Call Me, Maybe by pinkhairedharry
Disclaimer: I don’t own BtVS or The Avengers. Joss owns BtVS and Marvel owns the Avengers.
Summary: fic inspired by the song Call Me, Maybe and khaleesi. Xander and Faith have fun with Black Widow and Hawkeye
AN: The beginning of this was posted under the Call Me, Maybe fic open to everyone but started by khaleesi
~~~AN2: I am so SORRY about the formating SNAFU. It has been fixed. Again Sorry about that~~~
Xander/Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) and Faith/Clint Barton (Hawkeye)
Xander and Faith were seated at a table in the corner nearest the exit with their backs to the walls in a fifth rate bar scoping out the ‘scene’. There were a few demons present that could pass as human on superficial inspection like the three Grrkins in the corner opposite them with diamond shaped pupils but otherwise human features and the quartet of vampires in the back corner booth. Otherwise the place was filled with scumbags of the human kind. He was scoping the place out because honestly there was only so much girl talk he could stand. Buffy was depressed about her latest break-up and Dawn had invited the rest of the Scoobies over in the hope that they could cheer her up.
Xander, who spent every day with a bunch of teenage girls acting as den father/mediator/shoulder to cry on/fixer of broken things/pep talker, thought being tricked into spending his only night off of in what amounted to girls’ night with his friends was pretty much his own private hell. He’d been putting off checking this place out because it was so crappy that every demon with even a hint of self-respect didn’t stoop so low as to hang out here. It was the perfect excuse to get the hell out of Buffy’s apartment without hurting her feelings though so he jumped on it like a life raft away from the sinking ship of girls’ night. Faith had turned puppy eyes on him as he was making his escape so he rescued her on the basis of needing back-up before Buffy tried to give her a Buffy style make-over.
They were nursing a pair of the most disgusting beers that Xander had ever had the ‘delight’ of tasting and that was saying something; he’d spent a year in Africa drinking some of the foulest substances known to man and demon so as to not offend the locals during his slayer hunt/random wanderings. He actually had to thank the Hyena primal that had possessed him during high school for his iron stomach or he would have died of accidental poisoning and not so accidental poisoning attempts by now.
“Well damn, maybe this wasn’t such a waste of time after all,” commented Faith softly as her eyes followed the blonde man in a leather getup that had just walked in.
Xander followed her line of sight dismissing the guy as he caught sight of the gorgeous redhead woman next to him. He was more discrete in his ogling than the rest of the patrons of Chuck Bar but that wasn’t hard, three of them had fallen off their seats trying to get a look at her. She had the air of a dangerous predator and Xander’s eye was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He had a weakness for dangerous women and he still hadn’t learned his lesson even though they normally tried to kill him.
Even though Chuck’s Bar was the crappiest place Xander had ever been inside of, the place was packed. Every table and booth was occupied. There was a single unoccupied stool at the bar but that had more to do with the stench wafting off the corner occupant than lack of bodies. The blonde guy looked around the place before saying something to the redhead. The redhead shrugged in response to whatever he said and headed straight for Xander and Faith’s table while the blonde headed to the bar.
“Mind if my friend and I join you?” asked the redhead calmly.
“As long as you don’t plan on killing me actually that doesn’t matter so much-” started Xander.
“Ignore him he’s a little brain damaged as well as visually impaired,” teased Faith. “Is Blondie your ‘friend’ or is he fair game?”
The redhead smirked and said, “He’s fair game.”
“Who’s fair game?” asked the blonde as he place a drink in front of his friend and seated himself.
“You are,” answered Faith giving him a sultry once over.
“I am,” returned the blonde with a smirk.
“I’m Faith. Patches over here is Xander,” introduced Faith.
Xander rolled his eye at her colorful introduction and said, “Thanks for that Faith.”
“You’re welcome boytoy,” teased Faith.
The blonde chuckled at their byplay while the redhead gave a little half smile before saying, “I’m Natasha and the birdbrain next to me is Clint.”
Clint aimed an exaggerated pout at Natasha and said, “That really hurts Tasha especially after I bought your drink.”
She rolled her eyes at him before turning her attention too Xander. “Do you come here often?”
Faith and Clint didn’t bother to hide their laughter at her use of such a cliché pick up line.
