Posted as part of the twisted shorts competition over on Lj.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fantastic Four or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All rights belong to their owners and I merely borrow the characters for your amusement.
Beta: Big thanks to ConstanceTruggle for playing musie to my imagination.
Johnny Storm was annoyed. Okay, perhaps he should be worried, but honestly it never entered his mind to be worried. Of course, there was the slight problem that the whole team had been captured by Doom. Yet he still wasn't worried. There was only one thing he wanted at the moment, and that was for Doom to quit indulging his whim for monologues – they were boring.
Another thought struck Johnny, and that was that Sue should really start worrying about Doom’s epic man crush on her almost husband. He actually feared for Reed’s safety. Still, at least this run in with Doom featured something new. He had changed the help. It seemed that Doom felt that his minions were too stupid and contracted out to demons for help.
They were kind of smart - enough to capture the team, and somehow they had gotten a hold of mystical restraints that had stopped the team from accessing their powers. It had even managed to de-rock Ben, which was quite a feat. That was probably the most annoying part of this capture. Unlike the others, he'd never been reluctant to embrace his powers and he hated that he could not flame on.
In the end, he gave an exaggerated sigh and faux relaxed – which had the added advantage of pissing off Doom.
Sue hissed, "You're out of your goddamn mind."
Johnny smirked, "Well he is more interested in your honey than mine, and I'm guessing this monologue will not be ending for a while, so I may as well get comfortable."
Ben snickered, "I'm with matchstick. If I've got to listen to him droning on, then I want to be comfortable." He almost collapsed in laughter, when he saw that Reed was squirming and sticking as close as possible to Sue.
However, what the team had forgotten was that Johnny could be relaxed for a reason. He also made a vow to give his fiancée anything she wanted - starting with smoochies. He also made a mental note never to give her shit for buying him jewellery again.
He had gotten engaged to Buffy, only two months ago. Johnny had actually used his fire skills to help craft Buffy's engagement ring, which was a fact that Buffy adored. However, only a few days later, Buffy had given him a platinum band. He'd given her shit, saying that while he was all for being untraditional, usually the guy gave the gal a ring. Buffy had quirked one eyebrow, hit him with half of her strength and explained the purpose of the ring. The ring actually served as a life-tracker. Whilst he was wearing the ring, Buffy's best friend, Willow, could find him anywhere in the world. Hell, at the moment, if Willow helped get him out of here, he would gladly be her test dummy when she practiced her water spells.
Johnny grinned at Doom, and could confess that he personally found it hard to take anyone seriously when they always wore a mask. "Hey Victor! Have you spoken to your therapist about your unhealthy crush on Reed?"
Given the vicious backhand he received, it had either not gone well, or he was still in denial. He smirked, all cocky arrogance, "That a no?" He was not sure in this case who was the worse influence; himself or Buffy.
Sue winced as Johnny earned himself another vicious slap; she screamed, "Stop it!"
Johnny casually spat out the blood from the cut. "Relax Sue, I have a plan." He told them with full confidence. In truth, he never doubted Buffy.
Victor cackled, seemingly very amused with even the suggestion that they could escape. Johnny could see why he was a doubter. They were captured, restrained with demonic cuffs and therefore, they could not access their powers, but they had forgotten to take into account one very important person - Buffy.
Ben was just as depressed, and he asked sarcastically, "So what's the great plan matchstick?"
Johnny really didn't have to answer, as Doom's demon minion came crashing through the window - horn first.
Buffy stood there larger than life, one eyebrow quirked, and quipped, "Can anyone join this party?"
Johnny tried to look innocent, as he told Doom, "Sorry. I forgot to mention she was my plus one."
Buffy pretended to be disappointed, "I heard this was the hippest, coolest party around, so I brought a friend."
Faith stood next to Buffy, long sword in hand, "What's the matter chuckles?” she asked Doom, before she added, "you were really stupid hiring demonic help."
It really wasn't the best workout, the last chosen two had ever had. Still, it did save them from boredom. Buffy had graciously allowed Willow to handle Doom. It was only fair, she'd been bored too. The reason? It had been a loooongtime since the last apocalypse.
Minutes later, the two slayers were left standing, and the demons were dead. They moved over to the captured group, in order to release the bindings. The minute they did, they stepped back as Ben morphed back.
Johnny was still hugging Buffy, partly in relief, and he was just really glad that his fiancée could kick ass. "Hey, Pebbles. Is it clobber time?"
The Thing smiled, "I would, Firefly, but the red-witch has it covered."
Buffy smiled, and it was blinding. She was just really glad that Willow's hair had turned white, "Stupid villain. He forgot rule number two," she finished primly.
The Fantastic Four group, who had only just started to mix with the Scoobies, were not fully conversant with the Scooby Rules.
Reed watched in bemusement, and Jonny snickered seeing that Reed still stood behind Sue. Willow stood firm, but frowned, "What shall I do with him? He is a meta."
Buffy rolled her eyes, and everyone thought she was a dumb blonde. "I contacted Charles Xavier before we portalled out of London. He should be here soon."
Sue was never one for idle curiosity and asked, "What is Rule One?"
The answer came in unison from, Willow, Faith, Johnny and Buffy, "DON'T DIE!"
Ben shrugged, "I like it. And Rule Two?"
Faith snickered, "Don't mess with B's man."
Well, none of the group could argue with that. Buffy had – in recent years – calmed a great deal, but there were still a few things that could make her angry. The type of angry that could have an entire supernatural community ducking out of sight. The prime one being that you should not touch her family, or her lover. It was just not conducive to living long.
The in-love couple would have commented but Johnny was already paying his fiancée back with a few smoochies. As per usual, the world disappeared around them. Willow rolled her eyes and dropped them through a portal into their room.
Sue, Reed and Ben looked at Willow with a new found respect. "Oh god, I love that Johnny has found someone to love, but god do I wish I could do that."
Faith snickered, "Oh trust me, it's better for everyone that Red did that. B has some urges that will need to be settled."
Reed, bless his little quizzical heart, had to ask, "Urges?"
Faith grinned, and it was full of dirty promises, "To the Slayer, Firefly is her mate and someone tried to encroach."
Sue smirked, looking a little too much like her brother, but Faith could respect that, and she started to snicker. It was one of the things that Sue adored about her own fiancé, but sometimes even she shook her head at his bouts of naiveté. "Don’t get between a woman and her man."
Faith nodded, "Agreed. Everyone should remember Rule Number Two."
Nothing else could be said to that. Although, Doom really wished he'd done more research, he’d do anything to avoid the fate of being Logan's claw file. Still, it could have been worse for Doom as he could be at the mercy of the IWC... and their Queen Slayer. When he thought about it; he'd take his punishment.
He had learnt his lesson, and in the future, he would leave Johnny Storm alone. It certainly wasn’t worth tangling with the Queen Slayer – Rule Number Two indeed.