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Summary: To the demons, the vampires and the general evils of the world she is the Boogeyman. She is the Slayer. Unfortunately, even the Slayer can face a foe ten times out of her league...Or will she?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Multiple MoviesSithicusFR1516,526181,3176 Aug 126 Aug 12No
Disclaimer: Buffy the vampire slayer and all related characters belong to Joss and company, as for the rest of the films involved in this crossover... As I refuse to list them completely and I wouldn't even begin to know where to start we shall simply use a blanket disclaimer. All characters and situations from various films appearing in this work of fanfiction crossover are the property of Warner Brothers, Twentieth-Century Fox, possibly Paramount, some film companies I don't even recall the names of or perhaps even public domain depending on how obscure they are. The author makes no claim of contradiction in this regards, he owns nothing, except for the unique idea of mashing them all together in this fun-filled adventure story. A reference is made to a certain guest character belonging to a famous Japanes Film Studio, as well as his staple of impressively sized friends. I believe that about covers it all, please don't sue me, I have nothing of value as I am a poor fanfiction author. Enjoy.

Buffy fought to catch her breath as she stood near the entrance to the Calax Research and Development lab. The place had been shut down for over a year since the Moloch incident, but for some strange reason it was still standing and hadn’t been demolished.

She’d chased a particularly annoying vamp through three cemeteries and down the length of the street leading up to the place. Fortunately now it had nowhere else to run, she wasn’t ordinarily this winded after chasing a vamp, but for some strange reason something was making her feel tired.

Griping her stake tighter she headed through the entrance doors to the abandoned lab complex. “Alright, fangy, you’ve officially made my list. Most slippery vampires of all time, now come out and die like a good little puppy before I have to get nasty.” Buffy knew her quip-fu was a little off, but she had to say something to make her feel better. To snark at the vamps was one of the perks of the job.

Standing in the middle of the room shaking so hard it almost looked like the demon had wet itself; the Vamp slowly backed up from something in the shadows of the room, something that had no business being anywhere near there.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Hello! Slayer here, Slayee should be fearing me, not something that, is, majorly, not…” Buffy trailed off as the thing which had frightened the vamp emerged from the shadows.

The vamp let out a girly scream and ran to cower behind the Slayer. “I am not seeing this, I am not seeing this! Yo, you’re The Slayer, right, so make with the slaying.”

Buffy glanced behind her with a smirk. “This is a first, save a vampire from something worse. No, I don’t think so.” Ignoring the shocked look on the vamp’s face as her stake plunged into its heart, Buffy quickly turned back to the matter at hand. “You wouldn’t happen to be related to Miss French would you?” she asked offhandedly while her eyes darted around the room for a much more powerful weapon to use than her stake.

The creature; a rather large looking ant of considerable size did not speak, it barely even registered her presence as the antenna on its head sought out the scent of its queen.

Buffy being Buffy chose not to let her nervousness show and instead locked eyes on the fire extinguisher conveniently located on the wall. Gripping it she prepared to charge the giant beast, a demon ant of considerable size, how it managed to avoid being detected she didn’t know, or care at the moment.

The ant suddenly moved having detected a faint trace, perhaps a remnant of its queen, and its colony. Rushing straight towards Buffy the creature, mutated by science and not magic as some might believe, raced forward at impossible speeds on six powerful legs.

Buffy leapt out of the path of the creature and swung her impromptu weapon wide. The resulting blow barely phased the creature, which was more determined to find its colony than deal with its hunger. One of the rear legs struck Buffy across the chest and sent her sprawling across the abandoned lab.

Buffy cried out in pain as she crashed through the secret doorway the ant had emerged from. Rolling across the floor of the hidden laboratory room, the Slayer came to a stop against what felt like a very solid wall. Something thumped against it. In the dim lights of the building Buffy found it difficult to make out, until the massive pedipalps of the giant species of spider reared against the glass once more trying to escape.

Buffy would forever deny it afterward, but she did scream, quite loudly and quite fearfully. Despite the bruising she felt in her ribcage, Buffy scrambled away from the strange wall, and collided with another specimen. This one was a gigantic scorpion, fortunately quite dead, laying off to one side of the room.