Xander smiled but refrained from laughing as Natasha rolled her eyes at them. “Never been here before but my quest to visit the crappiest bars on the planet is going well. I thought The Hut with a Fire Pit was bad but this place might actually be the cake winner. What about you?” asked Xander return.
Natasha took another glance around the bar and couldn’t help agreeing with his assessment, “Never been here before either and tonight’s our last night in town. We flipped a coin, heads was this place and tails was the Mos Eisley Cantina down the street.”
“You should have gone to the Cantina at least their drinks are palatable even if the
crowd would faint en masse if you stepped foot in there,” offered Xander.
Faith had finally got her laughter under control enough to join the conversation, “It’s fun to see how many of them I can get to pass out before Chewie kicks me out for cutting into his profits.”
“Is it really that bad?” asked Clint.
“It’s a bunch of Star Wars fanboys that haven’t gotten laid yet and probably never will. I think boytoy’s the only regular that isn’t a virgin,” answered Faith.
“You like the Cantina?” asked Natasha to Xander.
“It’s the only place my girls fear to enter so yeah I like the place. Faith is pretty much the only one that’s willingly to go in there so I appreciate the ability to escape there,” answered Xander.
“Your girls?” asked Clint with a lascivious eyebrow waggle.
“I’m not a pimp nor do I have a harem. I’m a den father, general handyman and shop teacher at a private all girls’ boarding school and most of my friends are of the female persuasion. I’m going to stop talking now before I choke on my foot,” babbled Xander before he buried his face in his hands.
Faith was laughing at Xander’s babble fest while Clint looked amused.
Natasha smile and said, “You’re adorkable.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not something that should be said about a one eyed shop teacher but as long as I’ve removed myself from the lecherous perv hole I dug myself into I’ll take it,” joked Xander getting an actual laugh from Natasha.
They chatted, joked, traded embarrassing stories, and drank crappy but extremely strong drinks until Faith decided it was time to start a bar fight that ended with the quartet as the very inebriated winners and everyone else as the losers plus four piles of dust. Faith dragged Clint off for some fun in the back room until the cops showed up and hauled the four of them off to the drunk tank. Luckily none of the cops bothered to actually search them so no one had to come up with excuses about why they were so heavily armed.
Seeing as how they were still a bit rowdy the cops put them into a separate holding cell to keep the other drunks and petty criminals safe from them. They sang bawdy songs until they passed out and in the morning the cops let them out with the explanation that no one was pressing charges so they were free to go.
As they walked through the station Natasha was last in line and pocketed a pen off a random desk. Faith and Clint shared a rather passionate goodbye when they finally got outside. Natasha grabbed Xander’s hand and wrote her number on it before saying, “That was fun. If you ever find yourself in New York City call me, maybe.”
She didn’t wait for a reply before she dragged Clint off toward a car that was apparently waiting for them.
~this begins the part that hasn’t been posted under the Call Me, Maybe fic by khaleesi~
Faith walked over to the bemusedly grinning Xander and asked, “Think we can get G to spring for a vacation in New York?”
“Depends on how we word it,” answered Xander still grinning.
“You going to call her?” asked Faith.
“Maybe I will,” answered Xander as he started the long walk home.
“I think you should. She didn’t set my slaydar off and she’s wicked good at fighting,” added Faith as she followed Xander.
Early April, a month after meeting in Chuck’s Bar Xander worked up the nerve to call Natasha of the unknown last name.
It rang three times before the line picked up. "Hello?"
“Hi, I’m not sure if you remember me but it’s Xander. We met in Chuck’s Bar in Cleveland last month,” babbled Xander.
“I remember. It was fun. Are you in New York?” asked Natasha. She sounded pleased to hear from him.
“No but I figured I would call you so you’d have my number in case you changed your mind about wanting to do something when I do get out there. I get summers off for the most part and Faith has been talking up New York. Your friend Clint made quite the impression on her,” answered Xander.
“He does that but she made just as big an impression on him because he hasn’t shut up about her. I was getting a bit worried you wouldn’t call. When are you planning on coming?” asked Natasha.
“I think the plan is for somewhere in July. What’s your schedule like?” asked Xander.
“I have vacation time saved up so you give me a date and I’ll be there,” answered Natasha.
