Disclaimer: I do not own these characters so no copyright infringement intended. I don't own anything really. They belong to the brains of The Whedon and The Kripke.
Author’s Notes: BtVS/Supernatural ficlet. A Buffy/Dean Crossover fanfiction. Based on this piece
by the ever wonderful Dana
Summary: While out patrolling, Buffy runs into some strange guys, turning her boring night into a strange one.
It wasn't every night that you had company in one of the varied cemeteries the town of Sunnydale had to offer. The people who populated said town rarely ventured anywhere close, preferring the glowingly lit sidewalks in the center of everything light, bright and lacking shadows rather than the outskirts of The Middle of Nowhere next to A Creepy Cornfield.
Not exactly tourist spots.
Apparently this wasn't an every-night-sort-of-situation. Buffy Summers piqued an eyebrow at the sound of moist dirt colliding with metal before falling damply on something... not earthy. It sounded like someone was either building a super morbid sandcastle or someone was getting a little too intimate with some dead people. Likely the latter.
Eew… so gross.
Wasn't it just a few short years ago that some geeks had been using dead bodies to build zombies? Really, is that what the kids did these days? Despite the shiver of revulsion at the thought of someone wanting to touch dead flesh – at least, flesh not animated by anything but earthworms – Buffy walked softly, following the sound. She worked to make sure her step was light before a tumble of dry leaves blew towards her and she let out a loud, angled crunch as she stepped on them. Crap.
The shoveling noise stopped instantly and she rolled her eyes, stepping in view of the would-be criminals. So much for that whole stealth thing.
"You know, I hear grave digging is not only illegal, it's really gross. All that dirt under the fingernails thing and..." she said before drifting off as the men came into view. She stopped, her mouth gaping for a moment.
Not exactly your run of the mill grave robbers and even that was an understatement. They both paused, obviously in the midst of picking up and clearing out, as they stared back at her. One looked like the much better looking sibling to Big Foot and the other one who stood closer to her... well, the other one looked... He could easily be considered the Tall, Dark and Handsome type. Which he very much so was. Handsome, that is. And dark and tall… at least compared to her.
"Uh..." she said, her eyebrows up as she stepped closed to them, "Not exactly what I was expecting."
Tall, Dark and Handsome turned to look at his companion before looking back at her, his face twisted slightly. She could see the wheels working before he smoothed into an easy grin. A little too easy.
"This isn't what it looks like," he said, his voice full of shared mirth as he spread his hands, as if she was in on the joke. "We're... researching."
Buffy watched the Big Foot sibling roll his eyes before offering her an uneasy smile. Did people really fall for this?
"Researching, huh?” Buffy asked, stepping forward. There was a closed duffel bag next to two shovels on the ground and the grave was already mostly covered with dirt once more. “Researching the best way to take apart a body inside the grave instead of stealing the entire thing to create your Ultimate Frankenstein Bride? Or the mechanics of just biting the dust and doing it right here? That kind of research?" Her tone bit the air.
She watched Tall, Dark and Handsome’s face go through a myriad of emotions – flowing from disgust to curiosity to horror – as he translated her words before shaking his head slightly and she smirked.
His friend just looked shocked before laughing uncomfortably. "No, no," he said, "It's definitely not... That. Um..."
"Alright, well, I don't really care why you're here but you need to skedaddle. Don't really cherish the thought of some zombie fun.” Buffy waved her hand. “Now scoot. Won’t even tell the police or anything."
Buffy turned to leave, perfectly okay letting them take their time to get their crap and run off. She would swing by later to check the grave, make sure nothing was amiss. While running away would have been the normal reaction after being released from what could be a huge bust, neither of guys did that.
But again, this was not that kind of night.
"Whoa whoa whoa, lady, we're not... We don't bang dead chicks," the cute one said. The larger one smacked his friend's arm and he made a face at him before turning back to her where she crossed her arms, waiting. "Do you really think we're..." He paused, making another face. Buffy found herself wondering if it was made of rubber. "... Harvesting dead people?"
"So, what? You're digging up dead people for... fun?"
"What? God no!"
"You know this isn't exactly helping your case, right? What I’m hearing is going from what was originally pretty bad to ‘total train wreck.’"
"Who are you?" the tall one asked his voice full of slight wonder and a whole heaping of caution. Buffy sighed, rolling her neck a bit before focusing on the two men again. Normally, this would have been something that should have caused her to be more than curious and the one interrogating but a quick sweep through her Spidey senses revealed no threat from either of them.
Just two really weird, cute guys doing weird things in the middle of the night. She’d seen worse.
"This coming from the two guys standing next to an open grave, with shovels, burying the supposed evidence? Better question would be who are you?"