Struggling to her feet and now feeling extremely confused, and a tad curious, Buffy searched frantically for a light switch. The power came on slowly, florescent bulbs long since covered in dust and burnt out remained dark as what few remained functional turned back on.

What she found in that room defied description. Bodies of giant insects, giant sea creatures, and giant mammals, everything you expected to see in some B-Movie horror flick littered the massive complex. Some of the sealed areas were frozen over with ice large flickering lights indicating their cryogenic stasis remained intact. Others, such as the spider, revealed that their power had finally failed. The creature hadn’t yet starved to death most likely because it had taken a while to wake up from cryogenic sleep.

Buffy shuddered as she examined this room, the ceiling alone had to be at least eighty feet high, part of her wondered how she and the others could have missed this back during the Moloch incident. Another part of her, a part of her that remained shrouded in the darkness of the psyche wanted to test its might against the massive spider struggling for freedom. The Slayer recognized predators of considerable size and the Slayer wanted to play.

Buffy frowned. “Just what the hell were these Calax people doing in here?” Slowly circling the area she found herself in, Buffy noticed a computer of considerable size resting next to the large containment device where something, still frozen in cryogenics, was being kept fresh. Unwilling to risk herself, yet also needing answers, Buffy approached the device.

Apparently it still retained power. Flicking the outdated looking device’s power switch to the on position she waited for it to warm up. As she waited she continued to feel the weakening effect of whatever it was that was making her so tired.

“Systems resuming activation.” The voice on the computer was genderless. “Warning, warning, specimen one nine five four absent, specimen one nine five seven deceased, specimen one nine five, five awake, specimens radioactivity shields no longer functioning at full capacity. Calax Personnel no longer protected by radiation suits should leave premises at once.”

“Radiation!” Buffy repeated in terrified shock.

“Alert, alert, specimen one nine five, five containment breach imminent!”

Buffy knew of only one creature that could relate to, the massive tarantula that was banging its body against the glass wall in an attempt to escape. Glancing quickly over to the large cryogenic device she noted the spider-web cracks ironically breaking out all along the length of the wall.

“Beginning protective counter measures.” The computer’s announcement was followed by several nozzles opening up in the side of the wall behind the spider and all along the ceiling.

Buffy watched in muted horror as the creature was blasted with enough fire to burn down an entire city block and melt it into a puddle of unrecognizable goo. The Tarantula’s cries of pain reverberated trough the glass wall. Slowly it began to curl up at the intensity of the heat until it finally died.

“Threat of containment breach and loss of specimen averted.”

Buffy heard a large rattling sound. Without warning a valve started spewing steam in her face from the computer’s left. Bringing her arm up for protection she took a step back in sudden fear and pain, stumbling over the sprawled limb of the dead scorpion, Buffy tumbled backwards into one of the containment devices.

“Warning! Warning! Warning!” The computer’s power supply shut down before it had a chance to finish alerting the long gone personnel of Calax what was about to happen.

A sticky substance poured out of the containment device and splashed all over Buffy. Nearly drowning her as the wall cracked and broke away.

“Eeewwwww gross.” Buffy tried to get the goo off of her, whatever it was, but to no avail. The alert klaxons that the computer had activated before shutting back down continued to blare in the background, and Buffy still felt a growing sense of exhaustion spreading through her limbs. Fed up with her night of strange discoveries, Buffy decided it was time to get the hell out of Dodge, and proceeded to leave the odd lab figuring she needed to wash the gunk off as soon as possible.

Across town in another Calax building that had long since been abandoned a second computer, this one more primitive and without much memory power switched back on due to the alarms. Green script flickered across its screen.

Subject: Irradiated Remains of Specimen One Nine Five Eight released at laboratory complex. Situation: Unknown. Status of Personnel of Calax: Unknown. Awaiting Further Instructions, Will Monitor Infected Specimen.

