begrudgingly. Gomez has inadvertently made some uncomfortable parallels between herself and her mother that made Morticia uneasy. But still, her mother would want to see Wednesday get married. If she closed her eyes, maybe Hester could pretend it was Ophelia.

“No, I think my mother would be enough. My sister would be upset at a wedding like this. And my other cousins would be disruptive,” Morticia explained.

“Why would your sister be upset? Because the kids are only eighteen?” Alice asked.

“Because they are getting married and she still hasn’t had the chance. Well other than her arranged marriage to Gomez, of course. But that obviously fell through,” Morticia explained with a wicked smile.

“Your sister and your husband were arranged to be married? They still do things like that in the world?” Alice asked, scandalized.

“Older sister; and yes. It’s a long standing tradition with Addams men. One that has never led to a single divorce. Although there have been a few untimely deaths,” Morticia explained.

Alice did her best to avoid the macabre comment, as she knew that was just Morticia’s way, and instead focused on the fact that Morticia had apparently managed to steal Gomez away from her sister. That kind of tidbit just had to be expanded upon. Her desire for more details was cut short, though, as Wednesday entered the parlor room where the pair had been going over wedding arrangements.

“Mother?” Wednesday asked in her typical deadpan.

“Yes, ma enfante?” Moricia asked.

“Did you remember to invite Cousin Xander? I’d like him to be there and I know he’s back in the country,” Wednesday inquired.

“Alexander? Oh dear, I did forget. Of course I will add him to the guest list. I know how you and Pugsley must miss him. And he can bring his shovel, too, just in case,” Morticia sad, muttering the last bit to herself.

Mother,” Wednesday emphasized, knowing full well what Morticia meant.

“A shovel. Is he a landscaper?” Alice asked as she looked between the two Addams women.

“No. He was a construction foreman and he currently has been promoted to the North American head for the International Watchers Council operating out of the Cleveland office,” Wednesday explained with a small note of pride.

“My, that certainly does sound impressive. But if he has an executive position of some kind why would he need a shovel?” Alice asked.

Morticia face blossomed into a mischievous grin as she replied, “For a talk with Lucas about hurting Wednesday. After all a vague disclaimer is nobody’s friend.”

And somewhere many miles away, Xander Harris felt the urge to grin like a loon and sharpen his favorite battleaxe. He wondered which one of the baby Slayers under his care was going on a date soon to warrant that reaction?
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