The ‘Buffy as a submissive’ thing didn’t work out. Not one bit.
I couldn’t do it.
Well, I mean that
part of it was…fine…more than fine actually.
As usual, I caught feelings.
Christian was so much more than I had ever thought he would be.
I’d seen the bossy ass-hat side and he was that, quite frequently, but he had this other side to him that was… playful.
I know, I was surprised too.
He could be sweet, nearly always charming, the aforementioned playful and I’d learned to deal with his control freak ways.
It was just so hard to have to constantly lie about the whole Slayer thing. I’d gotten so used to just talking freely about it that I was having a real hard time going back to the whole ‘secret identity’ thing.
I made it an entire two months before I cracked and now I have a reason to hate Halloween even more than I already do.
I tried to be truthful. I told him how I felt. I tried to tell him who I really was. And he wouldn’t believe me. So I showed him.
I took him to a cemetery and made the effort to show off a little bit.
What I got in return was severe rejection, disappointment and hurt feelings.
We had an intensely rough argument. He didn’t take it well at all. Called me names. He called me a freak. A ‘crazy fucking freak‘, to be more precise.
I was so hurt and dejected that I couldn’t respond. So I just ran away.
I left my second-in-command, Lily, a fiery Scottish Slayer, in charge while I went and visited Faith in Cleveland for a bit.
She needed the help and I needed the distraction.
My second week there, he texted me.*Can we meet? I need to apologize. I feel awful*
I didn’t respond.
Four hours later….another one.*Where are you?*
Another hour later….*Buffy, are you okay? Please answer me.*
My email was much the same, littered with the same shit.
The next day, he started calling. And by two days after that, I was getting really annoyed with it. I mean, come on. I’m trying to ignore you and help my Slayer Sister fight a war here!
Okay. There wasn’t a war, per se. Normal Slayer-Hellmouth crap. No apocalypses while I was there, thank God.
Faith was the only one I dared to tell about my heartache and everything that had gone down. For some reason, I felt that she wouldn’t judge me like the rest of them would, if I had told them. I felt that she would understand.
And she did.
The night I finally decided to talk to him, I was a bit….tipsy. Okay. Completely out-of-my-mind-kitten-poker wasted. I was supremely depressed still and it was slow in the monster department so Faith took me out.Big. Mistake.
November 12 2010 2:30am ESTTo:
Im finee. Have you ever thougt that maybe I just don’t want to talk to you?!Buffy Summers
CEO, ISC, Seattle Headquarters
November 11 2010 11:30pmTo:
Are you drunk?
Where are you? We really need to talk.Christian Grey
CEO, Christian Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
November 12 2010 2:32am ESTTo:
What or hwere I am, SIR
, is not yo busines.
Im not your submissive anyore. You made it vry clear that you don’t want me.Buffy Summers
Extremly drunk CEO, ISC, Seattle Headquarters
FRUSTRATING (drunk) WOMEN.Date:
November 11 2010 11:33pm To:
YOU ARE SO FRUSTRATING.
How did you expect me to react? You told me something so..so…massive and, yes, crazy….about fucking shit that’s not even supposed to be real?
You take me to a graveyard, play show off with a fucking VAMPIRE for Christ’s sakes…..How was I supposed to react? Please. Tell me. I would love to know.Christian Grey
Extremely Frustrated CEO, Christian Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
By this point, I had already passed out from the excessive alcohol that Faith had poured down my throat. It was okay though, because that just meant that when I got up the next afternoon, I was level headed and mostly coherent. Minus the hangover.
Yet, I decided to wait. I needed to think things over and really plan out what I wanted to say. Also, it would ensure that Mr. Impatient Control Freak would be massively pissed by having to wait. It made me a bit happy.
Bipolar control freaks who crush women’s feelings to tiny, miniscule pieces and then can’t understand why said women don’t want to speak with them…BECAUSE YOU CRUSHED THEM.Date:
November 17 2010 2:12pm EST To:
No, you are right. This is all
my fault. Completely. 110%.
Because this is the life I dreamed of for myself, you know?
Instead of being 30, nearly 31, and having a loving husband with a cute little family in a cute little house with a cute little picket fence and an amazing dream job……….I chose to have the life of monsters, defense tactics, offensive strategies and nearly constant death.
That was sarcasm, by the way.
I told you this over and over that night but…you just didn’t listen to me.
You wouldn’t listen. You chose to just scream and yell.I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS LIFE.
You have to understand that. Yes, I’ve learned over the last fifteen years to just buck up and accept it, but I by no means chose this life for myself. I wouldn’t let my worst enemy choose this life.
It was chosen for me. I had no control whatsoever. Destiny…fate, whatever you want to call it. I was Chosen.
I was a 15 year old girl, wealthy and popular, typical LA teenager, with my whole life ahead of me. Then, one day, my first Watcher, Merrick, shows up, springs this….destiny on me and my life is turned upside down.
I lost friends and family and Merrick….people I cared about.
I should’ve known better. I should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to handle it. I just….I just thought that for once, maybe just this once I could have someone normal. Someone that wasn’t connected to my Slayer life.
I guess I was wrong.
P.S. So you’ll stop asking, I’m on the East Coast. Sort of. And no, I will not tell you where, Mr. I’m So Rich I Can Take The Company Jet Wherever I Want, Whenever I Want.Buffy Summers
Hidden CEO, ISC, Seattle Headquarters
I’m getting dressed for the day, trying to hold in tears from my emotional email, when I hear my notification ping.
You think I’m normal?Date:
November 17 2010 11:14amTo:
…..I made you run 3,000 miles away?
CEO, Christian Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
I know I’m going to get bombarded, but I choose not to reply.
Twenty minutes later, I get the same email, but in text form. *You really ran that far away? Because of me?*
I sit quietly in my hotel room, staring at my phone.*Yes. I did. You hurt me. I was already vulnerable from previous situations…and you made it worse. SO MUCH WORSE. I’ve been called crazy before….but a ‘crazy fucking freak’? By someone I care about?? …Yes, I ran away from you.*
I hit send on the longest text that I’ve probably ever sent in my entire texting life.*I’m sorry.*
he replies.*I wish I could believe that.**When are you coming back?*
I don’t tell him when, because I’m honestly not sure.*You’re normal to me.*
I hit send, shut my phone off and head out.