Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and Batman (TV Series) characters are the property of their original owners.
Supremely confident, Andrew bustled over to an antique table in the middle of the luxuriously furnished den, and he reached out with both hands for a bust of Shakespeare resting on this piece of furniture. A quick tug of the man’s fingers lifted up and back the head of the small statue, unexpectedly revealing an electrical switch in the neck of the bust. Uttering an elated whimper of true fulfillment, Andrew immediately pressed the switch.
Watching all this with total bafflement, Faith’s attention was at once attracted by a motion seen beyond the table at the far wall. There, a tall bookcase soundlessly slid open sideways to reveal a secret passageway. The two fireman’s poles running below from the top of the vertical shaft clearly indicated what the pair of New Council members were supposed to use to travel below into a caped crusader’s lair.
A very happy smile now on his face, Andrew headed straight for one of the fireman’s poles. He stopped short only when Faith burst out in a rare moment of caution, “Hey, wait a damn minute! What ‘bout security and ID shit, even if nobody’s here right now in the whole place Red just sent us? It can’t be that easy, us walkin’--” The Slayer paused in her remarks, to then start again after correcting herself, “--slidin’ down there!”
Turning around, the man beamed at where Faith was standing by the table and giving the poles her most suspicious glower. Andrew reassured his game partner, “Oh, it was a more innocent time then, Faith. The show never bothered with anything like that.” He cocked a dubious eyebrow at a still-unconvinced woman, before telling her, “I still can’t believe you’ve never seen the Batman tv series with Adam West and Burt Ward!”
“Beats me,” shrugged Faith. “Prob’ly missed it when growin’ up in Boston. I just know ’bout those two from the comics and the movies, with that Keaton dude and the others later on, until the sequels started gettin’ crappier and I lost interest.”
Opening his mouth to begin an indignant fan-boy defense of one of his idols, Andrew hastily reconsidered at the memory of a certain movie costume with its built-in nipples. All right, so maybe Faith had something of a point. But not about this
decades-old television show, with its tongue-in-cheek humor and fight scenes with “POW!” and “BAM!” superimposed, and best of all, the star villain of the week! Andrew had always enjoyed that program since he’d been a kid, and now he was really in it, courtesy of Willow’s scavenger hunt!
Feeling another thrill of delight run down his spine, Andrew came to himself and he excitedly waved a hand at the fireman’s poles. “Listen, Faith, all we have to do to finish the challenge is to get to the Batcave under us and start looking. It’ll be a piece of cake! Best of all, we’ll do it faster than anything else today!”
Sending his most assertive smirk towards Faith, Andrew marched over to the secret passageway and latched onto one of the poles. While still grinning at the Slayer, this young man slid downwards, soon disappearing from sight. Though, not from hearing, since right after, an overjoyed male’s “YIPPEEE!!” floated up into the den.
“Huh,” muttered Faith skeptically. She scratched her chin in thought, before at length shrugging with reluctant acceptance. The king of dorks was damn right ’bout one thing. The pair of ’em were runnin’ outta time for the stupid game they were playin’, so all she hadda do was to follow Andrew. After that, Red’s instructions in her li’l book would be finished quicker than a wink, without any kind of fuss or bother in findin’ what they had to collect. Sure as hell woulda be a lot different than mosta what her and Mr. Geek hadda go through today.
Making up her mind, Faith went after Andrew, grabbing onto the other fireman’s pole than the one her game partner had recently used. As she began her sliding descent, Faith allowed herself a faint grin. This was actually kinda fun--
What next came out of the secret passageway was a very surprised feminine shriek.
Several minutes later, a now-furious Faith snarled in her deadliest tone towards a pale Andrew backing away, “I oughta fuckin’ kill ya! Ya didn’t think ta take a goddamn second ta tell me ’bout what was gonna happen?”
Frantically tugging up his domino mask to present his most remorseful look possible on a now-revealed face, Andrew wailed, “How could I have known? All that was ever shown on the series was a quick jump cut from Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson on the poles to Batman and Robin wearing their costumes in the Batcave! It wasn’t until years later that it was suggested those two automatically changed their clothes when sliding down, and I never dreamed it was really true!”
Ripping back her own loose cowl, Faith shook an irate fist in its oversized glove at her cowering partner, “Ya asshole, I almost wrecked the damn thing when it grabbed me!”
Standing there draped in a much-too-large Batman costume, the Slayer then menacingly continued, “Ya know what’s really the most upsettin’ part of it all? I saw the rest of the machine workin’ away at the other pole, which means both of ’em stripped and suited up at the same time! Betcha ya never saw that
“Er, there’s always been some gossip about those characters…” Andrew trailed off at Faith’s truly baleful glare sent his way. He desperately began again, “Look, we did what Willow told us, getting authentic Batman and Robin costumes! Let’s just change back and head onto the next challenge, okay?”
Instead of responding right away, Faith huffily snatched up her original clothes neatly folded and waiting in the delivery hatch of the Batoutfit-Swapper (Pat. Pending) by the bottom side of the secret passageway. Remaining there, Faith then growled at her companion with no hint whatsoever of forgiveness or toleration in her tone, “Ya find yer own
private spot! I’m gonna stay here and get busy undressin’, so fuck off!”
Edging by a simmering Faith to seize his own clothes laying there, the badly out-of-shape man currently dressed in a red shirt, yellow cape, and other accouterments then scuttled away further into the Batcave. During this, Andrew sent up a hasty thanks to the heavens that he hadn’t been pounded into a quivering heap of agony by a very angry woman. He never saw the hostile expression directed at his retreating back by Faith abruptly turn into a look of pure revulsion.
Closing her eyes in a vain attempt to scrub from her brain the horrible vision of what she’d just seen, Faith shudderingly thought, *Holy hell, anybody with such a flabby butt and those pasty white thighs should never, ever
wear tighty shorts! Green or any other color, it don’t matter, for Chrissakes!*