“Cool-” Xander’s voice was cut off and replaced by Faith, “Heya Tasha, want ta give me Blondie’s number?”
Natasha’s amusement could be heard as she listed off the digits.
“Thanks have fun with Boytoy,” said Faith before she tossed the phone back to Xander.
“Sorry about that she snuck up on me not that that’s a hard thing to do,” joked Xander earning a sound of amusement from Natasha.
“I take it that Faith will be coming with when you come visit?” asked Natasha.
“Yeah, it’s kinda more of a recruitment trip for two prospective students than a real vacation but the boss man is paying so we’ll take what we can get,” answered Xander right before a muffled scream and the sound of wood breaking was heard. “I got to go break up a cat fight and do damage control so I’ll call you later.”
“Have fun with that,” answered Natasha before the line went dead. The smile on her face the rest of the day freaked out all the junior Agents and more than a few of the senior Agents that saw it.
They spent the next two months talking on the phone and exchanging random text messages. All four of them enjoyed the two weeks spent together in New York and they all continued to talk, text and email when their jobs permitted. Natasha and Clint never really bothered to come up with a cover story because after Faith and Xander’s first trip to New York Natasha and Clint agreed about wanting to keep them. Of course they were highly trained extremely paranoid assassins so they used Shield resources to background check them. The fact that Xander and Faith had high enough security clearance to not need a cover story bothered them a lot less than they thought it would.
Turns out they managed to stumble upon two extremely high ranking members of the NSWC, an alphabet agency that worked globally and more clandestinely than Shield even though the NSWC was technically a part of the Shield bureaucracy monster when on US soil. That they went through more agents than Clint and Natasha had before Fury gave up and permanently reassigned Coulson to them was amusing. They decided total discretion was the better part of valor because no way in hell were they getting screwed over by Shield’s anti-fraternization regs. The NSWC didn’t follow very many Shield policies. They had their own highly effective and also semi ridiculous policies.
Similar professions they never really talked about aside, they continued to meet up every chance they got for the following for years. Xander never asked about the new scars that Natasha showed up with and she returned the favor by not commenting on his. All in all it working out very well until the aliens invaded New York.
When Fury reached his wit’s end Agent Coulson was assigned to act as the NSWC liaison with SHIELD they’d already gone through eight other agents in less than a year. Some hadn’t been able to accept the reality of the situation, some just couldn’t adapt to the Scoobies, some couldn’t get over the fact that little girls could kick their asses, and one very short lived one had wanted to make a new generation of Black Widows. Agent Coulson took everything the Scoobies, minis and wiccans threw his way with a bland smile and unshakable calm earning their respect. The younger girls in particular got rather attached to the only male besides Xander that treated them like girls while never forgetting what they were capable of. Dawn bonded with Agent Coulson over Captain America and Mario cart. It took a while but even Buffy eventually accepted him because he was BAMF.
Xander and Faith never straight out asked what their respective lovers did for a living nor did they run background checks but neither of them was blind. They had talked over the few details that had slipped from each of their lovers during the past few years and mutually agreed that Clint and Natasha were Agents or Assassins for the other eye patch wearing dude that Buffy liked to verbally spar with. The only concrete proof they had was the fact that Natasha and Clint had been picked up by Agent Coulson the morning after they met and the fact that Phil pass along messages from Natasha and Clint from time to time. Faith and Xander also agreed that they could live with the fact that their lovers were assassins because it didn’t change the fact that they were both kinda in love of the forever type.
For Faith it was a novel experience that proved she hadn’t been ‘running’ when she broke up with Robin. She had liked Robin, she still did in fact and as a first real boyfriend he’d been wonderful but the way she felt about Clint was as different from the way she had felt about Robin as night and day. Clint could make her laugh and he understood the harshness that was a bad childhood. His tales of life as a carnie brighten her darkest days. He didn’t judge her or make her feel used like everyone before Robin had. He understood that she had a darkside but he didn’t fear her as Robin had no matter how much he’d claimed otherwise.
