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Wrong Way

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This story is No. 2 in the series "2012 Fic-a-Day Challenge". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Dawn and Xander take a portal … to the wrong place.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Dawn-Centered > Theme: HumorMissEFR1311,2466286,6012 Aug 122 Aug 12Yes
Disclaimer: Don’t own or claim rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Stargate SG1

~~~~~

“And … we’re here!” Dawn announced grandly as she exited the portal.

Xander looked around at the large open space then turned back to his friend. “And here is … where, exactly?”

Dawn looked at the soldiers currently aiming their rather deadly-looking weapons at them. “Oh, poop!”

~~~~~

“So let me get this right,” the old guy began. “You,” he pointed to Dawn, “are a witch – ah! –” he immediately waved away the blonde’s objection, “and you created the ‘portal’,” he even used air quotes, “which somehow got lost, and ended up here. Do I have that right?”

Dawn huffed. “Yes! I don’t know what the problem is.” She conveniently ignored Xander’s yelp of disbelief. “It’s not like I meant to come here -”

“Yeah, I think that’s one of our problems,” the old guy – O’Reilly? O’Hannagan? O’something – interjected.

“It’s not like I meant to come here,” Dawn repeated stiffly, “but now I am. And if you’ll just let us go back to that ring-thing – and can I just say: overcompensation much? – and we’ll be out of your hair!”

“No, you can’t just go back to that ring thing, and it’s not like we built it,” he added, exasperated.

The cute book guy cleared his throat. “Um, what I think Jack is trying to say is that you somehow managed to arrive in a very secure location, and this worries us. Because if you can do it by accident, who’s to say someone else won’t do it on purpose?”

“See?” Xander hissed. “I told you they wouldn’t go for it.”

“Oh, please!” Dawn dismissed. “It’s not like it’s the first uber-secret army base you’ve broken into – not that we meant to break in here;” she added hastily to the old guy, “this was an accident!”

Xander dropped his head on the table, and stroked the surface. Would banging his head repeatedly on it give him a migraine, or just let him slip peacefully into blissful unconsciousness?

The old guy – O’Neill, that was it – leaned back in his chair. “So you make it a habit to break into secure military bases, huh?”

“I told you,” Dawn growled, “this was an accident!”

“But the other times?” O’Neill asked, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, those,” Dawn dismissed with a wave. “I wasn’t involved with those. Someone decided I was too young. And there was this whole apocalypse thing going on. It was a thing,” she shrugged.

“You were thirteen,” Xander’s muffled voice declared. “And we’re not supposed to use the A-word around, you know, people.”

O’Neill frowned. “If she was thirteen, how old were you?”

Xander sat up. “Uh … nineteen, I think. Twenty, maybe. And it’s not like I wanted to do it, ‘cause there were people with, you know, guns there.”

“And what did you have?” O’Neill asked, curious.

“Oh, I had a gun, too,” Xander shrugged. “Of course, it’s not like I knew how to use it, but I had one.”

“Did Spike have a gun?” Dawn asked.

“He had a replica,” Xander nodded. “Still gave him a headache when he aimed it at me,” he smirked.

The book guy – Daniel, Dawn thought – blinked. “Why would aiming a gun at you give someone a headache?”

“Behaviour modification chip,” Xander answered. “He couldn’t hurt humans.” He cocked his head in thought then explained, “It worked on intent, so thinking about hurting humans hurt, too. I think if he accidently hurt someone, it didn’t hurt him, unless he was happy it happened, and, let’s face it, this is Spike we’re talking about.”

“He never hurt me!” Dawn protested.

“He called you ‘niblet’,” Xander argued. “As in ‘snack’.”

“I don’t want to know about this, do I?” O’Neill observed.

Dawn scoffed. “Please! You have a problem with magic. You so don’t want to know about Spike.”

“Oh, speaking of,” Xander turned to Dawn, “we’re on a bit of a timeline here.”

Dawn frowned at Xander, puzzled. Suddenly a thought occurred to her. “Oh,” she drawled. “Uh, yeah. We should really move this along, ‘cause otherwise someone’s going to come looking for us.”

“What,” O’Neill frowned, glancing towards the Gate Room, “another shiny green wormhole?”

“Yeah, no,” Xander grimaced. “Will doesn’t need…”

O’Neill blinked at some papers started ruffling in … the wind? He looked at the blonde he’d shushed earlier, but she appeared stumped by the sudden draft. The military people were all looking around, even the big, dark-skinned guy that reminded Dawn of Oz in that stoic, nothing-fazed-him kind of way.

Xander slunk down in his chair. “Don’t worry, Dawn. I’ll let her know how this was all your fault.”

“How was this my fault?” Dawn yelped.

“Uh… Your portal, your fault. It’s not like I had any say in the direction.”

“Actually, I think I’ll blame Buffy and Giles,” a glowing-white Willow decided.

“Sir…” the blonde began.

“Yeah, I see it,” O’Neill nodded absently.

“Her,” Daniel corrected, equally absently.

Xander grinned. “Willow, you’re a goddess! I’m going to get you the best chocolate I can find when we get home: Godiva all the way. If fact, I’m going to get you shares in Godiva.” He turned to Dawn. “Do they do that? Can you buy shares in Godiva? Their parent company? Whatever?”

O’Neill cleared his throat. “Just so you know, this is a top-secret military base, and we really don’t like it when people drop by unannounced. Not that it seems to stop people, but I thought I should get it out there.”

A now-redheaded Willow frowned at O’Neill. “Top secret military base? And what is it that you do here?” She turned back to Dawn and Xander. “They haven’t been experimenting on you, have they?” She hurried over, and began examining her friends. “If they’ve harmed one hair on your head -”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” O’Neill protested. “We’ve been talking, okay? They turn up, unannounced, in the middle of our facility, and I would really like to know how they did it, and how we can stop people from doing it again. Is that so much to ask?”

Willow looked at O’Neill, then back to her friends. “How’s he on the magic thing?”

“Blondie has a fit every time the word is mentioned, and he kind of turns a bit green,” Dawn shrugged.

Willow turned back to O’Neill. “Sorry, but it’s magic. If you can’t accept that, then you’re going to have a real problem keeping people out. Mind you, you’d have a real problem keeping us out, anyway, since the wards needed to keep us out are really powerful. But that’s okay, ‘cause we only intentionally break into bad military bases. You’re not bad military, are you?” she asked sweetly.

“No!” O’Neill protested. “We’re the good guys. We’ve been giving the bad guys major headaches for nine years running, and proud of it,” he added smugly.

“Okay then,” Willow beamed. “So you won’t mind if I just take my people and go?”

O’Neill glared at her. “Just … go! Get out of here, and I really don’t think I want to see you again.”

“Cool!” Willow beamed. “Okay, kids,” she added to Dawn and Xander, holding out her arms for them to link with, “hands and feet inside the car, trays in the upright position, and here we go!”

Another wind kicked up inside O’Neill’s very secure, underground base and Willow, Dawn and Xander blinked from view.

~~~~~

“So, Carter, any chance of losing all video from this … thing?”

“On it right away, sir.”

The End

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