Buffy stumbled into her room forty minutes later feeling like someone had kicked her in the gut, her body was no longer sticky, but her skin tingled and itched all over as if she’d been burned. And she was covered in perspiration as she started to tremble. She no longer cared for a shower, instead she just wanted to get some sleep. She could worry about the mysterious lab in the Calax building later, have Giles and Willow help do some major research, maybe make sure the rest of those things in the cryogenic chambers were dead.

She also had to track down that giant ant before it caused any problems and kill it. Damned if she could figure out what those idiots had been doing, she’d thought they were just a robotics company, nothing more. Boy had she been wrong.

Striping out of the filth covered clothes Buffy collapsed into her bed with a heavy sigh as she closed her eyes trying to block out the splitting pain in her head. Whatever had happened she could deal with it better in the morning. After all, it couldn’t have been that dangerous, otherwise she’d be dead by now. Right?

“Mayor Wilkins, I think we may have a problem.”

Opening one eye Richard Wilkins the Third, the Second and the First, turned to the vampire that had interrupted his sleep. “Really? And what kind of problem requires me to be rudely woken up at…” He glanced at his alarm. “Two Thirty in the Morning, Bill?”

The vampire sucked in a breath of air nervously. “Remember all that paperwork you had Calax fill out when they started bringing those mutated bugs and stuff into Sunnydale for ‘research’?”

Wilkins frowned slightly and sat up. “Calax, Calax? Oh yes, didn’t we annex them at one point and offer up the souls of their entire staff to that Japanese Demon?”

Bill nodded as he continued to hold the file he’d brought with him.

Wilkins sighed and then smiled pleasantly. “Come now, Bill, if you’ve got bad news you should get it out there immediately. I’m not about to bite your head off for telling me something I probably don’t wish to hear.”

Bill nodded again biting his lip. “Earlier this evening some of our… Overzealous employees down at the power plant noticed a discrepancy in the Calax energy grid. They sent a couple of vampires over to find out what was going on. The radiation levels were off the charts, apparently, someone in the organization filed away the paperwork, but forgot to clear out all of Calax’s special projects division. We’ve already noticed a rather large ant traveling down through the sewers… It uh… It killed that baby eating thing for food. On top of that there is a rather large blanket of irradiated energy circling the area around the Calax building, sir. And… Reports just came in that the, um, the Slayer, was seen leaving the building not more than fifty minutes ago covered in a strange glowing substance.”

Wilkins’ expression didn’t change, however anyone who knew the man could tell he wasn’t happy. “Well ain’t that the gosh darndest thing? Now how do you suppose… Oh yes, that was Jane’s old job, wonderful woman, could make a mean cup of cocoa. Perhaps I shouldn’t have had her eviscerated before I made sure all of her impending projects were seen to.” Wilkins laughed brightly. “I trust you’re still monitoring the Slayer in case she has any unwanted side effects from her exposure?”

Bill grinned happy to report some good news. “Yes sir.”

“Oh good, always good to know someone intelligent is on the ball. Then I won’t feel bad for doing this.” Wilkins shoved a stake through Bill’s heart before the vampire could react, his eyes changing from pleasantly benign to murderously enraged in less than a second.

“But you said…” Bill turned to dust.

Wilkins nodded. “Yes, I did say I don’t bite the heads off those who bring me bad news. I didn’t say I wouldn’t stake them for coming to me in the middle of the night without even knocking at my door, really what has befallen the youth of today?” he asked the ashes now settling to the floor of his bedroom. “Hmmm, this could prove to be a rather difficult situation. I do hope that I won’t have to speed up any plans… Oh well, fortunately if anything should befall the Slayer due to this oversight on my part I more than likely have a few irradiated giant thing-a-ma-bobs I can use to end her threat before she notices me.”

The next morning when Buffy woke up something felt different, and yet she couldn’t quite put her finger on what. Slowly opening her eyes she found herself in her room, she recalled the strangeness of last night and the Calax R&D mystery lab. She also remembered wanting desperately to take a shower to get rid of the gunk she’d gotten on her.

Sitting bolt upright in bed she glanced around trying to figure out why her room seemed suspiciously out of place. She really needed a shower, her body still felt hot from last night’s development and she couldn’t stand the thought of what her hair might look like.