For Xander it was also kind of new because Natasha was a weird mix of all his ‘girls’ as well as nothing like them at all. Her passion was just as deep as Cordy but quieter. She was just as brilliant as Willow but never made him feel stupid by contrast. She was undeniable beautiful and he’d fallen for her at first sight just like he’d fallen for Buffy at age sixteen. Her skill with languages reminded him of Dawn. Her confidence reminded him of Faith as well as the shadowed that haunted her eyes that spoke of regrets in her past that she was trying to make up for. She could also be just as painfully blunt about the most outrageous things as Anya had been. At times she even had moments of shyness that reminded him of Tara. She was entirely different from his girls in the fact that she truly didn’t need him but wanted him anyways.
As independent and strong as all of his girls were they all needed something from him. He wasn’t giving himself ego boost. Buffy needed him to keep her world in perspective so she didn’t get lost in the supernatural fight. Willow needed him to remind her that no matter how bad things got he would always love her. Dawn needed the normalcy he offered and the knowledge that she wasn’t alone. Faith needed him because he understood her on a level that the others couldn’t. Natasha was in no way perfect but she didn’t need him like his girls needed him. He didn’t have to be the clown, the normal one, the shoulder to cry on, or god forbid one of the girls for her. She knew the basics of what he did just like he knew the basics of what she did but that was one of the things they didn’t talk about. He was honest about his feelings for her and that meant more than the things they didn’t talk about.
Dawn the only one to notice Xander and Faith’s happiness, picked and prodded at them until they told her about Clint and Natasha. She was slightly upset (enough to give them the silent treatment but not enough to blab) that Faith and Xander hadn’t told her about them. It took her two weeks to get over it and ask for all the juicy gossip she been denied the past few years. She then punched Phil on his next visit for not sharing. She was the only one that got introduced to Clint and Natasha. They pretty much adopted her as their unofficial little sister and she in turn added them to her bevy of beloved older siblings.
~~ (four years after they met) during the Avengers movie~~
Dawn, Faith and Xander were, strangely or not so strangely because it was the day after their yearly apocalypse attempt, the only ones wandering about the house even though it was pretty late in the day.
“Think we should order pizza?” asked Faith.
“I was thinking Chinese but pizza would probably be a better choice,” answered Xander.
“Let’s get both. We can get Chinese for us and pizza for everyone. I still want a barbeque chicken and pineapple pizza though,” offered Dawn.
Xander grinned and said, “Sounds like a plan. See if there’s anything on T.V. while I order.”
Xander had barely finished placing the orders when Faith yelled, “X get your ass in here.”
Faith sounded freaked so he rushed into the living room. A glance at Faith and Dawn had him following their line of sight to the T.V. to a repeat of a news report from New York.
They watched as the entire report was read and repeated as shaky cell phone videos played in the corner of the screen. They watched as Tasha fought back to back with Captain fucking America and Clint while Iron Man and a big blonde dude flew around taking out the fliers and the freaking Hulk took out everyone else. They watched as the building Clint was on exploded. They watched with baited breath as he kept shooting even as he fell before launching a grappling line.
“I’m going to kill him,” announced Faith.
“I’ll help,” added Dawn.
“Thanks,” replied Faith.
“You think one of them will answer if we call?” asked Xander.
“Can’t hurt to try,” replied Faith as she pulled out her phone.
~~Inside the Shawarma place~~
The Avengers were eating in silence when Kiss with a Fist by Florence and the Machine started playing out of Clint’s quiver.
Natasha snorted and said, “You brought your phone with you to a possible end of the world fight?”
“Why not?” asked Clint with a shrug before he answered his phone with, “What’s up?”
“I want some of those arrows,” demanded Faith completely skipping the greeting part of a conversation.
“Which kind?” asked Clint.
“Boytoy wants some incendiary arrows but I want the grappling kind,” answered Faith.
Clint grinned of course Xander would want the incendiary arrows he had an uncanny ability to make things blow up even when it shouldn’t be possible, “You can have some grappling arrows but I thought Xander wasn’t allowed to play with explosives any more after he taught the girls how to bake a cake last year.”
“He’s allowed to play with them he’s just not allowed to teach the girls under twelve,” explained Faith.
Natasha snatched the phone out of Clint’s hand and said, “We are not giving Xander incendiary arrows. He has a bad enough habit of blowing things up with stuff that shouldn’t actually be able explode no matter how you mix it.”
“You’re no fun Tash,” complained Faith.
“Tell that to my hair. It still hasn’t grown all the way back,” countered Natasha. Tony grinned at finally getting an answer to the question of why her hair had been cut.
