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MiB: The Hellmouth Incident

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Summary: Reports of the possible presence of an unregistered time- space anomaly bring Jay and Elle to Sunnydale, California where they discover there are things even MiBs find hard to believe.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Men in BlackYademosEbyamFR1358,990038,07812 Jan 0412 Jan 04No

Prologue - Unwanted Headlines

MiB: The Hellmouth Incident
A "BtVS/Men In Black" Crossover

DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only or posted in fanfic archives for general distribution, but must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
SPOILER WARNING: Occurs after "Prophecy Girl"
CONTENT WARNING: This story depicts scenes of violence and/or their aftermath. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may wish to read something other than this story.
CLASSIFICATION: C - Crossover with Men in Black
SUMMARY: Reports of the possible presence of an unregistered extee community bring Jay and Elle to Sunnydale, California where they discover there are things even MiBs find hard to believe.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Giles, the Slayerettes and all other characters who have appeared in the series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Inc., Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Television, 20th Century Fox Television and the Warner Brothers Television Network. Jay, Elle, Zed and all other characters who have appeared in the movie "Men in Black," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of Columbia Pictures, Amblin Entertainment, MacDonald/Parkes Productions, and Malibu Comics. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. I'm too broke to be sued, anyway. (But if any of you think my literary skill presents that much of a risk, feel free to HIRE me!)

Prologue - Unwanted Headlines

Even though his job as a school librarian was mostly a cover for his watcher activities, Rupert Giles prided himself on doing both jobs well. Thus when he wasn't training Buffy to more efficiently destroy vampires or groping his way through ancient texts researching the latest prophecy, one could usually find him either in the stacks sorting and shelving books, or in his office filling out the many forms that Principal Snyder insisted were essential to the smooth running of the school. While he rather enjoyed the former (each book replaced representing a student who actually read something), the latter seemed at times to be a particularly fiendish torment that had him speculating on his superior's possible demonic antecedents.

It was not surprising that he found himself greeting an interruption of this task with a certain degree of enthusiasm. Particularly when the interruption came in the form of the lovely Ms. Calendar. They had established a rather cordial relationship since the resealing of the Hellmouth, one that contained subtle hints of developing into something more. However, his smile quickly faded when he heard her first ominous words; "Rupert, I think we have a problem." With she entered his office, shut the door, and dropped what appeared to be a supermarket tabloid on his desk.

He picked it up gingerly. MAN AWAKENS FROM THIRTY YEAR COMA!! shouted the headline. "Someone you know?" he asked, confused.

"Check page eight," she said, obviously perturbed, "bottom of the page."

Giles hesitantly turned to the page, and immediately saw the article that had her so upset.

Is Sunnydale the Mouth of Hell?

"The small town of Sunnydale, California was shocked this spring by the unexplained deaths of several high school students from extreme blood loss. According to witnesses, the first death was discovered when the body of student fell out of a locker, drained of blood with two puncture wounds on his neck. Later that week, a school dance being held at a local night spot was invaded by vampires who murdered the bouncer and two students by biting them on the neck. They were driven off by an unknown teenage girl who distracted them with acrobatics and martial arts moves until she could get close enough stab them with wooden stakes. Upon being impaled, the alleged vampires dissolved into dust.

The local police have suggested that these deaths, as well as several other mysterious deaths and disappearances that occurred later, may but the work of a cult that uses airborn drugs to cause vivid hallucinations. This town, once known to the Spanish as `Boca Del Infierno' or the Mouth of Hell, has been thoughout its history been a place where strange and horrific things happen, but 1997 has seen a tremendous upsurge in paranormal activity."

The article went on to describe in amazing detail the deaths of Principal Flutie and Dr. Gregory, the `accidents' suffered by the cheerleading squad, and the `disappearance' and revenge of Marcie Ross. About the only thing that reporter hadn't discovered was the role of Buffy and the team in all these incidents. He'd even tracked the disruption Moloch had caused on the Internet to C.R.D., but blamed that and the murders on a government conspiracy.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Ms. Calendar after Giles had chance to read the article twice. "Has someone been talking? Should we be worried?"

"No to both questions, I think," he answered after considering it for a moment. "Most of the information here is a matter of public record, and the rest is logical speculation given the premise that such things are possible. Besides, no one ever takes these things seriously anyway."

Meyer's Delicatessen, New York City

"You know," said Elle as she had another bite of her blintz, "I can't get over how much like a regular job this is."

"It IS a regular job!" protested Jay, "We get full medical and dental coverage, three weeks paid vacation a year, and use of the company car. Only thing is, since we don't officially exist, we don't pay taxes."

"But what about..."