Reaching for the door to her bathroom Buffy twisted the knob clean off, frowning slightly she stared at it; something was nagging at her about the knob too. “Odd, haven’t done that since I first got the ‘Calling’,” she muttered pushing the now worthless door open and heading for the mirror. Still half asleep she checked out her hair quickly to see if it was worse than usual. Finding nothing too unsalvageable about it she reached into the shower and quickly turned the faucet, with a wrenching sound it came clean off and water began spilling through the head. “Oh shit!”


“Mom! I’m fine, mom, really.” Buffy didn’t need her mother barging in to discover she was damaging things again, the first time around she hadn’t even known she was the Slayer, now she’d probably blame Giles or something for her new home repair bills.

“I thought I heard something breaking.” Joyce hovered on the stairs debating on whether or not she should go up to see to her daughter.

Buffy slipped into the shower, no sense in wasting the water for nothing. She’d just have to shut the water off later. “I’m fine, nothing’s wrong… I’ll, ah, see about it later, mom.”

Joyce sighed. “She’s broken something again.” Turning back to the kitchen and her breakfast preparations Joyce resigned herself to never having a normal life.

The hot water struck Buffy’s skin burning away the tension in her muscles and the heat of the previous evening’s contaminations. With a satisfied sigh Buffy reached for the soap and began to lather up. “First I take care of the icksome I’m feeling from last night’s adventure, then I have to go straight to Giles and let him know what I discovered. I hope that gunk I got covered in won’t cause any problems.” As she scrubbed vigorously at her skin Buffy failed to realize that her body had slightly more surface area than it had the previous night. Her body had grown.

Willow kept tapping away at the keyboard of the computer in the library as she whiled away the time before Buffy arrived, she was always awake early in the morning and with her parents out of town for large portions of the year she tended to arrive at the school around the same time as the ever revolving janitorial staff. Poor people, to die in the middle of the night because the school wasn’t safe from vampires.

Now was not the time to start worrying or being upset about the many deaths caused by vampires on campus, no, now was the time for some early morning hacking. The siren’s call of learning magic had yet to fully take hold of her, though she suspected it was only a matter of time. She’d already exhausted all of her ability at learning the ordinary stuff associated with slaying and the Slayer in general.

Which reminded her, she really had to tell Giles that the Council’s servers weren’t as protected as they thought. Of course stuffy old British men more accustomed to books and things probably wouldn’t care that someone with her talents at computers could hack into their e-mail accounts and learn more about the daily lives of the Watcher’s Council than was probably prudent. Or safe.

Xander was snoring lightly in one corner, unlike Oz and Cordelia, the two original Scoobies, or Scoobies 1.0 as Xander jokingly called them, continued to arrive early every morning even after late nights out with Buffy because… Well it was better than the alternatives.

“Xander, you know you aren’t fooling anybody with that stupid fake snoring, right?” Willow addressed her supposedly sleeping friend.

“Five more minutes, mom.”

Willow tossed a balled up piece of paper at him.

Xander shot her a big goofy grin as he sat up. “Find anything interesting yet?”

Willow shook her head. “This? This is just the stuff I do to pass the time, if I was supposed to be looking for anything in particular, well…” she trailed off with a shrug.

Xander nodded. “It’s been slow this past month. Not even that whole almost burned at the stake thing really livened anything up.”

Willow shuddered. “Thank you oh so very much for reminding me of that which shall not be named,” she told her friend with a grimace.

“Sorry.” Xander adopted an apologetic expression. “I didn’t even know you were trying to pick up magic.”

Willow sighed. “I was trying to be more helpful, we could seriously use some of the firepower magic would open up for us out on patrol, and Giles refuses to use his abilities.”

It was Xander’s turn to frown. “Willow, I love you and all, but shouldn’t you. I don’t know, try to take baby steps here when learning a new thing, I get that you’re knowledge girl and you seem to have this uncontrollable urge to know everything and anything in existence, but…”

Willow smiled and patted Xander’s arm. “Don’t worry, Xander, I’m being careful. Haven’t even touched the stuff since mom tried to… You know, and I’ve started thinking maybe I shouldn’t be jumping in there without some kind of teacher. Do you think I could convince Giles to help?”