“I’m really, really sorry about that but you look beautiful anyways,” apologized Xander.
“I could look beautiful bald that doesn’t mean you’re getting any incendiary arrows,” growled Natasha.
“You like me anyways?” said Xander even if it came out more as a pleading question than a statement.
“Only because you’re adorkable,” replied Natasha, “And have a surprisingly talented tongue and rather skillful in-”
“Xan, Xan, the Viking Man!” was bellowed loud enough that even Tony, Thor, Bruce and Steve could hear the words across the table. Clint was turning red trying to hold in his laughter and decided he was going to marry her one of these days. Steve was red because of the innuendos. He still wasn’t quite sure if talented tongue was a sexual reference or a language reference because he had been mistaken before but he was pretty sure about it this time. Tony was just surprised to hear Natasha so open with anyone.
Thor grinned and bellowed, “Tell the White Knight that Anya the Crafty Wench approves of his orgasism friend and if he fucks this up she will personally return from Valhalla to dance on his mangled remains.”
Natasha decided what the fuck she might as well put the phone on speaker before Tony hacked the damn thing.
There was some only slightly hysterical male laughter and honest to god giggles that threw Steve, Bruce and Tony off because that’s not a normal response by anyone’s standard.
“She really made it to Valhalla? asked Dawn her voice pleading for it to be true and not questioning the fact that she was talking to a god/alien being.
“Aye,” stated Thor in a much softer tone, “My Mother and Sif find her tales amusing. I find most of them to be rather horrifying and gruesome except for the one in which she turned her husband into a troll. That one was rather amusing. Olaf is a better troll god than he was a man but he is still grieving the loss of his hammer.”
“That’s sounds like Ahn, horrifying and gruesomely blunt about her past deeds. He might as well make a new one because he’s never getting the other one back. The hellmouth kind of ate it,” stated Xander when he found his voice again.
“Aye, that is what Heimdall told Olaf,” offered Thor.
“Is anyone else freaked out by the fact that they aren’t freaked out and that Thor knows them?” asked Tony.
“I do not know them but Heimdall and Anya speak well of their bravery and battle prowess,” offered Thor.
At the same time that Faith said, “Suck it up ya glorified Soup Can,” somehow recognizing Tony’s voice enough to identify him as Iron Man.
“Please, marry me?” asked Clint completely seriously.
“Only if we can elope. B wedding was hell enough,” replied Faith.
“I’m okay with that,” said Clint.
“We can be there in an hour or so. Buffy’s going kill us then Wills bring us back and kill us again and Andrew will cry so want to make it a double elopement?” asked Xander.
“That’s the least romantic proposal I’ve ever received but why not,” answered Natasha. “Dawn and Pepper can help me plan it.”
“Where’s Phil?” asked Xander normally he would have greeted them by now.
“Agent Coulson died,” offered Steve when Natasha and Clint couldn’t form the words.
There was silence followed by frantic scrambling before Dawn announced “Well, he might have died for a little bit but he’s totally not dead right now.”
“Are you sure Dawn?” asked Natasha.
“Yeah, Willow totally may have put a proof of life…tracker on him because we all pretty much hated all of the other asshats Fury sent but Phil’s family,” answered Dawn.
“How reliable is this proof of life tracker?” asked Tony.
“It’s never been wrong before and trust me we use the damn thing all the time,” answered Dawn.
“Son of a bitch!” exclaimed Tony and Clint while Natasha swore violently in Russian.
“You said he died for a little bit?” asked Bruce speaking for the first time.
“Fuck it. We’ll be there in five minutes. Please don’t attack us,” implored Dawn.
“Okay,” agreed Clint before the line went dead.
The newly named Avengers stared at each other in various states of confusion for the next five minutes before a swirling green portal opened on the ceiling about three feet to the right of their table.
As soon as the portal stabilized a brunette woman dropped gracefully through it. She was wearing leather pants, a green t-shirt that said Hulk Smash on it and combat boots. She stepped out of the way before a guy with an eye patch dropped down less graceful but still steady. He was wearing jeans, combat boots and a leather duster over an Iron Man t-shirt which Tony couldn’t help smirking about. Unlike the woman he didn’t step out of the way; he held his arms out to catch the third figure that dropped with all the grace of a brick from the ceiling as the portal closed. The third person turned out to be another woman. She was younger than the other two wearing jeans, an unzipped Oxford sweatshirt over a Captain America t-shirt and Converse sneakers. She was also pale and trembling as she wrapped an arm around the guy’s neck and buried her face in his shoulder.