Buffy watched as they shared a meaningful glance - it was closer to a silent conversation as they both shrugged and Buffy wondered what they were with each other when Tall, Dark and Handsome spoke.
“Well, we’re kinda… we were hunting something. We just stopped it and now we’re cleaning up.” He smiled at her, shrugging his shoulder. Buffy marveled at how easy it was for him to just shove off the fact that they obviously got done digging up a grave, doing something to it – stopping what now? – and she was supposed to be okay with this?
“Right. Cuz that’s normal.”
“More than you know, cupcake,” Tall, Dark and Handsome quipped and Buffy felt her face flush slightly. Cupcake?
“Look,” the friend said, putting his hand up in supplication. It was like he could see the fury slowly burning in Buffy’s chest. “We’re just leaving so we will now… skedaddle.”
“Cupcake?” Buffy asked, her voice getting dark. “Really?”
Tall, Dark and Handsome shrugged an amused look on his face and she narrowed her eyes. His friend reached and pulled on his shoulder.
“Dean, let’s just go.”
Buffy smiled thinly. “Yeah, Dean, just go.”
It was almost as if the night wanted to add more notches to the weird post. Instead of complying, Dean shook his head.
“No, I don’t think so. I think it’s our turn. Who the hell are you? And what does a sweet little thing like you even know about zombies?”
Buffy didn’t waver as she met his gaze head on. She felt the trickle of something edging at her, telling her that these boys knew their stuff and shouldn’t be messed with but she wasn’t about to go in swinging. From where she stood, they were human. Aka, should-not-punch-as-hard-as-she-could-Dean’s-stupid-smirking-face kind of human.
“That really isn’t anything you should be concerned about, Dean,” Buffy said, her voice saccharine sweet as she said his name.
“I don’t know,” Dean said, stepping closer to her, looking down at her. She raised an eyebrow in amusement. “A girl walking alone at night, creepy place, not freaked out by digging up dead bodies… kinda raises a few questions.”
“Kinda similar to my few questions that you so easily didn’t answer… Only seems fair.”
Dean smirked down at her before the clanging sound of shovels being grabbed from their place on the ground broke the moment. Dean’s friend appeared behind him, that uneasy smile back in place as he said, “We’re going now.”
“Yeah, you do that,” Buffy said mockingly and Dean raised an eyebrow.
“No,” Dean said, his voice hard. He didn’t move. “Who are you?”
“Who are you?”
Dean narrowed his eyes. “We’re hunters, sister. You know, get the bad guys, torch the bad guys, save the damsel in distress.”
Buffy blinked, opening her mouth for a moment before closing it again. He looked so sure of himself, that stupid smirk on his face, as he waited for her to… what? Appreciate him? Tell him, oh right, hunters!
Buffy laughed. Dean frowned hard as she covered her mouth to conceal the giggles.
“Hunters? You’re joking. You mean the random Joes driving around, hunting things they don’t even have a clue about? You do mean morons, right?”
Dean’s face hardened. She could see from the corner of her eye his friend, his brow furrowed as he studied her, the urge to cut loose and run obviously abandoned.
“You know, I met one of your kind before,” Buffy mused, remembering the incident with Cain. “Didn’t like him much. He tried to shoot my friend.”
“Your friend probably wasn’t your friend,” Dean replied immediately, his tone suddenly gravelly. “Evil is evil.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and dense is dense apparently.”
“You think you know so much about everything, don’t you? About the ‘things that go bump in the night?’” Dean asked. She smiled at him and for a heated moment, he stared at her down before returning the smile. Albeit tightly.
Dean looked at his friend. “Looks like we got ourselves a hunter wannabe here, Sammy.”
“Please,” Buffy said. “I’ve seen more than you could possibly imagine. There’s a difference between a real hunter and stupid boys playing with toys they can’t handle.”
For a split second, Buffy paused, wondering how things had suddenly gotten so heated. She couldn’t put her finger on it but there was something about this Dean that made her… want to… hurt him. Really, really badly. And not because he was evil but because he severely needed someone to slap that all-knowing smirk right off his face.
“Real hunters?” Dean mimicked. “And that’s you?”
“It’s called being The Slayer, dick. Ever heard of it? You can look it up: Slayer Comma The. She who hangs out in cemeteries. Second definition, she who can your ass all the way back to wherever the hell you came from.”
“A Slayer?” she heard Sammy say in the background but neither she nor Dean paid attention.
“Oh man, you don’t even know what you’re getting yourself into,” Dean said, that smirk never leaving his face as he stepped back. The serious tone stayed well intact as Buffy saw his fist curl.
Buffy raised both her eyebrows before settling back into a well-practiced position.
“Wanna try me?”