Xander offered a ting shrug in response. “Couldn’t hurt to ask.” Turning at the sound of the double doors opening Xander nearly choked on his own spit.

Willow quirked her brow at his odd reaction and found herself turning to find out what was so surprising. Her heart skipped a beat as she found herself looking at Buffy, a rather different Buffy than she was used to seeing. She looked kind of… cute… and was she really suddenly having thoughts of Buffy in a more than platonic sense?

“What are you two staring at?” Buffy self-consciously glanced down at herself.

“Uh, Buffster, are you aware that you’re wearing your mom’s clothes?”

“No, Xander, it completely slipped my notice. Everything I own is suddenly too tight, totally not the best time for me to get a growth spurt.” Buffy’s complaint was said partially out of jest, but she still felt that something wiggsome had to have happened if none of her clothes fit her properly anymore. She hadn’t noticed until she’d had her morning cup, and how sad was that she was already addicted to caffeine before she was even legally able to drive? “Is Giles here?” she wondered.

Willow shook her head. “He took off a few minutes ago after letting us in, something about needing a proper cup… or I think he put it like that, I couldn’t really tell. He was half mumbling at the time.”

Xander smirked playfully. “I wonder if that’s because we hid his tea.”

“Xander!” Willow’s scandalous tone did little to hide her amusement at the comment, or the fact that she’d played a part in keeping the British man from his brew of choice.

“Willow, since you’re here so early at least you can help. I chased this vamp into the old Calax place last night, and, well…”

“Moloch’s back?” Willow asked in a slightly higher pitched nervous tone.

Buffy indicated otherwise with a shake of her head. “No, I mean I don’t think so. No something worse, like on a scale of potential Miss French worse.”

Now it was Xander’s turn to shudder at memories of the past. “Thank you oh so very much for bringing up such a wonderful thing,” he said his tone sarcastic.

“Don’t blame me! This is important, there’s a giant ant out there right now roaming the city and last night I witnessed a fifty foot Tarantula being turned to so much ash. I need to find out what the hell that company was doing with mondo sized insects, I touched the corpse of a Scorpion last night that had to have been big enough to crush a semi truck, trailer and all.” Buffy was pacing as she spoke, her body still tense from the incident at the lab last night.

Xander’s face drained of all color. “Could I interest one of you lovely ladies in helping the sacrificial virgin lose that oh so tempting target on his aura?”

Willow smacked him in the back of his head. “Don’t even joke about that after what happened last year, damn it!”

Buffy blinked confused for a moment and then it clicked. “You mean you and Cordy never?”

Xander’s face turned bright red. “I refuse to answer that on the grounds I may lose some manliness points here.”

“What’s got everybody in such a snit?” Faith asked as she arrived. “Yo, B, are you aware that you’re not looking your usual fashionable self?”

Buffy sighed. “I know, Faith, it’s this whole thing. So, Willow, checking out Calax and finding out how it is that they could keep an entire warehouse sized lab full of giant bugs on ice without anybody knowing.”

Willow nodded. “I was already looking up information when you first brought it up.” The computer pinged and Willow’s eyes widened in shock. “Uh-oh.”

Xander tuned her back in. “Uh-oh? Why don’t I like the sound of Uh-oh?”

Buffy silently shared his sentiment.

“Well it should be alright, I mean she’s right here and she’s not with the glowing or the skin peeling from exposure and slowly dieing. I’m sure it’s fine, I mean how much could she have been exposed to? Right, right, it’s perfectly fine.” Willow’s expression told the others that it was less than perfectly fine, the fact she was babbling kind of clued them in to.

“Spit it out, red,” Faith suggested, not liking that the others hadn’t bothered to mention what had gotten her sister Slayer so out of sorts this morning to be doing research.

Willow nodded and quickly resumed tapping on the keyboard. “Ok, the short answer is they aren’t demonic. The long answer involves a lot of old time news reports and cracked theories from people involving government conspiracies and nuclear mutations.”

