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Shego on the Halo

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Summary: The master chief finds something while on a mission. What happens when he brings it along? If it doesn't make sense right away, I'll explain a few things to characters later.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Games > Sci-Fi > Halo
Cartoons > Kim Possible
HappyWonKinobiFR181017,8150136,89927 Jun 1210 May 14Yes

Curiosity and just a little bit of death

"Come one! I just want to do one more test and then-"

"Hell no! I ain't getting another fucking needle poked into me! I mean ittt-" *stick* *thud*

"I'm sorry, but it was for your own good."

She sat up, two emotions fighting for control of her throat. Unspeakable rage and near-blinding panic.

Come on girl! Deep breath. You can do this, deep breath. Deep breath. Focus on yourself for now. Don't focus on what has happened, where you are, or, might be. And definitely not on the future!

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

In through the nose and out through the mouth.

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

"Are you alright?"

"HOLYSHIT!" She jumped. And slammed into a wall before the floor. Calm down. Mutter! "Oh, you stupid little girl. It's just a PA." Calm down little woman! Alright, nothing makes sense, I'll admit. Label! It's been a good idea before after all.

As her breathing slowed marginally, the woman opened her emerald green eyes, blinking away the spots before scanning the room; sort of pointing at a few things as she muttered.

"What are you doing?" The woman on the PA asked.

"She jumped, slamming into the wall again. "God dammit! Would you stop that! GOD! I'm trying to calm down here and you're not helping!"

"Sorry." The answer was a little sheepish.

Stop lashing out! Focus. In, out. In, out. In, out. Alright, now focus on yourself. Are you in bad shape? Does everything work properly? Test it and find out. Go through the list she gave you after that ginormous brain surgery last year.

Can you flex your fingers? Thumb, index, middle, ring, pinkies; Check, both counts for all 5.

Toes? Yep, I can feel them.

Stand. ... Well, I can stand, well lean against the wall anyways. Can I keep my balance while standing? She leaned forward, then back, still hyperventilating a bit. Nope. Not yet anyways. Can I slide down slowly? Yep. Ok, leg bones... All lower leg bones intact. Kneecaps? Check.

Femurs? So far so good. Not that it'll do any good if I can't keep my balance just yet.

Feet? She murmured appreciatively. In good shoes.

Hands? Nothing too bad. Mostly just bruises on the knuckles.

Neck? Mm-hmmm. No vasculitis. That's good.

Head? Oh, damn! DAMN! Shouldn'a checked.

Ok, how's my torso (if those bedamned spots will let me make clear judgment). Nothing broken. A bruise where I got sloppy last week. Must've fallen on it.

All in all, not bad. Coulda been a lot worse.

Oh! How did I forget my eyesight?

She reopened her eyes, properly and for more than a few seconds this time.

Now, that little plank in the middle of the wall right there, is that a bed? It's got what looks like a pillow and a blanket.

Risk it? Naw. I like my wall just fine right now. Wait, is it a wall?

Hey! Focus! Stop asking questions! And for God's sake, stop hyperventilating! Sooner you're calm, the sooner you get answers.

After a few minutes, her breathing and heart rates were almost back to normal. She stood up, then ventured away from the wall. "Ok, sooo... this is new." She walked around for a bit, nodding her head slightly. Then she stopped. "I just realized, I forgot to check for spinal damage and-"

"Um, there was a little bruising along your spine and some irreversible damage near your tailbone."

She slipped, starting to panic again, and fell on her arse.

"Oh! Shoot! Sorry, I shouldn't have said a word."

She forced herself to stop backing up. After all, it would only follow her. She took a deep, shaky breath and said, "Just tell me, are you human?"

"Not, really. I-"

"Awwww, great!" She stood up, suddenly not panicky at all. Just annoyed. "Just Effin' Great! Here I am, trapped in a small room without any sort of lifeline to sanity, and acting like a lunatic! Why not just kill me now! Am I not good enough to be shot by humans? No, that would be too much to ask for. The least you could do is take my sanity!"

"Um, who are you talking to?"

"You and God. Mostly God."

"I notice you're not hyperventilating anymore."

"Yeah, I just don't care anymore."

'That sounds more like anger than apathy.' The voice thought to itself. "What were you doing earlier?"

"Is this an interrogation?" She asked flatly.

"No, just curious."

"I was labeling the furniture. Then I was checking for brain damage, which I didn't finish." She stopped talking and angled her head. "You know, you're pretty good at imitating a human female's voice."

"Well, I was based on a human mind-"

"You're an AI?" She plunked to her arse limply, stunned. "I'm doomed. That's all there is for it. I'm either doomed or already dead and in hell."