“You okay Dawnie?” asked the guy as the other woman positioned herself between them and the rest.
“Just dizzy. Give me a minute and I’ll be good to go,” was the muffled reply from Dawn.
“Did they just…” Tony trailed off unsure of how to finish that sentence. Bruce was too busy staring at the hulk shirt to comment. Steve looked between the trio and the already vanished portal before shrugging. Clint limped over to the trio ignoring the others.
“Different energy source and entirely classified for once in your life stay out of it,” announced Natasha as she made her way toward the trio.
Tony frowned for a split second before letting it go. He smirked and said, “Were the shirts coincidental or premeditated?”
“Huh?” asked the guy that Tony assumed was Xander.
Natasha patted Xander on the head as if he was a particularly dumb but adorable puppy and asked, “Why are you wearing an Iron Man shirt?”
“I want it autographed?” answered Xander more question then statement causing Natasha to pat him on the head again.
Faith winked at Bruce and said, “I like this shirt,” as she wrapped her arms around Clint.
“Faith also likes to smash things,” teased Xander.
“Dawn’s just a Captain America fan girl,” offered Faith with a smirk.
Omake just for fun an alternative meeting.
Xander and Faith looked out their hotel room window as a huge portal opened about a block away from them.
When unknown demons or UD’s as the Scoobies called them started poring through the portal Faith announced, “Well shit, at least this trip wasn’t a complete waste.”
Neither Clint nor Natasha had answered their phones for the past week. Natasha had warned them that she wouldn’t be there because something had come up at work. Clint was supposed to meet them at the airport but he hadn’t. They hadn’t actually been worried because it wasn’t the first time that Clint and or Natasha missed a rendezvous. On the occasions that Clint and Natasha failed to show up Xander and Faith ended up doing normal touristy things during the day and patrolled during the nights.
They geared up and headed out. Faith had a blast fighting the UD’s. After figuring out how to work their staves even Xander managed take out his fair share. They worked out a strategy that consisted of Faith fighting off the UD’s while Xander got civilians to safety before moving back into the battle. Xander had to squash his inner fanboy squeal when Iron Man took out a mother-ship near them and turn his focus back to the UD he was fighting.
After the UD’s collapsed en masse Faith and Xander wandered around for a bit. Xander had a cut above his eye patch that had been caused by shrapnel from a collapsing building and was pretty much sore all over. Faith on the other hand looked completely unscathed.
“What’s the damage?” asked Xander because Faith had a surprising amount of skill when it came to avoiding hits to the face and head which made it harder to visually tell if she was alright.
“Some bruised ribs and a sprained wrist. What about you?”
“Sore and bruised but nothings broken or even sprained,” answered Xander.
“How’s your head?” asked Faith.
“Fine why?” answered Xander.
“You’re bleeding,” pointed out Faith.
“Oh, I’ll feel it later when the adrenaline wears off. How’s it look?” asked Xander as he sat on a piece of rubble and dug a sealed gauze pad out of his pocket.
Faith took the pad out of his hand after he’d opened it, used it to clean the blood off before saying, “Doesn’t look like it’ll need stiches. You got any butterfly bandages on you?”
Xander snorted and said, “Of course,” while he dug into another pocket. He pulled out a small box of butterfly bandages and handed them to Faith.
Faith shook her head in amusement saying, “You’re like a freakin’ boy scout. Always prepared for anything. What else you got in that coat?”
“Anything and everything that I think could be useful in whatever crazy situation that’s bound to happen to me. Dawn helped Willow put pocket dimensions in the pockets, a feather light spell, a climate regulating spell and an impervious spell on it,” answered Xander.
“You guys had another Harry Potter movie marathon without me didn’t you?” accused Faith.
“Yep, Clint was visiting and it was the only way I could think of distracting them,” replied Xander unrepentantly.
Faith smiled at him and said, “Thanks for that. I’m hungry what about you?”
Xander shrugged and said, “I can eat. You think that Shawarma place we passed by earlier is still open?”