Xander laughed nervously. “Oh come on, you mean to tell me someone was experimenting with making an army of giant mutant insects?”

Willow’s face flushed slightly. “Nothing like that, Xander. But it seems Calax, in the late seventies, was involved in top secret research surrounding dangerous mutations caused by nuclear fall out. Here take a look at this website by some old woman who was around back then, she calls it Them,” Willow explained as she turned the computer screen slightly so the others could see it.

Buffy started reading out loud. “I will never forget what happened to my family, I refuse to let the government’s lies cloud the issue, it happened. They existed, and I was  traumatized most of my life because of it, now as I enter the golden years left to me I will share what happened to my family. Why I alone survived I still don’t know, however it happened. We were traveling at the time through…”

Willow minimized the window and pulled up another one, this one showing news clippings surrounding a tragic train derailment just outside of Mexico City. “Here’s what I could find on giant scorpions, which by the way are arachnids, not insects. And look, here’s more… A giant spider in the middle of the American Southwest, Giant Mollusks reportedly attacking and killing people, a huge octopus of enormous size attacking San Diego, a praying mantis that would put Miss French to shame. All of these things are buried under tons of firewalls, websites that are blocked off by the government or kept under close scrutiny.” Willow turned to face Buffy with a small frown. “All those Hollywood movies, those classics Xander and Jesse used to make me watch… I think they were based on real events of the time. Only, it doesn’t sound like they all ended with the monsters destroyed like in the movies.”

Xander took a step back and nearly tripped over his chair’s leg. “Time out! Do you mean to tell me that The Spider That Ate Detroit is based on real events?”

Faith snickered. “What’s the matter, boytoy? If they were based on facts then how come nobody has seen these giant creepy crawlies for the past forty years?”

“Because, Faith, Calax was keeping them under wraps at their lab here in Sunnydale,” Buffy explained in soft tones. “Oh god… Am I in danger? Was I exposed? What about all that radiation?” She was panicking now, more so than she had been when she discovered her sudden size increase.

Willow shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Xander turned and headed for the book cage with a sudden purpose. He pulled out the spare key Giles had supplied all of them with and quickly undid the lock.

“Xander, what are you doing?” Willow asked.

Without answering her just yet, he moved to where they kept the weapons locked away. Unlocking that he quickly reached in and came out with a small device, turning back around he moved over to Buffy and flicked the thing on.

“Is that a Geiger counter?” Willow demanded of her best friend. “Where did you get a Geiger counter from?”

Xander shrugged. “Soldier boy.” It was all he had to say really, it didn’t explain why he thought they’d need a Geiger counter while slaying vamps and demons, but it spoke of his personality that he’d think to pick one up.

Buffy knew what the ticking sound meant as Xander played the machine’s detecting wand over her suddenly growing body. It was not a good sign.

Xander’s eyes dilated and widened with shock and concern as the needle on the counter practically buried itself. Instinctively he took a step back, then another, but with all the radiation coming off of his friend he doubted seriously it would help him much.

“Would someone explain what the hell is going on here?” Faith demanded finally fed up.

Xander shot Buffy a pitying look. “She’s totally contaminated. It’s buried the needle, we’re being exposed to dangerous levels of radiation the longer she’s standing here. I don’t get it, Buff, how’d you get soaked in the stuff?”

Faith refused to leave her sister Slayer’s side, the others were shying away from her out of some sick pretense at self-preservation, but Faith wouldn’t let her instincts take over.

Buffy felt the urge to break down, she was close to collapsing. “Last night, after staking the vamp, the giant ant kicked me into the lab and after fumbling around a little trying to figure it out I might have been… Accidentally covered in some kind of sticky residue stuff the lab had in a containment thing, that I kind of, maybe broke when I tripped over the dead scorpion.”

Willow’s face blanched bringing her freckles out more in stark contrast to her normal complexion. “Oh, Buffy.”

“This is so not of the good,” Xander blurted.

Faith glared at the Scoobies. “What’s so bad about being covered in some junk at a lab?”