"My personal Hell: Trapped in a hospital room with only an AI for 'company', I'm still green but without the cool parts, without any sort of lifeline to sanity, and I'm gibbering like an idiot with my brothers pestering me without letup." She let her head fall to a side. "Where are my brothers anyway? I mean, I'm obviously in a hospital room and they always know when I'm in a hospital. No matter how badly I'm hurt, I'm not in a hospital five seconds before they find me, those bastards, even when I specifically leave them off the 'next of kin' list."

Before the AI could answer, there was a minor explosion very close by.

From her spot sprawled on the floor, she shouted, "Oh, and I forgot to mention PEOPLE TRYING TO BLOW ME UP!" She stood angrily and ran at the now open door.

She ran through the door, and straight into an Elite.

"What the F-" She began as he swung at her screaming "Demon!"

The blow connected solidly and the green woman crumpled to the deck, lifeless, as the Elite moved on, completely remorseless. Even more than that, he was joyous to have killed a demon before she'd had the chance to react. He chuckled to himself. When he got home, he'd be praised, and possibly even given his own ship to command.

Cortana didn't have the time to be distracted by the woman's death. A subroutine mourned the loss of all the potential information, but it was rather small. She instead focused on the rest of the Covenant on board. She assigned Fire Teams to each group of Covenant in the hope they'd be able to repel borders, but one by one they were cut down. The groups were darn small and extremely skilled, mostly comprised of Zealot class Elites like the one who'd killed the green woman.

What could be so important that they'd send so many Zealots?

Cortana flicked her electronic gaze to the group in the brig and blinked. They were all dead.

And the woman wasn't in there.

Somewhere in the ship she heard a girly "Hey there." right before a pistol shot. She hadn't seen it happen. She wondered aloud, "What's going on?"

Blind spots started appearing all over the ship. The cameras next to the blind spots showed that the lights went out there as well. The appearances and disappearances of the blind spots were completely unpredictable, but often left behind dead groups of Covenant. Some of the microphones caught the sounds of bullets or even the occasional "Demon!"

Then a blind spot covered the Fire Team Charlie. "Chief! Chief!"

She received only static from him until the blind spot disappeared.

"Cortana! What happened?" John-117 asked.

"You tell me." Cortana shot back.

"The lights cut out, and there was gunfire around the corner. When we got there, the lights
were back on and there were no living enemy units."

Her attention was pulled to the shots and cries of pain audible on the bridge. "Get to the bridge!" She yelled to the Chief.


"Now!" She frantically tried to store herself somewhere else before she was yanked. She failed, but subroutines recorded everything that transpired after that.

"You know, one of the biggest advantages of being dead is that no one expects you to do this." The green woman rounded the corner and slammed a fist into an invisible Elite, killing it instantly and revealing it. She sidestepped a floating blue line of energy that swung at her and jumped to spin kick the head of the Elite holding the sword. One-shot-kill again.

6 shots from 3 spots rang out, impacting only once on her shoulder. She ignored the burning skin and hit the plasma rifle up, where it was in the perfect position to make the Elite kill himself out of delayed reaction.

Then turret fire slammed her with plasma and she flew out of the bridge and into a wall. An Elite dropped his camo and traipsed up to her confidently. A little too confidently as he was shot in the head by the Master Chief.

Who was then subsequently hit in the head by the cloaked leader holding the turret.

It laughed as it decloaked and pointed its weapon at the woman.

She chuckled and struggled to stand against the wall. "You got a chance to live, pretty boy. And that's to give up, give it back, and leave while I allow it."

The Elite chuckled to himself. "Say goodnight, Demon." He said in almost fluent English. There was a loud click. "Hunh?" He looked at his weapon like it had just grown a self-aware arm.

She grinned. "Was hopin' you'd say that." She pushed off the wall in a tackle to get him off balance, rolled into a standing position, ran after him, and made a grabbing motion above his chest. A sparkle came with her fist as she turned around, whirlwinding first her second fist into him, then the first one carrying the sparkle. On that second hit, a small explosion knocked him off his feet and zapped him across the room.

She went towards him, breathing heavily, and collapsing halfway there. She crawled over to him, picked up the chip in which Cortana was stored, and put it back into the slot saying, "Wake me up when it doesn't hurt." as she passed out, blissfully unaware of all her burns, aches, and pains.

A/N: I've gotta ask if the fight was intelligible to you guys. Please, comment on it, and on every other part of the story you wish. Oh, and names for people, places, and chapters are just as appreciated as any type of comment.
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