“Never know until we check,” answered Faith before she frowned, “Did you see Tasha fly by on one of the UD’s hover crafts?”
“No but I think I saw Clint shooting a bow with wicked ass arrows at the UD’s and I’m pretty sure I saw Captain America somewhere and the giant green guy Willow’s always talking was pretty damn cool,” answered Xander as he hobbled in the direction he remembered the Shawarma place to be.
Faith nodded her agreement while matching his pace and asked “Did you see the big blonde dude send lightning bolts out a war hammer?”
“Yeah, he’s either Thor, Viking god of Thunder, or a nut job that thinks he is,” offered Xander.
“The actual Viking god of Thunder?” asked Faith.
“We’ve dealt with weirder things and Anya said he was real but she hadn’t seen him since she was human the first time, something about Asgardians living on a different plane or planet or something,” answered Xander with a shrug.
“Wicked,” said Faith with a grin. “What’s shawarma?”
“I have no idea but it’s fun to say,” replied Xander as the Shawarma place came into view.
~~Fifteen minutes earlier inside the Shawarma place~~
Clint had his leg resting on Natasha’s chair as they and the rest of the Avengers sat and ate shawarma in the half destroyed restaurant. He was reading The Fellowship of the Ring for the fifth time when a memory that he had buried during the fight emerged in his brain.
In Russian he asked Natasha, “Did you get a chance to call and rearrange our vacation?”
Natasha’s eyes widened as she answered, “It slipped my mind why?”
“Because I saw them fighting Chitauri earlier. They were doing a bang up job too. Faith had this wicked looking red axe and Xander was using a Chitauri staff like a pro,” answered Clint still speaking Russian.
“Do the Assassins want to share with the rest of the class?” asked Tony.
“None of your business Stark,” replied Natasha.
“Did anyone else see a hot brunette in leather pants with a red axe and Fury’s brother from another mother fighting the Chitauri?” asked Tony deciding not to push the red head that could probably kill him since he wasn’t wearing his armor but unknowingly bringing up the same topic.
Steve nodded, “They were kicking Chitauri ass when I saw them. Are they Shield Agents?”
“They’re not,” answered Natasha.
“Are you sure about that? Cause they were kicking some serious ass the brunette chick in particular,” remarked Tony.
“They fought like seasoned warriors,” added Thor around a mouthful of shawarma.
“They’re teachers. Faith teaches Martial Arts and Xander’s a shop teacher at a school in Cleveland,” offered Clint.
“There is no way they’re just teachers because even the other guy remembers seeing them fight,” added Bruce.
“Are they undercover Agents?” asked Tony not letting go of the Agent theory.
“Let me rephrase that, they are not Agents they are teachers at an International School for Gifted Girls located in Cleveland. Some of their students are from very wealthy families from around the globe and on the flip side some of the students are from the poorest of the poor. About fifteen percent of the students were pulled from abusive situations so all of the staff members are well trained. Most of them are actually better trained than your average Shield Agent,” stated Natasha.
“So they’re teachers that double as body guards?” asked Steve.
“How long have you two known them and how did you meet and stay friends with a pair of teachers?” asked Steve.
“About four years. Met them in this little shit hole bar and spent the night drinking together before Faith decided to start a bar fight. Me, Nat, Xander and Faith against everyone else,” answered Clint with a fond grin.
“It was fun. Those morons actually thought they stood a chance against us. I enjoyed wiping the floor with them,” added Natasha.
“Wait, you two actually have friends outside of your line of work? That’s not fair you’re killing my mental image of soulless government assassins here,” lamented Tony earning a frown from Steve, an eye roll from Natasha and a snort of amusement from Clint. Bruce and Thor were too busy scarfing down shawarma to react to Tony’s comment.
The rest got back to eating their shawarma just before Faith and Xander strolled in chatting about what they each thought shawarma could be.
“Weirdly named Falafel?” offered Faith with a hopeful expression.
Xander shook his head and said, “I think it looked more like Gyro meat when we passed by earlier.”
“Hey Tash, Link,” greeted Faith as they walked in past what used to be the store front.
Clint groaned at the nickname but grinned when she seated herself on his good leg.
“You looked like you were having fun earlier,” commented Clint as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Haven’t had that much ‘fun’ since the Dale went down,” replied Faith.