“Weren’t you paying attention?” Xander demanded. “This place is where they kept all of these things created from the fall out of nuclear bombs. Buffy’s been exposed to enough radiation that she should be dead, but… Instead she’s walking around having shot up a few inches, but she implied that the things in that lab were humongous. Uh-oh doesn’t even begin to cover it, Faith, Buffy’s starting to grow because… Because…”

Willow turned back to the computer screen and brought up another window, this one showed a very old picture in black and white of a woman standing approximately fifty-feet tall next to some power lines. She didn’t have to spell it out with words, the picture and the site’s headline spoke enough for the entire group.

‘Fifty-Foot Nancy Archer, Victim of Alien Experiments’.

Faith stared. “Damn, B, just think of the number of guys you can take when you finish growing.”

Buffy shot Faith a glare. “Hah, hah, really funny, Faith.”

Xander fingered the Geiger counter’s controls nervously. He brought it down to cover his pants, so they wouldn’t notice the sudden waking up of hormones caused by very unhelpful mental images.

Giles chose that moment to return after his exhaustive hunt for the elusive perfect cup of British tea. His gaze took in the shocked, nervous and fearful expressions on three of his charge’s faces, the curious contraption in Xander’s hands, the odd images on the infernal machine Willow enjoyed playing with and lastly the curious wardrobe change in his Slayer. “Willow, why precisely do you have an image on your machine of a fifty-foot tall woman that most assuredly must be some sort of hoax, as the human body could no more survive being fifty-feet tall than it could survive an encounter with a hungry Fyarl demon. And why precisely are you looking like someone just killed your favorite pet?”

The voice of her watcher snapped Buffy out of her inactivity; she’d already been exposing everyone else today to who knows what level of radiation, her mom included. She didn’t want Giles to be affected. Turning she fled from the library as fast as she could, failing to notice her shoes falling off her feet as she ran.

Faith knelt down and picked up one of the shoes, discovering it had burst at the seams. “Red, I think you’d better find the number of a good seamstress,” she suggested. “I’ll go after her and make sure she doesn’t hurt herself, or worse.”

Giles frowned in confusion. “Would someone kindly care to explain just what the devil is going on around here this morning?” he demanded.

Willow made a sound that sounded suspiciously like eeep and quickly turned back to the computer, her fingers dancing away at impossible speeds.

Xander walked up to Giles with a shake of his head and boldly reached out to place his arm around Giles’ shoulder.

Giles stared at him as if he’d grown another head overnight.

“G-Man, does your Council have contingency plans in place in case one of your Slayers might be exposed to dangerously unstable and mutagenic radiation?” he asked.

“Xander, that is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard you utter, and you’ve uttered quite a number of absurd things in your life since I have had the most unfortunate privilege of meeting you,” Giles declared.

Xander sighed. “Look, Giles, it’s like this.”

It was known as a conspiracy, a cover-up of massive proportions, every theorist and nut-ball oddity in the world believed it existed. The plain truth of the matter was less genuine. Area fifty-one officially did not exist, it held no personnel save the lone guards who kept out gawkers and alien believers around the globe. It did not monitor for extra-terrestrial activity, it did not employ the top scientists in the fields, nor did it endanger the lives of mankind by experimenting on dangerous technologies.

The truth was much more mundane in certain respects, because for the people employed by the United States government operating in secret beneath the desert sands surrounding area fifty-one, life was all about the weird and catastrophic.

“Sir! Reports are coming in from Japan as we speak, he’s back again.” One of the soldiers turned from his monitoring station.

The General, a middle-aged man with graying hair and dark hazel eyes crossed the room of equipment banks, monitors and every other device known, and in some cases, unknown to mankind. “Prepare the suitable cover stories. We do not want global news broadcasts to reach the general populace. Monitor the situation and prepare to deploy our contingency plan if necessary. He’s been around for at least fifty years, give or take, I strongly doubt we need worry about this. We’ve had years of experience dealing with the cloak and dagger bullshit.”

One of the scientists approaching from another department smirked. “We could always bring up that terrible Matthew Broderick film.”

The general rolled his eyes and turned to the short red-haired woman. “Sheila do not test my patience. What’s so important that I have one of my resident psychiatrists showing up?”