"The clientele? Sure, they can seem a little weird at first, but it's really just a matter of perspective. Underneath all the differences they're just people, like you and me."

Just then his cell phone rang. "Excuse me," he said and answered it. "Yes sir? Yes, I saw it, page eight. I didn't think it had anything to do with us."

"Ordinarily, you would be right," the voice on the other end of the line said. "but a couple of residents in the area are concerned. They're afraid they'll get bit and blow their cover. Poke around and make sure there's nothing to it. And while your there, check out this Hellmouth thing. A T-S survey of the area registered a definite anomaly, and the last thing we need is a spacial rift that close to Vandenberg. No hurry, though. Finish your lunch first." <Click>

While Jay had been talking to Zed, Elle had been leafing through the "hotsheet" to see where they were going next. "Wait, let me guess ... Passaic, right?"

Jay shook his head. "Try California," he said, taking a bite of his corned beef on rye.

Elle looked at the page again, and her jaw dropped (only for a moment though, she was learning). "Vampires?!? What has that got to do with the price of glorp on Alpha Centauri?"

"Nothing. It was fixed the last I heard," he deadpanned. Seeing his partner's annoyance, he relented. "Look, all I know is that we have a couple of clients scared they'll give a bloodsucker indigestion, and a time-space anomaly to investigate. Shouldn't take more than a day, two tops. Piece of cake. Which reminds me ... waiter!"

Knowing she wouldn't get any more out Jay until he was ready, Elle went back to reading the article. It was surprisingly well written, with more names and dates than usually found in such a piece. This was a good indication that the writer had made sure of his facts, since the smaller tabloids were becoming allergic to getting sued. Of course there was great deal of gratuitous speculation, but that was to be expected. She checked the byline to see if she knew the author, but it turned out to be the pseudonym the paper used for its anonymous contributors.

She laughed at his conclusion that Marcie Ross's disappearance was an alien abduction just because the alleged FBI agents investigating it wore dark suits; the MiB certainly had no exclusive copyright on "sanctioned attire" (a fact that peeved Zed greatly). If there had been operatives already in the area, Zed woundn't have called them in. Unfortunately, almost every black ops unit in the world used the suits for the same reason they did -- to reduce witness credibility. Being a modern myth had its advantanges, but there was a down side; you got blamed for everything. Too bad the world wasn't ready for the truth yet. It would be nice to get some credit for once.

"Ahem!" Elle looked up to see Jay had finished his dessert and was watching her expectantly. Oh yes, that's right. It's my turn to pay, isn't it. No one can say that Jay isn't liberated about these things. With an inward sigh, she motioned to the waiter and asked for the check.

To her surprise their waiter, a stout white man apparently in his fifties, refused to take her money. "Please," he said with a smile, "for you, everything is on the house, forever!" Looking around to see that no one was watching, he pulled an alien residence card out of his sleeve, which contained a holographic likeness of his true unearthly appearence. "The Baltan, Rosenberg, was my friend," he explained quietly, "and you, who avenged him, are welcome here always as my guest." Without another word he replaced the card and walked away.

"You knew!" she said as she followed Jay out to the car, a black '86 Ford LTD with some very special modifications, "You knew what was going to happen there."

Jay admitted as much as he got behind the wheel. "You looked like you were in need of some professional appreciation. Lord knows we don't get a lot of it in this job."

"What I don't get is how he recognized me, or even knew about what I did. I mean, I wouldn't even know who Rosenberg was if you hadn't told me." When Elle had joined the Black, Jay had gone against company policy and told her about their first meeting (the one that Kay had erased from her memory) so she knew who the waiter had been referring to.

Jay just handed her the paper again. "You've got to learn to read between the lines. Put on your shades and check it out." She did so, and watched as the headline changed from MAN AWAKENS FROM THIRTY YEAR COMA!! to VETERAN MiB RETIRES AFTER DISTINGUISHED CAREER! Kay's picture remained the same, but the article inside, which before had described his disappearance and the cover story that had been cooked up to explain it, now related the highlights of Kay's career with the Black, including details of his final mission which had resulted in Elle's recruitment. There were file pictures of her and Jay too, with a caption declaring them "MiBs of the Month".

"Are they all like that?" she asked, thinking she had finally found the secret of the hotsheets.

Jay shook his head. "Sorry. The main distributor for this and several other major tabloids is a client, and he lets us overprint one issue a month with a special ink that the optics used by most of our clients can see. We have to use shades, which we supply to our other clients for a small fee. It's our way of keeping in touch."

Oh well, so much for that idea. "So, are we going to drive to California or what?"

Jay smiled. "Remember the red button I told you not to touch ..."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The "secret newspaper" idea is completely mine.
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