“This was a lot less terrifying than that actually,” commented Xander getting six looks of disbelief from the Avengers and one “Fuck yeah,” from Faith.
“You do realize we almost got nuked, right?” asked Tony.
“Yep, I saw that. Thanks for not letting that happen by the way. Can I get a picture with you?” asked Xander completely blasé about almost being nuked.
Natasha sent a ‘what the hell’ look at Xander when he asked for the picture.
“You’re welcome and why the hell not,” said Tony deciding to roll with Fury Jr.’s insanity.
“Faith, you want in on the Andrew taunting?” asked Xander as he handed his phone to a newly understanding Natasha. Xander had told a lot of stories involving Andrew and most of them revolved around the nerd’s inability to separate real life from fiction. With everything she knew about Andrew she was pretty sure he would sell one of his kidneys and possibly a lung to get a picture with his favorite superhero.
Faith smirked turned a little vindictive as she said, “Of course, the little shit deserves it for what he did to Shelley.”
“I still can’t believe you named your knife Shelley,” teased Xander.
“You named your axe Gimli,” countered Faith.
“Yeah but Gimli was the axe wielding Dwarf in Lord of the Rings so totally relevant. Where the hell did Shelley come from?” argued Xander.
“I named her after Shelly Duvall from the Shining. I still haven’t figured out how he got her out of my room because Red swore she Andrew proofed it,” complained Faith as walked toward Xander and Tony. As she walked passed Steve she pulled him out of his seat and into the shot with her, Xander and Tony. “Thanks Cap,” offered Faith as she released him and bounced back over to Clint.
Steve, Bruce and even Tony had been sharing ‘they’re more fucking nuts than we are’ looks during Xander and Faith’s conversation.
“Sanity’s way overrated,” announced Xander receiving ‘Holy fuck did he just read my mind’ looks in return.
“Yes, I did,” announced Xander.
Tony frowned at him and stared intensely in his eye.
Staring calmly back Xander announced, “You’re right. Faith has a great rack but Tasha has the better ass.”
“How the fuck did you do that?” asked Tony bewilderedly.
“I can read minds,” answered Xander with a shrug.
“Sure you can, what am I thinking now?” asked Tony.
“He’s never going to guess seven,” replied Xander with a roll of his remaining eye.
“Seriously how the hell are you doing that?” questioned Tony.
“I took an educated guess on the Faith and Tasha debate based on your personality but you’d be surprised on how often seven is the answer to the ‘what am I thinking now’ question,” answered Xander with an amused grin.
Faith and Clint laughed at the sheepish looks that adorned Steve and Bruce’s faces while Natasha smirked at Tony.
“For two geniuses and a super-soldier you guys are really gullible,” teased Xander, his tone light enough that none of the three were offended. “What’s up with the dude in the corner being held down by Mjolnir?”
“That’s Loki…” began Tony only to trail off when Xander’s eye went wide enough that he was worried it might actually fall out even if he knew that was physically impossible.
“Say no more, seriously I don’t want to know but keep him the hell away from me,” announced Xander as he backed away from the demi-god.
Faith was having trouble stifling her laughter at Xander’s antics but she managed to force out a few words, “Tasha will protect you from the bad old trickster god.”
“Faaaith, you jinx me again and I’ll tell Andrew about your hidden love of all things Star Trek,” threatened Xander.
“I don’t have a hidden love for Star Trek,” countered Faith.
“He’ll believe it until his dying day if I tell him you do,” pointed out Xander.
“You say that to him and I’ll take it as a declaration of War,” countered Faith.
“What kind of War we talking here?” asked Xander.
“The kind where I start encouraging the brats with tales of the White Knight,” answered Faith.
Xander shrugged, he already had to deal with a bunch of teenage slayers with crushes, “I’ll move back to Africa.”
“I’ll up it to tales of the One Who Sees if you do that,” retorted Faith.
“I’ll blame it all on you when I tell Buffy, Dawn and Willow that I’m going to go live a life of solitude where even they won’t be able to find me and I won’t be seeing them ever again,” one upped Xander.
“There isn’t anywhere you could go that Red won’t find you,” countered Faith smugly.
“You’d still be stuck with Andrew,” taunted Xander.