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Tater Tots

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Universal Differentials". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Willow-powered portal travel isn’t as safe as the Scoobies think it is; they find this out the hard way when their portal lands them in the wrong dimension, where the laws of magic are different and there’s nothing to eat but tater tots.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > Star Trek - The Original SeriesKoohiiCafeFR711,386071,2345 Aug 125 Aug 12Yes
Title: Tater Tots
Author: Koohii Cafe
Rating: FR7
Crossover: BtVS/Star Trek
Disclaimer: Since I am a poor chickadee with no wealth to speak of, I think it's safe to say that neither BtVS nor Star Trek are mine. ^^;
Written for: TtH August Fic A Day Challenge
Summary: Willow-powered portal travel isn’t as safe as the Scoobies think it is; they find this out the hard way when their portal lands them in the wrong dimension, where the laws of magic are different and there’s nothing to eat but tater tots.
Author’s Notes: This is entirely my cousin’s fault. I asked him for a prompt, and he said ‘tater tots.’ XD Enjoy the half crack that came of it.

Tater Tots

Tater tots, Buffy decided, were way overrated. Granted, considering that this was something like the ten hundredth time she’d had them for lunch- not to mention breakfast and dinner- within the last three weeks, she might be a little biased. She eyed the plate Willow passed her balefully, as if the little golden nuggets were intentionally doing this to her, and the Wiccan offered an apologetic look.

“I know, I know. I’m trying, but-” The redhead gestured helplessly at the consoles on the wall before sighing and picking up her own plate of the once loved, but now despised snacks. Then, together, both women turned and headed out the door of the tiny mess hall and down the cramped corridor towards what passed for captain’s quarters on their tiny little ship. Willow kept up her chatter, if for no other reason than to distract them both from their next meal. “I’ve done everything I can think of, Buffy, but- this stuff is way beyond even my tech level. I know just enough that I can get into the computer and I can kind of figure out where the problem is, but not how to fix it. So until we’re rescued, we’re kinda stuck on the food front.”

“Wills…” Buffy deflated a bit, no longer angry at her food, but instead giving her friend a wan smile. “You’re trying your best, I know. These erectile thingies just don’t want to work.”

Replicator, Buffy,” Willow corrected, laughing despite herself. Buffy’s smile widened a little at hearing the laughter: mission accomplished. The door to their shared quarters swooshed open as the pair ducked inside, taking up familiar positions on opposite sides of the little twin sized bed inside to eat. “At least they work at all, so we actually have food. Just imagine if they didn’t.”

“Dawn would have started eating her bed, by now,” the blonde mused with a shudder. “Sprinkled it with hot sauce, roasted it over a fire of burning linens…”

“Hot sauce?” One red eyebrow arched in amusement. “If there were no replicators, where would she have gotten hot sauce?”

“Same place she got it from now. She always carries a secret stash on her; have you not noticed her sneaking it on her tots when she thinks no one’s looking?” Buffy arched one slim eyebrow back, clearly amused by the surprised look on her friend’s face. Without waiting for a reply, she bit the bullet, so to speak, and popped one of her own tots into her mouth. She even managed not to grimace too badly.


“Yup. Ever since we got stuck here.”

“That little sneak!” Willow cried, eyes wide. “She has hot sauce and hasn’t shared? And we’ve been forced to eat plain, sauce less, flavor less tator tots all this time, when she has hot sauce?!”

“And now you know how sadistic my little sister can really be.”

“Why I-”

Before the witch could elaborate on why she should anything, the communicator on the wall squawked loudly, and Xander’s voice interrupted.

Xan-man to the ladies, Xan-man to the ladies. We have company- and I think they’re the friendly kind. Might wanna get over here.

The tater tots were forgotten instantly, two sets of eyes meeting briefly before both women scrambled off the bed.

“We’re there!” Buffy called, and then she was out the door, down the hall, and stepping through the swooshing door that lead to the so called ‘bridge’ of their teeny, tiny ship. The sight that greeted them was Xander perched happily in the ‘captain’s’ chair, with a very enticing picture taking up the big screen on the far wall; people.

Greetings,” came the most beautiful voice Buffy had ever heard- mostly because it was the first non-Scooby voice she’d heard in the past three weeks, not counting the ship’s computer. It came from a- rather cute, if she said so herself- man in a gold shirt on the screen. He stood next to a raised chair in the center of what Xander would probably call their bridge, his face concerned as he took in the three of them on their own ship. It made her cringe self-consciously as she realized that her hair hadn’t seen a proper comb in almost a month, and her clothes, the same ones she’d been wearing since Willow’s portal had gone wrong and dropped them off in this dimension, weren’t much better. They all looked like refugees, Buffy realized; add in the fact that Willow had barely managed to get the ship running at all, if they could see that with their sensors… “Are you… alright? Can we be of some assistance?

“Yes!” Oops, she hadn’t meant to sound that desperate, but- okay, they were that desperate. The blonde flushed a little, but pushed on. “We would totally love some help, since we’re kinda stuck here. Our ship’s-”

“Drained,” Willow took over, stepping past Buffy to stand next to Xander. “We’re running on uber low power levels; we’re barely keeping basic systems running, and even the ones that work are malfunctioning.” She paused as Buffy joined them by the chair, as if searching for the right words. “This is pretty much a salvage operation, and I’m not really familiar with everything- not enough to get it all fixed at least. So, if you have anyone who could help out…”

The man nodded, and he gave the three Scoobies a warm smile that made Buffy a little bit tingly. Okay, so not just cute, but knee-wobbly handsome. “Of course. We can have an engineering team transport to your shuttle as soon as you lower your shields. I’m sure we can… lend a hand with any necessary repairs.

Xander grinned, his fingers poking out a few commands on the console in front of his chair in response; he’d taken to the whole ‘stuck in outer space’ thing like a fish to water, and was only second to Willow in running the ship. “Consider shields lowered as of- now.”

Acknowledged.” The man turned to make several orders to his crew, who Buffy noted were all dressed in similar uniforms in different colors, and who scurried off like a well-oiled machine to fulfill his wishes. His gaze lingered on his crew for a moment, watching them move, before he returned his eyes to the Scoobies with a little more of a twinkle in them. “My chief engineer, Commander Scott, will lead the repair team; they should transport to your shuttle within ten minutes.

“Ten-four,” Xander fired back with an even wider grin, saluting with one hand. Willow rolled her eyes at his antics as Buffy mouthed ‘transport?’ at her, but he ignored both of them. “Standing by to receive Commander Scott and engineering team.”

“And-” Buffy interrupted before their friend could spout further off with the space military thing, “We’re really, really happy to hear you can help us out. You’re a complete and total god- uh, goddess- send.” The man’s smile warmed a bit more, and she fought not to let her knees go visibly gushy.

“No thanks are necessary, Miss-” He paused, clearly asking for her name, and as Willow ushered Xander off and out the swooshing door to go alert the others to their impending rescue, the slayer returned the man’s smile.

“Buffy Summers. And the redhead is Willow Rosenberg, and the crack talking pirate, Xander Harris.” He laughed, amused by her introduction. “And you are?”

“I’ve been remiss- Captain James T. Kirk, of the starship Enterprise.” He nodded to her in a second greeting, and she couldn’t help but grin back. “Miss Summers… is there anything you and your crew need immediately? Anything that cannot wait for the engineering team?”

She didn’t even have to think about the answer to that. “Do you have anything to eat besides tater tots?”

The captain’s surprised burst of friendly laughter, followed by his offer to ‘beam’ them over to his ship for dinner, was, quite possibly, the best sound she’d ever heard in her life.

The End

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