Sheila frowned slightly. “Several of the children you asked me to consult on have… begun to remember bits and pieces of the latest hive issues.”

“Fucking giant ants!” The General slammed a fist against one of the abandoned monitors. “Every time we think we’ve finished them off a new queen shows up. And the kids always seem to manage to survive, well thank you Doctor Rosenberg for bringing this to my attention.”

Many of the issues that the staff at Area fifty-one faced on a weekly basis involved maintaining tight control on the existence of creatures capable of destroying mankind. Working in tandem with the United Nations Taskforce of Radiation Decontamination and the rest of the governments of the world, the general population of the Earth continued to remain blissfully unaware that, ever since the nineteen thirties their world had been the center of numerous alien and giant monster attacks.

How they kept the world from finding out was anyone’s guess. With Gojira, Rodan, Mothra and a billion other giant monsters attacking Tokyo every so many years it was a miracle the place still attracted the tourists it did. The Japanese however were a hardy bunch, they’d gotten used to the giant beast for some ridiculous reason.

Of course it helped that the damn lizard had repelled enough alien threats to be considered a much needed asset in these troubled times. However that wasn’t the issue currently at hand. Funding for the top secret installation was coming up against some truly hard times, the politicians didn’t feel that they were doing a competent enough job. They wanted better results, and were prepared to shut them down and just start reacting with lethal responses.

The general knew that launching nuclear warheads at every god damn alien or giant mutant insect wasn’t going to keep the Earth spinning. He’d been politicking of late off base, and what he was seeing was proving to be less than ideal. They needed an edge, something so damn impressive that it proved they could contain the situation. Basically they needed some kind of super monster killing warrior, but where the hell were they going to find someone like that, who also happened to be fifty-feet tall?

“Are you sure there isn’t something we could do for them than just helping to repress?” Sheila asked interrupting his thoughts.

General Richards sighed. “I wish, sadly even with our access to alien technology we haven’t found anything capable of erasing human minds, or creating false memories to replace the traumatic ones.”

Sheila sighed. “I know, if there was such a thing I could forget about nearly burning my daughter at the stake during that mass hallucination thing back home.” Turning she headed back towards the exit. “I’ll be with the kids if you need me.”

General Richards nodded.

Another tech coughed to get his attention. “We’ve finished gutting the nest sir, no sign of any eggs or larvae. I just don’t understand how queen ants keep appearing.”

General Richards let out another sigh. “Maybe the Japanese would loan us their moneymaker to squash those damn bugs once and for all,” he grumbled.

As General Richards prepared to deal with another load of paper work on this issue, little did he know that his problems would be solved, thanks to a fluke occurrence in a little unassuming town called Sunnydale, California.


Author's Post-Notes:
This idea gnawed its way into my brain. Originally I had no intention of referencing a certain Toho based creature franchise, I was sticking strictly with American based films from the forties, fifties and stuff. Involving the Creature Feature Matinee of the hour. The idea was to make a one-shot, ending with our favorite blonde slayer spouting off a very funny/punny line at a vamp as she revealed her... Ahem... sudden growth spurt.

I believe it would have involved the phrase 'Hi, I'm Buffy, the 50 Foot Vampire-Slayer'. However my muse is always, as ever, an impatient little minx. She prefers to share things a lot, to my detriment at times. I decided to put this up to get a reaction, see if it will fly. I'm really hoping I can sit down and actually finish this, perhaps set things up to use that line above and then just end it so someone else can take over with the whole rest of the potential plot points involved.

Personally I had no plans to go beyond the point where we see Buffy's final irradiated mutation. This was going to be more of a buddy kind of deal where Faith doesn't turn bad because she's got Buffy's back, as it were, and they develop a much better relationship because Buffy's friends isolate her a little bit due to her 'condition'.

Hence why I wish this site had a drama/angst category because we're going to be diving into the psyche of a teenaged outcast vampire slayer suddenly developing horrible growth spurts. Anyway enough from me, do please enjoy.

The End?

You have reached the end of "HER!" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 6 Aug 12.

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